Tony Gordon, It's Sunday? - the powdered eggs & spam edition

no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

Apologies to all. It seems that technical difficulties delayed this edition of Tony Gordon It's Friday. Our phalanx of state-of-the-art recording devices at the Hip HQ Complex (and petting zoo - ed) were on the blink and failed to record Tuesday and Wednesday episodes. Our tech intern, Luke Skivewalker, couldn't figure out the problem (not enough wax on the cylinders? - ed) but we seem to be operating normally again. Meanwhile I spent a relaxing morning getting caught up via the Sunday omnibus episode. Now, two pots of tea and a packet of digestives later, I can recount a few of the memorable lines of the week in this award-free edition of TGIF. Phew!

Dev tells Sophie that he can't get back together with Sunita:
"I can only take so much humiliation"

(you're doing pretty well so far)

Sally insists to Sophie and Jenna that she is heterosexual:
"I also thought Chris Evert Lloyd was very attractive, doesn't make me a lesbian"

(Actually, you'll have to get a ruling from Wimbledon on that)

Eileen considers her wedding attire options:
"I was considering a pant suit" 

(Hilary Clinton would approve) 

Sally insists that Paul is not Gail's type:
"He's too normal for you"

(yes, better stick with the nutters)

Eileen tries to convince Lloyd and Steve to be in the Full Monty show:

"Where can I find two red blooded males who've got what every man should have and aren't shy of showing it off"

(not at Streetcars)

Eileen uses psychology on Lloyd:

"Will you put on a fireman's uniform, jig about and take it all off for charity?"

(Is Viagra blue?)

Izzy figures out that Ryan is the reason why Katy is working at Prima Doner

"No wonder you were so keen to work in a kebab shop"

(I always thought it was the condiments)


Eileen to Nick regrading the Full Monty Show:
"Be in our show Nick, you'd only have a little part"

(ahem, I believe there are no big parts in this particular show)


Eileen to Jason:
"How do you fancy dressing up in a fireman's uniform, dancing around a bit and then whipping it off"

(sure and if there's a charitable cause involved, so much the better)


On 'candle night' at the Rovers, Sylvia expresses her dislike of war memories:
"I don't like nostalgia. The war was all powdered eggs and spam"

(It was not cooking's finest hour)


Eileen once again:
"We've managed to find some men with bulges in all the right places"

(but the doctor says they can be cured)

Peter Barlow suggests his dad as a candidate for the Full Monty show:
"Kenneth Barlow gyrating in his Y Fronts"

(It would be a brief appearance)


Beth tries to convince Dr. Carter to join the Full Monty cast:
"Hey, Dr Carter, we've got a proposition for you"

(...and we'd also like you to be in the charity show) 

***

Well, fellow lovers of Corrie, that's it for another week. Poor Chesney. I always felt he should have stayed in school and gone to uni, instead of selling tacky stuff at the market. Oh well. Hope you have a great weekend and I'll meet you here next week for more of the Hip. Cheers!

Tony Gordon It`s Friday: the female firefighter edition

please note this post makes reference to the March 21 episode on CBC

So Paul and Toni (with an 'I') are simply work mates who are innocuously working together on a nude calendar in their spare time? OK.  And Toni's brother helped Paul get a good deal on an engagement ring for Eileen? Fine. Next you'll be telling me that they those 'slidey' things in the firehouse are not used for pole dancing between fires. Anyway, time to stop stripping and start extinguishing Jason's van. And, while we're at it, how about a few memorable lines from the week in a regular feature we call, Tony Gordon It's Friday or TGIF.


Julie shares Eileen's concerns regarding what Paul may be doing with Toni':
"slides down poles with her"

(it's a slippery slope)

Gloria thinks Stella is ungrateful after Karl returns a lost umbrella:

"I think its very nice of Karl to bring your brolly back"

(after he had kidnapped it, along with Stella)

Lloyd takes dim view of Karl's work habits:
"We can't have women locked up in the back of your cab"

(well, someone should have briefed Karl. He's obviously unaware of the policy) 

Lloyd certainly knows what makes - and doesn't make - a successful taxi company:
"Kidnapping a punter. Not good for business"

(Not kidnapping a punter. Good for business)

Jason is certain that Karl set fire to his van: 

"I want to see Karl hanging from the lamp post"

(Whoa, first you'll need a permit from the Weatherfield Council)


Tina pops into the back of the Rovers with an update for Jason:
"Thought you might like to know. Your mom just got engaged"

(I'll let you know when the wedding reception starts)

***

Well, fellow faithful followers of Corrie, the weeks ends with another aggrieved punter (Karl) roaming the streets in search of revenge. Brian is still bicycling to work. Kirsty is still wacko. Ty's still in jail. Faye is still causing headaches for Anna. Eileen and Paul are engaged. All's right with the world... until next week. Thanks so much for stopping by and I appreciate all the comments and info. Have a great weekend and meet you back here next week.

CBC Coronation Street schedule change for March 22

In case you missed the screen crawl last night, this is a reminder that broadcast times in your area may be affected by CBC coverage of NHL hockey. In the East, this means that Coronation Street will be seen at 6:30 pm on Friday March 22.

Please check the local CBC listings for the broadcast time in your area. You can find the CBC online schedule here .

(I'll be posting Tony Gordon It's Friday later this evening).

So you want to work at Coronation Street's kebab shop?

please note this post makes reference to the March 18 episode on CBC

Do you have what it takes to work at the Prima Doner kebab shop? Oh sure, you think you've got the raw qualifications: unemployed, desperate, won't settle for less than minimum wage. But there's more to it than that.

Take a stroll through the Kebab Hall of Fame (in the shed behind the corner shop - ed) and gaze upon the greatest talents to ever squirt hot sauce into a pita: Darryl, Tina, Amber, Minnie, Tracy, Cheryl, Teresa Morton (how did Teresa make the list?- ed)

First, you've got to be hot. At least it seems to help. Just look at Ryan and Katy. It's like two models from H&M just parachuted into Weatherfield. Then, there's what Dev likes to call your 'Kebab IQ'.  You must answer a series of questions like:

Q: According to Ryan, what are the three types of Prima Doner kebab?
A: Before smooching, during smooching and after smooching.


Q: How much meat do you put in a kebab?
A: Wait, there's meat in the kebabs?


Q: What's the most important part of working for Dev?
A: Lying.


Q: What's the Prima Doner policy regarding staff romances?
A:  Not in front of the punters.


Congratulations, you're hired!

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the tortoise apology edition

please note this post makes reference to the March 15 episode on CBC

Well, it's been a rough week. A few days ago I posted a eulogy for Eric and Flash. Now it seems that rumours of Flash's demise were wrong (although Eric has passed over to that great linoleum tile showroom in the sky). There were angry phone calls. Our lawyers (Slingya, Hook & Bard) have since advised me (due to pressure from Flash's people and the National Association of Tortoises) to issue an apology. So here goes: "I apologize for erroneously announcing the demise of Flash the Tortoise and for any undue pain or suffering I may have caused to Flash, his family and friends. As a token of my sincere regret, I have made a donation to the tip."

Now on with the memorable lines of the week in something we call TGIF or Tony Gordon It's Friday:

Mary is captivated by Eric's troubled demeanour:
"Brooding like an octogenarian Mr. Darcy"

(If 'Pride and Prejudice' were about linoleum)


Eva complains to Stella about her bad luck with men:
"I've been cheated on more times than I've had me nails done"

(You must have very nice nails) 

Eva discovers Eric in the Rovers:

"I think he's dead" 

(naw, he's just resting... like the Norwegian Blue)

Sylvia relates a grisly story related to a man who died while picking runner beans 

"Hit his head on the downspout, never woke up."

(Another gardening tragedy)

Gloria sees the chance for wealth after Eric's death:

"When God closes a door he opens a window"

(sounds like God hangs around the house a lot)

Eric's wife describes her husband's miserly ways:
"That man could squeeze a pound coin until the Queen's eyes bled"

(I'd hate to see the inside of his pockets)

Eric's wife is eager to get her hands on ther husband's estate...

"Now that he's gone to that vinyl flooring warehouse in the sky"

(So I'm guessing that hell would be a carpet showroom?)

Gloria thinks Eva's preparations for the funeral are getting out of hand:

"He'll be wanting a pyramid on the Red Rec next"

(Call it 'The Great Pyramid of Geezer')

Eileen tells Paul to ignore comments about his proposed charity strip tease:

"They'll soon run out of smutty remarks"

(No they won't)

***

Well, fellow fans of the Street, that's it for another week. I have a feeling that next week is going to be a good one. And please, someone ask Steve why he was wearing an oversize sock on his head at the caf. Inquiring minds want to know. Have a great weekend and I'll meet you back here next week. Cheers!

Coronation Street schedule change March 13-15

In case you missed the screen crawl on Tuesday evening, this is just a reminder that Coronation Street broadcast times in your area may be affected by CBC coverage of figure skating. In the East, this means that Coronation Street will be seen at 6:30 pm on March 13, March 14 and March 15.

Please check the local CBC listings for the broadcast time in your area. You can find the CBC online schedule here .

A Coronation Street eulogy

please note this post makes reference to the March 11 episode on CBC

What can one say about a personality whose time on Coronation Street was all too brief?

Oh, we hardly knew ye! But still, one can say that he was quiet and introspective with a good soul and wisdom beyond his many years. Oh yes, it's true that age had slowed him down. And one could also say that, despite his long years of life, few would choose the way in which he shuffled off this mortal coil.

But still we can say that he was loved by a strong, some would say forthright woman, someone who valued his calm, outward demeanour. A woman who appreciated his habit of not saying too much, keeping his head down in times of turmoil and often retreating within himself in search of tranquility and rest.

Some might say that he met an untimely end, harshly treated by events and people on Coronation Street. But all we can say with certainty is that his brief time with us was cherished and we'll miss him.

Farewell Flash... and Eric.

Tony Gordon It's Friday: The Binned Tortoise edition

please note this post makes reference to the March 8 episode on CBC

You can tell that the story line about Steve accidentally killing Mandy's pet is about a tortoise... because it moves so slowly. Ba dum dum. But seriously, what does Steve Macdonald have in common with Flash the tortoise? Work ethic? Longevity? Same speed of response to cab customers? No, they've both been known to say: "Where's me shell?"  Ba dum dum. Sorry, too soon? Okay, okay, I'll stop. TGIF or Tony Gordon It's Friday is our weekly round up of memorable lines from the week. Like these:

Gail expresses disdain for Kylie upon hearing the truth about her involvement in the scam:
"I always knew you were poison"
(must be the skull and crossbones tattoo which gave it away)

Gail is anxious to hear Kylie's explanation:

"I'm all ears"

(but that's enough about my appearance, tell me what happened)

Steve offers to Lloyd his cogent analysis of tortoises:
"They don't really do much of anything do they?"

(Wait, are we talking about tortoises or Streetcars staff?)

Steve makes a confession to Lloyd:
"I killed your tortoise"

(Better get the interview room ready at the Weatherfield Police Station)


Gloria's new boyfriend is confused by the hoity-toity menu at the Bistro:
"What's Baba Ganoush?"

(The new guy working at the chippie, I think)


Gail is livid at Kylie's confession::
"How many other men's babies do you want my son to raise?"

(How many have you got?)

Lloyd can't believe what Steve has done to Mandy's pet:
"How am I going to explain that you binned the tortoise in the tip?"

(Slowly... it's what Flash would have wanted)


Eric comforts Eva with some kind words:
"These hands weren't made for manual labour"

(They're more suited to skiving)

Sylvia is planning for a life of sun and relaxation with Eric's money:
"It's about time I got me thongs out of mothballs"

(The mothballs will be so relieved)


Eva's shares her misadventures with men with Eric
"Me on me own with a bottle of vodka and a shed load of tears"

(Sounds like 'Absolut' bliss)

***

Well, faithful followers of Corrie, we come to the end of another week in the tumultuous Platt family saga. Will Gail ever be happy with her sons and their wives? No. Will she ever reconcile herself to letting David and Nicky get on with their lives? No. Will she always have that patented look of disgust/disdain on her face (you know the one where she looks like she ate half a lime and got indigestion). Yes. Thanks so much for stopping by and I'll meet you here next week. Cheers and have a great weekend.

 

Rating Coronation Street's cowboy builders

please note this post makes reference to the March 4 episode on CBC

What's a cowboy builder, you ask? It's a fine, ancient tradition on Coronation Street dating back many decades. There has almost always been a builder (or contractor) with a yard on the Street and he has always exhibited similar characteristics: hot-headed, tempestuous love life, capable of hoisting a jar or two and occasionally known to actually build something.

The current cowboy builder 'du jour' is Owen Armstrong. In some ways, he's quite different from his neanderthal ancestors (i.e. he's a single dad who raised two daughters), but in other ways he still has the same Len Fairclough Type A blood coursing through his veins. (Get on with it! - ed).

But enough chat. Let's take a step back through time and assess some of the legendary builders with 'Rate my Cowboy Builder'. By the way, the maximum rating in any category is five stars. Take a look and see if you agree:

LEN FAIRCLOUGH:
Len was probably the original prototype of the Corrie builder. He was a fixture on the street and even built a few things (including a house). He was a ladies' man, particularly when it came to Elsie Tanner and the fair Rita. He even hired a variety of punters over the years including the infamous Ray Langton (see below). He could also put away a few pints and had more than a few fights. Sound familiar?
Hot headed?               (★★★★☆)
Ladies' man?              (★★★★☆)
Pint prowess?            (★★★★☆)

Build anything?         (★★★★☆)

RAY LANGTON:
Most famous for wooing and capturing the heart of fair Deirdre (yes, that Deirdre). Ray was a disagreeable sourpuss with the unique ability to get up a lot of people's noses simultaneously. He had a roving eye for the ladies and a penchant for trouble.  Tracy is his biological daughter (no surprise).

Hot headed?                (★★★★☆)

Ladies' man?               (★★★★★)
Pint prowess?             (★★★☆☆)

Build anything?          (★★☆☆☆)

CHARLIE STUBBS:

We enter the 21st century of builders with Charlie Stubbs, a mean-spirited fellow who was not nice especially to woman (like Shelley the barmaid). Then he made the mistake of taking up with Tracy and got hit on the head with a blunt object. Game over. Also, he tried to drown David Platt once and he hired Jason to work for him. 

Hot headed?               (★★★★☆)
Ladies' man?               (★★☆☆☆
Pint prowess?            (★★☆☆☆)

Build anything?         (★★★☆☆)

OWEN ARMSTRONG:
The latest, but is he the greatest? He certainly has the temper but doesn't seem to imbibe as much as his predecessors and actually spends a fair bit of time building things, particularly after the tram crash. Plus, he's actually a single father who spends time with his kids. That's different.

Hot headed?               (★★★★☆)
Ladies' man?                (★★☆☆☆)
Pint prowess?             (★★☆☆☆)

Build anything?          (★★★★★)

...hmm, looks like Len is the winner.

Tony Gordon It's Friday: The Human Calculator edition

please note this post makes reference to the Feb 28 episode on CBC

It seems that Roy has a knack with numbers. That's why they call him the human calculator (as opposed to Lewis whom they call the calculating human - ed). Speaking of gigolos, seems ol' Lewis has gone to Belize. And, according to Audrey, Gail has more neck than the Giraffes in Chester Zoo. To paraphrase a famous political leader, that's some neck. But let's put Gail's neck aside for the moment and focus on our weekly round-up of memorable lines which we like to call Tony Gordon It's Friday.

Chesney doesn't like the way Fiz is behaving with Tyrone:
"This is John Stape all over again"
(except Ty hasn't killed anyone)


Kylie tells David she's not happy that Gail took the TV up to her boxroom:
"What did people do before teles?
(watch the radio?)


Audrey tells David that Gail has a high opinion of her role in the family Platt:
"She loves to think that she's the glue that keeps this family together"
(Only if it's Crazy Glue)


Roy discovers the alarming truth about Sylvia:
"You have a gambling problem, mother"
(Problems? Gambling? Quick, call Peter Barlow)


Sylvia wants Roy to use his talent to help win back her money at the casino:
"You are my secret weapon, my ace in the hole, my rain man"
(I'm counting on you... to count the cards)


Dennis is excited by the chance to join Roy's casino caper:
"It's like we're in the rat pack"
(..and Weatherfield is like Las Vegas)


Fiz tells Tina she's worried about Tyrone:
"He's not cut out for prison"
(no, that's Jim McDonald )


Sylvia recounts Roy's exploits to Hayley:
"He used his mathematical skills to beat the bank" 
(you can always count on Roy)

***

Well, fellow followers of Corrie, that's it for another week. Thanks so much for dropping by and thanks for the comments. I'd like to give a shout out to Conversation Street, a neat Corrie podcast produced in the UK which talks about the show, storylines and other tidbits. It's the perfect podcast to listen to on the bus going to work or driving home, but Canadian viewers should avoid current podcasts as they will contain spoilers (look for the archived podcasts which are in sync with Canadian broadcast dates). Meet you back here next week. Cheers!