Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Lily Platt's Fabulous Family Tree

please note this post makes reference to the Sept 10 episode on CBC

Little Lily Platt is just a few days old and surrounded by the faces of many doting Platts. Who are all these strange people? Well, Lily, here's a quick snapshot of your family:

Daddy David: drove his car into the canal (no, he wasn't supposed to). Caused his brother to crash his van. Has committed assorted crimes and misdemeanors (e.g. pushed grandma down the stairs). He's a hairdresser who works at your great grandma's salon.

Mommy Kylie: a former cage dancer who once tried to sell your brother (Max) to your Aunt Becky - but don't worry, Mommy Kylie got him back again.

Uncle Nick: owns his own restaurant and is currently in a coma. Could be your dad.

Aunty Leanne: former escort and arsonist. Was locked in the trunk (boot) of a car once by a customer. Used to be married to an alcoholic bookie.

Grandma Gail: her former husbands/partners were mostly psychos and killers but not to worry: she's single now. Spent some time in jail for killing her last husband but it was a mistake. Got scammed by your great grandma's former gigolo and lost her house.

Great Grandma Audrey:  Briefly dated a transvestite and then a gigolo (twice). By the way, Grandma Gail's dad is gay.

Welcome to the family!


  1. But you won't ever have to see your Grandpa Martin or your aunt Sarah.

  2. Thanks for the comment and for completing the family tree. As I recall, Martin once worked as a sports mascot before leaving Gail for another woman while Sarah Louise and Bethany are living in Italy.