Betty Turpin tweets

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 21 episode on CBC

As you may know, our dear Betty Turpin (Betty Driver) passed away a week or so ago. Since Canadian Corrie is several months behind UK Corrie episodes, we are still able to enjoy her at her irascible, irrepressible best while she serves the punters in Rovers Return. Thus, for example, we get to witness a priceless exchange between Betty and Rosie Webster as Rosie expounds on the concept of Twitter to a very skeptical Betty. Betty, of course, doesn't get the concept of tweeting the minutiae of your daily life, nor does she know who Kanye West is. And Betty herself certainly doesn't tweet but if she did, I wonder what her tweets would look like...

@bettyturpin My Cyril would take a dim view of all this twittering. Come to think of it. I’m none too impressed either.

@bettyturpin So this is tweeting. Can’t say I think much of it. During the war you would have been arrested for it. Loose lips sink ships and all that

@bettyturpin That Rosie Webster says she gets tweets from Kanye West, wherever that is. I suppose Kanye is east of there.

@bettyturpin In my day, if you wanted to know what people were doing, you didn’t tweet, you went round to their house and knocked on the door.

@bettyturpin I prefer getting my information from the cinema newsreels. I wouldn’t want to count on Rosie Webster to tell me what Hitler was up to…

***

Betty Driver, 1920-2011.  A true Corrie original.by any measure. She will be missed.

Rovers Return staff shortages

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the August 23 episode on CBC

With an almost 50% drop in personnel, The Rovers Return is in crisis mode. Let's review the gory details. Ciaran has left the Rovers to take a new job at The Joinery where he is working his chef's magic on Lancashire Tapas (mini bacon butties with brown sauce dip? - ed ). Ciaran left an apologetic letter but Liz was not amused.

Now Michelle has stormed out in her leopard print dress (be still my heart - ed) in a huff after Liz caught Ciaran doing some unauthorized over-the-bar-canoodling with the fair Michelle. Ciaran was instantly barred and Michelle, after pausing to call Liz a tart, followed closely behind (no comment -ed). Apparently Michelle is going to work with Carla where their success will no doubt make them the 'Thelma and Louise' of the local rag trade.

So what are they going to do at the Rovers?  Liz has managed to lose two of her best assets in (three surely? - ed) in the space of 72 hours. Steve is too busy buying a kid to work behind the bar and Becky is too busy making Steve buy a kid to work behind the bar. Who's left? Rovers' senior barmaid and esteemed inventor of the Hot Pot, Betty Turpin. Can't wait to see the look on her face when Liz asks her to work 24/7 plus Christmas, Easter and New Year's.

Senior cat fight ?

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Nov 24th episode on CBC

WEATHERFIELD BARMAID'S BIRTHDAY ALMOST 

DEGENERATES INTO WORLD'S OLDEST CAT FIGHT

91 year-old returns to Rovers to challenge 90 year-old's record

by

Corrie Heart, special alcohol correspondent, Weatherfield Gazette

Rovers Return - A joyous celebration of Manchester's oldest barmaid almost erupted into a nasty cat fight yesterday as a 91 year-old interloper interrupted birthday festivities at the Rovers Return pub to stake her claim to the prestigious drink-serving title.

Nursing a milk stout for a record 2 hours and 15 minutes, a veteran barmaid from the Parsons Arms, known only as 'Enid', claimed the title of oldest barmaid and produced her birth certificate to prove the point. The stunning revelation came in the midst of birthday celebrations for Betty Turpin (not Liz Macdonald as previously reported), celebrating her 90th birthday and generally believed to be the oldest barmaid in the Greater Manchester region.

"I’m 91, so put that in your pipe and smoke it.," asserted Enid to the surprised throng of well-wishers assembled at the legendary, back street drinking establishment. When the claim was refuted by Ms. Turpin, Enid added,  "The last person who spoke to me like that got a slap for her trouble. And you're going the same way."

"Lay one finger on me and I won’t be responsible for my actions," replied Ms. Turpin. The two veteran barmaids, whose total age adds up to a whopping 181 years of lager-serving service to punters, almost came to blows as the dispute escalated and threatened to develop into yet another Rovers' cat fight.

The two were separated by onlookers but not before Enid sampled the pub's signature dish, Betty's Hotpot, which she pronounced to be infested with "elbow-sized" gristle.

Happy Birthday, Betty Turpin

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Nov 22 episode on CBC

WEATHERFIELD LEGEND CELEBRATES  90 YEARS, PULLS HISTORIC PINTS

by

Corrie Heart, special alcohol correspondent, Weatherfield Gazette

Rovers Return - Four score and ten years ago, Elizabeth Macdonald was born. No, hang on a minute, I mean Elizabeth Turpin. The rest, as they say, is history. Pint-pulling legend, Betty Turpin, has been serving the punters of Weatherfield for many decades, the longest-serving barmaid in Manchester according to the Guinness Book of Records (no, not that Guinness, the other one which makes the dry stout). Her first recorded lager was served in 1969.

That's one small skinful for man, one giant bladder full for mankind.

"I don't want a fuss made about my birthday," said Ms. Turpin, on duty as usual at the Rovers, "at my age, you ignore all birthdays. keeps you young."

Ms. Turpin recalls her tenure at the Rovers which included many regimes from 'Queen' Annie Walker to 'Leopard skin' Bet Lynch. Her serving of alcoholic beverages has remained constant, her duty to booze unflappable - even during the Blitz.

"Well, the electricity was off so we couldn't tell whether the glasses were clean or not, but we served 'em anyway," she says. "...just like today."

Rovers' regulars share an unabashed pride and affection for Ms. Turpin and her living lager legacy.

"My yes, she's a fine bit of talent," said Ciaran McCarthy, who claims he's a Rovers' regular. "I'll be pursuing that one, so I will. If I’m not back in thirty minutes, make your own plans. Wait? You're talking about Michelle, right?"

Along with the mayor's new teeth, this story of lager longevity is sure to captivate punters and readers alike. This vivid history of catfights, regular fights, dart competitions, skiving, hen parties and extreme drunkeness is a testament to pub history to which Ms. Turpin has been a personal witness.

"Some things never change behind the bar, you know," says Betty. "But never a dull moment."

Poppycock

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the March 29 episode on CBC

I don't know about you but I'm a little chagrined to see Poppy dispatched so quickly and so rudely from the Rovers. Although she wasn't one of the premier bar-staff at the Rovers, I thought Poppy had potential, perhaps as a legover partner for Lloyd or a romantic interest for any number of single punters on the street (Len Windass, comb your hair - ed).

But then, as if by magic, Poppy suddenly becomes an antagonist to... of all people... Betty Turpin!
How on earth did that happen? Betty, the 'barmaidus emeritus' of the Rovers, is always a little grumpy but hasn't had a bona fide feud with anyone since Winston Churchill was Prime Minister ('I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and hotpots' - ed).

So now interim-manageress, Poppy, and Betty are going at it hammer and tongs. Of course, Liz is still in Spain, indulging in three of her favourite pastimes (smoking, tanning and toreadors), so it's up to Steve, the all-pro procrastinator, to make a management decision.

Apparently, someone has to go and it looks like it has to be Poppy. Why? Well, according to Becky, it's because Poppy is a "bossy two-faced cow and nobody wants you here". Well, by that criteria, no-one on Corrie would have a job. Anyhoo, the task's not complete without a mini-slanging match and before you can say 'UFC (Ultimate Female of Corrie), Beckie & Poppy are having a catfight in the Rovers (another day, another catfight - ed) and it's poor Poppy who is expelled from the premises by the hair extensions (hair today, gone tomorrow - ed).

Poor Poppy, we hardly knew ye.

Sorry Michelle

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 8 episode on CBC

Let's get right to it. What's the problem with Michelle? She's vivacious, attractive and a definite asset to the Rovers in terms of providing eye-candy for the punters. (Hey, what about Betty Turpin? - ed). She's also in a relationship with the incomparable Steverino, the quintessential lad and man of a 1,000 facial expressions. Her character should be sparkling and yet I find her to be strangely uncompelling and even, dare I say it, uninteresting.

Now, I'm no psychologist (How do you feel about that? -ed) but there seem to be some reasons for this. Case in point: Michelle is supposed to be a semi-professional singer (she used to be the vocalist for Vernon's band) and went on a cruise with JD's band and did a session in the studio. Exciting stuff. Did we ever hear anything about that? No. I assume she has some interest in music, but we never, ever see that interest manifested in her life. You never see her learning a song, or listening to the radio or even talking about the music she likes. Vernon, on the other hand, was consistently passionate about music. It was part of his character and it was part of what made him interesting (and funny).

And what about her biological son, Alex? That was a big deal -- for a couple of weeks -- and now he seems to have vanished as a factor in her life. Then there was her reaction to Liam's death. Others have pointed out that her mourning period was rather short and before you could say 'Irish wake', she was back to her old self, working on her prime objective which seems to be 'catching Steve out' (Not very difficult - ed).

Don't even get me started on the whole ' let's have a day-long wedding anniversary party for my parents in the Rovers' storyline -- or the fact that Steve has to be under 'house arrest' for the duration of the party. None of it makes any sense, but that's not the problem. The real problem is Michelle - we just don't really have a sense of who she is and what makes her tick.

Sorry Michelle