Sorry Michelle

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 8 episode on CBC

Let's get right to it. What's the problem with Michelle? She's vivacious, attractive and a definite asset to the Rovers in terms of providing eye-candy for the punters. (Hey, what about Betty Turpin? - ed). She's also in a relationship with the incomparable Steverino, the quintessential lad and man of a 1,000 facial expressions. Her character should be sparkling and yet I find her to be strangely uncompelling and even, dare I say it, uninteresting.

Now, I'm no psychologist (How do you feel about that? -ed) but there seem to be some reasons for this. Case in point: Michelle is supposed to be a semi-professional singer (she used to be the vocalist for Vernon's band) and went on a cruise with JD's band and did a session in the studio. Exciting stuff. Did we ever hear anything about that? No. I assume she has some interest in music, but we never, ever see that interest manifested in her life. You never see her learning a song, or listening to the radio or even talking about the music she likes. Vernon, on the other hand, was consistently passionate about music. It was part of his character and it was part of what made him interesting (and funny).

And what about her biological son, Alex? That was a big deal -- for a couple of weeks -- and now he seems to have vanished as a factor in her life. Then there was her reaction to Liam's death. Others have pointed out that her mourning period was rather short and before you could say 'Irish wake', she was back to her old self, working on her prime objective which seems to be 'catching Steve out' (Not very difficult - ed).

Don't even get me started on the whole ' let's have a day-long wedding anniversary party for my parents in the Rovers' storyline -- or the fact that Steve has to be under 'house arrest' for the duration of the party. None of it makes any sense, but that's not the problem. The real problem is Michelle - we just don't really have a sense of who she is and what makes her tick.

Sorry Michelle

Drum solo

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the July 9 episode on CBC

At its best, Coronation Street is funny, sad, emotional, engaging and poignant all at the same time. Vernon's last stand is a classic example. He has assembled his drum kit on the Street underneath the window of the fair Liz. Then he starts pounding away on the drums, sounding like the unholy progeny of Ringo Starr and George of the Jungle (More like the Dave Clark Five without Dave - ed). His objective? To get Liz's attention and make a last ditch attempt to win her back.

"I'm not stopping until Liz comes out here," he says.

The almighty commotion certainly gets Liz's attention but not in a good way. Liz is far too busy getting tarted up for a date with Harry. It is left to Deirdre to intercede and convince Vern to stop his racket. As part of the deal, Deirdre promises to give Liz a letter - and a hat- with a label. The rest is pure poetry. Deirdre reads the letter to Liz and can't stop herself from crying.

The letter points out that Harry is a vagabond who will break Liz's heart. Vern also admits that he may not be the most exciting fella in the world but "I could walk beside you along life's path, pointing out the potholes.." (Are they moving to Montreal? - ed).

Liz is touched and admits that Vernon has many wonderful qualities but he just doesn't have that exciting thing, "that Harry thing" (Horny toad syndrome? Chronic Legoveritis? - ed). As a denouement, Vern issues somewhat complicated instructions for Liz amounting to three options:

option 1: Step outside wearing hat with label by 20:20 (GMT)
option 2: Step outside without hat with label by 2020 (GMT)
option 3: Do neither (anytime GMT)

Then there's nothing left to do but wait. Vern sits in his van watching the clock and listening to Barry White. Meanwhile, Liz is stood up by Harry and humiliated by Clarissa. Wearing the hat and a torn dress, she steps out onto the Street distraught and in tears - but it's too little, too late.

"Why do I never learn?" she sobs to Deirdre.

As for Vern, well he's off to London -- but it will be a solo career. I wish him well.

***

Shots from the hip: That's it for this week. Thanks again for the comments. Hope you enjoyed visiting and enjoy the Sunday omnibus show. I'll be back next Tuesday.

Il Skivo

Spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the July 18 episode on CBC

Let's deal with the mundane first.

Teresa has made a startling bedside confession to Jerry (she makes a lousy apple pie and custard? - ed). Much to my surprise, she has come clean and told the Kebab King (TM) that she is responsible for giving him too many pills and reducing his blood to the consistency of a cup of weak tea at Roy's Rolls. Jerry is shocked. Teresa has pulled a lot of reprehensible stunts (extra marital affairs, abandoning the kids, lying, conning Lloyd into paternity payouts for his 'son' Finlay, using Sally Webster's conservatory as a giant ashtray, etc etc) but this one takes the cake. Jerry threatens to call 999 (note: subtract 88 for Canadian equivalent). Teresa leaves. She's a bad seed but, let's face it, she didn't have to confess at all. She could have stayed quiet and probably would have gotten away with it. Suddenly, against all odds, she starts to show a little depth and complexity. I'm just wondering if it's too little, too late.

But all this is just prologue to the singing debut of Vernon Tomlin whose pipes reveal an earthy, earnest country/folk/pop sensibility -- without the usual good looks, talent and charisma which burden most singing superstars. He's like 1/4 (1/8th surely - ed) of the singing group Il Divo. Call him 'Il Skivo'. But I digress. Vernon's breakup with Liz has inspired songs and lyrics that we will never forget (try as we might). Let's not wait one second more before releasing a CD. I can see it now....

Vernon Tomlin's Greatest Hits
Side 1
Wichita potman
Stayin' askive
Slip, slippin' away... (pending Paul Simon lawsuit)
Time please

Side 2
I'll have the full English (but my love is half baked)
Ice and a slice... of my heart
Bang the drum slowly (Vernon's productivity song)
(Don't fall into) The Mason's Arms

Order now and get a free hotpot! That's it for this week. Enjoy the Sunday omnibus episode. Thanks for visiting and I'll be back next Tuesday.

the dumbing down of Steve Mcdonald

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 1 episode on CBC

There's no two ways about it: Steve Mcdonald is turning into a mere shadow of the funny, nuanced character we used to love. Today's episode is just another chapter in a downward spiral of erratic behaviour (punctuated by goofy double-takes) as Steverino continues to make a mess of his relationship with Michelle.

"What ya' think I'm thick?" he yells in the back of Rover's when he finds Michelle and her mate (JD) sipping tea in their morning garb and talking about old times. Surely the question is rhetorical? Steve does indeed appear thick and getting thicker by the day.

Contrast this to the old Steve we remember. Wasn't it just a few short months ago that Steve was patiently dealing with Vernon & Liz' marriage and bravely managing the return of his volatile and violent dad? Wasn't it Steve who was the beacon of good sense and patience when Michelle discovered her real biological son (Alex) ?

What happened? Beats me but I think the watershed was when Steve (for no real good reason) locked a bookie in the basement of the Rovers overnight. That led to a nightmare string of events. Then came the piece de resistance: a trumped up fight with Michelle followed by a night of blotto drunk carousing capped off with sleepover sex with Becky. (well, one out of three isn't bad - ed)

Maybe a dark horse or a father figure will emerge to provide Steve with some of the guidance and support he needs. Someone unique who marches to the beat of his own drum. Hmm. Anyone see Vernon lately?