Is Steve McDonald travelling back in time?

please note this post makes reference to the Sept 12 episode on CBC

So Steverino now loves Michelle... again?

I'm perplexed (see a doctor - ed). Steve's love life is a wild and crazy roller coaster ride at the best of times but, as far as I can tell, he seems to be travelling backwards in time (That's LST, Legover Standard Time - ed).

Let's see if we can keep track. He was in love with Tracy until he rediscovered her evilness. Then he was in love with Becky in absentia. Now he's back in love with Michelle. Let me extrapolate (not in public, please -ed). By my calculations, it's only a matter of time before he will revert to being in love with Kelly Crabtree (one night only, I'm afraid) then Ronnie Clayton (former cab driver and gangster's wife).

Then he'll be back in love with Karen ('Barren Karen' as she was known by the tactful Tracy), then Tracy, then Karen again and finally he'll be back together with upper class la di da heiress Vicky (grandaughter of former pub owner Alec Gilroy).

I'm getting dizzy just thinking about it.

Recycling romance on Coronation Street

please note that this post make reference to the August 22 episode on CBC

I'm certainly not opposed to rediscovering an old flame or rekindling an old romance (you sound like an arsonist or Graeme Proctor or both -ed). I only mention this because old romances seem to be everywhere on Coronation Street.

There's Steve and Michelle. Well,  technically just Steve so far but they do seem to be spending a lot of quality time together, mostly due to the new and unimproved Ryan (drugs, skiving, lying... what's not to like? - ed). Steve is definitely interested but Michelle doesn't seem to be reading the signals yet (particularly Steve's pink shirt signal; he looks like a Chippendale's taxi driver having a bad hair day - ed). Still, it looks like something may be in the cards.

Then there's Jason and Maria. Our receptionist, Abby Downton, tells me that Jason and Maria were an item many years ago but then Jason had it off with a co-hairdresser (Candace). Funny, I don't remember any of that (must be the drugs... or the Hob Nobs - ed). Anyhoo, now the cute twosome have a budding romance thanks to the matchmaking skill of Marcus.

Last - and most definitely least - there's old Kevin still trying to get his feet under the table at Sal's. Yes, he's got a sprog and yes the sprog is his lovechild from a sordid affair with his best mate (don't make such a palaver out of it - ed), but Kev still thinks that Sally can "get past all that". The scary thing is, he may be right.

Coronation Street dictionary: emasculate

please note this post makes reference to the July 10 episode on CBC

the story so far... Kirsty is adjusting to life at Underworld and makes friends with Fiz, Sunita and Karl engage in legover activity, David is drowning his sorrows in lager, Paul takes Leslie out of the care home and Terry has new plans for Seventh Heaven which include accelerant and an open flame -- but Tina gets in the way and a scuffle ensues.

Karl doesn't like the way Stella is treating him and tells Steve. Steve supplies the mot juste for what Karl is experiencing. Let's consult the Coronation Street dictionary to see what it means...

EM-ASC-ULATE   Pronunciation /iˈmaskyəˌlāt/

Function:

verb

 

Usage:

seldom utilized except by Ken Barlow (as in "I 'm going to the library, Deirdre, I am not going to take Eccles for a walk as that would emasculate me.") 

 

Etymology:

Coined by Norris Cole during his interminable marriage to the legendary harpy, Angela. Manchester-area dialect origins unknown (ask Roy Cropper or the Weatherfield Historical Society)

 

Date:

14th century (first used by Jack Walker in reference to pub landlady and wife Annie Walker, I believe)

1:  make an individual weaker or less effective as in Steve McDonald's first marriage to Karen

2: deprive a man of his role or identity as in Steve McDonald's second marriage to Karen

3:  to symbolically or physically remove a male's reproductive organs as in Steve McDonald's relationship with Tracy Barlow


See also dictionary entry for 'vacation'

Steve McDonald: what is wrong with you?

please note: this post makes reference to the Feb 8 episode on CBC

Where do I begin? Steve McDonald, what are you thinking? You think you and Tracy can play happy families with Amy and Baby X? Are you out of your mind? Just how gullible are you? You leave me no option but to offer a mini-collection of barbs and jokes at your expense. I didn't want to do this but you leave me no choice so here we go: 

Q: What's the difference between Steve McDonald and an old watch?
A:  Steve is easier to wind up 

Q: What do you call it when you take Steve for a stroll?
A: Walking the 'plank' 

Q: What's the difference between Steve and Kirk?
A: Kirk had the good sense not to have sex with Tracy.  

Q: What do Steve and Kirk have in common?
A: They both seem to be in a relationship with a dummy. In Kirk's case, the dummy is in the back of the Underworld van. In Steve's case, the dummy owns the Rovers and Streetcars. 

Q: If Steve were a type of marine life, what would he be?
A: PLANKton (or maybe Pillock-ton if that exists)

Look, I love the big lug and it's true he would make a great dad. But let's put it his way, if he worked for Pratt & Whitney, well, he'd be the um 'prat'. (and I'm still waiting for Tracy to flash that surreptitious smirk™ which will tell us exactly what she's really up to).

Hip to Steve: Four weddings and it's your funeral

note: this post makes reference to the Jan 18 episode on CBC

In solidarity with websites like Wikipedia, Reddit, Cheezburger Network and Boing Boing, Blanche's Polish Hip resolved to go on strike, frustrating readers by being difficult - if not impossible - to access (in other words, business as usual -ed). Today it's back to normal so that the tens of visitors to this website can breathe a collective sigh or relief. We're back! (how can we tell? -ed).

First order of business? Steve McDonald. My oh my. Steve is rapidly approaching the 'Tudor Standard' of matrimony (Henry VIII move over - ed) with four marriages, three wives, too little thinking and one big mistake.

His first marriage was to Vicky, grand-daughter of one-time pub owner and showbiz impressario, Alec Gilroy. If you don't know Alec, just imagine Rene Angelil being married to Bet Lynch (instead of Celine Dion) and you pretty well get the picture. Anyhoo, that didn't go so well. It was one of those 'Upstairs Downstairs' relationships and Steve was definitely downstairs. Vicky liked riding horses, Steve liked betting on them etc etc.

Steve went on to marry Karen, an Underworld worker with delusions of Posh Spice. Dubbed 'Barren Karen' by Tracy, she married Steve on a bet (what are the odds? - ed). It turned out to be the opposite of a trifecta (a dumb-fecta? - ed). Then, as a kind of Pavlovian, repetitive stress syndrome, Steve divorced her and married her again.

Then Steve entered his 'Granger Danger' period. While dating the fabulous Michelle, he fell in love with Becky and finally married her. Now that marriage is kaput and so what does Steve do? Wait for it. He has a one-night stand with ex-jailbird and murderer, Tracy Barlow. Well, Steve, as they say, it's your funeral. Never mind, I'm sure you'll meet someone soon. Just dial 1-800-I'M-A-PLANK and ask for Beth (the former model). 

Liz to Steve: Aye Carumba !

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the  November 8 episode on CBC

Liz comes back from Spain with a new hairdo and lots of tacky souvenirs for the family only to find that everything's gone to hell in a hand basket during her absence. On Day 2 she is so distraught that she appears to wearing some kind of tarpaulin with grommets around the edge (presumably in case she needs to be secured during a hurricane).

Can you blame her?

Steve has given her grand daughter away to her mom (a convicted murderer sprung on a technicality). Becky is a looter. Little Max was purchased from Kylie. Kylie is still around and planning to spawn with David Platt. Steve is mortgaged up to the hilt. Lloyd is pissed off. Sunita is pissed off. Dev is pissed off. Owen sent a bunch of bully boys to beat up Jim. 

Liz's only friend, Deirdre, is blinded by her enduring belief that Tracy is really a nice girl who just needs to put her past (murder) behind her and settle down with a sexual predator.  The way things are going, Liz is going to need a large Gin and Tonic intravenous drip and a permanent spot in the smoking shelter. Either that or she'll take the first EasyJet (watch it -ed) back to Spain and find some place to hide away. (Hernando's? - ed)

Buster Toughguts reporting for duty

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the April 18 episode on CBC

There seem to be a lot of overt and not-so-overt competitions going on in the Street right now.

First, there is the "fairest barmaid in Weatherfield" contest which is creating ripples at the Rovers. (Lager glass, lager glass, on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all? - ed).  This contest follows on the heels of the 'oldest barmaid' contest which Betty won by a landslide (although subsequently contested by another senior server who mysteriously passed away). There seems to be no end of these pub-oriented competitions. How about saving some time and combining a few of them (i.e. oldest and fairest barmaid contest). Just a suggestion.

On the adoption front, it seems that the Windasses have pulled into the lead on the strength of Eddie's brazen use of his son to tug at the emotional heart strings. While Steverino, armed only with a doll named Buster Toughnuts or Toughguts or something, comes in second and the adoption lady doesn't seem that impressed by either Steve's action figure or Becky's monkey (don't ask -ed). 

And, if there was ever any doubt that love is indeed a battlefield, look no further than the love 'quadrangle' of Graeme-Tina-Jason-David. It seems that Jason and David are still, in some crazy way, trying to compete for the affections of Tina. Now, that's a contest which I bet won't end happily for anyone..

Legs, Breasts & Brains

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Nov 16 episode on CBC

I'm sorry fellow Corrie fans but I can't get myself interested in the latest spat between Steve and Becky. Don't get me wrong. When their romance started, I thought it had a certain spark and I was looking forward to a tempestuous and stormy relationship. Unfortunately, as Woody Allen once said, a relationship is like a shark. It has to keep moving forward to survive and what we have here is... a dead shark.(sounds fishy - ed).

With that in mind, let's review the current issues on the Street:

Legs I.
Specifically, Kelly's legs, and their role in making Steve's motorcycle look good and making Becky mad and then sad.

Legs II
Specifically, Joe's and the impending threat of breakage, courtesy of Rick, your local loan shark (sounds fishy again -ed)

Breasts
Sally is recovering after surgery while Rosie is augmenting through surgery and it's all driving Kevin 'nuts' (please don't mention nuts around Kevin - ed)

Brains
Looks like Simon is one smart little cookie according to his teachers. Thanks goodness for one uplifting piece of news and congratulations to the proud parents (you mean the former alcoholic/bigamist & escort/arsonist? - ed).

Steve & Becky; Tyrone & Molly

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Nov 9 episode on CBC

Two relationships are in the spotlight and they couldn't be more different.

At one end of the Street, Molly is pulling the plug on her marriage to Tyrone. After only a year of blissful marriage (nine months if you exclude the horizontal jogging with Kevin - ed), the couple is history. Truth be told, their happiest days were long gone: a shared love of dogs, restoring an old mobile burger van and sharing the old rec-tory (Number 9 Coronation Street) with Jack & Vera. Oh, I know, some will say that their wedding didn't bode well just because Tyrone was in handcuffs, then fainted and then had his honeymoon airline tickets stolen by his Mum (Jackie Dobbs, skiver and jailbird extraordinaire). Still, the break-up scenes were heartbreaking and it was sad to see the couple part ways.

At the other end of the Street, we move from the sublime to the ridiculous. Steve and Becky are having a disagreement about kids which has, in true Steve-o fashion, escalated into a childish tantrum display. To the punters at the Rovers, it must seem like the panto is still going on (oh no, it isn't -ed). Steve is buying new golf clubs, getting bladdered with Kelly ('I've got legs, dammit') Crabtree and proclaiming that he and Becky are 'separated' . This reminds me of their 'funnymoon', a faux honeymoon. However, this time it's a kind of 'funny separation'  (funeration? - ed). Please stop the madness. Think of Amy (who's Amy? -ed). Any more of this bickering and her verbalization development skills could be severely affected (too late - ed).

Steve McDonald as Hamlet

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Oct 26 episode on CBC

To breed or not to breed: that is the question
Whether 'tis nobler in the bar to suffer
the slings and arrows of outrageous Becky
Or to sup ale against a sea of aggro
And by a skinful, end them? To pass out: to sleep,
to snore; and by a 'sleep' to say we end
The belly-aching and the thousand natural blows
That Steve is heir to, 'tis a situation
Devoutly to be missed. To lie, to cheat;
(you know, the usual):
perchance to scheme ay, there's the rub;
For in that scheme what dreams may come
When Steve has shuffled off to Streetcars

(exit)

The rabbit died

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 28 episode on CBC

First, let's have a moment of silence for Leanne... and now a moment of silence for the rabbit. (He'll be missed... unless he winds up in Betty's hotpot - ed). Leanne, we hardy knew ye! (which one? cause it seems one of them is fairly well known - ed). Anyway, the important thing is that Simon is finally coming to terms with his loss (thank goodness they didn't let Ken deliver the eulogy - we'd still be standing in Sally Webster's backyard - ed). And, if I were a betting person, I would say that Peter's mad dash to Leeds means he may be 'United' with Leanne again. Of course, I could be wrong and besides wagering is a mug's game.

Speaking of bets, Steve McDonald is placing a fiver on his lucky horse: 'She's Out'. With a name like that, he can't miss, can he? That depends on the names of the other horses. Let's take a quick look at the racing form. Let's see, the three o'clock...Ah yes, there's:

She's Out: 5-1
Hooch's Revenge: 2-1
Don't Count Your Chickens,: 9-5
Slug It Out: 10-2
Call me Neil: 15-3
She's In Again: 3-1
Steve might want to get rid of Neil's drugs hidden in a box at Streetcars: 17-1

Suddenly, it doesn't seem like such a sure thing anymore...

we've written our own vows

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 2 episode on CBC

Yes, we all shed a tear yesterday when the fair Becky (that was Becky under the headgear, right? - ed) got married to Steve, but the ceremony itself was a little impersonal. I'm wondering what it would have been like if the bride and groom had written their own special vows for the occasion. I think it might have gone something like this...

Registrar: At this time, I'd like to call upon Steven and Rebeca to recite the vows that each has written for this special occasion. Rebeca?

Becky: Right well, I'm not an expert or anything but here goes. Steve, you are my kind of guy and we had a right fabbo time, during our funnymoon. Remember loverboy? Okay, so last time we did this, I was so legless I didn't make it here but I'm sober now, well almost. So that proves I'm your gal and I'm serious about this marriage thing. I'm a winner. babe. I love Royston and Hales but mostly you, loverman. And, (provided this registrar - whatever that is - is for real and not some wacko from a looney bin), I'll say this:
I'll marry you now
though I can be a right stroppy cow
I'll take that wedding vow
Wow.

Registrar: er thank you Rebeca. Steven?

Steve: What? Oh, yeah, right. Well, I haven't had much time and, well, you know what I'm like with words and pens. Anyhow, I jotted something down while I was on the switch yesterday at Streetcars. It's a bit like one of them um... what'ya call it... poems. So here goes:
Becky, I love the bones off ya.
And I know you love me too.
If you say "Michelle"
I will say: "Michelle who?"
You're a right fit bird.
Or so I have heard
Yeah, I know that Slug's been hanging around.
But he just wants to drag you down
So let's get spliced
Cause I think it will be nice

Registrar: Um thank you. You may now kiss the bride.

Poppycock

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the March 29 episode on CBC

I don't know about you but I'm a little chagrined to see Poppy dispatched so quickly and so rudely from the Rovers. Although she wasn't one of the premier bar-staff at the Rovers, I thought Poppy had potential, perhaps as a legover partner for Lloyd or a romantic interest for any number of single punters on the street (Len Windass, comb your hair - ed).

But then, as if by magic, Poppy suddenly becomes an antagonist to... of all people... Betty Turpin!
How on earth did that happen? Betty, the 'barmaidus emeritus' of the Rovers, is always a little grumpy but hasn't had a bona fide feud with anyone since Winston Churchill was Prime Minister ('I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and hotpots' - ed).

So now interim-manageress, Poppy, and Betty are going at it hammer and tongs. Of course, Liz is still in Spain, indulging in three of her favourite pastimes (smoking, tanning and toreadors), so it's up to Steve, the all-pro procrastinator, to make a management decision.

Apparently, someone has to go and it looks like it has to be Poppy. Why? Well, according to Becky, it's because Poppy is a "bossy two-faced cow and nobody wants you here". Well, by that criteria, no-one on Corrie would have a job. Anyhoo, the task's not complete without a mini-slanging match and before you can say 'UFC (Ultimate Female of Corrie), Beckie & Poppy are having a catfight in the Rovers (another day, another catfight - ed) and it's poor Poppy who is expelled from the premises by the hair extensions (hair today, gone tomorrow - ed).

Poor Poppy, we hardly knew ye.

Steve's problem

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the January 4 episode on CBC

My, my. Christmas and New Year's over already? Where does the time go? (Skiving mostly - ed). I wish all Corrie watchers a happy and healthy New Year with lots of great Corrie ahead for 2010 and minimal disruption during the Stanley Cup playoffs and the World Cup. As for me, I survived Christmas in the Big Smoke (Toronto) and spent most of my time looking for parking and eating at buffets. It was merry.

Now to the business at hand: Steve Mcdonald. Is there anyone so mysteriously attractive to so many women for reasons which cannot be explained (noted bigamist Peter Barlow? - ed). Now, I'm no psychologist (how do you feel about that? - ed) but it seems to me that Steve is a classic case of a guy with passive aggressive tendencies.

I offer three examples:

1) Breaking up with Michelle, an interminable process based on the brilliant strategy of being a 'bad boyfriend' (mission accomplished - ed), rather than facing the issue head-on

2) Not telling Becky about the truth about the wedding ring. Never mind, Michelle will take care of that and you'll wind up in the doghouse (might as well buy a timeshare with Peter Barlow - ed)

3) Not telling Becky that she was too drunk to get married. (Deja vu, I say, deja vu - ed). What's the problem here? He's afraid to tell her? He's waiting for the right moment? Well, never mind, Michelle kindly took care of that oversight (again) while supping at the bar and spitting venom.

The moral? Hey Steve, you work in a PUBLIC HOUSE, you know, that big place with booze where members of the public gather to gossip about things like... oh, I dunno.. the fact that Becky was too drunk to get married.

Now Liz will tell you that Steve's problem is not his passive aggressive tendencies or a severe case of procrastination (although Steve does put the 'pro' in procrastination -ed), but rather an important anatomical abnormality: the lack of a spine.

Whatever the reason, Steve needs to rethink his communication skills. Puppy dog looks and a good heart can only get you so far. Every once in a while, you have to open your mouth, extract your foot and tell the truth. Just a suggestion...

romantic overtures

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the December 1 episode on CBC

Love - or something - is in the air on Coronation Street. Just look at the romantic and quasi-romantic overtures happening all over the place. There's 'Kimono' Ken and Martha, Jason & Becky and Julie's almost daily fixation with Jason's bod (Carp-e per diem - ed). Even Rita and Colin are busy making goo goo eyes at each other, but Rita isn't rushing into anything (she's got a 5am wake-up call to do the papers).

At the pub, Steve is busy having a revenge date with Natasha (Indian take-away in front of the tele while watching darts - what more could a girl want?). What is it with Steverino? Despite his average looks, cut-rate wardrobe and modest gut, he really knows how to pull the birds (sorry, I mean 'attract the ladies'). Michelle, Becky and now the fair Natasha all seem to fall for those big hang dog eyes and rubbery mug. Has he got a hypo-disc, a secret male musk, an aphrodisiac in the lager? Somebody tell me.

On the other side of the bar, Mary has done her best to stir the inner beast within Norris (a wild gerbil, surely - ed) to no avail. Despite her smokey eye makeup, Norris resists and sends her on her way with nothing more than a quick sip of Dubonnet and a pinch of the nose. What's wrong with that man? It almost makes me wish Les Battersby would come back, call him 'Doris' and thump him. Maybe that would knock some sense into him.

But surely the most sinister chemistry (apart from Anna Windass and 'uncle' Len - yuck!) is the rapport between Maria and Tony. Maria gives the T-Man a ride and there they are sitting in the car chatting about loss and love and Liam (enough alliteration; it's incredibly irritating - ed).
At one point, Tony says, "You know, if you need anything, you need me to change a fuse or well, whatever, I know you have friends and family, it was just a thought."

Now that's just plain creepy and tomorrow I'll tell you why...

bin there, done that

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 28 episode

We've been hearing the verb 'bin' a lot lately as a synonym for 'dump' or 'get rid of'. It's used mainly in connection with Steve and Michelle and the question usually is: Will Steve 'bin' Michelle - and, if so, when? Of course, in the Wonderful World of Steverino, this action is necessary so he can boink Becky on a full time (instead of part-time) basis. But the problem is Steve can't or won't take that big step, he won't 'bin' Michelle. It's a problem and we know that Stevie-boy is on the horns of a dilemma (very horny, actually - ed) because of the wide variety of facial gymnastics which his rubbery, expressive face is displaying on a regular basis.

Why all the hesitation on Stevo's part?

Well, of course, there's the spineless factor, especially when it comes to women. Then there's the problem of Michelle getting more likeable. This is a recent phenomenon. Just when Steve is working himself up to do some actual 'bin-ing', she turns around and becomes all nice and lovable. She's drinking red wine, looking sexy, listening to UB40, doing the Steve 'samba' - (twice in one night thank you very much), making surprise dinner plans and taking Amy to school. What's not to like?

As for Stevie Blunder, well Operation Bad Boyfriend has been a total bust. The only result so far has been the anger and disappointment of Becky who tells him: "Don’t touch me, don’t speak to me! Just crawl away and die."

Not much room for nuance there. Looks like Steve's grand plan to break up with Michelle and be with Becky belongs in the.. well.. bin.

everybody loves steve?

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 26 episode on CBC

I think I'm getting a headache. (take two aspirin and call me in 2012 - ed). Ever since Becky compared Steve and Michelle to the American TV sitcom, 'Everybody loves Raymond', I've been trying to figure out who's who (whom, surely - ed).

Let's start with the obvious. According to Becky, Steve is Raymond and Michelle is Deborah. So far, so good. So, who is Robert (Ray's brother)? Is it Andy? (Naw, Andy's in Spain. That doesn't work). It must be Lloyd. Lloyd is Robert. Yeah, that works. I can just hear Lloydie saying sarcastically: "Everybody loves Steve". But, wait, hang on a minute. If Lloyd is Robert, that means Lloyd (Robert) is sleeping with Ray's mother, Marie (Liz). Geez Louise! Oh my God! I don't think I ever saw that episode.

And what about Ray's Dad, Frank. Who would that be? I guess that would have to be big Jim McDonald. So let's see. That means Ray's Dad was sent to jail for killing a bloke with his bare hands and then got out of the slammer only to punch out one of Marie's boyfriends (Vernon). Yikes! I can't exactly hear the studio audience doubling over in laughter at that episode.

Okay, so the parallels don't exactly work. But I guess Becky's point is that Steve (like most married men who say they'll leave their wives) is never going to leave Michelle. "They're at each other all the time but deep down, there’s love," says Becky.

Sad but true and that point comes through in living colour -- whether you're Ray Romano or Steve McDonald.

3 troubling thoughts

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 30 episode on CBC

Three troubling thoughts crossed my mind while watching last night's episode (Ma, Pa & Jr. Windass? - ed).

1. The conflict between Maria and Tony is becoming eerily reminiscent of the Richard Hillman saga. I remember at one point saying that the big difference between Richard Hillman and Tony Gordon was that Richard Hillman was a kind of 'do it yourself' psychopath while Tone was more of a 'contract-it-out' kind of guy, who didn't like getting his hands dirty. But that could be changing and that would mark a new phase in his criminal activity, similar to Dickie Hillman's MO. And there are more echoes of Hillman which make my skin crawl. Richard Hillman terrorized a young woman (Maxine Peacock) in a house on C Street. Richard also tried to convince people that Audrey (who was acting a lot like Maria at the time) was going round the bend - as part of a plan to solve his financial woes.

2. At first, I thought that Steve Mcdonald's 'Operation Bad Boyfriend' was just a half-baked scheme with a low chance for success (That's our Steve - ed). But now we realize that any breakup, no matter how it happens, has consequences -- particularly when kids are involved. We weren't really exposed to that side of things until we saw the preparations (or lack thereof) for Amy's birthday party. Becky too is getting a new perspective of her fairytale legover with Steve - and it's not particularly pretty.

3. Last, and definitely least, I'm getting the distinct impression that Sally Webster would have it off with Tony Gordon in a highland heartbeat, if he gave the slightest hint of interest. She was in his office kissing up big time after Tone found out that Maria had been shown the tongue-2-tongue video. Then ol' Sal comes back into the office to give TG even more info on the fact that Maria is... how you say... one veg short of a hotpot. Then she tell the girls at Underworld that he's really a nice guy. Please tell me I'm wrong...

good dad & bad boyfriend

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the september 21 episode on CBC

First order of business: a large mea culpa (is that one of those fancy drinks with schnapps and a pimento? - ed). In last Friday's post, I said that we found out, via Pat Gordon, that Tony had an ex-wife. A quick word (you mean rollicking - ed) from an enlightened colleague set me straight. It seems that we did indeed already know about Tony's ex-wife. In fact she apparently showed up at Underworld and clobbered Carla. I'm embarassed to say I have no memory of this (mental degeneration from too many Bakewell tarts and pints, no doubt - ed).

So, to the business at hand. At one end of the Street, there's Kenneth giving Peter a hard time about his less-than-stellar parenting skills. Yes, it's true that Peter has a lot to learn (don't be mesmerized by Graeme's Michael Jackson dance? ed), but cut him some slack. He's trying to run a new business, get a legover with Leanne and, um, what's that third thing? Oh yes, look after Simon. I admit, he is making a lot of mistakes but he's making progress. He forgets to pick up Simon, but he remembers that he has a son (advantage Peter - ed). He leaves the poor lad's lunch, homework and swimsuit in the car but at least he knows that Simon has homework, needs food and swims. I call that progress. So where is Ken's positive reinforcement? After all, this guy was a teacher at one of the finest schools in Weatherfield (motto: "semper yobs" - ed).

Meanwhile, at the Rovers, Steve is pursuing the brilliant Mensa-like strategy he has devised for breaking up with Michelle, aka 'Operation Bad Boyfriend'. The problem with this strategy is he has already employed most of the tried and true ways of breaking up. Observe:

Get your mother to move in? Check
Get bladdered and stay out all night with no explanation? Check
Get insanely jealous of your girlfriend's male friends? Check
Indulge in bad habits like smoking? Check
Run off to Spain with no explanation? Check
Lock a bookie in your cellar? Check


Still, I've got to hand it to both Peter and Steve. They are each giving it their best shot and I suspect they'll both succeed -- one way or another.

scenes from a pub

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Sept 10 episode on CBC

If I had to pick one word to describe the general demeanor of Corrie watchers this week, it would be 'disgruntled'. This doesn't happen very often. Coronation Street fans are generally appreciative of the fine writing, humour, creative story lines and unique characters which make Corrie so consistently good. And, it's true that we have recently been treated to a roller coaster of gripping stories from Liam's death to John Stapes' kidnapping caper (don't forget Norris' second place prize in the Cliff Richard contest - ed). Maybe that explains why the current Steve/Michelle story is touching a nerve in terms of sheer lameness.

The premise is that Steve Mcdonald is on the horns of a dilemma. He is supposed to be in two places at once. Michelle insists that he be glued to the Rovers all day for her unfathomable 24-hour wedding anniversary party in honour of her parents. At the same time, Becky Granger needs him to be at the courthouse to be her alibi and prevent her from being sent to prison on assault charges.

Oh my, what a dilemma! What can Steve do? Oh, I dunno. How about this:

Michelle: Er, Steve, where do you think you're going? I told you I wanted you to stay here at the Rovers for the entire duration of my parents' inappropriately timed day-long wedding anniversary. Plus, I want you to make photocopies, buy pies, put up decorations and prevent cousin Kieran whom no-one knows or remembers from entering the pub.

Steve: Look Michelle. Becky is in court today and if I don't testify on her behalf and provide her with an alibi, then she will go to jail. So, it's really important that I step out for an hour.

Michelle: Oh well, why didn't you say so in the first place. Of course, you should go. I don't want to see Becky go to jail. She's a mate and a good worker. What are you waiting for? Get going down to the courthouse and when you get back, we'll raise a toast to my parents.

Steve: Thanks, babe. You're a star.

fin

There, that wasn't so hard, was it?

***

That's it for the week. Enjoy your weekend and the omnibus edition and let's keep our fingers crossed for Becky. Cheers to all.