First Brangelina, now... Rary? Maroy?

please note this post makes reference to the August 15 episode on CBC

Now that Hayley has conveniently rushed away in a woody (hey! watch your language - ed) to care for yet another long lost ailing relative, Roy is fair game. At least that's what Crazy Mary is probably thinking. Let's not mince words. Mary is warm for Roy's form. Like a kooky, camper van version of Angelina Jolie, she has her eye on Brad (Roy) and is biding her time waiting to pounce when Jennifer Aniston (Hayley) least expects it (i.e always - ed).

Step One: A nice, quiet game of chess. Not since Russian chess master Boris Spassky dueled with Bobby Fisher in 1972, has there been such sexual tension between rival players. Although, to be fair, there was also a lot of animal eroticism involved in the legendary battle between IBM's Deep Blue computer and Garry Kasparov (In this case I guess Roy would be the computer? - ed).

Step Two: True Confessions. As their hands touched fleetingly while depressing the buttons on the chess clock (this is depressing me - ed), a frisson of human contact leads to an exchange of genuine, intimate revelations. Mary's love for her father. Roy's love for steam engines.

Step Three: Would you like to come up to my apartment and see my etchings? Only in this case, it's Roy's sacred 51-record set of Elgar steam engine sounds ("The Best of Steamy British Sounds") featuring over 708 hours of magical engine noises recorded in Dolby 5.1 and best suited to eliciting quick confessions from hardened criminals.

Step Four?: I guess we'll have to wait and see but consider this: If Mary tells Roy he has a fit body, do you think he'll hold it against her? (that's it. You're barred until tomorrow! - ed)

Roy & Hayley: best wedding ever?

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 21 episode on CBC

It's inevitable. Every Coronation Street wedding can't help but prompt comparisons with other memorable weddings over the years. There's certainly lots to choose from and I have weighed in before on what I think are the three worst weddings of all time 

3. Deirdre Hunt & Ray Langton
2. Carla Connor & Tony Gordon
1. (tie) Mavis Riley & Derek Wilton/Vernon Tomlin & Liz Mcdonald

...not to mention my vote for the three best weddings of all time:
3. Raquel and Norman (Curly) Watts
2. Steve and Karen Mcdonald
1. Deirdre and Ken

However, after seeing Roy and Hayley's railway adventure, I have to say that this wedding now sits at the top of my top three list. Why? Well, the scenery and the steam locomotive were fabulous as were the rail cars and the joyous sight of Roy fulfilling his boyhood dream of riding shotgun. Then there was the scene of Becky and Fiz commandeering a pump wagon to get Hayley to the church on time. The location of the wedding service and the reception was magnificent (gee, I guess Mary did a pretty good job despite the sabotage). The choir was great, the songs were classy and the speeches (Roy's, Hayley's and Chesney's) were poignant, touching and heartfelt. And, just to top it all off, the newlyweds left the reception in their woody (please stop mentioning the woody - ed). What more could you possibly ask for?

Here's to Roy & Hayley

how swede it is

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 8/9 episode on CBC

Well, the astonishing news hasn't quite sunk in but, as viewers know by now, Hayley Cropper went to Africa, helped build a school -- and fell in love with a Swede (Holy Sensible Volvo! - ed). Of course, she is now able to put all this in perspective. Far from being a charismatic love-god, the object of her affection (code name: Olaf) was described by Hales herself as a "rather ridiculous man with a guitar and Swedish folk songs whom we all treated as some kind of saint". Roy, in his infinite wisdom, takes this all in stride. "I'm sure there's a Swedish folk song which says 'you don't throw out the person you love'," he says gallantly.

No, but we can write one. Or, at least, change the words to a famous Swedish 'folk' song to suit the occasion. Let's see... how about 'Mamma Mia'? Cue the music and everyone sing along (except Pierce Brosnan - ed). With apologies to ABBA, here goes:

(to the tune of 'Mamma Mia')

I went to Africa just to build a new school
I fell for a cool Swede, now I feel like a fool
Look at me now, will I ever learn?
I don't even want to go back to Underworld
Or skive with the factory girls
Just one look and I can hear a guitar
One more look at Olaf under the stars, w-o-o-o-oh

Hayley Cropper, there you go again
My my, how could you forget Roy?
Hayley Cropper, and it shows again
My my, Olaf's just a boy toy
Yes, you've been rather silly
He had it off with Tilly
Why, why did you ever leave the caf?
Hayley Cropper, please don't make me laff
Roy, Roy. so much better than Olaf


(Yes, I know, I know -- don't quit your day job)

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shots from the hip... another day, another entry in the BPH quiz with all correct answers.. congratulations and thanks for the comments...