Now that Hayley has conveniently rushed away in a woody (hey! watch your language - ed) to care for yet another long lost ailing relative, Roy is fair game. At least that's what Crazy Mary is probably thinking. Let's not mince words. Mary is warm for Roy's form. Like a kooky, camper van version of Angelina Jolie, she has her eye on Brad (Roy) and is biding her time waiting to pounce when Jennifer Aniston (Hayley) least expects it (i.e always - ed).
Step One: A nice, quiet game of chess. Not since Russian chess master Boris Spassky dueled with Bobby Fisher in 1972, has there been such sexual tension between rival players. Although, to be fair, there was also a lot of animal eroticism involved in the legendary battle between IBM's Deep Blue computer and Garry Kasparov (In this case I guess Roy would be the computer? - ed).
Step Two: True Confessions. As their hands touched fleetingly while depressing the buttons on the chess clock (this is depressing me - ed), a frisson of human contact leads to an exchange of genuine, intimate revelations. Mary's love for her father. Roy's love for steam engines.
Step Three: Would you like to come up to my apartment and see my etchings? Only in this case, it's Roy's sacred 51-record set of
Step Four?: I guess we'll have to wait and see but consider this: If Mary tells Roy he has a fit body, do you think he'll hold it against her? (that's it. You're barred until tomorrow! - ed)