Ocean's Eleven (minus 7) on Coronation Street

please note this post makes reference to the Feb 27 episode on CBC

I don't know about you, but I love a caper (preferably with a slice of smoked salmon and a bagel - ed). So what's the lowdown with Corrie's own rat pack (not to be confused with the pack of rats down by the viaduct - ed)? Well, here's the skinny:

The Caper:
Win back the £2,000 which Sylvia Cropper lost while gambling.

The Gang:
Ken "The Teacher" Barlow: don't cross him or he'll write a long-winded column in the weekly newspaper.
Dennis "The Moocher" Tanner: don't tangle with him, he's got a debit card and he almost knows how to use it.
Sylvia "The Godmother" Cropper: don't mess with her or she'll correct your syntax and grammar.
Roy "The Rainman" Cropper: don't get him angry or he will cut you... off the Weatherfield Historical Society mailing list.

The Plan:
Infiltrate the Weatherfield Casino and Laundromat (slogan: "we'll clean your smalls while we clean you out"). Enter said Casino, stopping only for a round of pineapple juices, then load up the Blackjack table with ringers (Ken. Sylvia & Dennis) and let Grandmaster Roy do his thing.

The Secret Weapon:
Math

No, really, what's the Secret Weapon?
Roy is a math whiz. He spent a couple of hours reading a book and practicing how to count cards. Now all he has to do is make sure it works before the oily casino manager gets wise to the heist.

The Getaway Vehicle:
The Weatherfield Wayfarer Bus (runs every 35 minutes, every 45 minutes on evenings and weekends)


...I love it when a plan comes together (assuming that the plan does in fact come together)

Beef Encounter could be a big mis-steak

please note: this post makes reference to the May 8 episode on CBC

Looks like the Man from Uncle Miltie™ is determined to open a restaurant on Coronation Street. Robert Vaughan seems to think that a theme restaurant where the punters choose their steak and then have it cooked for them is a sure-fire business success. Look's like the ugly American is quite the beef baron, a regular Donald Rump (that's enough -ed) Me? I'm not so sure.

First of all, just how many food-serving establishments can the Street support?  There's the Rovers (hot pot and sandwiches), Nick's Bistro (Slogan: 'They come for the food and stay to stare at Eva's bizarre hairstyle'), the Kebab shop (is that still in business?), the Chippie (hasn't been the same since Cilla worked there) and, of course, Roy's Rolls (where the full English will never, ever, ever become a full American).

So what's Milton's business plan?

Well, first he has to convert the butcher's shop into a restaurant. That's going to cost a few dollars er sorry, I mean pounds. (Better check in the freezer just in case, Tyrone may have left a felon in there - ed). Then there's new fittings, a new chef (Ciaran?), staff (Tina?) and finding a clientele with some dosh. But the X factor is Sylvia. Will she stay loyal to Roy or will she become an American's woman? 

Stay tuned

I did a double take when I saw Napoleon Solo

please note: this post makes reference to the April 25 episode on CBC

Robert Vaughan in the Rovers?  The Man From Uncle is now the Man from Uncle, Milton? Oh my maiden aunt!

Yes, it looks like Sylvia Cropper's 'Man on Skype' is quite a dashing silver American fox. And he knows how to make an entrance too. Waltzed right into the Rovers and sang harmony on 'Ain't she sweet' as a happy Sylvia strummed her uke-banjo (by the way, did you know there was also a flute-banjo-ukulele hybrid instrument: It's called the Fluke-Banjo. Hello? Is this thing on?)

But I digress. Before you can say 'Yankee go home', Milton is buying the punters a drink, getting along swimmingly with Sylvia's son, Carl (until Roy shatters the illusion) and hankering for some five star dining at 'Chez les Rolls de Roy' (looks like Roy will have to shatter another illusion).

I know what you're thinking. Like every new man on the street, Milton must be too good to be true. He must be a scam artist, a flim flam man or a gigolo (only one way to test: put him in a room with Deirdre and see if they wind up in a lip lock - ed). You know, the type who loves 'em, fleeces 'em and leaves 'em. Well, I for one, am an eternal optimist. I prefer to believe that the Milton won't do a runner. I refuse to believe that the 'Man from Uncle' will turn into 'Oh Brother where art thou?'

Am I naive or just crazy?

Official Coronation Street Catfight Countdown Clock™

NUMBER OF ELAPSED DAYS WITHOUT A KNOCK DOWN, DRAG OUT FIGHT BETWEEN CARLA & LEANNE:

26

One cup of coffee please, Sylvia

please note: this post makes reference to the Jan 24 episode on CBC

Roy's mother is appalled by the poor revenues at Roy's Rolls and she's determined to do something about it. Her plan to restore the caf to profitability is bold and involves: sausage cutbacks, bacon reductions, sticky bun rationalization and possibly layoffs (not Fiz's baby, surely - ed). Price hikes are another unfortunate reality in order to generate better returns for shareholders and keep Roy's Rolls competitive (stop the corporate wankchat and get on with it ! - ed). But what does it all mean for the customer? Well, if you buy a coffee, the bill might look something like this...

Coffee (black).....                     £1.20
sugar...................                          10p (per spoonful additional charge)
milk.....................                          10p (additional charge)
spoon rental..........                           5p (2p reimburseable upon return)
take-away or eat in fee.......            5p
cup & utensil cleaning charge..    5p
gratuity........                                    20%
smile.........                                         not included
VAT.........                                           20%
Olympic Games surtax...               5.5%
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Total charge...                             £2.35

Thank You! Have a nice day!