Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Dreamy date

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the August 18 episode on CBC

Dear Noretta (sp?),

When the contest organizers forwarded me your prize-winning entry in the 'My dream date with Pierce Brosnan' contest, I couldn't help but personally respond to such a passionate and sexually-charged entry. Normally, my PR people do this sort of mandane task, but I insisted on writing (well, dictating) this myself. That's because I have a feeling that you, Noretta, are a very special woman. You mentioned your interest in newspapers and magazines - is it because you have appeared in so many as a model? Probably. You also mentioned confectionery. What a coincidence! I too have a knowledge of confectionery and you, my sweet, are the eye-candy which I seek.

I imagine you to be experienced in love (but not jaded). I wonder how old you are? But, no matter, undoubtedly, you are young at heart. Perhaps your dalliances with the opposite sex have been disappointing -- even hurtful in the past, but now you are ready for a longterm relationship, a companion and (dare I say it) a lover.

Is it kismet that your dream date and mine are almost identical? I too love oysters on the half shell (or even a kebab in a pinch). I too adore salsa dancing till dawn (although I don't mind a good book and a nice cup of cocoa with a friendly church lady either). I too love nothing better than a balloon ride over the East Lancs Road. (Did you know that it was Britain's first purpose-built intercity highway linking the cities of Manchester and Liverpool and officially opened by King George V on 18th July 1934?). Of course you did, my love.

I can't wait to see how you look in that fabulous lingerie which you won. Perhaps you will do me the singular honour of sending me a discreet photo (you did mention that you have easy access to stamps) so I can gaze longingly on a divine creature with the strange and haunting name of Noretta.

Till then, I remain Brosnan, Pierce Brosnan.

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