Thursday, October 8, 2009

The case of the missing teddy

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 7 episode on CBC

Apparently, this scene was cut out of the original Coronation Street episode. BPH managed to get hold of the transcript. We present it for your edification, It takes place in the offices of Underworld (the factory, not the metaphorical location where Tony Gordon's soul resides).

[Enter Detective Constable Weller]

DC Weller: Mr Gordon? I'd like a few words, if you don't mind?

Tony Gordon: I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. You seem to have a bit of an accent. if you don't mind me saying.

DC Weller:
I said I'd like to have a few words.

Certainly. What's this about? Me hiring a hitman to kill Liam Conner by arranging to have him run him over at an appointed place and time of my choosing... or some such nonsense I expect.

DC Weller:
Actually, we're investigating the disappearance of a Teddy Bear. We think you might be able to help us.

Look, I don't know anything about a wee Teddy Bear. I love Teddy bears. I even stole my brother's Teddy Bear when we were young. Buried it in the garden under a Thistle bush. Those were the days.

DC Weller:
This Teddy was last seen yesterday evening at The King's Head tavern. Ring any bells?

Tony: Was it chocolate brown with white paws, cute and cuddly, about 8 inches tall?

DC Weller: Yes, that's it.

Tony: Sorry, can't help you. Couldn't be me anyway. I was too busy yesterday evening roughing up Jed Stone, threatening his furry cat and offering that nutjob Maria one million pounds to keep her big gob shut. Try John Stape, two doors down. He's more the kidnapping type.

DC Weller
: I see. Well thanks. That'll be all for the moment. If you do happen to remember anything, do give us a call. We take the disappearance of furry, stuffed toy animals very seriously.

I'll keep that in mind.


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