Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I killed Liam

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the August 23 episode on CBC

"Helloo Royston Cropper! I'm so glad you could come visit me in the hospital after my braveheart attack. Maria, my love, could you move over and let this wonderful man in an anorak sit down at my bedside so I can have a wee chat. In fact, Maria my sweetmeat, I'm a tad peckish. Could you possibly pop out and get me and Roy something tasty to eat. I'd love a little home cooking. An Egg McMuffin, you say? Sounds delish and just what the doctor ordered. Bye, my love!

Good, we're alone, just you: Roy and me: Tony. Let's talk freely like two old chums. By the way, how's your lovely manwife? Guid? Guid. Well, enough small talk. Look, Roy, when I said 'I killed Liam', you must realize that I was talking metaphorically. After all, in some or another, didn't we all kill Liam? Aren't we all in some way responsible for the well being of our fellow man? After all, as they say, ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

Or, perhaps I was talking about my comedy routine. You see I do this very funny Scottish joke about a rabbi, a haggis and a single malt. When Liam heard this, he couldn't stop laughing so, in a sense, I 'killed' Liam with my very funny stand-up routine.

I think that clears up any misunderstanding and, just to show my heart's in the right place (i.e. my bare chest), let me write you a big fat cheque for your favourite charity: Bats Unlimited. Shall we say £5,000? No. let's make it £10,000 and I'll throw in a box of knickers from Underworld. I'm glad we could have this little chat, aren't you?"

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