The baptism of Baby Jack Dobbs

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the August 25 episode on CBC

First, let me get a few things off my chest (Finally! I'll call the hair wax removal studio tout suite - ed). I can't help but think that Charlotte looks a little bit like the Grinch who stole Christmas. And, another thing, don't Tyrone and Molly have any living family members who want to attend the baptism? But anyhoo, let's get down to business and revisit that touching baptism ceremony at the Our Lady of Perpetual Skiving church in Weatherfield. I forget the exact words which Father Ted actually said to the congregation but no matter. In my opinion, it should have been something like this:

Minister: "People of Weatherfield, will you welcome Jack and uphold him in his new life at the caf, in the cabin, at the Red Rec and in the Rovers?"

Molly, Tyrone, Kev & Sally:  "We will."

Minister: "Will you guide him by your example in the community and allow him to go out on dates with Fiz Stape's daughter in the year 2026 or thereabouts?"

Molly, Tyrone, Kev & Sally: "We will."

Minister: "Will you care for him and help him take his place at the bar of the Rovers where he may sup ale freely and frequently until he has had a skinful?"

Molly, Tyrone, Kev & Sally: "We will."

Minister: "Will you reject the devil and all rebellion?"

Molly, Tyrone, Kev & Sally:  "If, by the devil, you mean David Platt, we will."

Minister: "Will you renounce the deceit and the corruption of evil - up to and including - doing a sneaky 'Who's Your Daddy' DNA test on Baby Jack to see which mechanic is the real pappy?"

Molly, Tyrone, Kev & Sally: We will.

Minister:  "Wonderful. You may kiss the baby."