Tony Gordon It's Friday: the St John Cropper edition

please note this post makes reference to the May 30 episode on CBC

I am so sorry that we never got to meet Roy's father. My expectations were building and I must admit I was trying to imagine what he might be like (a cross between Dumbledore and Lord Grantham? - ed) But, sadly, St John Cropper seems to have come a.. well .. cropper. He has moved on to that Great Railway Station in the sky (Clapham Junction? - ed) and we are left to ponder what might have been.. oh yes and also this week's 'Tony Gordon It's Friday ' or TGIF.

Karl reassures Stella that their relationship is rock solid:
"We're a team"
(headed for relegation I would think)


David asks Leanne and Nick to be godparents:
"I want these two to be a big part of our lives"
(don't worry. Nick already is)


Sylvia takes a dim view of New Zealand:
"Apart from the lamb and The Hobbit what's it got?"
(Russell Crowe?)


Leanne is tired of everyone thinking she should bail out Stella:
"I don't know why everyone thinks I'm a cash cow"
(well, they're half right)


Sylvia tells of her brush with greatness:
"I once met Ken Dodd in a cemetery"
 (if you remember Ken Dodd, that's quite funny)


Sylvia is rudely awakened by Roy:
"I just stubbed my toe on the tall boy"
(well, you shouldn't have let him spend the night in your room)


Gloria encourages Owen to accept her offer:
"Do you really want to be the fella who closes down the Rovers?"
(yeah, it's kinda like being the man who shot Liberty Valance)

***

Well, fellow followers of Corrie, looks like another week on the Street ends with more than a few secrets under wraps... for now. Will David find out about Nick and Kylie?  Will Izzy find out about Gary trying it on with Tina? Will Faye find out that Anna is financially propping up her Dad? Will Karl continue to live with his conscience?  Will Coronation Street continue to be seen at 6:30 p.m. in the East? (Yes to the last question but please check your local listings for the correct broadcast time in your area).. Cheers and have a great weekend!

David Platt's Human Gee Gnome

please note this post makes reference to the May 24 episode on CBC

Remember that time when David Platt drove a car into Graeme Proctor because Graeme was dating David's ex (Tina)?

Well, turned out that David was sick (you mean like 'Criminal Minds' sick? - ed). No it was not advanced clinical psychopathy (as we thought) but rather a seizure which caused David to have a black out and run over poor Graeme (could happen to anyone -ed). Then, everyone forgot all about David and his seizures and he seemed to return to his regular mental nutbar self.

Fast forward a year or so and David's mysterious illness has re-appeared. This time he was not driving a car but rather a baby stroller. No damage done but Davey boy is now concerned about his baby (you mean Nick's baby? - ed) and wants Kylie to have a genetic test.

What could such a test reveal?

Well,  the human genome is believed to contain around 20,000 - 25,000 genes. In David's Platt's case, we can safely assume that 10,000 of those genes are associated with his patented headcase pyscho behaviour.  But what if David's not the Dad?  In that case, genetic testing could reveal some highly suspicious traits like: unusual ear size and placement, painful facial expressions, inexplicable attraction to Leanne and an innate talent for bistro management.

If genetic testing does prove that David is not daddy dearest, you can expect old Davey Boy to get back behind the wheel of a fast car -- but this time he's going to be aiming for his brother.

For Sale: Rovers Return

please note this post makes reference to the May 23 episode on CBC

BARGAIN BOOZER FOR SALE

Established public house with loyal clientele of thirsty punters and great income potential (once it has been rebuilt). 

Turn key operation (ask Karl about turning the keys).  

Authentic English pub motif (or at least it was before the fire).  

Many improvements and renovations… were planned (until owner ran out of dosh). 

Includes spacious living quarters, generous exterior smoking area (in fact parts are still smoking) and storage cellar (don’t go down there for God’s sake!). Original dart board and hot pots survived the fire and are included. Graffiti in the loo can be transcribed onto new toilet walls by Steve McDonald, if desired by the purchaser.  

Stainless steel counter tops, hardwood floors, coolers, microwaves, fridges and large prep area… would all be nice but are not part of this property. Prime location (near the viaduct) affords plenty of walk-in traffic (although many are unable to walk out after a skinful).

Current name of establishment is Rovers Return but can be changed to something more modern and snappy like 'iRovers' if desired. Motivated seller (plus fiance with a motive). Please contact Skiver Realty for an appointment to view. All reasonable offers considered.  

Earth to Stella Price: wake up!

please note this post makes reference to the May 21 episode on CBC

If you've heard the expression, "re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic", then you'll know the following about Stella Price and her problems:
1. Karl is the Titanic
2. No-one is even bothering to rearrange the decks chairs because they're too busy swigging Prosecco
3. They've already hit the iceberg and its name is Owen

Let's review Stella's precarious situation. She has no insurance money to pay for the Rovers renovation. She owes Owen £10,000 or thereabouts. Her mother is spending cash like a Kardashian. Her daughter is spending money like a Kardashian in Ibiza. Her other daughter is giving her the cold shoulder. She's living in Kevin's house because she has no home.

So what does she decide to do?

Well, when the going gets tough, the tough get... married.  Okay, okay even the financially leveraged need a little love. But getting married to Karl? Better call Chris Hadfield because Stella is clearly living in outer space. You remember Karl: gambler, serial philanderer, skiver extraordinaire, money spender, vandal, liar, two timer and, oh yes, killer and arsonist. (and those are his good points - ed).

Yes, we know that Karl saved Stella's life (after nearly ending it - ed) and we know that he was a human shield when Owen was swinging a crowbar ('human shield' is one of Karl's best skills according to LinkedIn - ed). But still. Come on Stella, you dumped Jason for this guy! Get a grip... before it's too late.

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the Rovers or Karl edition

please note that this post makes reference to the May 17 episode on CBC

Hey, Stella, it's a no brainer (and no, I don't mean Kirk). Leanne is offering you money to save the pub and, as a bonus, you get to bin Karl!  Now that's what I call a win-win. It's like someone giving you cash and then throwing in a gift certificate for '1-800-Got-Junk' to help you get rid of 175 lbs of trash cluttering up your home. What could be better? Perhaps this week's edition of our award-free TGIF, offering up some of the week's memorable lines:

Carla explains the magic of her gourmet meal preparation to Peter

"It started out cold. I made it hot. That's cooking"

(conversely if it starts out hot and she makes it cold. That's refrigeration)

Eileen's analysis of the male species:
"Waste of skin most of 'em"

(especially Steve)

Paul tells Eileen when he realized that he was making a mistake by leaving

"When the train stopped in Huddersfield"

(No disrespect to Huddersfield, jewel of West Yorkshire)

Rob delivers more pearls of business wisdom to Peter:

"You've got to speculate to accumulate"

(..but it's sinful to have a skinful)

Peter to Ken about Rob's personality:

"He's all mouth and no trousers"

(just the way the ladies like him)

Gloria tells Stella that she's no spring chicken:
"You've got cobwebs on your crows feet"

(you certainly know how flatter a gal)

Norris asks Nick about the Bistro's senior pricing policy:

"Is there a pensioner's discount?"

(Yes, get out and save 100%)


David to Gail regarding the sex of the baby:
"You said you liked surprises"

(Yes, Davey Boy, but you won't)


Gloria shares the Price family motto with Eva:
"A Price always stands her round"

(I guess that's better than 'Semper Ubi, Sub Ubi')


Tyrone promises to have Hayley's vehicle ready on time:
"I'll have your woody shipshape by noon"

(wait, we're still talking about cars, right?)

Jason watches Eileen scoffing dessert:
"Keep calm and carry on eating cake"

(It helped Britain win the war)

***

Well, lovers of Corrie, that's it for another week. As far as I can tell, Coronation Street remains on its current broadcast schedule (i.e. 6:30 pm in the East) but please check your local listings for the times in your area because you never know. Have a great long weekend and I'll meet you back here next week for more of the Hip. Cheers! 

Rob Donovan: Coronation Street's re-branding genius

please note this post makes reference to the May 16 episode on CBC

Now that Rob,Senior Development Consultant, has worked his magic at Peter Barlow's House of Grotty Bets (aka Barlow's Bookies), I'm anxious to find out what he could do to add a little pizzazz to some of the other venerable commercial establishments in the Street. Let's imagine:

Rob's plan to re-brand The Kabin:
- free coffee
- replace Norris with 'virtual' Norris, an annoying hologram
- Point of Sale software (no, that doesn't mean Norris' sweater vest)
- dentist discount for volume purchases of humbugs and liquorice allsorts
- newspaper delivery boys fired and replaced by iPads with 24/7 access to Ken's columns about municipal concrete in the Weatherfield Gazette


Rob's Plan to re-brand Roy's Rolls
- free coffee
- replace Sylvia with a 3D Darth Vader laser show (will the punters notice the difference?)
- Point of Sale software (no, that doesn't mean Roy's cardigans)
- Save money by making the sticky buns less sticky
- digital HDTV for Roy's favourite train videos
- new sign out front which simply says: 'iRolls'


Rob's Plan to re-brand The Bistro
- free coffee
- floating sushi bar staffed by Crazy Mary
- Point of Sale software (no that doesn't mean Nick's brain)
- Flash new sign outside: 'Nix Biztro'
- massive aquarium behind the bar (could be a very wet bar if built by Owen)
- downsize staff (Nick & Leanne) and replace with more personable Japanese robots

CBC Coronation Street schedule until May 16

please note no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

UPDATE as of June 14: as far as I can tell, this schedule will continue until the end of the hockey playoffs but please check your local listings for broadcast times in your area to make sure.

According to the CBC website regarding the turbulent Coronation Street schedule, Coronation Street air times are:

Newfoundland - 8:00 (Local time)

Maritimes - 7:30 - (Local time)

Ontario/Quebec 6:30 (Local time)

Windsor -5:00 - (Local time)

Manitoba - 3:00 (Local time)

Sask/Alberta/ -3:00 (Local)

North - 5:00 p.m. Eastern Time

BC - 12:30 p.m. (Local )

Coronation Street schedule, Monday, May 13

please note no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

It's springtime and once again the sap is running through the trees (I didn't know Karl was in the woods - ed).  It also means that, due to hockey, Corrie gets moved around more than a puck during a power play (that's enough hockey metaphors - ed) and NHL Hockey Playoffs continue to deliver a body check  to the broadcast schedule of Coronation Street (what did I just say? - ed). The following is from the CBC website:

Coronation Street schedule, Monday, May 13

Monday, May 13 ONLY Coronation Street will be on at:

Maritimes East - 7:00 p.m. (local time)

Ontario/Quebec (except for Windsor) - 3:00 p.m. (local time)

Windsor - 5:00 p.m. (local time)

Manitoba West - 3:00 p.m. (local time)



***

As of Tuesday May 14, it seems that Corrie will airing at 6:30 pm in the East for what seems to be the next two weeks, but please check your local listings for the correct broadcast time in your area. (You wouldn't want to miss out on any of the testosterone battles going on between Peter and Rob in the bookies, would you?)

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the luckiest cow in Weatherfield edition

please note this post makes reference to the May 9 episode on CBC

If there's one thing that's not in short supply on Coronation Street, it's male pride. There's Chesney refusing to forgive Katy and take her back because his male pride has been injured. There's Peter Barlow giving Carla grief because she had the temerity to save his decrepit bookie shop. There's Tommy playing silly beggar because of Tina's surrogacy (although to be fair he's right about Gary giving her the glad eye).

Oh well, let's take a look back at some of the memorable lines of the week in this edition of the award-eligible TGIF. Here goes:

Gary tells Izzy that rubbing Tina's belly is all part of the antenatal experience:
"I do want to get stuck in"
(I think you're confusing antenatal classes with legover classes)


Rob to Peter re: Carla's deep pockets:
"Must be nice to have a sugar mummy"
(and this Sunday is Sugar Mother's Day)


Peter tells Leanne to rein in Nick's snarky comments:
"Tell Bistro Boy to back off"
(or  Bookie Boy will clock him one)


Steve (in a towel) chides Ryan for his lack of drinking prowess:
"When I was your age I could drink my body weight in booze"
(to paraphrase Ryan, no-one could drink that much beer)


Leanne tells Peter she wants to cash in her half of the business:
"Your sleeping partner's waking up"
(just press the 'snooze' button)


Carla gives Leanne an estimate regarding the value of the bookie's:
"This business is worth jack"
(and she doesn't mean Duckworth)


Carla congratulates Leanne on accepting a generous offer for the bookies:
"I would say you're the luckiest cow in Weatherfield"
(now she can finally moo-ve on)

***

Well ladies and gentlemen, that's it for another week. As of Monday, Coronation Street broadcast schedule changes again for many viewers so be sure to check your local listings for the broadcast time in your area or try to find the information on the CBC website. Thanks for stopping by and have a great weekend and a festive Mother's Day. Cheers! 

Please return the Rovers Return to Coronation Street

please note no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

Is it just me or do you find Coronation Street a tad claustrophobic without the Rovers Return?

I never realized what an important location the Rovers was before the fire. Yes the Rovers was another convenient locale for dramatic scenes (like the corner shop or Ryan's bedroom) but it was much more and served as a focal point for most, if not all, characters. First and foremost, the Rovers was big so many people could congregate at one time and people could drop in and enter/exit different conversations and story lines. The Rovers was also a place for all kinds of meetings and transactions and conflicts, many occurring simultaneously. And it was a 'bookend' location, serving as a lunchtime meeting spot and after work watering hole.. There were even locales within the Rovers itself (the lavs, booths, behind the bar, the backroom, even the cellar (Yes, Karl, I'm talking to you).

But wait, Corrie, you say, what about the Bistro?

Please, don't make me laugh. The Bistro, with its sterile, upscale decor and elevator music is about as cozy and intimate as Pearson Airport (same prices for drinks too - ed). And the constant presence of Nick hovering around in a state of perpetual angst doesn't help. It's like being served by the crypt keeper.

No, we definitely need the Rovers back pronto. Hopefully Owen and his cowboy builders can expedite work on the project without skimping on quality and materials (like using Melba toast instead of drywall? - ed).  Personally, I'm looking forward to opening day... ASAP.

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the Wallaby Hot Pot edition

please note this post makes reference to the May 2 episode on CBC

Well, faithful punters, looks like Coronation Street is in the news again for the wrong reasons. Let's press on with Tony Gordon It's Friday, our weekly roundup of memorable lines.

Mary asks Nick about doing another theme dinner at the bistro:
"I was wondering about an Australian night?"
(Thanks but no thanks, mate)


Mary to Nick explaining Wallaby Hot Pot::
"It's fusion"
(Sounds more like genetic engineering)

 Julie is looking forward to her Egyptian vacation with Eileen:
"It'll be like the Kardashians"
(without the class and taste)


Mary objects to Norris' remarks regarding her Nanny abilities
"I pity you sometimes Norris Cole"
(only sometimes?)


Julie gushes to Eileen over early morning excursions while on vacation:
"What could be more beautiful than an Egyptian sunrise?"
 (an Egyptian lie-in?)


Chesney makes small talk with Sinead:
"How long have you been making soap?"
(How long have you got?")


Ches to Sinead:
"Dogs make good customers"
(especially when it comes to loyalty marketing)


Fiz gets impatient with Chesney:
"Insensitive and thick as two short planks"
(just wait till she describes Kirk)

***

Well, fellow Corrie watchers, that's it for another week. Remember that the Corrie schedule continues to be buffeted by playoff hockey so be sure to check the CBC TV schedule for broadcast times in your area. Have a great weekend..