Another wedding interruptus on Coronation Street

please note: this post makes reference to the April 3 episode on CBC

It's become something of a special Coronation Street event. A weird variation on the traditional wedding ceremony. In Latin, you might call it Nuptia Interruptus or the interrupted wedding. That's when the stage is set for a lovely marriage ceremony, usually in a nice church (or a registry office) and then something goes wrong and the wedding is off.

That certainly sums up the shambolic church scene last night when Sophie couldn't bring herself to read the vows she wrote for Sian (thank goodness for small mercies -ed) while assorted members of the congregation popped up like well-dressed gophers adding their two cents to the proceedings. The net result? The wedding is off (I think). Another setback for the Born Again Lesbian Christian Organization of Northern Youth (BALCONY).

But cheer up Soph & Sian. It's not the first Wedding Interruptus. There have been many. Just off the top of my head, there was Peter's faux wedding with Leanne where ol' Pete used the pulpit to 'out' Leanne and Nick's legover. (Classy move - ed).  There was Steve and Becky's first attempt at marrying in the registry office thwarted by the fact that Becky had had a skinful (some things don't change -ed). Other examples? How about Jason doing a runner when he was supposed to be marrying Sarah Louise. Even Dennis Tanner managed to wriggle out of a wedding (unlike Becky, he wasn't legless just homeless).

One of the best wedding interruptus (interrupti? -ed) was the wedding of Mavis (Rita's former shop assistant) and Derek (former sales colleague of Norris). In that case, neither of them showed up for the wedding.

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Official Coronation Street Catfight Countdown Clock™

NUMBER OF ELAPSED DAYS WITHOUT A KNOCK DOWN, DRAG OUT FIGHT BETWEEN CARLA & LEANNE:

7

Sophie's Choice

please note: this post makes reference to the March 20 episode on CBC

I was discussing Coronation Street with Judy at the Tim Hortons and the topic of Sophie Webster came up. I was saying how much more I liked Sophie when she was a studious, motivated young student excelling at her studies and being a clever counterpoint to Rosie's foibles. Why, I asked (while eating a Kruller), did Sophie choose to drop out of school, get a dead-end job at the corner shop and hang around whining all day long with Sian? Why could she not be a go-getter, improving her life, expanding her horizons and aiming for a bright future?

Judy just sighed and explained to me the facts of Coronation Street life. Sophie cannot be a successful young woman and live on the Street. To be on Coronation Street, young people have to drop out of school, work at local jobs, get married young and oscillate between the caf and the chippie.  There's Chesney.  He was a bright young kid who suddenly dropped out to work in the market selling dog accessories. Now he's living with Katy and expecting a sprog.  And what about Amber? A promising, charming uni student in London who returns to the street after dropping out and now pursuing a career as a skiver and a not-very-nice person.

I had to agree with Judy.  That seems to be the way of the Street. The only young people who went to uni in pursuit of bigger and better things (Toyah Battersby and Todd Grimshaw come to mind) are not on the Street anymore. Of course there's grandad Ken. He's the exception to the rule. He had lofty ambitions and a university education and is still on the Street -- but he's one of a kind.

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A shout-out to Coronation Street fans in Brandon, Manitoba who are welcoming the four touring Corrie stars to the Centennial Auditorium this evening for Tales of The Street. Enjoy!

Hot pants, cold water

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 11 episode on CBC

I had a bad dream last night (stop eating pork scratchin's before going to bed - ed) and it was about Sophie's upcoming baptism-by-chlorinated-water. I dreamed that the whole sacred ceremony went pear-shaped. I'm not sure how it ended (with a cat fight? -ed) but you can see why I might be just a touch nervous about this watery sacrament (Holy Chlorine, Batman! - ed) and why it might become a deep sea debacle (Sally can't swim? -ed).

First and foremost, there's the fact that Rosie will be going directly to 'work' after this most revered religious ceremony and will thus be wearing her official uniform: hot pants (think of it as a vodka and water mix - ed). No doubt her outfit emblazoned with the solemn biblical-like words, 'pop my cherry', will only add to the devout nature of the swimming pool sacrament.

Then there's 'gentle Ben' who recently tried in on with Michelle (now that's what I call 'aqua fitness' - ed). God only knows what will happen if he shows up (Could be a 'Red' Sea happening if Sophie gets violent - ed).

Last, but not least, there's Kevin's affair with Molly which is on a slow boil. What if it all kicks off while Sophie's getting dunked by the Minister? Kevin could wind up in deep trouble in the deep end (although Sally will no doubt remain as shallow as ever - ed).


No wonder I couldn't sleep last night.

The Webster's Dictionary

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 10 episode on CBC

VA-CA-TION Pronunciation:\vā-ˈkā-shən, və-\

Function:

noun

Usage:

often expletive (as in "Sal, are we going on this bloody vacation or not?")

Etymology:

Middle English vacacioun, from Anglo-French vacacion, from Latin vacation-, vacatio freedom, exemption, from vacare, Manchester-area dialect origins unknown (ask Roy Cropper or the Weatherfield Historical Society)

Date:

14th century (first used by Ena Sharples, I believe)

1: a bad idea especially when Kevin's garage is on its last legs and in financial peril thanks to Tony Gordon

2: a very expensive proposition especially when you add up the drinking costs for Bill, jet ski rental for Sophie, multiple thong purchases for Rosie and fancy restaurant expenses (tablecloths and cutlery, please) for Sally

3: period of exemption from work granted to an employee like Sally Webster who will be replaced by Julie (that's right, Kirk's Julie) or a personal assistant like Rosie Webster with a cellphone camera full of incriminating photos.

4: period spent away from the Webster's a new home and its gorgeous conservatory (aka 'giant ash tray' -- according to Teresa next door).

5: leisure activity conducive to protracted bickering between Sophie and Rosie which could result in Sophie running a jet ski across Rosie's favourite tube top - while Rosie is still wearing it.

6: timely opportunity for tensions about the garage and Kev's hate-on for Tony to explode into a big row on the beach between Kev and Sally while they splash on SPF 400 to keep the sun from roasting their pale Weatherfield epidermis.

7: situation where it's impossible to get a good cup of tea or a pint like back 'ome.