spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the July 27 episode on CBC
Ladies, gentlemen & punters! Lock all the doors, put the kettle on and turn up the volume at 7pm because I don't think it gets much better than this. A cornucopia (keep it clean - ed) of compelling stories for our viewing delight. The one possible exception is Norris who hurts his back and is lying on the floor of the Kabin. The only way that this gets interesting is if a herd of stampeding elk charges through the corner shop for a quarter pound of licorice allsorts and Norris gets 'underfoot' in the literal sense of the word.
But I digress. As I say, the street is cooking with gas and the one-liners are coming fast and furious. Here's a small sampling of my faves:
Julie re: Janice's theft: "the whole debacle has dented the passenger door of the car I call human nature."
(then what does she call human nature? a Volvo?)
Vickie re: Janice's theft: "she brings new meaning to the word vile"
(boy, her English is getting really good. Pretty soon the factory girls won't be able to understand her!)
Dev to Nina: "I'm a single man, ergo I am free to ogle"
(agreed, but don't call me 'Ergo'.)
Nina to Dev: "As I said in the Bollywood classic 'Summer of the 16th sari"..."
(sequel to the 'summer of the 15th sari' - with Sylvester Stallone, I believe. I laughed, I cried)
Carla about Michelle: "She spends more time in front of the mirror than Simon Cowell"
(Surely not. Simon holds the Guinness world record)
Showing posts with label Nina. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nina. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
The Bollywood Graduate
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the July 2 episode on CBC
So, it all becomes clear. Dev is the graduate. Nina is Mrs. Robinson and her beautiful young daughter, Tara, is Elaine. It's 'The Graduate', Bollywood-style so let the fun and games begin.
I guess the first big clue was that infamous 'leg shot' of Dev while he was having it off with Nina a few episodes back. That was just an appetizer (a samosa surely? - ed) for the action to come. Dev is invited over to Prem and Nina's for dinner. He comes armed with a box of the finest chocolates that money can buy - from The Kabin - which Norris is only too happy to unload. (Seems no-one on the Street wants to pay 16 pounds for candy which saw its best buy date elapse during the Thatcher years).
But Prem has a surprise in 'store' for Dev (ixnay on the puns - ed). He introduces the Devster to his comely young daughter, Tara, who is in town for a visit. Tara is currently working in London but is thinking of escaping the excitement, energy and verve of one of the world's great capitals for the charms of Weatherfield where a gal can take time to just stop and smell the roses (unless the canal is backed up on a hot day).
At dinner the chemistry is electric. Dev shows that he still has all the player moves as he reels off witty lines like, "This sauce is amazing." Meanwhile Nina is the consummate green-eyed monster, undercutting Dev's qualities at every opportunity. Prem says Dev has 'a retail empire'. Nina says he has 'corner shops'. And so on. No matter, Tara is definitely intrigued by Dev and vice versa. Nina is becoming suspicious, jealous and angry. She tries to slam the door on the Tara-Dev relationship before it begins. "I'm afraid that's not going to happen," she hisses as she quickly escorts Dev out of her home. "My husband may have some strange ideas but they're easily dealt with." (what strange ideas? spontaneous combustion? fur underwear?).
So the stage is set for The Graduate, Bollywood style. If memory serves me correctly (unlikely - ed), the original Graduate with Dustin Hoffman back in 1967 eventually worked out okay for Ben and Elaine. Who knows how the Bollywood version will end? In the meantime, 'Here's to you Mr. Allahan... etc etc.'
....
Hip Pocket: Blanche is back with the best line of the week ('natch) about none other than John Stapes, "Once a Thomas strays, they never settle again - unless you get them doctored." Thanks for visiting and enjoy the Sunday omnibus. I'll be back next Tuesday.
So, it all becomes clear. Dev is the graduate. Nina is Mrs. Robinson and her beautiful young daughter, Tara, is Elaine. It's 'The Graduate', Bollywood-style so let the fun and games begin.
I guess the first big clue was that infamous 'leg shot' of Dev while he was having it off with Nina a few episodes back. That was just an appetizer (a samosa surely? - ed) for the action to come. Dev is invited over to Prem and Nina's for dinner. He comes armed with a box of the finest chocolates that money can buy - from The Kabin - which Norris is only too happy to unload. (Seems no-one on the Street wants to pay 16 pounds for candy which saw its best buy date elapse during the Thatcher years).
But Prem has a surprise in 'store' for Dev (ixnay on the puns - ed). He introduces the Devster to his comely young daughter, Tara, who is in town for a visit. Tara is currently working in London but is thinking of escaping the excitement, energy and verve of one of the world's great capitals for the charms of Weatherfield where a gal can take time to just stop and smell the roses (unless the canal is backed up on a hot day).
At dinner the chemistry is electric. Dev shows that he still has all the player moves as he reels off witty lines like, "This sauce is amazing." Meanwhile Nina is the consummate green-eyed monster, undercutting Dev's qualities at every opportunity. Prem says Dev has 'a retail empire'. Nina says he has 'corner shops'. And so on. No matter, Tara is definitely intrigued by Dev and vice versa. Nina is becoming suspicious, jealous and angry. She tries to slam the door on the Tara-Dev relationship before it begins. "I'm afraid that's not going to happen," she hisses as she quickly escorts Dev out of her home. "My husband may have some strange ideas but they're easily dealt with." (what strange ideas? spontaneous combustion? fur underwear?).
So the stage is set for The Graduate, Bollywood style. If memory serves me correctly (unlikely - ed), the original Graduate with Dustin Hoffman back in 1967 eventually worked out okay for Ben and Elaine. Who knows how the Bollywood version will end? In the meantime, 'Here's to you Mr. Allahan... etc etc.'
....
Hip Pocket: Blanche is back with the best line of the week ('natch) about none other than John Stapes, "Once a Thomas strays, they never settle again - unless you get them doctored." Thanks for visiting and enjoy the Sunday omnibus. I'll be back next Tuesday.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Wild about Harry
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 30 episode on CBC
There's a lot of drama going on in the street. Teresa, who seems more and more like some kind of robo-villain out of a Terminator movie or a CIA assassin from the Bourne Identity, is becoming more scary by the minute. Unless that was some kind of shoe phone in her hand, I can only imagine what she did to that young thugette (Abi's assailant) in the washroom of the Milk Bar. Nice of her to help out Mel though, even if it meant breaking several laws and being a certified sociopath. But isn't that what being a good mum is all about?
Meanwhile Nina and Dev continue their dance of deception at Dev's fancy new apartment. (Is it my imagination, or does Prem drop by at least ten times a day? I thought he had a business empire to run). Nina continues to charm the tortured Devster with flattering utterances like "Don't fall at the first fence." (translation: Dev is a horse, possibly a lame horse)
But the prize of the day goes to the Diva Deluxe, Clarissa, who makes a puzzling return to the Rover's (I'd certainly go back to an establishment where I was previously dragged out by my hair, wouldn't you?). Seems Clarissa has some rules which must be observed by Harry if he wants to continue supping ale in his favourite local. Clarissa only reveals one rule ("You do not stand chatting at the bar") but I'm sure she has a few more. I don't know what they are but they probably go something like this...
Clarissa's ground rules for Harry in the Rover's
1. Do not stand chatting at the bar
2. Do not talk to the slapper landlady unless she is standing directly in front of the dart board
3. Do not flirt with Betty Turpin while ordering a hotpot
4. Do not accidentally brush up against any of Liz's low-cut leopard skin outfits
5. Do not ask Vernon to sing 'Mason's Arms'
There's a lot of drama going on in the street. Teresa, who seems more and more like some kind of robo-villain out of a Terminator movie or a CIA assassin from the Bourne Identity, is becoming more scary by the minute. Unless that was some kind of shoe phone in her hand, I can only imagine what she did to that young thugette (Abi's assailant) in the washroom of the Milk Bar. Nice of her to help out Mel though, even if it meant breaking several laws and being a certified sociopath. But isn't that what being a good mum is all about?
Meanwhile Nina and Dev continue their dance of deception at Dev's fancy new apartment. (Is it my imagination, or does Prem drop by at least ten times a day? I thought he had a business empire to run). Nina continues to charm the tortured Devster with flattering utterances like "Don't fall at the first fence." (translation: Dev is a horse, possibly a lame horse)
But the prize of the day goes to the Diva Deluxe, Clarissa, who makes a puzzling return to the Rover's (I'd certainly go back to an establishment where I was previously dragged out by my hair, wouldn't you?). Seems Clarissa has some rules which must be observed by Harry if he wants to continue supping ale in his favourite local. Clarissa only reveals one rule ("You do not stand chatting at the bar") but I'm sure she has a few more. I don't know what they are but they probably go something like this...
Clarissa's ground rules for Harry in the Rover's
1. Do not stand chatting at the bar
2. Do not talk to the slapper landlady unless she is standing directly in front of the dart board
3. Do not flirt with Betty Turpin while ordering a hotpot
4. Do not accidentally brush up against any of Liz's low-cut leopard skin outfits
5. Do not ask Vernon to sing 'Mason's Arms'
Friday, June 26, 2009
designing women
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 25 episode on CBC
Two designing women are stealing the show on Coronation Street these days with their manipulative skills, raw sexuality and devious ways (Emily Bishop & Rita Sullivan? -ed).
On one corner of the Street, Carla Connor (aka Cruella de Connor or Carla de vil) is 'having her way' with Liam is a most evil way. Poor old Liam has already paid dearly to extricate himself from her clutches. He sold his stake in the factory for mere pennies to Tony, the professional business predator, in order to get away from Carlissima and make a fresh start with Maria. But alas, Liam's quiet life of pubbing and babymaking is torn asunder once more when his hapless business partner, Tom, 'gets into bed' with Carla (surely a metaphor-ed) in order to secure a business deal with a t-shirt manufacturer in America. For the bargain price of 50,000 pounds, Carla is able to get back into Liam's life and make him miserable, uncomfortable and turned on - all at the same time. "Gotcha", she says.
Then there's Nina, or as Vernon calls her: '99 Luftballoons' (ixnay on the German - ed). Here's another designing woman at work. The Bollywood Beauty swans into Dev's corner shop (sorry, I mean signature food emporium) any time she wants just to keep the Devster firmly wrapped around her little ring-encrusted finger. Only Nina could walk into a grotty corner store, ignore the 300 year-old cans of Spam and expired packets of Peek Freans digestives, and say, "I'm scintillating." After Nina cancels a date with Dev, the paramour (or 'Devamour' as Vernon calls him) goes outside to drown his disappointment by putting a few golf balls into a glass jar on the street (Must be just like St. Andrew's on a spring morning). Chalk up another victory for another designing woman.
Gotcha again.
Enjoy the weekend and the Sunday omnibus. See you next Tuesday.
Two designing women are stealing the show on Coronation Street these days with their manipulative skills, raw sexuality and devious ways (Emily Bishop & Rita Sullivan? -ed).
On one corner of the Street, Carla Connor (aka Cruella de Connor or Carla de vil) is 'having her way' with Liam is a most evil way. Poor old Liam has already paid dearly to extricate himself from her clutches. He sold his stake in the factory for mere pennies to Tony, the professional business predator, in order to get away from Carlissima and make a fresh start with Maria. But alas, Liam's quiet life of pubbing and babymaking is torn asunder once more when his hapless business partner, Tom, 'gets into bed' with Carla (surely a metaphor-ed) in order to secure a business deal with a t-shirt manufacturer in America. For the bargain price of 50,000 pounds, Carla is able to get back into Liam's life and make him miserable, uncomfortable and turned on - all at the same time. "Gotcha", she says.
Then there's Nina, or as Vernon calls her: '99 Luftballoons' (ixnay on the German - ed). Here's another designing woman at work. The Bollywood Beauty swans into Dev's corner shop (sorry, I mean signature food emporium) any time she wants just to keep the Devster firmly wrapped around her little ring-encrusted finger. Only Nina could walk into a grotty corner store, ignore the 300 year-old cans of Spam and expired packets of Peek Freans digestives, and say, "I'm scintillating." After Nina cancels a date with Dev, the paramour (or 'Devamour' as Vernon calls him) goes outside to drown his disappointment by putting a few golf balls into a glass jar on the street (Must be just like St. Andrew's on a spring morning). Chalk up another victory for another designing woman.
Gotcha again.
Enjoy the weekend and the Sunday omnibus. See you next Tuesday.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
a tale of two chest pains
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 15 episode on CBC
It had to happen sooner or later. Kebab King Jerry had another heart episode. He took a perilous tumble and thudded to the floor, but not before hitting his head on a coffee table on the way down. Looks like Teresa's strategy has worked - or has it? What exactly was the plan? An overdose of heart medication could make Jerry sick, but then again, it could kill him. Unless Teresa has a phD in pharmacology from Weatherfield Technical Institute (magna cum mither), she would hardly be in a position to know what would happen. Even without the double doses of heart pills, Jerry was hardly on the road to healthy living. Curries, half pints, chips at the kebab shop, a half block stroll to the Rovers and custard with apple pie all seem to be part of his demanding regime. Let's just say he wasn't exactly living la vida vegan.
On the other side of town, a scene of similar horror and dread was taking place. I'm talking about Dev and the Bollywood babe. Nina continues to rack up double entendres at a faster pace than Usain Bolt running the 100 metres. Then, before you can say 'Bombay Duck', the twosome engage in a lively bit of 'garam masala' (enough with the suggestive ethnic metaphors - ed). Maybe it's me, but I just don't get it. Admittedly, Dev's let himself go since his traumatic breakup with Sunita but he used to be a player (slogan: "a comely companion in every corner shop"). Remember? Now he's entering the world of farce, a veritable horndog millionaire with a Bollywood retiree and a hairy chest (you could lose a golf ball in there!).
Oh the humanity!
Teresa's recipe for custard (clip and save)
Six large eggs
Five heaping spoons of sugar
Four of Jerry's heart pills
Three pints milk
Directions:
Heat and beat (the custard, not Jerry)
It had to happen sooner or later. Kebab King Jerry had another heart episode. He took a perilous tumble and thudded to the floor, but not before hitting his head on a coffee table on the way down. Looks like Teresa's strategy has worked - or has it? What exactly was the plan? An overdose of heart medication could make Jerry sick, but then again, it could kill him. Unless Teresa has a phD in pharmacology from Weatherfield Technical Institute (magna cum mither), she would hardly be in a position to know what would happen. Even without the double doses of heart pills, Jerry was hardly on the road to healthy living. Curries, half pints, chips at the kebab shop, a half block stroll to the Rovers and custard with apple pie all seem to be part of his demanding regime. Let's just say he wasn't exactly living la vida vegan.
On the other side of town, a scene of similar horror and dread was taking place. I'm talking about Dev and the Bollywood babe. Nina continues to rack up double entendres at a faster pace than Usain Bolt running the 100 metres. Then, before you can say 'Bombay Duck', the twosome engage in a lively bit of 'garam masala' (enough with the suggestive ethnic metaphors - ed). Maybe it's me, but I just don't get it. Admittedly, Dev's let himself go since his traumatic breakup with Sunita but he used to be a player (slogan: "a comely companion in every corner shop"). Remember? Now he's entering the world of farce, a veritable horndog millionaire with a Bollywood retiree and a hairy chest (you could lose a golf ball in there!).
Oh the humanity!
Teresa's recipe for custard (clip and save)
Six large eggs
Five heaping spoons of sugar
Four of Jerry's heart pills
Three pints milk
Directions:
Heat and beat (the custard, not Jerry)
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
A Minnie tribute & a maxi flirt
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 8 episode on CBC
Only the hardest of hearts would fail to be moved by the touching tribute to Minnie Caldwell on Friday's episode. Many longtime fans remember Minnie as one of the show's original and most endearing characters with a shy exterior, a heart of gold and the mettle to endure the company of acid-tongued Ena Sharples. You can find more info on these legendary characters at one of the more authoritative and reputable Corrie sites out there (not this one - ed).
Minnie makes a surprise 'appearance' when the old man who suffers a Tony Gordon-induced heart attack is in hospital recovering and perusing a few of his precious momentoes. One souvenir is a photo of our dear Minnie. It seems that the old man is Jed Stone, one of Minnie's lodgers back in the 1960s. It's a nice touch for veteran fans and serves to reinforce the fact that Tony is one bad dude.
Meanwhile, the puzzling combo of Prem and Nina continue to spend their valuable time dropping by the street for little or no reason. At Tony's smarmy champagne event to celebrate the opening of his swanky Victoria Court flats, there they are sipping flutes of sparkling 'Cuvee Rovers' while Rosie struts around in a full-length thong, pouting and serving guests. At Dev's 'signature store', the couple are forever popping in for a chat (doesn't Prem have a carpet and flooring empire to run?). I guess when you need some mints, you both have to jump into your Jaguar and head to an out-of-the-way backstreet corner store. But then, as the googly-eyed Nina, Queen of the Sexual Innuendo (TM) points out, "It wasn't the mints I wanted."
What's with that woman? She could make a breakfast order at Roy's Rolls sound like a line from Last Tango in Paris, "I'll have the full English, Roy... if you know what I mean."
Come to think of it, that would be a bit suggestive.
Only the hardest of hearts would fail to be moved by the touching tribute to Minnie Caldwell on Friday's episode. Many longtime fans remember Minnie as one of the show's original and most endearing characters with a shy exterior, a heart of gold and the mettle to endure the company of acid-tongued Ena Sharples. You can find more info on these legendary characters at one of the more authoritative and reputable Corrie sites out there (not this one - ed).
Minnie makes a surprise 'appearance' when the old man who suffers a Tony Gordon-induced heart attack is in hospital recovering and perusing a few of his precious momentoes. One souvenir is a photo of our dear Minnie. It seems that the old man is Jed Stone, one of Minnie's lodgers back in the 1960s. It's a nice touch for veteran fans and serves to reinforce the fact that Tony is one bad dude.
Meanwhile, the puzzling combo of Prem and Nina continue to spend their valuable time dropping by the street for little or no reason. At Tony's smarmy champagne event to celebrate the opening of his swanky Victoria Court flats, there they are sipping flutes of sparkling 'Cuvee Rovers' while Rosie struts around in a full-length thong, pouting and serving guests. At Dev's 'signature store', the couple are forever popping in for a chat (doesn't Prem have a carpet and flooring empire to run?). I guess when you need some mints, you both have to jump into your Jaguar and head to an out-of-the-way backstreet corner store. But then, as the googly-eyed Nina, Queen of the Sexual Innuendo (TM) points out, "It wasn't the mints I wanted."
What's with that woman? She could make a breakfast order at Roy's Rolls sound like a line from Last Tango in Paris, "I'll have the full English, Roy... if you know what I mean."
Come to think of it, that would be a bit suggestive.
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