At its best, Coronation Street is funny, sad, emotional, engaging and poignant all at the same time. Vernon's last stand is a classic example. He has assembled his drum kit on the Street underneath the window of the fair Liz. Then he starts pounding away on the drums, sounding like the unholy progeny of Ringo Starr and George of the Jungle (More like the Dave Clark Five without Dave - ed). His objective? To get Liz's attention and make a last ditch attempt to win her back.
"I'm not stopping until Liz comes out here," he says.
The almighty commotion certainly gets Liz's attention but not in a good way. Liz is far too busy getting tarted up for a date with Harry. It is left to Deirdre to intercede and convince Vern to stop his racket. As part of the deal, Deirdre promises to give Liz a letter - and a hat- with a label. The rest is pure poetry. Deirdre reads the letter to Liz and can't stop herself from crying.
The letter points out that Harry is a vagabond who will break Liz's heart. Vern also admits that he may not be the most exciting fella in the world but "I could walk beside you along life's path, pointing out the potholes.." (Are they moving to Montreal? - ed).
Liz is touched and admits that Vernon has many wonderful qualities but he just doesn't have that exciting thing, "that Harry thing" (Horny toad syndrome? Chronic Legoveritis? - ed). As a denouement, Vern issues somewhat complicated instructions for Liz amounting to three options:
option 1: Step outside wearing hat with label by 20:20 (GMT)
option 2: Step outside without hat with label by 2020 (GMT)
option 3: Do neither (anytime GMT)
Then there's nothing left to do but wait. Vern sits in his van watching the clock and listening to Barry White. Meanwhile, Liz is stood up by Harry and humiliated by Clarissa. Wearing the hat and a torn dress, she steps out onto the Street distraught and in tears - but it's too little, too late.
"Why do I never learn?" she sobs to Deirdre.
As for Vern, well he's off to London -- but it will be a solo career. I wish him well.
Shots from the hip: That's it for this week. Thanks again for the comments. Hope you enjoyed visiting and enjoy the Sunday omnibus show. I'll be back next Tuesday.