spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the August 8 episode on CBC
Today on Blanche's Polish Hip we're talking about home renovation and home improvement projects. To help us, we asked Rosie Webster to answer your questions about finding a reputable contractor at a reasonable price. As you may recall, Rosie has already imparted her unique wisdom on topics including accumulator bets, how to wash a car and classical music. She's kindly taken time off from her grueling schedule of sausage cooking and modelling poses to pass along her expertise:
Q: I'm thinking of renovating my bathroom and am currently looking for a contractor. Any suggestions?
A: Okay, so if it's a bathroom reno that can be like really, really expensive. Better wear something extra sexy in order to get the pervy ol' contractor to give you a good price. I suggest a bikini and towel although I suppose you could get away with a tube top and hot pants -- as long as you walk in a really sexy way when you're showing the poor saddo around the bathroom. Expect a 35 to 50% reduction.
Q: We would like to renovate our full basement and turn it into a self-contained apartment which we could then rent out. What do you suggest?
A: Hmm. That sounds expensive. Better wear tight black leather pants which show off your Pippa-like butt when you meet the contractor. A halter-top is also a good idea as the basement lighting will highlight your cleavage and encourage the saddo, pervy contractor to give you a 40% reduction in price
Q: We're thinking of buying a water efficient toilet? Any thoughts?
A: Ooh. OMG! That's so gross! Next question.
Q: How do you know if you've got a reliable and dependable contractor?
A: Duh. If he's leering at your body when he comes round, then he'll obviously do a brilliant job because you'll have him wrapped around your finger. Just make it clear that you will not let him "get some" afterwards. That's disgusting. Also, make sure he finishes the job before your parents get back from vacation.