Tony Theory pt 2

no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

Ah yes, Tony Gordon, my old nemesis. Let's continue to get into the head of Corrie's most fascinating villain (hey, what about Len Windass? - ed). My theory is that Tony hasn't changed or mellowed or repented his evil ways.

That's because I think one of defining moments of his life was when he took his revenge on poor Lisa Worthington. In case you don't remember the story, let me reprise the key points.

Lisa was Tony's head of sales but it turns out that she was having an affair with Tony's biggest competitor, Richard Shaw. So Tony told Lisa's husband, a rugby player, who 'sorted' Mr. Shaw. Shaw's wife also got a call which resulted in a divorce which was very expensive for Richard Shaw, which subsequently allowed Tony to buy Shaw's business for a song.

"By that time Lisa was working for him so I got the pleasure of sacking her as well." says Tony.
"Don't mess about you, do you?" says Maria
"She betrayed me."

Now, if we use this pivotal story as a template for Tony's modus operandi, we can see that Tony's objective is nothing more than total annihilation of his enemy. It's simple. Liam was his enemy. Tony killed Liam, then devastated Carla by telling her what he did and why. Now he's currying favour with Maria. What would be a more complete and total revenge against Liam than for Tony to get real 'chummy' with Maria, the grieving widow of the man he hates?
I know it's yucky but I can't help thinking Tony's capable of anything.

Or am I just being too cynical and too Machiavellian? (who's that? one of Jack's pigeons - ed).

The Tony Theory part 1

note: no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

Well dear Hip readers (more like Hip 'waders' - ed), life goes on - especially on the Street where the action continues apace ('apace' ? give me 'abreak' - ed). Last week, I alluded to my theory about Tony and finally it's time to expand (Is that why you ate an entire box of Quality Street? - ed).

First, it's important to underline to Canadian viewers that I don't deal in spoilers and never would. On those rare occasions when I have accidentally happened upon a spoiler while doing research (establishing definitive number of Bet Lynch's cigarette holders? - ed), I have kept it to myself and suffered the consequences (Who knew that Janice would turn out to be a skiver? -ed).

That said, my thoughts about Tony are pure conjecture based on his past and my inherent distrust of a sociopath. (Question: What's the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath? Answer: Ask Richard Hillman - ed). I don't think he's changed. I don't think he's remorseful and I don't think he's become all sensitive - even though he seems forlorn without Carla and is being 'nice ' to Maria.

I have two reasons for thinking that he hasn't changed.

Number One is his staff decimation policy (Note from HR to Julie Carp: pick a hapless factory worker and fire them for no reason. Thanks.). What's that all about? Only a nutbar does stuff like that for no ostensible reason.

Still not convinced? I have more. Cast your mind back, way back to that little spa weekend which Tony arranged for Carla, Liam, Maria and himself. Now, think back to that little story Tony recounted about his revenge on a disloyal worker, Lisa Worthington, which he termed one of his "finest triumphs". I think that provides a big clue as to how our Tony will proceed in the weeks ahead. I'll finish the thought tomorrow and then you can judge for yourself. Until then, don't go into Underworld if it's dark and Tony has lingerie...

Kirk's Sister

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the August 4 episode on CBC

Well, you can put away the DNA test and cancel that call to CSI because, if there was ever any doubt that Maria is actually related to Kirk, it was proven beyond a shadow of a doubt when our Maria decided to announce her engagement to Tony -- to Liam's horrified, grieving mother and father, while sipping champagne on the one-year anniversary of Liam's death.

As Audrey might say: "What were you thinking, lovey?"

Talk about a bonehead Sutherland move. Yes, it's true that Barry and Helen can be a little hard to take, but, they are, after all, still struggling with the loss of their second son. And, especially on the anniversary of his death, it might have been a good idea to keep things a little low key and not rub their noses in it by having Tony around. Would it kill Maria to keep Tony on the back-burner for 72 hours ? (I like the idea of Tony on a back-burner - ed)

Then, of course, there's Tony himself, proposing to Maria on the anniversary of Liam's death in front of the gravestone at the cemetery and then topping it off with a nice bottle of bubbly (Cuvee Tactless 1993). As Helen says: "What exactly are you celebrating?" Hey, Tony, why not go all the way and put on a Tony Gordon mask while you're at it?

The only other possible explanation for Tony's lamentable behavior is that this is all part of some sick, twisted, revenge plot (see Tony Theory, part 1 & 2). Maria, on the other hand, well I guess it just runs in the family.

TGIF: Blanche's best

Remember! Coronation Street airs at 3pm eastern, on Friday December 4.
No spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

Dear Corrie fans, please bear with me as regularly scheduled BPH programming is suspended to honour the incomparable Blanche Hunt/Maggie Jones. I know I said I would share my theory about the nefarious Tony Gordon but, with your indulgence, I will devote this week's TGIF (Tony Gordon, it's Friday) to some of the memorable lines from Blanche.


"I’ve been to more funerals this year than you’ve had hot dinners"

re: Deirdre's cooking prowess
"This turkey’s so dry, it could choke a camel!"

re: Liz McDonald:
“Skirt no bigger than a belt, too much eyeliner and roots as dark as her soul.”

re: Ken's novel, retrieved from the attic:
"So, not even the moths have shown interest in it."


“Good looks are a curse, Deirdre. You and Kenneth should count yourselves lucky”


Re: Peter Barlow
“He’s as much use as a wet tea towel”


Re: an aquaintance's sexual orientation:
“She’s got a cat called Navratilova”

***

Shots from the hip... As you may imagine, there are several websites dedicated to Blanche's best lines like 'What would Blanche say?' among others. Enjoy and I'll be back next week with my Tony Theory. Thanks for the nice comments and have a good weekend.

TGIF April 30

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the April 29 episode on CBC

First things first. Where did Molly get that seducto music mix tape which she was playing when Kev came by for a quick 'MOT inspection'? (it's the same music mix which Jack uses to get his pigeons in the mood - ed). It certainly sets the mood for another edition of TGIF (Tony Gordon, it's Friday), a selection of the memorable lines from the week's Corrie. Hit it!:


Maria's speaks lovingly in appreciation for all of Tony's help with the new baby:
"Do you know, you are an angel sent down to look after us"
(I agree... if that angel's name is Lucifer)


Jason explains what's going on as David showers him and the street with plumbing equipment:
"David’s gone nuts again, that’s what’s going on "
(happens every other week, regular as clockwork)


Studmuffin Bill Webster replies to a lonely hearts' ad by phone:
"My name is Bill and I also am looking for companionship and commitment."
(Aren't those the words to a Johnny Cash song?)


Tyrone's attempts to cook a meal for Molly end in disaster:
"Me moussaka’s charcoal "
(Think of it as a burnt offering...)


Tony helping Maria cope with the challenges of being a new mother:
"How about you finish feeding the wee man "
(You better be talking about the baby, mister)


A policeman wants to know what's going on after Kev & Molly are discovered canoodling and Kev insists he can explain everything:
"Let’s start with the theory of relativity and then you can explain what you two were up to in here... mate."
(E=legover²)


Sally assures Ben's parents that she rarely touches the vino:
"I don’t normally drink alcohol, it’s just on special occasions"
(like Mondays, Tuesdays etc)


Fiz wants to know if she and John can exchange wedding vows in the nick:
"Can you do that? Can you get married in prison?"
(you can but women usually aren't involved)


Helen (Liam's mother) can't help but notice that Tony is spending a lot of time with Maria:
"I'd be very careful because that man is carrying a torch for you"
(...yeah, probably an acetylene torch)


Deeply religious Ben tells Sophie he isn't at all attracted to Rosie:
"Of course I don’t fancy her, she dresses like a hooker."
(Amen)

***

Well that's it for another week of BPH. Hope you enjoyed the week and, if you're an omnibus watched, enjoy the Sunday show. Thanks also for the nice & funny comments. Always a pleasure to hear from you and I'll meet you back here next week as Kev and Molly take it up a notch.
Can't wait. Cheers!

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the filicide edition

please note this post makes reference to the June 14 episode on CBC

what you need to know: Leanne and Peter are at odds over the custody of Simon, Sunita tries to talk to Carl about his gambling problem,  Sean convinces Tina to get together with Tommy,  Kylie is having second thoughts about home schooling Max, Frank's funeral takes place, Sally trips and hurts herself after hearing Ann's confession, Carla confronts Ann about the murder of Frank and Kevin comes to the rescue as Ann wields a knife...

The technical term for it is filicide although I stubbornly cling to my theory that it could have been Norricide. But either way, the cat is out of the bag and, once again, Carla is in serious peril (for a woman that has suffered so much trauma and so many nutbar lovers, she seems remarkably composed). But I digress. Let's sum up the week with a little thing I like to call TGIF or Tony Gordon It's Friday. Lay it on me:

Beth tells Julie that Eileen's relationship with Paul and his wife is fair game:

"Hey it's not me that's shacked up in one of those menageries"
(the term is menage a trois and at Eileen's house, the menage is actually bigger than trois)


Carla confronts Mrs. Foster:
"Your son was evil"
(I thought he was Frank)


Julie defends her beau to David and Kylie:
"My Brian's not a porker"
(but he does bring home the bacon)


Mary accosts Julie about the moral implications of her unborn child:
"Your pregnancy and over population are two horns on the same goat"
(that sounds like one horny goat)


Julie suspects Kylie's involvement with the contraband junk food:
"Do you think she was behind that pasty?"
(Kylie's thin but not that thin)


Carla to Sally who tries to prevent her from attending Frank's funeral:
"I didn't think they had bouncers at crematoriums"
(they do but I hear they don't urn much)


Ann makes a terrible confession:
"I killed my own son" 
(someone call DC Nash and tell him to put a revolving door on the interview room)

***

Well, fellow Corriephiles, the week is almost over and the mystery is solved. I don't know about you but I found the whole Frank murder plot a tad contrived. It's not my favourite story line but then, what do I know? The important thing is that Corrie is back to one hour each weekday night. Hope you have a grand weekend and if you're an omnibus watcher, enjoy the Sunday spectacular. Thanks for the comments and all the best.

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the many belts of Deirdre edition

please note this post makes reference to the June 20 episode on CBC

I think it was awfully rude of Eileen not to take an interest in Deirdre`s many belts. Apparently old Deirdre has a belt for every occasion: taking Eccles for a walk, drinking red wine, yelling at Tracy, smoking, drinking more red wine etc etc. Where does she buy those belts? Well, I for one would like the "links". Still, belts are not the only topic to surface on the Street (thank God! - ed). Here's quick round-up of some memorable lines from the week.

Rob wants to know the exact financial terms of his departure from Underworld
"The devil is in the details"

(you mean Tracy is in the details?)

Carla objects to Rob calling Peter an alky:

"It's Mr. Alky to you"

(One day maybe even Sir Alky)

Rob isn't impressed by Carla's tale of woe:
"It's enough to bring a tear to a glass eye"

(I didn't know Rob had a glass eye)

Steve comments sagely on his last request:

"I don't want to be buried in case I'm not dead"

(yes but how will we tell?)

Steve assures Deirdre that Eileen is fine:
"Built like a tank, Eileen"

(please, stop with the military flattery, I'm blushing)


Maria is peeved by Marcus' introduction at the gay wedding reception:
"The Lovely Maria?"

(well, at least it's better than 'Built like a tank, Maria')

Sylvia tells Brian she's not a fan of skating:

"If God had meant us to skate, he would have given us blades not feet" 

(Note to CBC: How about a show called 'Battle of the Feet' next season?)

Tina to Tommy regarding the problem of keeping the baby:

"I'm not thick"

(No, just really, really stroppy)

Deirdre professes her love for wine which is not white:
"Red is my favourite color"

(second favourite colour: rosé)


Tina confides in Tommy her feelings about giving up Jake:

"I might as well stick him on eBay"

(that's something Terry Duckworth would do)


Marcus tries to explain his feelings to Maria:
"Woman are from Mars, Gays are from Venus"

(I think that theory comes from Uranus)


Sally desperately searches for the right music to get Dev to leave:
"Put Adele on"

(if that doesn't work, try Dido) 

***

Well, folks, another week on the Street and Karl is is roaming around free as a bird. Meanwhile, looks like Tina and Tommy are contemplating making a run for it. That hasn't happened since Ty and Fiz went AWOL. Ah well, have a great weekend and see you here next week. Cheers!

Coronation Street shocker: where was Norris when Frank was murdered?

please note: this post makes reference to the June 12 episode on CBC

what you need to know: Brian is at odds with Kylie over his school's healthy eating initiative, Peter has been charged with the murder of Frank Foster, Carla is deep in self-recrimination over the trouble she's caused,  Lewis and Nick are an item but keeping it a secret, Sally and Ann (Frank's mom) are bonding, Sunita is learning more about Carl's gambling and Leanne learns that Peter has an alibi but she's only told Stella... so far.

The crew here at Blanche's Polish Hip (receptionist Abby Downton, tech intern Luke Skivewalker, accountant Gordon Tony and myself) have been arguing about who killed Frank Foster.  My theory? It's always the person you least suspect. By this rationale, I would like to point the finger at one Norris Cole and say "J'accuse" (gesundheit - ed).

Now I know you're all shaking your heads but bear with me. Remember what Norris said when they were taking Frank's body out of the factory. He was sweeping the sidewalk and saying: "that's not good for business" or something like that.

Fact: the closure of the factory would have dealt a serious blow to a small business like the Kabin. 
Fact: Unlike Mike Baldwin who dropped a lot of dosh at the Kabin buying his thin cigars, Frank never put a penny in the till. 
Fact: Norris is a certified busybody who seems to have an inordinate interest in the murder case.

So we have motive and we have opportunity. Let's face it: what else does Norris have to do but snoop around into other people's business. For all we know he could have been sniffing around the factory at the time of Frank's timely demise.

Yes, maybe it's wishful thinking on my part. Maybe I'd just like to see Norris being bundled into a police car and charged with a crime, instead of him having a nosey around and tsk tsking other people's shortcomings. I'm not saying he should be sent down or anything  -- just interrogated for a couple of hours until the police can't take anymore of his fussbudget whining and release him.

Just an idea.