TGIF Jan 29

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the January 28 episode on CBC

Geez, it's colder than a Platt-Windass cocktail party out there. Just the weather for sitting back and enjoying TGIF (Tony Gordon, It's Friday), brought to you this week by the law firm of Slingya, Hook & Bard, proudly serving customers for 30 years...to life. Now, let's get down to TGIF and take a quick look at some of the week's memorable lines:


Joe McIntyre after lifting a kitchen cabinet and injuring himself:
"Me back’s gone. It’s agony."
(You think that's agony? Just wait till Gail starts taking care of you)


Roy Cropper relishing his opportunity to teach Chesney about the English civil war:
"I do love British history. After all, if we can’t understand where we came from, how can we ever hope to know where we're going?"
(Precisely. If you know you're coming from Underworld, then you know you're going to the Rovers.)


Simon inquiring as to the condition of his pet:
"Is the rabbit dead? "
(No, she's just resting - or if its name is Leanne, skiving)


Blanche reminiscing about old times:
"Do you remember Tracy’s gerbil?"
(No comment. This is a family blog)


Norris suggesting a holiday destination to Mary:
"...we could have another crack at the lake district"
(yeah, maybe this time you could make it as far as the viaduct)


Ken, sarcastically reassuring Peter about his quest for a new, safe bed for Simon:
"I won’t look at kids-beds-deathtraps-dot-com."
(...but please forward the info to Len Windass. Sounds like his kind of supplier)


Blanche complaining during the church blessing of pets on Easter Sunday:
"I've got dog mess on me new Scholls"
(let's call that a 'pet peeve')


Ken banging on about spiritual alternatives to Christianity:
"Not atheism, humanism. There’s a difference"
(Yeah but it doesn't matter because Ken's explanations mostly result in somnambulism)

***

Ah, well. Thanks for visiting Blanche's Polish Hip this week and I hope you enjoy the weekend omnibus. See you next week & cheers to all!

More Platt-itude

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the January 27 episode on CBC

Oh dear, David Platt's got that look in his eyes again. You know: one part Hannibal Lecter, one part Malcolm McDowell in Clockwork Orange, one part Sean Penn (right after his divorce from Madonna) and just a soupcon of Benny Hill.

just a soupcon...

Anyway, we all know what this means (More nose surgery after Gary Windass thumps him again? - ed). Time for the Council to put up bigger fences around the canal, time for Jason to keep off the scaffolding and time for Gail to stay on the ground floor of her house (we now call it 'Joe' level - ed) . I don't know what the Demon Adolescent has in mind this time around but you know as well as I do what will happen. I can just see the sequence of events unfold, kind of like a classic play in five acts:

Act 1. David will do something heinous and dastardly (ask for Pick 'n Mix at the Kabin? - ed).
Act 2. DC Weller will make a housecall to Chez Platt (at least she won't need a GPS to find the place - ed)
Act 3. Gail will at first believe David's ludicrous explanation ("Mom, I didn't know the dynamite would blow up the Red Rec and half of Weatherfield. You never believe me")
Act 4. Gail will then give David a "good talking to" ("I don't want you to blow up Weatherfield anymore. Am I making myself clear, David?")
Act 5. Audrey will swan into the house 'tsk tsking' as she puts the kettle on ("lovey, you're far too soft with David. You should let Bill beat some sense into him with a cat o' nine tails")

But for the moment, there's nothing left for us to do but sit back and wait for Spawn of Satan to do his thing. It is getting just a wee bit tedious though, isn't it? Maybe the Platts could all go to Spain for a while... Just a thought.

Travels with Norris

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the January 26 episode on CBC

A round-the world dream vacation with Norris? Sounds delightful. There's only one thing better: a round the world dream vacation without Norris. Still, Mary does seem quite taken (taken ill, you mean - ed) by the bespectacled fussbudget and, now that Mother has gone to a better place (the legion? -ed), perhaps Mary and Norris will finally leave the surly bonds of Weatherfield for exotic horizons. I'll bet Rita can't wait to get a postcard or two from Norris...

***

Machu Picchu, Peru
Dear Rita,
This high altitude doesn't agree with me at all. It's like when I climb the ladder to clean the shop windows at The Kabin. You know how it always makes me feel lightheaded. All very unsettling. Apparently the Incas started this mountain city in 1430 AD. Given all that time, you'd think they'd have thought to put in some decent toilets and a restaurant that serves roast beef and Yorkshire Pudding. And they called themselves a civilization!

Norris

***

Casablanca, Morocco
Dear Rita,
This isn't at all what I expected. No sign of Humphrey Bogart or a nice pub where we can get a cheese sandwich and a half of lager. Desperately wanted to get a haircut but the locals thought I said 'Berber' instead of barber. Well, you can just imagine the confusion. Took all afternoon to sort out. I wanted to get a nice stew for dinner but Mary insisted on trying the "local cuisine". The waiter suggested couscous. I didn't like the sound of that at all. Just give me a nice shepherd's pie and a cup of tea, English tea, if you please.

Norris

joe's mojo

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the January 25 episode on CBC

I feel sorry for Joe McIntyre. He just can't seem to catch a break. First his business goes bust, then he's got the Windasses on his back, then we find out he's suffering from clinical depression and now he's got back problems (you mean he's 'back' with Gail ? - ed).

And yet, as much as I feel sorry for Joe, I also get a little pissed off with him. He's like that sad friend you have, you know the one who keeps getting into a jam or has exceptional bad luck or seems to get into accidents a lot. After a while, you can't help but wonder if he or she is partly responsible for their problems and you find yourself saying things like: "Well how did you get stuck in the Lion's cage in the first place?"

In some ways, Joe is the architect of his own misfortune. He was in a financial bind but didn't tell David or Tina or Gail the truth about the Windass kitchen job offer. He was sleeping in his 'lock up' and didn't tell Gail the truth about his circumstances. Now he's allowing Tina to bully him into leaving Gail's at a time when he can least afford it and still not telling the truth. Worse still, now that he's slipped a disc, how is he going to finish his big kitchen job and pay back Len Windass' loan sharks?

I know Joe's depressed but he's got to stop throwing his hands in the air and saying things like, "the gods have plans for us". He's got to step up and take control of his life. Most of all, he's got to pay back those 'friends' of Len Windass. Otherwise, it won't just be his back that needs medical attention - but other parts of his body as well.

TGIF Jan 22

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Jan 21 episode on CBC

This week's edition of 'Tony Gordon, it's Friday' is brought to you by the Weatherfield Job Centre, 'dedicated to meeting the diverse employment needs of local citizens (except stuntmen and astronauts)'. Well, let's jump right in to this week's TGIF and take a quick look back at some of the memorable lines of the week:


Lisa, an acquaintance of Dev's, explaining why she is drinking alone in the Rovers:
"I know the chardonnay in here is always chilled."
(yeah, they keep it frozen out back next to the smokers' shelter)


Luke explains why he risked his life to go back into the burning flat to rescue Simon's pet:
"I always go back for the 'wabbit' "
(Great, now let's go to the Wovers for a Wum and Coke)


Ken imploring Blanche and Deirdre to admonish him for failing to handle Peter's drinking:
"Please, stick the boot in, one of you?"
(I think a hipwader would be more appropriate under the circumstances...)


Dev, after Tara shows up unexpectedly at his apartment while Lisa's still in his bedroom:
"I just need a few hours just to feel human again"
(Hmm, might take longer than that. How are ya' fixed for next Tuesday?)


Martha in a rage after discovering that Ken has a wife:
"Get off my boat, married man!"
(Time to ship out, Ken)


Martha after finding out that Ken has been weaving a web of deceit:
"So Deirdre thinks you're walking the dog? "
(...rather than being one)


Kirk explains to Julie how he analyzes their relationship:
"It took me and Ches 17 hours to watch the Matrix"
(next time, try pushing the 'play' button)


Ken coming to terms with Martha's angry reaction to the truth:
"...her reaction today was for the best. A bit like amputation"
(...to remove that chip off your shoulder?)


Kirk philosophically accepting an invitation to accompany Schmeichel to the Red Rec:
"Maybe me and him can chase sticks together."
(good idea but better give Kirk a head start)

***

Well, Corrie colleagues, that's it for another week. Enjoy tonight's episode and the omnibus and meet me back here for more of the Hip next week. Until then, cheers.

old school

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the January 20 episode on CBC

First off, thanks for the nice comments and also the timely reminder about Becky's goldfish which seems to have... um... mysteriously disappeared. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that it's in the capable care of Roy and Hayley -- rather than the guy at the chippie.

Now to the business at hand: Chesney's appearance in the headmaster's office for skipping school because he's being bullied by that psycho-in-training, Kenzie. It's not the first time this issue has come up. Little David Platt complained about the same thing in high school and Gullible Gail took immediate action (letting Davey boy stay at home smirking) even though it was all a big lie. In sharp contrast, Chesney is telling the truth but the headmaster seems barely interested. No wonder Fiz is so frustrated. Of course, all this techno-educational jargon which educators are using these days doesn't help -- so here's a handy guide:

child initiated conflict: bullying

opportunity for physical stimulation and/or child initiated conflict: recess

nutrition distribution and intake period: lunch

child initiated skiving: truancy (invented by Terry Duckworth, circa 1965)

Get Chesney Some Education: GCSE

atypical extracurricular interests: quadratic equations

student interface with paper-based learning materials: studying

high profile pre-felon school student: Kenzie Judd

parent-administrator social liaison: legover with child's mom

senior school administrator head enhancement: principal's toupee

Phew! Give yourself an 'A' for getting through this. Your homework for tonight? Watch Coronation Street.

pet sounds

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the January 19 episode on CBC

Well, we've heard an awful lot lately from the people on Coronation Street, but what about the pets? I bet they'd have some choice words for us, if only they could talk...

Leanne (the rabbit, not the Battersby) : "Thank God Simon knows how to use a cellphone (with Peter around, we should really put all emergency services on speed dial). And thank God for that cute new fella from the factory. If he hadn't come back for the 'wabbit' during the fire, I would have ended up as an entree at Roy's caf. I thought I was a goner, stuck in that cage in that mingy flat. And no thanks to that big chain-smoking, drunk lummox who occasionally sticks a carrot in my cage -- but spends most of the time putting empty bottles in a cupboard and passing out.


Eccles (Blanche's dog) : Hey, don't look at me. I'm not the one lying to the lovely Martha and it's not my fault I fell into the canal. And, I'll tell you another thing. I like walks as much as the next dog but hey, these six-hour outings to the barge are wearing me out. After all, my legs are only a few inches long. And it's dull as kibble on that boat. There's nothing to do except watch Kenny boy sip vino and wax lyrical about books. Hey, how about throwing me a bone once in a while? What am I supposed to eat? Homemade leek and potato soup? Well, I guess it won't be a problem now that you've come clean and shipped out, eh Kenny? Although that line about 'rockin' the boat' was a good one. Anyway, I still feel we have a unique bond, you dog, you.

Schmeichel (Chesney's Dog): Yeah, I guess Chesney has been skipping school but, on the plus side, he has more free time to take me to the Red Rec for walks. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go hump Norris' leg.

Abandon ship

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the January 18 episode on CBC

First, let me say that I like reading Dickens by the fire with a nice glass of Pinot Noir in the company of a comely amateur thespian (enough of that - ed) as much as the next person. Let me also say that I have always been fond of Ken despite his many flaws and foibles (I feel another novel coming on - ed). And yet, even I think he's going 'overboard' (good idea - ed) these days. More than that he's become an awful amphibian - behaving badly on land and sea.

On dry land, he's a non-entity: uninvolved, absent and completely divorced from the major problems of his son and grandson. Ken's far too busy on one of his 'Himalayan treks' or doing urgent 'library research' (the complete history of shagging? - ed). Just leave it to Deirdre and Blanche to do the heavy lifting and be there for life's little problems - like when Peter's flat is on fire.

On the high seas (high teas surely? - ed), he is no less disingenuous. He has consistently deceived Martha while switching his cellphone off and his libido on. Now that he's found his sea legs (and a sea legover -ed), he's quite content to maintain the duplicity. After all, he deserves a life, doesn't he?

But what about Peter and Simon and Deirdre? Don't they deserve lives too? Clearly it's time for Ken to stop his horizontal riverdance and get involved. Telling Peter to "go to hell" doesn't cut it. Ken's always had a problem when it comes to familial responsibility. He's much better at taking up causes, writing stirring columns for the Weatherfield Gazette and imploring people to do the right thing. At the hospital, Peter tells Ken, "thank God you were there." Too bad he wasn't.

TGIF Jan 15

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the jan 14 episode on CBC

Well, it's already Friday and time for another installment of 'Tony Gordon, it's Friday' or TGIF. First, a correction. A slight error occurred in last's week edition of TGIF. I mistakenly said that TGIF was 'an award winning' feature. In fact, this was an unfortunate error since TGIF has in fact never won an award (not even a Golden Globe? - ed). As a result, our legal counsel, Slingya, Hook & Bard, have advised us to retract the statement and offer a full apology. Sorry. Now, on to the good stuff, the memorable lines of the week. Excelsior!


Natasha throwing herself at Tony:
"There’s two things I need tonight. A drink and a man. "
(a Scotch and a Scot?)


Kevin describing the menu for tea at Chez Websters:
"Sal’s making ravioli"
(Er, Kevin, I think you mean delicate squares of pasta stuffed with the finest cheeses, herbs and spices that Freshco has to offer)


Natasha insisting that Carla made a mistake when she walked out on Tony:
"I think she missed a trick. Successful. Sensitive, Glaswegian."
(Are you sure you're not thinking of Groundskeeper Willie?)


Barbara, a customer at Audrey's Salon, explaining what hairstyle she wants:
"Make me look like Scarlett Johansson"
(Would you settle for Ena Sharples and a cup of tea?)


Simon's first question on returning home to Peter's apartment:
"How’s Leanne?"
(the rabbit, not the Battersby)


A couple of visitors at Tara's gallery pondering the oeuvres and sipping drinks:
"Could my wife possibly use your loo? Wine goes straight through her"
(Now that's a Kodak moment)


Umed offering yet another pearl of wisdom:
"You know this reminds me of something. Mrs. Gandi once said to me when we were trapped together in a lift during a power cut"
("For pity sake, someone get me out of the here, I'm trapped with Umed"?)


Maria describing Natasha's aggressive dating style:
" you might as well have taken your knickers off and swung them round your head."
(I think Natasha calls that foreplay)


Sally revealing the mysteries of Asian cooking to Tyrone and Molly:
"It’s just a stir fry. It’s the easiest thing in the world as long as you've got your three basic ingredients..."
(superciliousness, pettiness & sarcasm?)


***

Well, that's it for the week. Thanks as always for dropping by. Have a great weekend and enjoy the weekend Corrie. I'll see you next week in this space. Cheers to all.

Dear John's letter

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the January 12 episode on CBC

Her Majesty's Royal Minimum Security Detention Facility
(Camilla Parker-Bowles Wing)
Cellmate 705933-2

My Dearest Fiz,

Not since the days when my Gran's cat, Slick, went missing have I been in the depths of such despair. It reminds me of that sublime 17th century poet, John Donne, who once wrote 'be thine own palace or the world's thy jail'. So true. It is a subtlety not lost on our thoughtful 'head screw' (Senior Warden, Malcolm Venables) but unfortunately the resonance is somewhat less for my cellmate whose enigmatic, single name is 'Meathook'.

Anyway, 'Meathook' and I were chatting yesterday about our loves (him: sodomy and daytime tv), (me: Jacobean poets and you) and I realized, yet again, how much trouble and hurt I have caused you. I still blame Rosie Webster for much of our misfortune. If it were not for her swanning around in tarty short skirts, tube tops and high heels (does she still do that by the way? The guys in cellblock 8 want to know every detail), maybe we would still be together.

But I digress. Life behind bars is dreadfully tedious. I spend my time writing letters to Oprah on behalf of 'Meathook' (his writing skills are minimal but don't get me started on the shortcomings of the British education system!), reading the great poets, avoiding showers and playing dodgeball in the exercise yard (very painful).

But I gladly endure the hardship and taunts ('pervy John', 'John d'oh' etc) thinking that perhaps you will read my letter and I imagine the day when I will be free (or on day parole) and I can perhaps see you once again, my dear Fiz.

Till then, I remain incarcerated & your loving soul (not cell) mate,

John (Stape)

cc. Senior Warden

Tony's Therapy

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the January 11 episode on CBC

Let's see: his name is Tony, he's a villain and he's having panic or anxiety attacks (not to mention a legover with the fair Natasha, grrr - ed). Tony Soprano? No, Tony Gordon, but you'd be forgiven for spotting the similarities. Moreover, I'm thinking that, like Mr. Soprano, Tony Gordon may need to visit a shrink (you mean cognitive therapist? - ed) to help him deal with his panic attacks. If Tony does visit a registered psychotherapist (on the NHS? - ed), I think it might go something like this:

Therapist: Mr. Gordon, how can I help you?

TG: Well, doctor, I seem to be having these panic attacks. You know blurred vision, tightness in the chest, difficulty breathing and so on.

Therapist: I see. And why do you think you're having these attacks?

TG: Well, I don't know.

Therapist: Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself.

TG: Not much to tell really. I'm from the Glaswegian region. Born with a silver sporron in my mouth. Entrepreneur. Self made man. Aim to retire with bags o' cash. Like a wee dram now and then. Married, but my wife left me recently and I had a legover with a fit hairdresser yesterday and cried.

Therapist: Anything else?

TG: Not really. I did arrange to have my wife's lover killed. Tried to strangle an old man with substandard lingerie. Got rid of some endangered bats from a building site. Forged cheques. Tried to sabotage Kevin Webster's garage and hired a private detective to get some dirt on my new business partner. You know, the usual stuff.

Therapist: And how do you feel about that?

TG: Pretty guid, except about the bats. That was wrong.

Therapist: I see. Well I'm afraid we're going to have to stop there. we're out of time. We'll continue next week...

TGIF Jan 8

note: this post makes reference to the January 7 episode on CBC

Well, fellow Coronation Street addicts, it's Friday and that means we finish the week with another edition of the award-winning feature, 'Tony Gordon, It's Friday' or TGIF, our weekly look at some of the memorable lines of the week (with editorial comment for added value - ed). Onward!


Julie using her own unique pronunciation to refer to an office memo she sent to Luke:
"Oh, did you not get me meemo?"
(methinks sheemo is getting on Luke's nerves)


Becky reflecting on the menu of a posh Chinese restaurant:
"Their prawn balls are supposed to be pretty spesh"
(...and the rest of the prawn is pretty good too)


Natasha doing some amateur palm-reading at the salon:
"You've got a really strong love line. It’s pulsating"
(Must be the Viagra)


Becky giving instructions to the waiter as she sits down at the restaurant:
"Um, a pint of cider, ta and um, a whiskey chaser"
(Then she'll order something to drink)


Steve trying to convince Becky to go away to the Maldives:
"There’s a hotel room with our name on it."
('Legless and clueless'?)


Liz outraged after Becky hurls food at her:
"How dare you throw your soft shell crab at me?"
(A real lady asks the waiter to do it)


Peter Barlow explaining why he uses hand lotion
"I was in the navy you pick up habits, you know?"
(you mean like bigamy and alcoholism?)


Tara at her gallery opening, scolding Darryl because he's not wearing a belt
"Darryl, I want them to look at the art, not your lack of a behind."
(After all, there's no ass in Picasso... oh wait a minute)


Gail complaining about her mother's attitude towards David:
"The only time she doesn’t criticize David is when she's using him as a blunt instrument to beat me with"
(Well, at least David has a purpose in life...)

***

Well, that's it for the first week of 2010. Enjoy tonight's episode and the Sunday omnibus and thanks as always for dropping by and for your kind comments. I'll be back next week with more of the Hip. Till then, cheers to all.

Look back at Amber

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the January 6 episode on CBC

Congratulations Amber! (yes, that new hairstyle really suits her - ed). You have joined the few, the proud, the elite handful of Coronation Street citizens to escape Weatherfield and attend university. Take your rightful place beside Ken Barlow, Toyah Battersby, Todd Grimshaw and a few select others (what about Kirkie? Didn't he attend King's Kennel Cambridge? - ed).

The achievement is all the more spectacular because of - or should I say - in spite of Daddy Dev. Dev was the quintessential absentee landlord of parents, the silent partner, the uninterested bystander who was quick to make Amber's life difficult and slow to help her in any way. You could say that Dev was there for Amber when she needed a place to go. True enough but Dev got the better deal: cheap, efficient and trustworthy labour for his corner shop. Amber's school and academic achievements? I don't think Dev was even aware that Amber attended school (too busy with his corner shop empire and various dalliances).

At any rate, I'm not suprised that Amber got accepted to uni in London. And it couldn't have happened at a better time. That tag team of Dev and Umed is starting to get on my nerves. They're like the two Ronnies (not as funny - ed) or some kind of insipid Bollywood version of Laurel and Hardy (but not silent, unfortunately - ed).

Amber's moving on at the right time, leaving Dev, Tara and Weatherfield behind. There's only one small fly in the ointment (you mean Peter Barlow's dermatological defence serum? - ed) and that's poor Darryl. You can see the heartbreak in his eyes (just look under the hair - ed). What's left for him once Amber leaves? He'd be out of place in the big city (unless there's a King's Kebab College somewhere in London - ed). I'd be sorry to see them split up. They go together like chips and soggy peas.

In the meantime, I say to Amber: 'You go girl' and I say to Dev: 'send Umed back to Mumbai'

Martin's problem

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the January 5 episode on CBC

Memo to: Martin Platt
From: Corrie Heart
Subject: Your son, David
____________________________________________________

It has come to my attention that your devil spawn... er I mean 'son'... is planning an impromptu visit to the blissful abode of you, your lovely wife (the former sports mascot) and baby. While the fruit of your loins™ is of course a fine young lad who has only spent minimal time in juvenile detention and excelled in regular visits to the job centre, there are one or two, how you say, 'tidbits' of advice which you may find useful.

1. If you haven't already done so, please remove all staircases from your home. I know this sounds a little expensive (Bill Webster has reasonable rates... and a fit assistant) but believe me the precaution is well worth it. David has a funny, careless habit of sneaking up behind a parent at the top of the stairs and, well, let's just call it indoor bunging jumping without a cord - or your consent.

2. Is your car amphibious? If not, you should probably keep it away from David. Although Succubus Jr. now has a driver's licence (thanks to the help of Ted, his gay grandad - oh, didn't you know?), Davey boy has a bold habit of driving in all conditions: snow, rain, fog, canal... well, you get the idea.

3. How do you feel about recreational drugs and babysitting? David is very forward thinking when it comes to this subject particularly as Bethany (his niece) accidentally ingested ecstasy while in his competent care. Don't worry, I'm sure everything will be fine.

Anyhoo, I'm sure you and David will have a great time together. There's certainly a lot of catching up to do and Davissimo can fill you in on his careers as a former apprentice hairdresser, a former kitchen fitter, a former kitchen wrecker and ... well I'll let him tell you himself when he gets to Liverpool.

Enjoy!

PS. Avoid scaffolding while David is visiting. He has this peccadillo of loosening bolts - ask Jason.

CH

cc. Gail Platt

Steve's problem

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the January 4 episode on CBC

My, my. Christmas and New Year's over already? Where does the time go? (Skiving mostly - ed). I wish all Corrie watchers a happy and healthy New Year with lots of great Corrie ahead for 2010 and minimal disruption during the Stanley Cup playoffs and the World Cup. As for me, I survived Christmas in the Big Smoke (Toronto) and spent most of my time looking for parking and eating at buffets. It was merry.

Now to the business at hand: Steve Mcdonald. Is there anyone so mysteriously attractive to so many women for reasons which cannot be explained (noted bigamist Peter Barlow? - ed). Now, I'm no psychologist (how do you feel about that? - ed) but it seems to me that Steve is a classic case of a guy with passive aggressive tendencies.

I offer three examples:

1) Breaking up with Michelle, an interminable process based on the brilliant strategy of being a 'bad boyfriend' (mission accomplished - ed), rather than facing the issue head-on

2) Not telling Becky about the truth about the wedding ring. Never mind, Michelle will take care of that and you'll wind up in the doghouse (might as well buy a timeshare with Peter Barlow - ed)

3) Not telling Becky that she was too drunk to get married. (Deja vu, I say, deja vu - ed). What's the problem here? He's afraid to tell her? He's waiting for the right moment? Well, never mind, Michelle kindly took care of that oversight (again) while supping at the bar and spitting venom.

The moral? Hey Steve, you work in a PUBLIC HOUSE, you know, that big place with booze where members of the public gather to gossip about things like... oh, I dunno.. the fact that Becky was too drunk to get married.

Now Liz will tell you that Steve's problem is not his passive aggressive tendencies or a severe case of procrastination (although Steve does put the 'pro' in procrastination -ed), but rather an important anatomical abnormality: the lack of a spine.

Whatever the reason, Steve needs to rethink his communication skills. Puppy dog looks and a good heart can only get you so far. Every once in a while, you have to open your mouth, extract your foot and tell the truth. Just a suggestion...