no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post
When Ol' Johnny boy was losing it at the bookies because he is racked with guilt (and off his meds - ed), he waxed poetic about all his troubles saying. "When sorrows come, they come not single spies. But in battalions."
Now, I'm sure that Peter Barlow assumed that John was prattling on about the latest Spielberg war movie or a BBC documentary. But no, John was harking back to his teaching past, quoting Shakespeare as a way of summarizing his many woes.
The quote comes from Hamlet and is spoken by the unsavoury King Claudius who, like John, has got himself into a right pickle. mostly of his own making. Here's what Claudius says:
When sorrows come, they come not single spies
But in battalions. First, her father slain:
Next, your son gone; and he most violent author
Of his own just remove: the people muddied,
Thick and unwholesome in their thoughts and whispers,
For good Polonius' death; and we have done but greenly,
In hugger-mugger to inter him: poor Ophelia
Divided from herself and her fair judgment,
Without the which we are pictures, or mere beasts:
Last, and as much containing as all these,
Her brother is in secret come from France;
Feeds on his wonder, keeps himself in clouds,
And wants not buzzers to infect his ear
With pestilent speeches of his father's death.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Tony Gordon, It's Friday: the scratch card edition
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Nov 24 episode on CBC
Liz is gone. Jim's back in the big house. Tommy Duckworth is trying it on. Roy has mother issues. Fiz and John are embroiled in the Fishwick Fallout. Gail wants to be manager of Nick's trendy, sophisticated bistro. Just another week on the Street and that means it's time for another edition of that award-winning feature (the 'participant' medal doesn't count - ed) which we like to call TGIF, a quick review of some of the week's memorable lines. Let's roll:
Claudia is anxious to go back to her place with Marc for a night time birthday 'treat':
"I know what I'm going to be unwrapping tonight"
(matching night gowns I would think...)
Kirk tells Maria that he likes looking after baby Liam.
"Apart from the crying, the not-sleeping and the smell, he's a right laugh"
(is he talking about Kirk or the baby?)
Katy has some important news for Chesney:
"It's not just a take-away curry I've got in the oven."
(you mean there's nan too? Brilliant!)
Roy explains his mother's disagreeable demeanour:
"I think rude is her default setting"
(How about re-booting her?)
Bill Webster makes his return and offers advice to Kevin:
"One thing I've learned about women..."
(and yes, it is just one thing)
Anna Windass doesn't agree with Eddie's plan to leave England:
"We are not moving to Germany"
(Phew! One less thing for Angela Merkel to worry about)
Roy's mother tells Hayley she is not a hugger:
"Excessive displays of emotion make me nauseous"
(please make your feelings known in written form without the use of verbs)
Sally tells Rosie she is shocked by an indecent proposal:
"Tommy Duckworth invited me to become his sugar mummy"
(you might need more scratch cards to finance that idea...)
Gail tells Audrey she would make a good counsellor:
"People tell me things. I've got that kind of face"
(Things such as, 'I don't like your face' ?)
Liz is gone. Jim's back in the big house. Tommy Duckworth is trying it on. Roy has mother issues. Fiz and John are embroiled in the Fishwick Fallout. Gail wants to be manager of Nick's trendy, sophisticated bistro. Just another week on the Street and that means it's time for another edition of that award-winning feature (the 'participant' medal doesn't count - ed) which we like to call TGIF, a quick review of some of the week's memorable lines. Let's roll:
Claudia is anxious to go back to her place with Marc for a night time birthday 'treat':
"I know what I'm going to be unwrapping tonight"
(matching night gowns I would think...)
Kirk tells Maria that he likes looking after baby Liam.
"Apart from the crying, the not-sleeping and the smell, he's a right laugh"
(is he talking about Kirk or the baby?)
Katy has some important news for Chesney:
"It's not just a take-away curry I've got in the oven."
(you mean there's nan too? Brilliant!)
Roy explains his mother's disagreeable demeanour:
"I think rude is her default setting"
(How about re-booting her?)
Bill Webster makes his return and offers advice to Kevin:
"One thing I've learned about women..."
(and yes, it is just one thing)
Anna Windass doesn't agree with Eddie's plan to leave England:
"We are not moving to Germany"
(Phew! One less thing for Angela Merkel to worry about)
Roy's mother tells Hayley she is not a hugger:
"Excessive displays of emotion make me nauseous"
(please make your feelings known in written form without the use of verbs)
Sally tells Rosie she is shocked by an indecent proposal:
"Tommy Duckworth invited me to become his sugar mummy"
(you might need more scratch cards to finance that idea...)
Gail tells Audrey she would make a good counsellor:
"People tell me things. I've got that kind of face"
(Things such as, 'I don't like your face' ?)
***
Well, punters and puntettes, that's it for another week. Thanks for dropping by and visiting. Always a pleasure to enjoy your company here at the Hip. Hope you have a great weekend and, if you're an omnibus watcher, enjoy your Sunday morning. I'll be back next week and I hope to see you here. Cheers!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
John Stape's medications
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Nov 23 episode on CBC
Now that John has decided to ignore hunky Dr. Carter's advice and stop taking his medications, I thought it might be instructive to see exactly what pharmaceuticals ol' Stapey is taking to avoid a return visit to the Weatherfield pysch ward. Of course this kind of info is strictly confidential - unless you ask Gail Platt to hack into the electronic health records (EHR) - which she will gladly do to prevent darling Nick or David from marrying a slag (well, one out of two...- ed). Anyway, here's what I think John is taking:
DIDACTICA - a new class of drug designed to affect the brain receptors which naturally make people want to teach. In John's case, this oral contra-comprehensive suppresses his urge to become an educator or assume another teacher's identity. Should be taken once a day with a school lunch. Side effects include a pronounced appetite for reading, wiriting and arithmetic.
St JOHN'S THWART - from the herbal remedy portfolio, this anti-abductive, taken regularly, helps reduce John's recurrent kidnapping tendencies. Should be taken twice a day as a tea infusion with a hobnob or custard slice. Side effects: Rosie Webster hallucinations and a desire for vodka shots.
KIPITOR - a sedative designed to help John sleep at night. One a day taken before bedtime. Side effects include a desire not to be on drugs.
DIE-AGRA - perhaps the most important medication, DIE-AGRA is a powerful new drug which inhibits the murder antagonist receptors in the neuro-cortex thus subverting the desire to kill colleagues, mothers of colleagues and cover up the deaths of colleagues. Take as needed. Can be refilled anytime. Side effects: drowsiness.
Now that John has decided to ignore hunky Dr. Carter's advice and stop taking his medications, I thought it might be instructive to see exactly what pharmaceuticals ol' Stapey is taking to avoid a return visit to the Weatherfield pysch ward. Of course this kind of info is strictly confidential - unless you ask Gail Platt to hack into the electronic health records (EHR) - which she will gladly do to prevent darling Nick or David from marrying a slag (well, one out of two...- ed). Anyway, here's what I think John is taking:
DIDACTICA - a new class of drug designed to affect the brain receptors which naturally make people want to teach. In John's case, this oral contra-comprehensive suppresses his urge to become an educator or assume another teacher's identity. Should be taken once a day with a school lunch. Side effects include a pronounced appetite for reading, wiriting and arithmetic.
St JOHN'S THWART - from the herbal remedy portfolio, this anti-abductive, taken regularly, helps reduce John's recurrent kidnapping tendencies. Should be taken twice a day as a tea infusion with a hobnob or custard slice. Side effects: Rosie Webster hallucinations and a desire for vodka shots.
KIPITOR - a sedative designed to help John sleep at night. One a day taken before bedtime. Side effects include a desire not to be on drugs.
DIE-AGRA - perhaps the most important medication, DIE-AGRA is a powerful new drug which inhibits the murder antagonist receptors in the neuro-cortex thus subverting the desire to kill colleagues, mothers of colleagues and cover up the deaths of colleagues. Take as needed. Can be refilled anytime. Side effects: drowsiness.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Jim McDonald's top 10 tips for bank robbing
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the November 18 episode on CBC
10. Have a wee, quiet word with your old cellmate from the big house to reminisce about old times, have a laugh -- and acquire a firearm.
9. Catch yourself up. Stop in at the local boozer for a wee dram on your ways to steal cash to buy the local boozer.
8. Remember to tell Kevin Webster to screw off - or beat him up. Your choice so it is.
7. Get yourself a nice cloth cap so everyone will know you're Irish and you'll look good on the CCTV.
6. Wait outside the bank until all the moms, kiddies, seniors, people with disabilities, family, friends and Irish people have finished their banking and left the premises, so they have.
5. Wait in line until a teller becomes available (don't be jumping the queue just because you're in a hurry to rob the bank).
4. Put your wee gun on the counter and ask for 120,000 pounds. Be sure to state your preference of bills (100s, 10s or change).
3. Don't be getting your bank book updated. You need to be getting back to the boozer with the cash so Elizabeth can buy the Rovers, so she can.
2. Exit the bank quickly, stopping only briefly to beat someone up, and meet the coppers outside. (Remember to show them your Frequent Felon card).
1. Go directly to jail. Well, it was great while it lasted so it was.
10. Have a wee, quiet word with your old cellmate from the big house to reminisce about old times, have a laugh -- and acquire a firearm.
9. Catch yourself up. Stop in at the local boozer for a wee dram on your ways to steal cash to buy the local boozer.
8. Remember to tell Kevin Webster to screw off - or beat him up. Your choice so it is.
7. Get yourself a nice cloth cap so everyone will know you're Irish and you'll look good on the CCTV.
6. Wait outside the bank until all the moms, kiddies, seniors, people with disabilities, family, friends and Irish people have finished their banking and left the premises, so they have.
5. Wait in line until a teller becomes available (don't be jumping the queue just because you're in a hurry to rob the bank).
4. Put your wee gun on the counter and ask for 120,000 pounds. Be sure to state your preference of bills (100s, 10s or change).
3. Don't be getting your bank book updated. You need to be getting back to the boozer with the cash so Elizabeth can buy the Rovers, so she can.
2. Exit the bank quickly, stopping only briefly to beat someone up, and meet the coppers outside. (Remember to show them your Frequent Felon card).
1. Go directly to jail. Well, it was great while it lasted so it was.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Tony Gordon It's Friday: the fascinator edition
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the November 17 episode on CBC
So I'm sitting in front of the TV last night sipping a vat of Chardonnay and nibbling a king-sized bacon butty when I see Gail handing Kylie an envelope filled with £1,000 as a bribe to skip out on the wedding! What is wrong with Gail? This is without a doubt the worst plan ever! (worse than Steve trying to bribe a crooked cop? - ed) Not only that but Gail already threw away a wad of cash when she gave Kylie money for a wedding dress. That worked out nicely, didn't it? It doesn't take a genius to figure the moral of the story: DON'T GIVE MONEY TO KYLIE (unless you want to provide economic stimulus to the spirits and brewing sector).
Oh well. let's do that thing which we call TGIF, a selection of memorable lines from the past week. Here goes:
Kevin reminds Sally that they have a lot of history together:
"That history's precisely the reason why we don't have a future"
(Sounds like the past was not perfect)
Tommy Duckworth reads the signs in Sian's palm:
"You've got a blockage in your Chi"
(sounds like she'll need a plunger)
Marc explains his cross dressing 'hobby' to Audrey:
"It's not a big deal. I just like to wear women's clothes."
(now, can I borrow a girdle?)
Marc continues his explanation:
"I'm just an ordinary bloke"
(with a lot of pantyhose...)
Kylie describes her gastronomic experience at Nick's Bistro:
"We had tap -ass"
(I hate when that happens)
Liz is honest with Jim
"I want you in my bed"
(that's very nice Elizabeth, so it is)
Kirk explains that strange object on Sally's head:
"It's not a hat, it's an amazer"
(well, we certainly are amazed)
So I'm sitting in front of the TV last night sipping a vat of Chardonnay and nibbling a king-sized bacon butty when I see Gail handing Kylie an envelope filled with £1,000 as a bribe to skip out on the wedding! What is wrong with Gail? This is without a doubt the worst plan ever! (worse than Steve trying to bribe a crooked cop? - ed) Not only that but Gail already threw away a wad of cash when she gave Kylie money for a wedding dress. That worked out nicely, didn't it? It doesn't take a genius to figure the moral of the story: DON'T GIVE MONEY TO KYLIE (unless you want to provide economic stimulus to the spirits and brewing sector).
Oh well. let's do that thing which we call TGIF, a selection of memorable lines from the past week. Here goes:
Kevin reminds Sally that they have a lot of history together:
"That history's precisely the reason why we don't have a future"
(Sounds like the past was not perfect)
Tommy Duckworth reads the signs in Sian's palm:
"You've got a blockage in your Chi"
(sounds like she'll need a plunger)
Marc explains his cross dressing 'hobby' to Audrey:
"It's not a big deal. I just like to wear women's clothes."
(now, can I borrow a girdle?)
Marc continues his explanation:
"I'm just an ordinary bloke"
(with a lot of pantyhose...)
Kylie describes her gastronomic experience at Nick's Bistro:
"We had tap -ass"
(I hate when that happens)
Liz is honest with Jim
"I want you in my bed"
(that's very nice Elizabeth, so it is)
Kirk explains that strange object on Sally's head:
"It's not a hat, it's an amazer"
(well, we certainly are amazed)
***
Well, another week, another wedding and another sourpuss expression from Gail. I don't know about you but I'm sure that David & Kylie will have a long and happy marriage. Just kidding. I'm sure they'll beat the Kim Kardashian record for shortest marriage on record (although Gail seems to be doing her best to keep them together by providing Kylie with a reliable cash flow). Have a great weekend and I'll meet you back here next week. Cheers!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Occupy Coronation Street
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the November 16 episode on CBC
One of the problems on the Street these days is a depressing lack of capital. It seems that the global economic crisis is really hitting home in Weatherfield where the 99% is actually the 100% - if you know what I mean.
Of course the tram crash didn't help either. Corrie's small businesses, the traditional job creators for the skiving masses are facing hard times. Dev's Empire of Thriving Corner Stores is on the skids. The butcher's shop is long gone. Carla's Underworld factory is hanging by a thread (that's enough of the rag trade jokes - ed). (If it wasn't for a big order from a sexual predator, they'd be in real trouble). Steve is leveraged up to his eyeballs. Big Jim says he has money but I have my doubts. Streetcars has been driven into the ground (that's enough of the taxi jokes - ed). The Kabin has only just re-opened. Audrey's Salon is about to go down the tubes... once David and Kylie get their grubby hands on it. What's left?
Well, the big winner in all this is Owen the cowboy builder. He seems to have cornered the market for construction after the tram crash. He even has enough dosh to give Gary some cash for a van. There's also . Roy's Rolls which wasn't affected by the tram devastation. Last and least there's Kevin who has half a garage plus some cash from a scratch card.
What Coronation Street needs right now is a brash, fast talking capitalist with a lot of cash. Where's Mike Baldwin when you need him?
One of the problems on the Street these days is a depressing lack of capital. It seems that the global economic crisis is really hitting home in Weatherfield where the 99% is actually the 100% - if you know what I mean.
Of course the tram crash didn't help either. Corrie's small businesses, the traditional job creators for the skiving masses are facing hard times. Dev's Empire of Thriving Corner Stores is on the skids. The butcher's shop is long gone. Carla's Underworld factory is hanging by a thread (that's enough of the rag trade jokes - ed). (If it wasn't for a big order from a sexual predator, they'd be in real trouble). Steve is leveraged up to his eyeballs. Big Jim says he has money but I have my doubts. Streetcars has been driven into the ground (that's enough of the taxi jokes - ed). The Kabin has only just re-opened. Audrey's Salon is about to go down the tubes... once David and Kylie get their grubby hands on it. What's left?
Well, the big winner in all this is Owen the cowboy builder. He seems to have cornered the market for construction after the tram crash. He even has enough dosh to give Gary some cash for a van. There's also . Roy's Rolls which wasn't affected by the tram devastation. Last and least there's Kevin who has half a garage plus some cash from a scratch card.
What Coronation Street needs right now is a brash, fast talking capitalist with a lot of cash. Where's Mike Baldwin when you need him?
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Crying Game or Cage aux Folly?
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the November 16 episode on CBC
Oh my gosh! I always thought Marc Selby was too good to be true. Single, suave (in a kind of gravelly gravitas kind of way), close to his sister (that's not his sister, baby, that's a man! -ed), a wine connoisseur. What more could a woman ask for? (his and hers high heels? - ed).
Turns out that Marc is leading something of a double life. I don't want to say too much. Let's just say that the lipstick on his collar... is his. That's right, shocked Corrie Comrades, Marc's idea of a three-piece suit... is one and a half bikinis. His favourite movie is 'J Edgar'. He thought 'The Crying Game' was a documentary. He... (that's quite enough - ed). Anyway, when poor, oblivious Claudia complains that Marc is being a bit of a drag... she only knows the half of it.
So what's a guy/gal to do?
Well, fortunately, Audrey is there to help. Audrey's a woman of the world. Once she understands Marc's dilemma (fetish? - ed), she is all tea and sympathy. Marc and his tattered Marks & Spencer affordables are whisked away from the police station to the comfort of Chez Audrey where Marc can tell Aud all the highlights of his strange desire for highlights.
But now what?
What on earth will Marc say to Claudia? Will he even tell her? Somehow I don't think she will be quite as understanding as dear ol' Audrey. (My Alfie liked to dress up as Mayor ya' know lovey - that's almost the same thing). Alas, I suspect when Claudia finds out about the cross-dressing, she will be quite cross. Mark my words.
Oh my gosh! I always thought Marc Selby was too good to be true. Single, suave (in a kind of gravelly gravitas kind of way), close to his sister (that's not his sister, baby, that's a man! -ed), a wine connoisseur. What more could a woman ask for? (his and hers high heels? - ed).
Turns out that Marc is leading something of a double life. I don't want to say too much. Let's just say that the lipstick on his collar... is his. That's right, shocked Corrie Comrades, Marc's idea of a three-piece suit... is one and a half bikinis. His favourite movie is 'J Edgar'. He thought 'The Crying Game' was a documentary. He... (that's quite enough - ed). Anyway, when poor, oblivious Claudia complains that Marc is being a bit of a drag... she only knows the half of it.
So what's a guy/gal to do?
Well, fortunately, Audrey is there to help. Audrey's a woman of the world. Once she understands Marc's dilemma (fetish? - ed), she is all tea and sympathy. Marc and his tattered Marks & Spencer affordables are whisked away from the police station to the comfort of Chez Audrey where Marc can tell Aud all the highlights of his strange desire for highlights.
But now what?
What on earth will Marc say to Claudia? Will he even tell her? Somehow I don't think she will be quite as understanding as dear ol' Audrey. (My Alfie liked to dress up as Mayor ya' know lovey - that's almost the same thing). Alas, I suspect when Claudia finds out about the cross-dressing, she will be quite cross. Mark my words.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Tony Gordon It's Friday: The Bin Man cometh (and goeth) edition
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the November 10 episode on CBC
Let me see if I've got this straight. Trevor, Bin man extraordinaire, used to have a serious legover going with Carla (once described by Peter Barlow in a church as 'smoking hot') and is now planning to get it on with Janice in a pre-owned Volvo. (I can't believe it... a Volvo - ed). It's not that Janice isn't a comely lass. She certainly has share of quaint feminine charms (getting bladdered and barred from the Weathy Arms? - ed). It just seems like a dramatic contrast in relationships, kind of like when Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie. And, I suppose if Angelina Jolie worked (skived you mean - ed) in a knicker factory, lived in a grotty flat and chugged bottles of lager, she'd be just like Janice. But enough of my mithering. let's get this TGIF started with a few choice lines from the past week:
Liz returns to Weatherfield with a new hair style:
"It's one of Manolito's creations"
(Quick, find this Manolito... and kill him)
Tracy describes her wild date with Frank, the clothing manufacturer turned predator:
"Best night of my life since I got out of prison."
(even better than listening to Ken read aloud from the Oxford English Dictionary?)
Becky in a raucous fight with Liz:
"You're a tart with a bus pass"
(monthly or weekly?)
Steve summarizes Tracy's modus operandi with men:
"You just off 'em when they get on your nerves"
(breaking up is hard to do - especially with a blunt object)
Julie is not amused by the music being played by Janice at all hours:
"I'm not a fan of Meatloaf"
(well, just eat the vegetables then)
Let me see if I've got this straight. Trevor, Bin man extraordinaire, used to have a serious legover going with Carla (once described by Peter Barlow in a church as 'smoking hot') and is now planning to get it on with Janice in a pre-owned Volvo. (I can't believe it... a Volvo - ed). It's not that Janice isn't a comely lass. She certainly has share of quaint feminine charms (getting bladdered and barred from the Weathy Arms? - ed). It just seems like a dramatic contrast in relationships, kind of like when Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie. And, I suppose if Angelina Jolie worked (skived you mean - ed) in a knicker factory, lived in a grotty flat and chugged bottles of lager, she'd be just like Janice. But enough of my mithering. let's get this TGIF started with a few choice lines from the past week:
Liz returns to Weatherfield with a new hair style:
"It's one of Manolito's creations"
(Quick, find this Manolito... and kill him)
Tracy describes her wild date with Frank, the clothing manufacturer turned predator:
"Best night of my life since I got out of prison."
(even better than listening to Ken read aloud from the Oxford English Dictionary?)
Becky in a raucous fight with Liz:
"You're a tart with a bus pass"
(monthly or weekly?)
Steve summarizes Tracy's modus operandi with men:
"You just off 'em when they get on your nerves"
(breaking up is hard to do - especially with a blunt object)
Julie is not amused by the music being played by Janice at all hours:
"I'm not a fan of Meatloaf"
(well, just eat the vegetables then)
***
Well, it's already Friday and Becky is still in the doghouse. On the plus side, Big Jim is back. On the down side, so is John. And Kevin winning $200,000? Give me a break. Let's just keep our fingers crossed for some juicy stories next week. Oh what I wouldn't give to see that narrow boat return to the canal and Ken on long walks with Eccles or donning a Kimono. Well, A Corrie lover's reach must exceed his grasp or what's a heaven for? See you next week and have a great weekend. Cheers & thanks for stopping by.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Liz to Steve: Aye Carumba !
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the November 8 episode on CBC
Liz comes back from Spain with a new hairdo and lots of tacky souvenirs for the family only to find that everything's gone to hell in a hand basket during her absence. On Day 2 she is so distraught that she appears to wearing some kind of tarpaulin with grommets around the edge (presumably in case she needs to be secured during a hurricane).
Can you blame her?
Steve has given her grand daughter away to her mom (a convicted murderer sprung on a technicality). Becky is a looter. Little Max was purchased from Kylie. Kylie is still around and planning to spawn with David Platt. Steve is mortgaged up to the hilt. Lloyd is pissed off. Sunita is pissed off. Dev is pissed off. Owen sent a bunch of bully boys to beat up Jim.
Liz's only friend, Deirdre, is blinded by her enduring belief that Tracy is really a nice girl who just needs to put her past (murder) behind her and settle down with a sexual predator. The way things are going, Liz is going to need a large Gin and Tonic intravenous drip and a permanent spot in the smoking shelter. Either that or she'll take the first EasyJet (watch it -ed) back to Spain and find some place to hide away. (Hernando's? - ed)
Liz comes back from Spain with a new hairdo and lots of tacky souvenirs for the family only to find that everything's gone to hell in a hand basket during her absence. On Day 2 she is so distraught that she appears to wearing some kind of tarpaulin with grommets around the edge (presumably in case she needs to be secured during a hurricane).
Can you blame her?
Steve has given her grand daughter away to her mom (a convicted murderer sprung on a technicality). Becky is a looter. Little Max was purchased from Kylie. Kylie is still around and planning to spawn with David Platt. Steve is mortgaged up to the hilt. Lloyd is pissed off. Sunita is pissed off. Dev is pissed off. Owen sent a bunch of bully boys to beat up Jim.
Liz's only friend, Deirdre, is blinded by her enduring belief that Tracy is really a nice girl who just needs to put her past (murder) behind her and settle down with a sexual predator. The way things are going, Liz is going to need a large Gin and Tonic intravenous drip and a permanent spot in the smoking shelter. Either that or she'll take the first EasyJet (watch it -ed) back to Spain and find some place to hide away. (Hernando's? - ed)
Friday, November 4, 2011
Tony Gordon It's Friday: The Norris's News Edition
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the November 3 episode on CBC
I got an earful from Judy at the Tim Horton's today. Not only does she hate those vanilla lattes that they have to sell the upscale punters, but she doesn't like any of the storylines on The Street. Not Becky and Steve (too repetititve). Not Tina, Graeme and friend (too goofy) and not David and Kylie (too psycho). Funny how such a dramatic tram crash can peter (you mean Peter? - ed) out so quickly. And, ironically, even though we're watching five hours of Corrie a week, the memorable lines are few and far between. But anyway, here goes:
Graeme consults the oracle (Ken Barlow) for advice about Xin's dilemma:
"WWKD"
('What Would Ken Do' - probably take a long walk along the canal)
Claudia is skeptical of Audrey's friendship:
"In the world of coiffure there are no friends, Audrey"
(just colourists)
Mrs. Hargreaves is enjoying her head massage from David in the salon:
"This lad's playing my head like Liberace"
(well, he has been in juvy. They learn all sorts there)
Sean is disgusted by the sight of David snogging Kylie
"It's like watching a snake swallowing its tail"
(Actually I think snakes are more lovable)
Kylie needles Gail while the radio is playing a Lady Gaga hit:
"Pokerface: they're playing your song Gail"
(Well, in fairness to Kylie, she does have a point)
Mrs. Hargreaves is still making lewd comments to David:
"You can have a rummage in my tall boy anytime"
(I think he'll have to take a raincheck. He's engaged to a slag)
Mary unveils a new sign for the former Kabin:
"Norris's News"
(hmm I prefer Cole's Corner or Fussbudget's Finest)
I got an earful from Judy at the Tim Horton's today. Not only does she hate those vanilla lattes that they have to sell the upscale punters, but she doesn't like any of the storylines on The Street. Not Becky and Steve (too repetititve). Not Tina, Graeme and friend (too goofy) and not David and Kylie (too psycho). Funny how such a dramatic tram crash can peter (you mean Peter? - ed) out so quickly. And, ironically, even though we're watching five hours of Corrie a week, the memorable lines are few and far between. But anyway, here goes:
Graeme consults the oracle (Ken Barlow) for advice about Xin's dilemma:
"WWKD"
('What Would Ken Do' - probably take a long walk along the canal)
Claudia is skeptical of Audrey's friendship:
"In the world of coiffure there are no friends, Audrey"
(just colourists)
Mrs. Hargreaves is enjoying her head massage from David in the salon:
"This lad's playing my head like Liberace"
(well, he has been in juvy. They learn all sorts there)
Sean is disgusted by the sight of David snogging Kylie
"It's like watching a snake swallowing its tail"
(Actually I think snakes are more lovable)
Kylie needles Gail while the radio is playing a Lady Gaga hit:
"Pokerface: they're playing your song Gail"
(Well, in fairness to Kylie, she does have a point)
Mrs. Hargreaves is still making lewd comments to David:
"You can have a rummage in my tall boy anytime"
(I think he'll have to take a raincheck. He's engaged to a slag)
Mary unveils a new sign for the former Kabin:
"Norris's News"
(hmm I prefer Cole's Corner or Fussbudget's Finest)
***
Well, fellow Corrie lovers, it's been a strange week - not a stellar week for good stories. I never thought I'd say this but I'm beginning to miss Baby Jack. I certainly miss Blanche. Even Nick's painful face would be better than some of the crazy stuff that's going on. Still, things change quickly on the Street. Let's see what happens over the next few days. Till then, thanks for stopping by. It's great to have you drop by Blanche's Polish Hip. Have a great weekend.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Carla Connor's most famous speeches
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 31 episode on CBC
First, sincere apologies to faithful readers of TGIF. Like Becky Granger, I feel that I have let you (i.e. Dev & Sunita) down by stealing from you (i.e. not posting) while your shop was in ruins after the tram crash (i.e. was away skiving). But enough groveling. Let's focus on the stirring words of Carla Connor. What a marvelous orator (watch it! - ed). What were her original, non-plagiarized words to the workers? Oh yes, "Ask not what Underworld can do for you, ask what you can do for Underworld." It really gets your blood going doesn't it? (As does Carla - ed). Makes me wonder what other famous speeches, Ms. Connor takes credit for:
"Ech bin ein bin man" (I used to date a bin man named Trevor)
"Now this is not the end of my chardonnay. It is not even the beginning of the end of my chardonnay. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning of my chardonnay. The point is: I need more flamin' chardonnay!"
"Fourscore and seven days ago, a new Underworld was built dedicated to the proposition that all tea breaks are created equal"
"Mr. Armstrong, build up this wall!"
"Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that if Underworld and its skivers last for a thousand years, men will still say, ‘These were their finest knickers."
"I did not have sex with that woman, sorry I mean I did not have sex with Peter Barlow"
First, sincere apologies to faithful readers of TGIF. Like Becky Granger, I feel that I have let you (i.e. Dev & Sunita) down by stealing from you (i.e. not posting) while your shop was in ruins after the tram crash (i.e. was away skiving). But enough groveling. Let's focus on the stirring words of Carla Connor. What a marvelous orator (watch it! - ed). What were her original, non-plagiarized words to the workers? Oh yes, "Ask not what Underworld can do for you, ask what you can do for Underworld." It really gets your blood going doesn't it? (As does Carla - ed). Makes me wonder what other famous speeches, Ms. Connor takes credit for:
"Ech bin ein bin man" (I used to date a bin man named Trevor)
"Now this is not the end of my chardonnay. It is not even the beginning of the end of my chardonnay. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning of my chardonnay. The point is: I need more flamin' chardonnay!"
"Fourscore and seven days ago, a new Underworld was built dedicated to the proposition that all tea breaks are created equal"
"Mr. Armstrong, build up this wall!"
"Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that if Underworld and its skivers last for a thousand years, men will still say, ‘These were their finest knickers."
"I did not have sex with that woman, sorry I mean I did not have sex with Peter Barlow"
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