Tony Gordon It's Friday: the Betty Turpin edition

please note that this post makes reference to the June 28 episode on CBC

what you need to know... the sad news of Betty Turpin's death is revealed by her son, Gordon; Tommy meets his Terry, his notorious father; Leanne is secretly seeing Simon against Peter's wishes; Audrey is advised to stay away from her salon with a harassment warning from the police.

We knew this day had to come but that didn't make it any easier when it happened. The inimitable Betty Turpin passed away and the Street is in mourning. Betty was one of a kind, an original and a wonderful barmaid at the Rovers for many years. If you want to learn more about Betty, there are many articles on the net (just search for 'Betty Turpin') and several obituaries including this one from the BBC . And, as someone we love leaves the show, someone we don't love returns... in the person of a rather large Terry Duckworth. Well, well, let's do that thing we like to call TGIF, a round-up of some memorable lines from the week:

Leanne tells Stella she knows the precise anthropological reason why Karl deceived her:
"Men are rats"
(...and women are from Venus)


Kevin tells Sally the difference between males and females:
"We have disposable razors, you have disposable income"
(and babies (like your love child) have disposable diapers)


Stella talks about how Karl droned on and on about his prized football jersey:
"He used to bore me rigid"
(Funny, Sunita seemed to have the same effect on him)


Kylie gives David's hairstylist boss a piece of her mind:
"One more word from you, I'll shove that brush up your nose"
(his nose hairs could probably use some combing anyway)


Sunita expresses what the Street feels about Betty:
"Everyone loved her"
(Amen)


Tyrone tells Tommy who just hit him:
"Tommy, this is your Dad"
(think of it as your Darth Vader moment)


Norris reminsces about Betty:
"She once called me an interfering weasel"
(only because she meant it)


Kevin chimes in with his own ode to Betty
"I can vouch for her hotpot"
(It certainly maintained Kev's libido over several decades)


Ken sums it up with a toast in the Rovers
"To our Betty!"
(Here, here)  

***

Well, that's it for another week. I hope you had a good week and I hope you have a wonderful Canada Day weekend. Enjoy the Sunday omnibus and thanks for stopping by. Meet you here next week for more of the hip. Cheers!

The wit and wisdom of Aaron the snooty hairstylist

please note this post makes reference to the June 26 episode on CBC

what you need to know: Karl and Sunita have a quick legover, Stella takes Karl back but obviously knows nothing about the legover, Tommy buys a beat-up VW camper van and Tina is thrilled, Peter bans Leanne from seeing Simon, Sally and Carla are to become business partners, David gets fired from the snooty hair salon and he and Kylie decide to become squatters in Audrey's salon.

Call the Guinness Book of Records because I think David Platt is setting a new standard for getting fired from hair styling salons. As, ol' Davey himself says, he's just been fired from two salons in two weeks.

But wait, there's more. Do you remember when David was working at a similarly upscale salon and his girlfriend of the time (Tina, if you can believe it) came in and made a scene which resulted in David getting.. um.. fired.

Now fast forward to yesterday's episode and we find Mr. Platt toiling on the bottom rung of the hair styling ladder sweeping up hair and making coffee (I hope he doesn't get those tasks mixed up - ed). It's a horrible fate (even for David) and the snooty, supercilious senior stylist (the enigmatically named 'Aaron') doesn't make things any better with his snarky comments. Aaron really should compile a collection of his wit and wisdom in some kind of book, maybe it would go something like this:

"There's no shortcuts in the hair styling business - just extensions."

"Doing highlights is the highlight of my day"

"When a customer asks for a rat tail, could he be asking for the story of David's life?"

"Do you think that cup's going to wash itself? (It will when we replace you with a Japanese-manufactured robot)"

"David, keep working hard -- and one day you'll dye"

"Before Kylie sticks that brush up my nose... I'd like to mullet over"

(I've already got my order in to Amazon)

Coronation Street exclusive: men are rats

please note this post makes reference to the June 25 episode on CBC

what you need to know: Anna is not impressed by Owen's attempts to buy her affections (but Faye is), Peter storms out of the custody mediation meeting but softens his approach later, Tommy and Tina finally get together, Sunita continues her bizarre 'friendship' with Karl, Stella throws Karl out due to his lying, gambling, thieving ways.

I was talking to our cafeteria lady, Sue Vide, and she said the conclusion she had reached after many years of watching Coronation Street is that men, in all their glorious forms and incarnations, are er.. scum. Now it's true that Sue has a bit of baggage in that she has dated her fair share of jerks (you mean like Terry Duckworth - ed) but I'm afraid she might be right. Just look at the evidence in last night's show.

Exhibit A: Karl Munro, gambling addict, liar, thief, devious fellow. He's left Stella up her eyeballs in debt and she only finds out because a bailiff comes calling. Small wonder she told him to sling his hook.

Exhibit B: Peter Barlow, alcoholic, deadbeat dad (when drunk), adulterer, bigamist, submariner, bookie. Leanne is still mad as a hornet about him. Small wonder when she has to gaze upon him swanning around with the Black Widow er.. I mean Carla.

Now, Sue had many more examples to offer but you get the point. And, she says that even when the men are good, they are somehow bad. Take Graham Proctor. Nice lad and all but he did basically dump Tina for Xian. And Tyrone, who is a lovely lad, allows himself to be taken advantage of by a nutty policewoman and shuns his friends.

Why is the role of the archetypal Corrie male so unfailingly bleak? "Because men are rats," says Leanne. Ah, I knew there was a good answer. And, Ms. Vide in the cafeteria, agrees 100%.

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the Fantastic Brenda edition

please note this post makes reference to the June 22 episode on CBC

what you need to know: Paul and Eileen have taken Leslie to a care facility, Leanne and Peter are at odds over the custody of Simon, Karl's gambling problem is out of control and he fakes a burglary at the Rovers to get money, Sally wants to buy Frank's portion of Underworld, Tommy's granddad has died and Tina is helping him through his grief, Dev (the oaf) goes on vacation solo with the kids, Tyrone's strange girlfriend freaks out (again) at poor Ty.

A European bankruptcy crisis, insurmountable debts, creditors and banks impatiently awaiting a financial solution.. No, I'm not talking about Greece, Spain, Ireland, Italy or Portugal. I'm talking about another unfortunate casualty in the Eurozone (adjacent): Karl Munro. This guy's up to his eyeballs in it and I don't believe that Stella will be Karl's angel or even his Angela (Merkel).  The fact is Karl's got a little gambling problem and he should ask Peter Barlow if they have a gamblers anonymous session scheduled right after the AA meeting.

Ah well, damn the torpedoes and let's have a few lines from the week that was:

Audrey has a few choice words about Gail:
"She will stop at nothing to satisfy her own selfish agenda" 
(if, by her own agenda, you mean cleaning the toilets at Nick's bistro, I guess you're right)


Deirdre is not impressed by the fact that Ken walked out and spent the night at Steve's:
"So you're not dead in a ditch then"
(or alive on a barge...)


Marcus insists that young Liam has a small but significant role in the school's Easter play:
"Three words can change the world"
(what are they?)


Steve awakes to the sight of Ken Barlow wearing a silk housecoat:
"Nice kimono"
(wait till you see his evening wear)


Tracy tells Steve she doesn't like Amy being with Leslie:
"She's knitting with one needle"
(she's still twice as productive as Tracy)


Ken objects to the pejorative term "Fat Brenda" and suggests an alternative to Steve:
"Fantastic Brenda"
(while we're at it, how about Pedantic Ken?)


Kylie sums up Audrey's romantic situation:
"Love is the drug, Lewis is crack"
(hey, send those lyrics to Roxy Music)


Fiz tells Maria she's impressed with Marcus' child minding skill:
"Why can't they make straight men like that?"
(they've tried Fiz, believe me, they've tried) 

***

Well, fellow faithful Corrie followers, so ends another week on the street and we're steaming along at our pre-playoff rate of one hour per night. Have a great weekend and thanks for dropping by. All of us here at Blanche's Polish Hip wish you a wonderful weekend and we look forward to welcoming you back here at the Hip next week. Cheers!

Is Coronation Street's Lewis redeeming or scheming?

please note this post makes reference to the June 18 episode on CBC

what you need to know: Sally is making a miraculous recovery (quel surprise) and is now best buds with Carla, Dev is acting like a chump and Sunita went on a bender, Sunita and Carl are getting cosier by the minute, Gail is shunning Audrey as long as she's shacked up with Lewis, Ken and Deirdre are at odds over who's got the worst offspring (hint: it's Deirdre)

I say, Lewis is rather a chivalrous fellow, isn't he? But, well, to be perfectly frank, how can one know if one's intentions are honourable, one wonders? (stop staying 'one', one is getting annoyed - ed).

That's the £4,000 question.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to believe that Lewis (the former cad) is a reformed gentleman with a genuine love for Audrey and an absolutely incontrovertible desire to be her soul mate in perpetuity
or
Could he, in fact, be disguising his true and visceral nature as a certified gigolo and harbouring an unscrupulous agenda to defraud the lovely Audrey of her salon, her house and her dignity... again.

Ay, there's the rub.

Gail and David certainly seem to think that Lewis is, how you say, "an oily gigolo."

Audrey and Nick believe that Lewis is not at all oily. They think he's changed his ways - and is an excellent maitre d' to boot. (nobody can unscrew a bottle of Fresco's chardonnay with more elegance - ed).

I confess, I can't tell which it is but it seems to me that in the history of Coronation Street it is very, very rare that a leopard changes his - or her - spots.  It could be a bad scene, but look on the bright side. At least Audrey isn't dating a cross-dresser (at least I don't think so) and Gail's not talking to her (bonus).

I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
   

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the filicide edition

please note this post makes reference to the June 14 episode on CBC

what you need to know: Leanne and Peter are at odds over the custody of Simon, Sunita tries to talk to Carl about his gambling problem,  Sean convinces Tina to get together with Tommy,  Kylie is having second thoughts about home schooling Max, Frank's funeral takes place, Sally trips and hurts herself after hearing Ann's confession, Carla confronts Ann about the murder of Frank and Kevin comes to the rescue as Ann wields a knife...

The technical term for it is filicide although I stubbornly cling to my theory that it could have been Norricide. But either way, the cat is out of the bag and, once again, Carla is in serious peril (for a woman that has suffered so much trauma and so many nutbar lovers, she seems remarkably composed). But I digress. Let's sum up the week with a little thing I like to call TGIF or Tony Gordon It's Friday. Lay it on me:

Beth tells Julie that Eileen's relationship with Paul and his wife is fair game:

"Hey it's not me that's shacked up in one of those menageries"
(the term is menage a trois and at Eileen's house, the menage is actually bigger than trois)


Carla confronts Mrs. Foster:
"Your son was evil"
(I thought he was Frank)


Julie defends her beau to David and Kylie:
"My Brian's not a porker"
(but he does bring home the bacon)


Mary accosts Julie about the moral implications of her unborn child:
"Your pregnancy and over population are two horns on the same goat"
(that sounds like one horny goat)


Julie suspects Kylie's involvement with the contraband junk food:
"Do you think she was behind that pasty?"
(Kylie's thin but not that thin)


Carla to Sally who tries to prevent her from attending Frank's funeral:
"I didn't think they had bouncers at crematoriums"
(they do but I hear they don't urn much)


Ann makes a terrible confession:
"I killed my own son" 
(someone call DC Nash and tell him to put a revolving door on the interview room)

***

Well, fellow Corriephiles, the week is almost over and the mystery is solved. I don't know about you but I found the whole Frank murder plot a tad contrived. It's not my favourite story line but then, what do I know? The important thing is that Corrie is back to one hour each weekday night. Hope you have a grand weekend and if you're an omnibus watcher, enjoy the Sunday spectacular. Thanks for the comments and all the best.

Coronation Street schedule change: the hour of power is back

please note that no spoiler were used in the preparation of this post

It's like a kind of seasonal time change for Coronation Street lovers. Tonight, please set your Coronation Street recording devices (I still prefer wax cylinders - ed) for one half hour longer in order to capture the glory that is one full hour of Corrie every weeknight.

That's right punters and punterettes. This means that, effective June 14, Coronation Street on CBC will go back to it's pre-hockey playoff schedule of one full hour from 6:30pm to 7:30pm in the East, but please check your local listings for the correct times in your area.

What it also means is that Canadian Corrie fans will resume the inexorable journey towards that seemingly unattainable goal: episode timeline parity with the UK!  Think of it. Sometime in the not-too-distant future we will actually be up to date with Coronation Street. We will no longer be six months or three months - or whatever it is - behind.

So buckle up, get your plate of chocolate digestives ready, pour yourself a nice cuppa and put your feet up. It's going to be an hour of power starting tonight.  

Coronation Street shocker: where was Norris when Frank was murdered?

please note: this post makes reference to the June 12 episode on CBC

what you need to know: Brian is at odds with Kylie over his school's healthy eating initiative, Peter has been charged with the murder of Frank Foster, Carla is deep in self-recrimination over the trouble she's caused,  Lewis and Nick are an item but keeping it a secret, Sally and Ann (Frank's mom) are bonding, Sunita is learning more about Carl's gambling and Leanne learns that Peter has an alibi but she's only told Stella... so far.

The crew here at Blanche's Polish Hip (receptionist Abby Downton, tech intern Luke Skivewalker, accountant Gordon Tony and myself) have been arguing about who killed Frank Foster.  My theory? It's always the person you least suspect. By this rationale, I would like to point the finger at one Norris Cole and say "J'accuse" (gesundheit - ed).

Now I know you're all shaking your heads but bear with me. Remember what Norris said when they were taking Frank's body out of the factory. He was sweeping the sidewalk and saying: "that's not good for business" or something like that.

Fact: the closure of the factory would have dealt a serious blow to a small business like the Kabin. 
Fact: Unlike Mike Baldwin who dropped a lot of dosh at the Kabin buying his thin cigars, Frank never put a penny in the till. 
Fact: Norris is a certified busybody who seems to have an inordinate interest in the murder case.

So we have motive and we have opportunity. Let's face it: what else does Norris have to do but snoop around into other people's business. For all we know he could have been sniffing around the factory at the time of Frank's timely demise.

Yes, maybe it's wishful thinking on my part. Maybe I'd just like to see Norris being bundled into a police car and charged with a crime, instead of him having a nosey around and tsk tsking other people's shortcomings. I'm not saying he should be sent down or anything  -- just interrogated for a couple of hours until the police can't take anymore of his fussbudget whining and release him.

Just an idea.

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the contractual edition

please note: this post makes reference to the June 7 episode on CBC

what you need to know: Carla's released after being questioned by police, the murder weapon could be a whiskey bottle with Frank's blood on it, Underworld workers want to know what's going on. Paul is thinking about a care facility for his wife, Rita cancelled her engagement 'do' at the Rovers after Carl (who has gambling debts) tried to stiff her on the price, Lewis was falsely accused of stealing money from Nick's Bistro. Oh, and it seems that the lovely Michelle stole the contract which Carla signed handing over the factory to Frank.

Well, fellow faithful followers of Corrie, it's another week on the Street and DC Nash has his hands full trying to question Carla Connor without getting a load of sarky remarks. Norris has his shorts in a knot over the fact that lovely Rita is engaged to Dennis the Menace. Nothing left for me to do except proffer a fine assortment of lines from the week's episodes. A little something that we like to call, Tony Gordon It's Friday or TGIF. Roll 'em:

Norris to Rita as he watches the police remove the late Frank Foster from Underworld:
"It's not the first body they've pulled out of there"
(so? what small business hasn't had one, two, three or more corpses on the premises?)


Rita prompts Dennis to propose:
"I don't want hearts and roses; a simple question will do"
(what kind of question?)


Weatherfield police to co-prime suspect Peter Barlow:
"Don't go booking any vacation"
(yeah, the prices right now are way too high. Wait till the off-season)


Lewis is miffed by the outrageous circumstantial evidence behind his firing:
"QED"
(A sophisticated way of poo poo-ing Nick's screwball deduction: quod erat demonstrandum)


Mrs. Foster to Sally:
"Hell hath no fury like a machinist scorned"
(especially if they miss their tea break)


A grieving Mrs. Foster is angry with Carla:
"The only stitching you'll be doing is mailbags"
(...which actually look a lot like some of the knickers they make at Underworld)


Police officer to Peter Barlow during questioning:
"You were so wasted, you could have massacred half of Weatherfield dressed up as the Easter Bunny and you wouldn't remember a thing"
(Don't tell me they found his costume in the skiff?)


An indignant Lewis to Gail after being accused of theft:
"You can pat me down, Gail"
(Don't give her the satisfaction, Lewis)


Carla's smart-assed response to DC Nash:
"I watch a fair amount of CSI"
(I watch a fair amount of hockey but I won't be in the LA Kings lineup)


Sylvia to Norris tsk tsking the idea of an engagement party for Rita and Dennis:
"We live in self congratulatory times"
(Good one, if I do say so myself)

***

Well, my comrades of Corrie, that's it for another week. I've started an experiment, putting in short episode recaps at the beginning of each blog post as an aide for those who want to catch up or missed an episode. Let me know what you think and if you find it helpful -- or a hindrance. All the best and have a great weekend. Corrie.

Everyone on Coronation Street killed Frank Foster

please note this post makes reference to the June 4 episode on CBC

what you need to know: Frank Foster is definitely deceased (I thought he was resting, like the Norwegian Blue), Carl's stuck on the roof of the Rovers due to a continuing satellite TV spat with Stella, Dennis Tanner got a job but it's in Birmingham, Streetcars 2-way radio is not working, Sally and Carla have been questioned by police, Lewis is still working at Nick's Bistro, Peter spent the night on a bender and can't remember anything -- and he has blood on his shirt.

My fellow Corrie lovers, ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tools for thee. No man is an island. (get on with it - ed). In other words, it is with a heavy heart that I say to you that we are, all of us, guilty.  We all killed Frank Foster.

Actually I'm not being symbolic or metaphoric. If you take a look at the list of suspects in this crime, you soon realize that the cops will have to interview practically everyone on the Street because almost everyone had a motive. This is a case worthy of Prime Suspect (surely you mean Perm Suspect - ed).

In the public interest, let's draw up a list of suspects:
Sally Webster
Sean
Julie
Everyone else in the factory including the non-speaking extras
Kev (always quick with his fists)
Michelle
Carla
Peter
Roy (he heard that Frank didn't like endangered bats)
Mrs. Foster
Gail (well, she's always a suspect in any murder, isn't she?)
Brian (Frank never liked his healthy eating initiative)
Jenny (jealous of Sally's frozen cuisine skills)
Maria (I hear she wrote 'therapist' on the wall... she just forgot to put a space between the words)
Eccles (it's always the most unlikely suspect)
David Platt (he's innocent but deserves to be in the nick)
Lewis (so THAT's what he's up to - plus he's already serving time)


Phew. I'm exhausted already. Better put the kettle on in the police station and open up the interview room. It's going to be a long day.

Was that Martha's barge I saw in the Royal Flotilla?

please note that no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

I could be mistaken but I could have sworn I saw Martha's barge swanning down the Thames in the Royal Flotilla yesterday. I think it was sandwiched between the Canadian canoe and the London Philharmonic Orchestra. (I haven't been so keyed up about a nautical event since Tony Gordon threw Roy Cropper into the canal - ed).

Or not.

Anyway, the point is with more than 1,000 vessels punting their way along the river, the famous SS Legover must have been in there somewhere - while Ken, Eccles and Deirdre watched from the shore. As I'm sure you recall, Ken happened upon the charming narrow boat and its comely captain by chance (while walking the dog along the canal) and thence started a torrid meeting of minds and eventually bodies. Martha, an amateur thespian with a penchant for dry wine and wet lips, had it off with Ken. Eccles was not amused. Neither was Deirdre (we were not amused either - ed).

Speaking of famous boats, I must say I was more than a little disappointed that the iconic Corrie frigate, 'Gail Force', was excluded from the watery pageant. Gail Force, acquired by Joe McIntyre and named in honour of. Gail Platt, was mostly parked in the driveway of the Platt house until it became the focal point of a most unfortunate nautical incident which resulted in Joe's death.

One other vessel missing from the flotilla was the submarine which Peter Barlow and Ciaran served on, the HMS Bladdered. Of course, maybe it was in the flotilla and I just didn't see it.

Meanwhile, back on dry land, our thoughts return to Frank 'the Vole' Foster.  He appears to be dead and the list of possible murderers is, well, longer than the number of boats in the Royal Flotilla. Time to call Weatherfield CSI... again.
  

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the evil Frank and Jenny edition

please note: this post makes reference to the May 31 episode on CBC

What you need to know:  Peter's back on the bottle, Norris is celebrating his 132nd birthday (measured in fussbudget years), Dennis Tanner feels like he is sponging off Rita (duh). Lewis gets a job at Nick's (head gigolo?) Carla signs the contract to her share of the factory to Frank - before Sally and Michelle can tell her that it's all a scam. 

Well, it's Friday and loyal followers will know that means one thing (you're skiving again? - ed), Tony Gordon It's Friday or TGIF. For newcomers to this blog, I bid you welcome. Make yourself right at home, have a virtual custard slice and feel free to add comments, quips and sarky remarks. But first, let's have a quick gander at some of the week's memorable lines:

Leanne gives Simon some sage advice while Peter listens:
"Liars never win, do they Peter?"
(he'll get back to you after he's had an "orange juice")


Even Mrs. Foster  is appalled by Frank's behaviour
"You can't just use people and throw them away"
(just watch him)


Mrs. Foster can't believe that Sally can't see the truth:
"You are a stupid woman"
(don't sugarcoat it. Tell her what you really think)


Sally confronts Frank and his duplicitous ways:
"I can't believe how stupid I've been"
(I sense a theme here)


Jenny to Frank about Sally:
"Poor cow's really fallen for you"
(Think of Jenny as the udder woman)


Frank threatens Sally:
"The last woman who crossed me. She lived to regret it"
(So I'm assuming it wasn't Edith Piaf)


Deirdre sees that Peter is very drunk:
"I've got two words for you: Deja Vu"
(phew, that's a relief. For a moment there...)


Sally tells Kevin how bad Frank is:
"Even you're worth ten of him and that's saying something"
(So the current exchange rate is 1 Kev = 10 Franks)


One more expression of loathing from Sally:
"You're vile Frank Foster" 
(the three words that describe you are as follows, and I quote, "Stink, Stank, Stunk" - apologies to Dr. Seuss)


Frank Foster after Carla signs over the factory for a pittance:
"Underworld is mine"
(boy, he makes Dr. Evil look like Santa Claus)

***

Well, lovers of Corrie, that's it for another week. Before I leave you for the weekend, a quick shout out to John over at Corrie Canuck who is busy preparing for his nuptials. I have always enjoyed John's posts and I wish him all the best and a wonderful summer.  Have a great weekend and meet me back here next week for more of the Hip. Cheers!