Forgive me, I'm still trying to digest Ciaran's daring culinary exploits and the titillating aftermath. Talk about your 'Naked Chef'! But I think Michelle has missed the point (so far anyway - ed). By burning the chicken, Ciaran has unwittingly stumbled upon the British version of nouvelle cuisine (a new kitchen? - ed). Call it 'angleterre fare' (I'd rather not -ed), simple, basic, everyday British dishes made with high quality ingredients and getting back to the roots of English culinary arts.
If memory serves me well, 'Iron' Chef Ciaran presented the fair Michelle wth one of England's enduring classic dishes, namely "baked haricots in a rich pomodoro sauce served on a bed of grilled ciabatta avec poivre" (beans on toast).
He could have served a "Chateaubriand reduction in a flavourful beef stock with ancient grains"(Bovril on toast)
...or treated Michelle to "prime pork slices, grilled to perfection and nestled on a butter-only roux between slices of bakery fresh baguette" (Bacon butty).
...or, how about "fresh farm eggs lightly poached, seasoned with sea salt and fresh ground pepper and set atop a nest of golden matchstick potatoes and garnished with a piquant tomato puree" (Egg and chips with ketchup).
With 'angleterre fare', the possibilities are endless. On the other hand, maybe the punters prefer to just watch Ciaran walking around in his boxers...
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Tony Gordon It's Friday: the playoff edition
Apologies to all Corrie faithful and mea carla, I mean culpa. I have been on a 'business' trip and unable to procure computer facilities until now (pull the other one -ed). As a result, TGIF is a bit late but please rest assured that I was here in spirit if not in blog (get on with it - ed). Anyway, here we go with another round-up of memorable lines from the past week's shows, a little something that I call TGIF (you mean TGIS - ed).
Graeme asks about a photo in Rita's photo album:
"Oh, dear, who’s the drag queen with the beehive?"
(That's no drag queen, that's Bet Lynch)
Julie confesses her national preferences in men:
"I find Croatians very swarthy as a race."
(I'm sure Joe Sakic will be pleased)
Lewis exchanges flirty banter with Deirdre
"You are a very naughty girl."
(yes, yes ,yes and I suppose she needs to be spanked or something yadda, yadda, yadda)
Mary assures Hailey that her wedding reception idea is not a joke:
"I’m not in the habit of dangling bogus carrots"
(...unless Norris finds root vegetables to be erotic)
Tina tells Norris not to criticize Graeme, given the calibre of Norris' lady friend:
"Scary Mary isn’t exactly a full shilling."
(...and you can take that to the bank)
Steve is threatened by Cheryl's violent husband
"Just relax, Eileen. He only hits women."
(every now and then, Steve gets it right)
Graeme thanks Emily for offering him a place to stay:
"You give Christians a good name."
(well she can't take all the credit)
Norris tries to find Graeme lodging elsewhere:
"Mary, how do you fancy sharing your camper van with a lusty young man?"
(I dunno, let me see the man)
Graeme asks about a photo in Rita's photo album:
"Oh, dear, who’s the drag queen with the beehive?"
(That's no drag queen, that's Bet Lynch)
Julie confesses her national preferences in men:
"I find Croatians very swarthy as a race."
(I'm sure Joe Sakic will be pleased)
Lewis exchanges flirty banter with Deirdre
"You are a very naughty girl."
(yes, yes ,yes and I suppose she needs to be spanked or something yadda, yadda, yadda)
Mary assures Hailey that her wedding reception idea is not a joke:
"I’m not in the habit of dangling bogus carrots"
(...unless Norris finds root vegetables to be erotic)
Tina tells Norris not to criticize Graeme, given the calibre of Norris' lady friend:
"Scary Mary isn’t exactly a full shilling."
(...and you can take that to the bank)
Steve is threatened by Cheryl's violent husband
"Just relax, Eileen. He only hits women."
(every now and then, Steve gets it right)
Graeme thanks Emily for offering him a place to stay:
"You give Christians a good name."
(well she can't take all the credit)
Norris tries to find Graeme lodging elsewhere:
"Mary, how do you fancy sharing your camper van with a lusty young man?"
(I dunno, let me see the man)
***
Well, that's it for the week. Thanks for stopping by. I'll be back in the saddle next week with more from the Hip. Have a great weekend and enjoy the Sunday omnibus. Cheers!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Ken Barlow vs Lewis Archer
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the April 20 epiosde on CBC
Well it seems that Deirdre is going all 'Eartha Kitt' over the suave senior, Lewis Archer. But why is Lady Barlow turning into Lady Gaga at the sight of the grey fox? Maybe I'm just thick (maybe? - ed) but from where I'm standing (outside the Tim Horton's in the rain - ed), the irresistible Lewis seems to be exactly like the resistible Ken.
They have the same hair style, they are the same vintage, they speak the same way. They have the same impeccable manners and pseudo-intellectual interests and, it seems, they have both been involved in the er.. world's oldest profession (supermarket trolley collector at Freshco's? - ed). On top of that, the two former male escorts seem to get along like a house on fire. They were chatting up a storm over Deirdre's stuffed marrow (I beg your pardon! - ed).
So why does Deirdre find Lewis as sexually alluring as a musk-soaked Chippendale's dancer?
Who knows? Maybe it's a revenge affair? After all, she does keep referring to the canal. Or maybe Ken spends too much time at the library tending to his literary desires and not enough time tending to Deirdre's animal desires? Or maybe it has something to do with Audrey? In any event, there seem to be some sparks flying and, all of a sudden, the male escort business seems to be one hot ticket.
Well it seems that Deirdre is going all 'Eartha Kitt' over the suave senior, Lewis Archer. But why is Lady Barlow turning into Lady Gaga at the sight of the grey fox? Maybe I'm just thick (maybe? - ed) but from where I'm standing (outside the Tim Horton's in the rain - ed), the irresistible Lewis seems to be exactly like the resistible Ken.
They have the same hair style, they are the same vintage, they speak the same way. They have the same impeccable manners and pseudo-intellectual interests and, it seems, they have both been involved in the er.. world's oldest profession (supermarket trolley collector at Freshco's? - ed). On top of that, the two former male escorts seem to get along like a house on fire. They were chatting up a storm over Deirdre's stuffed marrow (I beg your pardon! - ed).
So why does Deirdre find Lewis as sexually alluring as a musk-soaked Chippendale's dancer?
Who knows? Maybe it's a revenge affair? After all, she does keep referring to the canal. Or maybe Ken spends too much time at the library tending to his literary desires and not enough time tending to Deirdre's animal desires? Or maybe it has something to do with Audrey? In any event, there seem to be some sparks flying and, all of a sudden, the male escort business seems to be one hot ticket.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Buster Toughguts reporting for duty
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the April 18 episode on CBC
There seem to be a lot of overt and not-so-overt competitions going on in the Street right now.
First, there is the "fairest barmaid in Weatherfield" contest which is creating ripples at the Rovers. (Lager glass, lager glass, on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all? - ed). This contest follows on the heels of the 'oldest barmaid' contest which Betty won by a landslide (although subsequently contested by another senior server who mysteriously passed away). There seems to be no end of these pub-oriented competitions. How about saving some time and combining a few of them (i.e. oldest and fairest barmaid contest). Just a suggestion.
On the adoption front, it seems that the Windasses have pulled into the lead on the strength of Eddie's brazen use of his son to tug at the emotional heart strings. While Steverino, armed only with a doll named Buster Toughnuts or Toughguts or something, comes in second and the adoption lady doesn't seem that impressed by either Steve's action figure or Becky's monkey (don't ask -ed).
And, if there was ever any doubt that love is indeed a battlefield, look no further than the love 'quadrangle' of Graeme-Tina-Jason-David. It seems that Jason and David are still, in some crazy way, trying to compete for the affections of Tina. Now, that's a contest which I bet won't end happily for anyone..
There seem to be a lot of overt and not-so-overt competitions going on in the Street right now.
First, there is the "fairest barmaid in Weatherfield" contest which is creating ripples at the Rovers. (Lager glass, lager glass, on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all? - ed). This contest follows on the heels of the 'oldest barmaid' contest which Betty won by a landslide (although subsequently contested by another senior server who mysteriously passed away). There seems to be no end of these pub-oriented competitions. How about saving some time and combining a few of them (i.e. oldest and fairest barmaid contest). Just a suggestion.
On the adoption front, it seems that the Windasses have pulled into the lead on the strength of Eddie's brazen use of his son to tug at the emotional heart strings. While Steverino, armed only with a doll named Buster Toughnuts or Toughguts or something, comes in second and the adoption lady doesn't seem that impressed by either Steve's action figure or Becky's monkey (don't ask -ed).
And, if there was ever any doubt that love is indeed a battlefield, look no further than the love 'quadrangle' of Graeme-Tina-Jason-David. It seems that Jason and David are still, in some crazy way, trying to compete for the affections of Tina. Now, that's a contest which I bet won't end happily for anyone..
Friday, April 15, 2011
Tony Gordon, It's Friday: the speed dating edition
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the April 14 episode on CBC
An astute reader has alerted me to the fact that speed dating may not new to Coronation Street and that Rita may have been involved in a previous speed dating storyline a while ago. Either I have erased that information from my subconscious due to emotional trauma, or I forgot, or was away from my Coronation Street provider (aka TV) when this happened. In any event, thanks for the info. Sadly the speed dating is over and all we have left is the mating ritual of Michelle and Ciaran, whose tattoos seem destined to become one magnificent tapestry of indelible ink. But I digress... let's get to TGIF, our weekly round-up of some memorable lines from the week. Allez!
Tina makes an odd confession to Graeme:
"the strange thing about working with Norris all day is I’m actually starting to like him."
(oh,no, I think that's what they call 'Stockholm Syndrome')
Charlotte reports to John Stape the info from Colin Fishwick's Facebook page:
"He said he was missing his friends and finding Canada quite austere"
(He already thinks Canada's austere ? Just wait until winter...)
Charlotte tells Fiz she knows all about John Stape's impersonation of Colin Fishwick:
"If John needs help with his secret identity, you must call me."
(Help with his secret identity? He's a teacher, not the Green Lantern)
Graeme practices his patter with Ashley before speed dating:
"My name is a mere label given to me by my parents when I was simply a blank page"
(you mean like one of those warning labels which says: 'May cause blindness. Avoid contact with skin, eyes, mouth and clothing'?)
Graeme offers to provide Tina with some meat from the shop:
"I can slip you a bit of brisket if you're desperate?"
(no comment)
John reassures Fiz that the identity theft is working fine:
"...with the exception of Charlotte, everything’s going really well"
(That's like saying, with the exception of the war, 1939 was a great year)
Lewis tells Audrey that he's trying to mend fences between her and Deirdre:
"Deirdre and I really hit it off this morning."
(Oh, oh. You don't happen to have a barge parked along the canal, do you?)
Ken pops into the Kabin:
"Oh, hi, Rita. Have you got any magazines about serial killers?"
(what happened to 'Nice weather, we're having' ?)
Rosie tells Fiz that Charlotte is a slapper:
"She gets very busy on a Sunday, if you know what I mean."
(this from someone who parades around half-naked on roller skates dispensing vodka shots to leering drunks)
Peter responds to Leanne's insults:
"first I’m wassock, now I’m a pillock"
(at least you're moving up in the alphabet)
Charlotte warns Michelle as she passes by:
"Hey, don’t snag me pashmina"
(I've heard that can be quite painful)
An astute reader has alerted me to the fact that speed dating may not new to Coronation Street and that Rita may have been involved in a previous speed dating storyline a while ago. Either I have erased that information from my subconscious due to emotional trauma, or I forgot, or was away from my Coronation Street provider (aka TV) when this happened. In any event, thanks for the info. Sadly the speed dating is over and all we have left is the mating ritual of Michelle and Ciaran, whose tattoos seem destined to become one magnificent tapestry of indelible ink. But I digress... let's get to TGIF, our weekly round-up of some memorable lines from the week. Allez!
Tina makes an odd confession to Graeme:
"the strange thing about working with Norris all day is I’m actually starting to like him."
(oh,no, I think that's what they call 'Stockholm Syndrome')
Charlotte reports to John Stape the info from Colin Fishwick's Facebook page:
"He said he was missing his friends and finding Canada quite austere"
(He already thinks Canada's austere ? Just wait until winter...)
Charlotte tells Fiz she knows all about John Stape's impersonation of Colin Fishwick:
"If John needs help with his secret identity, you must call me."
(Help with his secret identity? He's a teacher, not the Green Lantern)
Graeme practices his patter with Ashley before speed dating:
"My name is a mere label given to me by my parents when I was simply a blank page"
(you mean like one of those warning labels which says: 'May cause blindness. Avoid contact with skin, eyes, mouth and clothing'?)
Graeme offers to provide Tina with some meat from the shop:
"I can slip you a bit of brisket if you're desperate?"
(no comment)
John reassures Fiz that the identity theft is working fine:
"...with the exception of Charlotte, everything’s going really well"
(That's like saying, with the exception of the war, 1939 was a great year)
Lewis tells Audrey that he's trying to mend fences between her and Deirdre:
"Deirdre and I really hit it off this morning."
(Oh, oh. You don't happen to have a barge parked along the canal, do you?)
Ken pops into the Kabin:
"Oh, hi, Rita. Have you got any magazines about serial killers?"
(what happened to 'Nice weather, we're having' ?)
Rosie tells Fiz that Charlotte is a slapper:
"She gets very busy on a Sunday, if you know what I mean."
(this from someone who parades around half-naked on roller skates dispensing vodka shots to leering drunks)
Peter responds to Leanne's insults:
"first I’m wassock, now I’m a pillock"
(at least you're moving up in the alphabet)
Charlotte warns Michelle as she passes by:
"Hey, don’t snag me pashmina"
(I've heard that can be quite painful)
***
Well, fellow Corrie lovers, another week has gone by and all we have to show for it is David Platt chained to a radiator (good job, Graeme, by the way). Thanks for stopping by and for your comments. I hope you have a great weekend and enjoy the omnibus show on Sunday morning. Cheers and I'll meet you here next week.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
faster than the speed of dating
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the April 13 episode on CBC
It's like a car crash. It's horrible but I can't look away. (I feel the same way about Charlotte's pashmina - ed) I'm talking about the first (and last? - ed) Rovers Return Speed Dating Night. Ciaran came up with this and it's probably the worst idea he's had since he signed up for submarine duty with Peter on the HMS Skinful.
First of all, did you notice how they had to import a busload of non-speaking lovelies to participate in the event? Apparently no self-respecting Coronation Street woman (and that includes Julie, Janice and Izzy) wanted to go where no woman has gone before.
On the male side, the main 'players' were Lloyd and Kirk. Graeme bowed out to provide um... comfort (and joy surely - ed) to Tina. Back at the Rovers, Lloyd did alright (he collected more phone numbers than the Yellow Pages!) but ol' Kirkie only managed to pick up an awkward silence and a slap in the face ("I'll take that as a maybe"). As for Ciaran, well, he was found fondling a speed dater in the smoking shelter by none other than Michelle.
Now that's what I call a Celtic Tiger!
It's like a car crash. It's horrible but I can't look away. (I feel the same way about Charlotte's pashmina - ed) I'm talking about the first (and last? - ed) Rovers Return Speed Dating Night. Ciaran came up with this and it's probably the worst idea he's had since he signed up for submarine duty with Peter on the HMS Skinful.
First of all, did you notice how they had to import a busload of non-speaking lovelies to participate in the event? Apparently no self-respecting Coronation Street woman (and that includes Julie, Janice and Izzy) wanted to go where no woman has gone before.
On the male side, the main 'players' were Lloyd and Kirk. Graeme bowed out to provide um... comfort (and joy surely - ed) to Tina. Back at the Rovers, Lloyd did alright (he collected more phone numbers than the Yellow Pages!) but ol' Kirkie only managed to pick up an awkward silence and a slap in the face ("I'll take that as a maybe"). As for Ciaran, well, he was found fondling a speed dater in the smoking shelter by none other than Michelle.
Now that's what I call a Celtic Tiger!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Colin Fishwick doesn't like Canada, you say? Pity.
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the April 12 episode on CBC
Well, well. It seems that Colin Fishwick doesn't like Canada. Pity. I suppose he has the usual complaints: the beer (too cold), the summer (too hot), the hockey (too fast), the curling (too slow) and the Beaver tails (not at all what he was expecting).
According to the devious Charlotte Hoyle, a former colleague and potential blackmailer of John Stape, Colin has been posting on his Facebook page (Geez, I wouldn't want to 'poke' him - ed). Apparently, Le Grand Fishwick has been e-whining. Charlotte says Colin is missing his friends and finding Canada "Quite Austere" (Isn't that near Moose Jaw? - ed).
I wonder what else his Facebook page says? (Likes: getting down, quaffing ale, premier league, tea breaks, 'the ladies', Marmite, beans on toast). Relationship status? (A player with a capital P).
But I digress. According to Charlotte, Facebook Disatisfaction is just the thin edge of the wedge - or, as she says to John: "it's a slippery slope, cock." (I beg your pardon - ed). The problem, according to Charlotte, is that ol' Colin might just end up on a one-way Air Canada flight back to Manchester (with a 10 hour layover at Heathrow - ed). Then we'd have two Colin Fishwicks in the UK. (Oh God, no. One is too many - ed)
Of course, we could all see this coming. This was a nutty scheme from the get go. John Stape seems adept at concocting and acting on idiotic plans (affair with Rosie, kidnapping Rosie etc etc). This is just another chapter in his sad saga. But the saddest part is poor Fiz, dealing with Stape and Chesney while her job hangs by a thread. I certainly don't envy her.
Meanwhile, Canadian Corrie watchers can take heart from the fact that Canada is playing a small part in a Corrie storyline. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Well, well. It seems that Colin Fishwick doesn't like Canada. Pity. I suppose he has the usual complaints: the beer (too cold), the summer (too hot), the hockey (too fast), the curling (too slow) and the Beaver tails (not at all what he was expecting).
According to the devious Charlotte Hoyle, a former colleague and potential blackmailer of John Stape, Colin has been posting on his Facebook page (Geez, I wouldn't want to 'poke' him - ed). Apparently, Le Grand Fishwick has been e-whining. Charlotte says Colin is missing his friends and finding Canada "Quite Austere" (Isn't that near Moose Jaw? - ed).
I wonder what else his Facebook page says? (Likes: getting down, quaffing ale, premier league, tea breaks, 'the ladies', Marmite, beans on toast). Relationship status? (A player with a capital P).
But I digress. According to Charlotte, Facebook Disatisfaction is just the thin edge of the wedge - or, as she says to John: "it's a slippery slope, cock." (I beg your pardon - ed). The problem, according to Charlotte, is that ol' Colin might just end up on a one-way Air Canada flight back to Manchester (with a 10 hour layover at Heathrow - ed). Then we'd have two Colin Fishwicks in the UK. (Oh God, no. One is too many - ed)
Of course, we could all see this coming. This was a nutty scheme from the get go. John Stape seems adept at concocting and acting on idiotic plans (affair with Rosie, kidnapping Rosie etc etc). This is just another chapter in his sad saga. But the saddest part is poor Fiz, dealing with Stape and Chesney while her job hangs by a thread. I certainly don't envy her.
Meanwhile, Canadian Corrie watchers can take heart from the fact that Canada is playing a small part in a Corrie storyline. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Deirdre Barlow: how low can she go?
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the April 11 episode on CBC
It's a question that's probably foremost on your mind. (Why is Natasha forking over three grand to Nick Tilsley? ed). No, not that. (Why is Charlotte chasing John Stape at a teacher's conference? - ed). No not that either. The big question is: Is it my imagination or is Deirdre's voice dropping an octave every two weeks? She's so husky, I half expect her to break into 'Ol' Man River' at any minute.
So how low can she go?
Well, folks, let's take a look at the Deep Voice Advisory Scale (DVAS), a 10-level celebrity gauge which helps us determine the depth of a voice in relation to celebrity benchmarks where Number 1 is deep and husky.. and Number 10 is dangerously low and can cause sub-woofers of stereo systems to crack:
1. Whoopi Goldberg
2. Bonnie Tyler
3. Kathleen Turner
4. Suzanne Pleshette
5. Patti & Selma Simpson
6. Eartha Kitt
7. Robert Goulet
8. Marianne Faithful
9. Donatella Versace
10 Barry White
Now, a month ago, Deirdre was on par with Patti & Selma Simpson at about a 5. But, right now, I'd say Deirdre is about a 7.5 on the DVAS, or midway between Robert Goulet and Marianne Faithful -- but she is definitely heading into Donatella Versace territory. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But if I hear her breaking into 'Can't Get Enough Of Your Love, Babe', I'll start to worry...
It's a question that's probably foremost on your mind. (Why is Natasha forking over three grand to Nick Tilsley? ed). No, not that. (Why is Charlotte chasing John Stape at a teacher's conference? - ed). No not that either. The big question is: Is it my imagination or is Deirdre's voice dropping an octave every two weeks? She's so husky, I half expect her to break into 'Ol' Man River' at any minute.
So how low can she go?
Well, folks, let's take a look at the Deep Voice Advisory Scale (DVAS), a 10-level celebrity gauge which helps us determine the depth of a voice in relation to celebrity benchmarks where Number 1 is deep and husky.. and Number 10 is dangerously low and can cause sub-woofers of stereo systems to crack:
1. Whoopi Goldberg
2. Bonnie Tyler
3. Kathleen Turner
4. Suzanne Pleshette
5. Patti & Selma Simpson
6. Eartha Kitt
7. Robert Goulet
8. Marianne Faithful
9. Donatella Versace
10 Barry White
Now, a month ago, Deirdre was on par with Patti & Selma Simpson at about a 5. But, right now, I'd say Deirdre is about a 7.5 on the DVAS, or midway between Robert Goulet and Marianne Faithful -- but she is definitely heading into Donatella Versace territory. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But if I hear her breaking into 'Can't Get Enough Of Your Love, Babe', I'll start to worry...
Friday, April 8, 2011
Tony Gordon It's Friday: the Underworld edition
spoiler alert: this episode makes reference to the April 7 episode on CBC
If you were thinking, "Where will I ever buy substandard knickers with bad stitching now that Underworld has burned down?", never fear. They're back and ready to skive. Nick Tilsley had found a new place to set up shop and it's only a matter of time before the first two-hour tea break gets underway. Underworld 2.0 is almost up and running. Speaking of substandard things, how about another edition of Tony Gordon, It's Friday, our weekly roundup of some of the week's memorable lines? Let's go:
A hungover Graeme gives some sage advice to Audrey:
"Never drink leftover cooking wine"
(...without checking the expiry date)
Liz reluctantly agrees to pass along a gift from Owen (Izzy's Dad) to Izzy:
"We're a pub not a left luggage office"
(although the food sometimes tastes like Samsonite).
Ciaran makes small talk with Mary:
"You said you went speed dating once. How does that work exactly?"
(She sits down and the guy runs away as fast as possible)
Mary makes small talk with Ciaran:
"...if you think that looks painful, you should see my Chewbacca"
(Not in public please)
(Mary recounts the hardships of her childhood)
"Mother wouldn’t let me watch anything with robots"
(yes, the robots had to leave the room while the TV was on)
Ciaran tries to chat up the lovely Tina:
"So tell me what’s a beautiful girl like you doing all by her lonesome at the bar?"
(seething?)
Potential knicker customer Paul tells Nick he's a bit peckish and wonders about the Rovers' menu:
"And could we get some food? I could eat a rotting fox"
(What a coincidence! Rotting fox is an anagram for 'hotpot'!)
Nick shows Paul he's got that can-do spirit:
"Do you know in China the word for crisis is the same as opportunity?"
(Really? And what's the Chinese word for skiving?)
If you were thinking, "Where will I ever buy substandard knickers with bad stitching now that Underworld has burned down?", never fear. They're back and ready to skive. Nick Tilsley had found a new place to set up shop and it's only a matter of time before the first two-hour tea break gets underway. Underworld 2.0 is almost up and running. Speaking of substandard things, how about another edition of Tony Gordon, It's Friday, our weekly roundup of some of the week's memorable lines? Let's go:
A hungover Graeme gives some sage advice to Audrey:
"Never drink leftover cooking wine"
(...without checking the expiry date)
Liz reluctantly agrees to pass along a gift from Owen (Izzy's Dad) to Izzy:
"We're a pub not a left luggage office"
(although the food sometimes tastes like Samsonite).
Ciaran makes small talk with Mary:
"You said you went speed dating once. How does that work exactly?"
(She sits down and the guy runs away as fast as possible)
Mary makes small talk with Ciaran:
"...if you think that looks painful, you should see my Chewbacca"
(Not in public please)
(Mary recounts the hardships of her childhood)
"Mother wouldn’t let me watch anything with robots"
(yes, the robots had to leave the room while the TV was on)
Ciaran tries to chat up the lovely Tina:
"So tell me what’s a beautiful girl like you doing all by her lonesome at the bar?"
(seething?)
Potential knicker customer Paul tells Nick he's a bit peckish and wonders about the Rovers' menu:
"And could we get some food? I could eat a rotting fox"
(What a coincidence! Rotting fox is an anagram for 'hotpot'!)
Nick shows Paul he's got that can-do spirit:
"Do you know in China the word for crisis is the same as opportunity?"
(Really? And what's the Chinese word for skiving?)
***
Well, fellow Corrie lovers, that's the end of another week. I think we're all suffering from a little Corrie letdown after the dramatic Tony Gordon episodes and Gail Platt trial. On top of that I'm a bit upset that Chesney (whom I always thought would excel academically) has skipped some of his GCEs. Oh well. Let's see what happens. Have a great weekend, thanks for your comments and I hope to see you here at the Hip next week. Cheers!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Postcards from the edge
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the April 6 episode on CBC
Poor Janice. Trevor is off to South Africa with the lovely, but stressed Carla. Destination? The 2010 World Cup (I wonder who'll win? - ed). The goal? To watch some goals. The plan? Get bladdered. But Trev's not completely insensitive. After all, Janice is a good mate and Trevor has promised to send her a postcard. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he sends a few. .
Postcard #1
Dear Jan,
Having a wicked time here in South Africa. Saw England play today. Bit shaky but not to worry. I'm sure they'll build momentum on their march to the finals. They've got these wonderful noisemaking thingys here. I think they're called Vuvuzelas. I love them! Carla loves the chardonnay. Wish you were here.
Trev
Postcard #2
Dear Jan
Having an okay time here in South Africa. Saw England play today. Still not so great but not to worry. I'm sure they'll make it to the final. Those Vuvuzelas are a bit loud and they seem to get louder throughout the match. I guess I like them. Carla loves the chardonnay. Wish you were here.
Trev
Postcard #3
Dear Jan,
Having a lousy time here in South Africa. Saw England lose today to Germany! 4-1! They won't even make it to the quarter finals. Those bloody Vuvuzelas are really getting on my nerves. I hate them. Carla loves the Chardonnay. Wish I was there.
Trev.
Poor Janice. Trevor is off to South Africa with the lovely, but stressed Carla. Destination? The 2010 World Cup (I wonder who'll win? - ed). The goal? To watch some goals. The plan? Get bladdered. But Trev's not completely insensitive. After all, Janice is a good mate and Trevor has promised to send her a postcard. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he sends a few. .
Postcard #1
Dear Jan,
Having a wicked time here in South Africa. Saw England play today. Bit shaky but not to worry. I'm sure they'll build momentum on their march to the finals. They've got these wonderful noisemaking thingys here. I think they're called Vuvuzelas. I love them! Carla loves the chardonnay. Wish you were here.
Trev
Postcard #2
Dear Jan
Having an okay time here in South Africa. Saw England play today. Still not so great but not to worry. I'm sure they'll make it to the final. Those Vuvuzelas are a bit loud and they seem to get louder throughout the match. I guess I like them. Carla loves the chardonnay. Wish you were here.
Trev
Postcard #3
Dear Jan,
Having a lousy time here in South Africa. Saw England lose today to Germany! 4-1! They won't even make it to the quarter finals. Those bloody Vuvuzelas are really getting on my nerves. I hate them. Carla loves the Chardonnay. Wish I was there.
Trev.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Carla & Trevor: Brilliant or binned?
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the April 4 episode on CBC
I'm very happy that Carla has such a nice bloke to help her get over the trauma of Underworld (before or after the fire? -ed) and the evil machinations of Tony Gordon (how dare he refuse her Hobnobs? - ed). But the thing is, I'm wondering whether Trevor and Carla are really a good match.
Carla is a high-maintenance, fashion-plate with a taste for expensive cars and pricey Chardonnay. Trevor is a straight-up, honest, working man whose idea of a great night is a couple of cans, an Indian take-away and something funny on TV. They are the epitome of an odd couple and somehow I can't see it working out between them - at least not in the long run. Just look at them eating dinner together. What exactly do they have in common? (a healthy dislike of Nick Tilsley? - ed) What on earth do they talk about? (their healthy dislike of Nick Tilsley? - ed).
Trevor, bless his heart, wants Carla to go to the World Cup. "How about running away to South Africa with me?" he says. I think Carla's idea of attending the World Cup probably involves sitting next to Posh Spice in the VIP box , nibbling caviar and sipping champagne. I don't think she's the kind of gal who would sit in a noisy grandstand with a can of lager and a Vuvuzela stuck in her ear (hey, watch it, it's a family blog - ed). However, there is someone who would consider that to be heaven and her name is Janice.
I'm very happy that Carla has such a nice bloke to help her get over the trauma of Underworld (before or after the fire? -ed) and the evil machinations of Tony Gordon (how dare he refuse her Hobnobs? - ed). But the thing is, I'm wondering whether Trevor and Carla are really a good match.
Carla is a high-maintenance, fashion-plate with a taste for expensive cars and pricey Chardonnay. Trevor is a straight-up, honest, working man whose idea of a great night is a couple of cans, an Indian take-away and something funny on TV. They are the epitome of an odd couple and somehow I can't see it working out between them - at least not in the long run. Just look at them eating dinner together. What exactly do they have in common? (a healthy dislike of Nick Tilsley? - ed) What on earth do they talk about? (their healthy dislike of Nick Tilsley? - ed).
Trevor, bless his heart, wants Carla to go to the World Cup. "How about running away to South Africa with me?" he says. I think Carla's idea of attending the World Cup probably involves sitting next to Posh Spice in the VIP box , nibbling caviar and sipping champagne. I don't think she's the kind of gal who would sit in a noisy grandstand with a can of lager and a Vuvuzela stuck in her ear (hey, watch it, it's a family blog - ed). However, there is someone who would consider that to be heaven and her name is Janice.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Tony Gordon, It's Final?
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the March 31 episode on CBC
First Blanche leaves us and now, it seems, Tony Gordon. Maybe I should change the name of the blog to something like "Gail Mcintyre's unending saga of misery" or "David Platt's Nutter News"? Something based on a character who might be around for a while. Ah well, no sense dwelling on the past. Let's pay tribute to the McNutter himself, Tony Gordon. Say what you will about him, he's certainly knows how to recite the Lord's Prayer (on a loop, it seems -ed). Och:
Hailey tells Roy she is relieved to be safe and sound after her ordeal:
"I'd rather be talking about the Flying Scotsman than the Lying Scotsman"
(Good one. Let me try: I'd rather be talking about the Robbie Burns than third-degree burns)
The prosecutor sums up the case against Gail:
"Gail Mcintyre killed Joe Mcintyre in a fit of desperate rage when she realized yet another husband was going to leave her."
(Chalk it up to rolling pin rage)
Maria, trapped in the factory, gives Michelle child care instructions over her cellphone:
"there’s a jar of food in his nappy bag and um, a beaker of juice"
(that takes care of Kirk, what about the baby?)
When Carla wakes up in hospital, Trevor is there to tell her what happened:
"You've breathed in some smoke, got a sprained ankle and some bruised ribs but there’s nothing serious."
(sounds like a regular night at the Rovers)
Tony tells Carla what he has in mind for her:
"I've got an idea. I strangle the life out of you and I hold your dead body in my arms, while the flames consume us"
(or.. how about drinks and an Indian take-away?)
Carla tells Tony where to find some cookies:
"There’s some chocolate hobnobs in the biscuit tin"
(yeah, you can really work up an appetite killing and burning people)
Carla urges Tony not to take his revenge out on Hailey:
"Maybe saving the life of a Cropper gives you an upgrade to purgatory"
(Hey, it's manslaughter we're talking about not an Air Canada flight... although...)
Maria escapes from the factory and sees Roy:
"Tony, he’s in the factory. He’s just killed a man; he’s laying dead on the floor. He’s got Carla and Hayley tied up"
(and what's the good news?)
Tony tells Carla and Hailey about his plans to set the factory on fire:
"They say that revenge is a dish best served cold, it’s better off flambéed"
(yikes, talk about your Kitchen Nightmares!)
First Blanche leaves us and now, it seems, Tony Gordon. Maybe I should change the name of the blog to something like "Gail Mcintyre's unending saga of misery" or "David Platt's Nutter News"? Something based on a character who might be around for a while. Ah well, no sense dwelling on the past. Let's pay tribute to the McNutter himself, Tony Gordon. Say what you will about him, he's certainly knows how to recite the Lord's Prayer (on a loop, it seems -ed). Och:
Hailey tells Roy she is relieved to be safe and sound after her ordeal:
"I'd rather be talking about the Flying Scotsman than the Lying Scotsman"
(Good one. Let me try: I'd rather be talking about the Robbie Burns than third-degree burns)
The prosecutor sums up the case against Gail:
"Gail Mcintyre killed Joe Mcintyre in a fit of desperate rage when she realized yet another husband was going to leave her."
(Chalk it up to rolling pin rage)
Maria, trapped in the factory, gives Michelle child care instructions over her cellphone:
"there’s a jar of food in his nappy bag and um, a beaker of juice"
(that takes care of Kirk, what about the baby?)
When Carla wakes up in hospital, Trevor is there to tell her what happened:
"You've breathed in some smoke, got a sprained ankle and some bruised ribs but there’s nothing serious."
(sounds like a regular night at the Rovers)
Tony tells Carla what he has in mind for her:
"I've got an idea. I strangle the life out of you and I hold your dead body in my arms, while the flames consume us"
(or.. how about drinks and an Indian take-away?)
Carla tells Tony where to find some cookies:
"There’s some chocolate hobnobs in the biscuit tin"
(yeah, you can really work up an appetite killing and burning people)
Carla urges Tony not to take his revenge out on Hailey:
"Maybe saving the life of a Cropper gives you an upgrade to purgatory"
(Hey, it's manslaughter we're talking about not an Air Canada flight... although...)
Maria escapes from the factory and sees Roy:
"Tony, he’s in the factory. He’s just killed a man; he’s laying dead on the floor. He’s got Carla and Hayley tied up"
(and what's the good news?)
Tony tells Carla and Hailey about his plans to set the factory on fire:
"They say that revenge is a dish best served cold, it’s better off flambéed"
(yikes, talk about your Kitchen Nightmares!)
***
Well, fellow Corrie lovers, that's it for another week - and what a week. Hope you enjoyed all the wailing, weeping and gnashing of teeth. Incidentally, I think I read somewhere (possibly on Corrie Canuck) that Alison King (who plays Carla) actually suffered from smoke inhalation while filiming the factory fire episode. Anyway, enjoy the weekend, the omnibus show and thanks very much for stopping by, reading my ramblings and for all the nice comments. Cheers!
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