and the golden hotpot goes to...

no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

Ladies and gentlemen, it's the moment you've all been waiting for (Gail moves to the Lake District? - ed). The votes have been tabulated by the staff at Peter Barlow's bookie shop, one of the most reputable establishments this side of the Newton and Ridley brewery, and we are ready to announce the winners of the 2010 People's Golden Hotpot Awards. But first, an unnecessary song and dance number featuring the Jack Duckworth Pigeon Toe Dancers.

(pause for applause)

Now, let's get to the winners.

In the Category: Best Wedding   
the nominees are: a) Steve & Becky; b) Stape & Fiz; c) Gail & Joe 

...and the Golden Hotpot goes to: Steve & Becky, together forever... or at least until Tracy finds out.
 

In the Category:  Best Crime Story:  
the nominees are: a) DC Hooch stitch up; b) the B&E at the clinic by Joe; c) Gary Windass robbery of Ted's house; d) Rosie ripped off by Luke Strong; e) Rick the loan shark; d) Tony Gordon arrested for murder; c) Eddie Windass' stealing Roy's cash and carry card.
 
...and the Golden Hotpot goes to: The DC Hooch stitch-up, if only for Steve's inept attempt at a bribe


In the Category: Best Medical/injury Story
the nominees are: a) Peter in rehab; b) Ashley's vasectomy; c) Becky's miscarriage; d) Jimmy conked on the head by Carla.
 
...and the Golden Hotpot goes to: Peter in rehab, it was so good, he went there twice
 

In the Category: Fondest Farewell (to the Corrie character who left us in 2010) 
the nominees are: a) Colin (Eileen's father); b) Joe McIntyre; c) Leanne the rabbit; d) Ramsay Cole.
 
...and the Golden Hotpot goes to: Ramsay Cole, but Leanne the rabbit was a close second

 
In the Category: Best Cat Fight
 the nominees are: a) Rosie/Michelle; b) Molly/Jackie Dobbs; c) Beckie/Poppy
 
...and the Golden Hotpot goes to: Beckie/Poppy, if only because of the removal of hair extensions
 

In the Category: Best Water-based Story
the nominees are: a) Tony tries to drown Roy; b) Sophie's baptism; c) Joe McIntyre trying to fake his death on Lake Windermere; d) Ken's narrow boat legover
 
...and the Golden Hotpot goes to: Ken's narrow boat legover, sex & amateur theatre? That's tough to beat
 

In the Category: Best Return to the Street
the nominees are: a) John Stapes; b) Sunita; c) Ciaran; d) Carla
 
...and the Golden Hotpot goes to: Sunita, although Ciaran does (old) spice things up
 

In the Category: Most Nauseating Romance
the nominees are: a) Dev/Tara; b) Natasha/Tony; c) Maria/Tony; d) Luke/Rosie; e) Lloyd/Teresa; f) Kev/Molly
 
...and the Golden Hotpot goes to: it's a tie! Dev/Tara & Lloyd/Teresa

 
In the Category: Best Romance or Relationship:
the nominees are: a) Jack & Connie; b) Martha & Ken; c) John & Fiz; d) Jason & Tina.
 
...and the Golden Hotpot goes to: Jack & Connie (I sure hope she doesn't turn out to be a con artist)
 
 
In the Category: Best Visiting Character
the nominees are: a) Umed, b) Slug, c) Frieda (Emily's niece); d) the Indian Aunties
 
...and the Golden Hotpot goes to: Umed, Mumbai's gain is Weatherfield's loss
 
 
And finally in the Category, Best Animal in a Story:
the nominees are: a) Jack's pigeon 'Scarlett'; b) John the parrot; c) Leanne the rabbit; d) Ozzie the dog.

...and the Golden Hotpot goes to: Ozzie the dog (hey, he had to cuddle with Tony Gordon, he deserves a medal of bravery too)


Well, fellow Corrie addicts, that's it for another year on the Street. 2010 has flown by and much has changed. Of course, some things haven't changed.  (Gail's hairdo? -ed). I want to send out special thanks and appreciation to everyone who stops by, reads my feeble musings and posts comments. You're very kind and I appreciate the company here at Blanche's Polish Hip. On behalf of the editor (get on with it - ed) and myself, I want to wish you all a very Happy New Year and all the best for 2011. Let's hope Peter stays off the booze and Gail stays away from marriage. Cheers!

2010 People's Golden Hotpot Awards

no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

Ladies and gentlemen, it's that time of year again (your gout's acting up? - ed) when the Blanche's Polish Hipatorium fills with the glamourous and the gorgeous, with the movers and shakers, the literati and the gliterati (get on with it! - ed). 

(Next cue card please). 

2010 has been quite a year on the Street with births (Liam Jr), deaths (Leanne the rabbit but not Leanne the escort/arsonist), weddings (Gail & Joe), many legovers (some naughty, some nautical) and assorted crimes and misdemeanours. So many memories, so little time. Let's get right to the nominations and remember it is an honour just to be nominated. Winners will be announced on Friday...

Category: Best Wedding 
And the nominees are: a) Steve & Becky; b) Stape & Fiz; c) Gail & Joe

Category:  Best Crime Story:
And the nominees are: a) DC Hooch stitch up; b) the B&E at the clinic by Joe; c) Gary Windass robbery of Ted's house; d) Rosie ripped off by Luke Strong; e) Rick the loan shark; d) Tony Gordon arrested for murder; c) Eddie Windass' stealing Roy's cash and carry card.

Category: Best Medical/injury Story
And the nominees are: a) Peter in rehab; b) Ashley's vasectomy; c) Becky's miscarriage; d) Jimmy conked on the head by Carla.

Category: Fondest Farewell (to the Corrie character who left us in 2010) 
And the nominees are: a) Colin (Eileen's father); b) Joe McIntyre; c) Leanne the rabbit; d) Ramsay Cole.

Category: (my favourite) Best Cat Fight
And the nominees are: a) Rosie/Michelle; b) Molly/Jackie Dobbs; c) Beckie/Poppy

Category: Best Water-based Story
And the nominees are: a) Tony tries to drown Roy; b) Sophie's baptism; c) Joe McIntyre trying to fake his death on Lake Windermere; d) Ken's narrow boat legover

Category: Best Return to the Street
And the nominees are: a) John Stapes; b) Sunita; c) Ciaran; d) Carla

Category: Most Nauseating Romance
And the nominees are: a) Dev/Tara; b) Nathalie/Tony; c) Maria/Tony; d) Luke/Rosie; e) Lloyd/Teresa; f) Kev/Molly


Category: Best Romance or Relationship:
And the nominees are: a) Jack & Connie; b) Martha & Ken; c) John & Fiz; d) Jason & Tina.

Category: Best Visiting Character
And the nominees are: a) Umed, b) Slug, c) Frieda (Emily's niece); d) the Indian Aunties

And finally (also my favourite) Best Animal in a Story:
the nominees are: a) Jack's pigeon 'Scarlett'; b) John the parrot; c) Leanne the rabbit; d) Ozzie the dog.


Biggest surprise? Leanne the Rabbit nominated in two categories! Wow. And what a bumper list of excellence throughout! Additions? Deletions? Surprises? Feel free to let me know. Who will win? Who will lose? Only time will tell. Winners will be announced on Friday. Till then the list is being kept sealed in a jar of licorice allsorts behind Norris' counter. The excitement is building.

Bin there, done that

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Dec 27 episode on CBC

Just what exactly is Carla Connor playing at?  She's comfortably ensconced at Underworld, acting all coquettish with a new hairdo and taking a shine to the friendly neighbourhood binman (wait till Janice finds out. It'll be UFC (Ultimate Freeforall Catfight) time - ed). So what's the attraction? And why is Cruella slumming it when she could be wining and dining with knicker factory suitor Nick Platt?

My sources at Tim Hortons (i.e. Judy) confirm that binman Trevor Dean is a "bit of alright", significantly boosting the hunk quota on the Street (It's about time! - ed). Maybe Carla is tired of smooth-talking rag trade/murder moguls like Tony Gordon? Or dark, broody guys like Liam? Maybe she's interested in someone upright, genuine, straightforward and easy on the eyes. Trevor liked Carla when he thought she was a cleaning lady at the factory. There's a certain kind of Cinderella-esque magic there.

Then there's the timeless allure of the binman, that most romantic of all trades.(utter rubbish! - ed). There's a legacy of binmen on Coronation Street from the legendary Eddie Yeats to Curly Watts (quality guys from the waste up - ed). It's hard not to fall for the sight of a man on the bins (not to mention the smell - ed).

One way or the other, Carlissima seems to have a soft spot for Trevor. I can hardly wait to see them in some cozy little restaurant sharing a vat of Chardonnay and a spag bol. Makes me think of the Lady and the Tramp.

Tony Gordon, It's Christmas Eve

Welcome all Corriephiles (watch the language - ed). Yes, the skiving is over and yes, I'm back in the metaphorical saddle (what happened to the real one you keep on the dining room table? - ed). There are, of course, some very important breaking stories on the Street which need to be mentioned. Specifically, Carla's new hairdo. The jury's still out on this (don't worry, they'll be back for Gail - ed) but for me it's a little too much like Cher circa 1987 ('gypsies, tramps & thieves' : how apropos - ed). But enough mithering. let's get festive with the Christmas eve edition of TGIF, Tony Gordon, It's Friday. Ho Ho Ho!


Steve tells his mom that the new barman has forgotten her late night advances: 
"Looks like Ciaran's got the memory of a goldfish"
(fortunately, it's not his memory she's after, Stevie boy)


Norris chastises Mary for her US style conversation:
"I do wish you wouldn't use Americanisms in the shop"
(Sounds like Norris has a bad case of gas... I mean petrol)


Kelly tells Teresa that her job prospects are bleak:
"Oh, well, I don't suppose there's much call for poisoners, is there?"
(Hmm... try the kebab shop...)


David is being unusually nice to Gail:
"I’ve made you a warm drink. Thought it might help you sleep"
(Watch out Gail, it could be David's special herbal tea blend:  'Toxic Tisane')


Carla asks Fiz to show Teresa around Underworld:
"Fiz love, would you show her where the toilet’s at please?"
(Certainly, walk this way)


Kelly is delighted at the prospect of Teresa being a char at Underworld:
"Do you know I have never loved another woman quite so much as I  love Carla Connor right this minute?"
(Now that's what I call a storyline!)


Sunita chats with John Stape about poor ol' Fiz:
"I remember reading in the newspaper she got mixed up with a nutter who kidnapped Rosie Webster"
(Guilty!)


Kirk recounts one of his primo pick-up lines:
"if I could arrange the alphabet I’d put you and I together."
(In Kirk's alphabet, I believe the U and I are together)


Trevor responds to Norris' query about the delicate placement of garbage bins:
"If I told you where to put your bin would you do it?"
(Probably not. I don't think it would fit anyway...)

***

Well, Corrie colleagues & friends, that's it for this abbreviated week of Blanche's Polish Hip. On behalf of everyone at the Hip, I wish you a Merry Christmas and my sincere thanks for stopping by and especially for your comments. I'll be back next week as usual with more Hip and our annual people's golden hotpot awards

I can already feel the excitement (no actually, that's your Snuggie - ed). Stay tuned and all the best.

Tony Gordon, It's Friday - Dec 17 Mini Catfight edition

I'll admit it. I was surprised that Molly did so well in the battle of Tyrone's Mum vs.Tyrone's wife (UFC pay per view I believe - ed). After all, Jackie is a tough cookie, a jailbird and street wise. Ah well, I'm sure we haven't seen the end of the aggro over Tyrone and there may be more cat fights to come. Stay tuned. As a distraction from the misery at Gail's place (more than usual? - ed), I think we can all use a little TGIF (Tony Gordon, It's Friday), the award-winning compendium of memorable lines from the past week. On Dasher!

Hayley is unable to help out cleaning the factory due to a prior engagement:
"Oh, I can’t. I’ve got to take me woody to Kevin’s"
(Lucky Kevin...)


Trevor, the hunky bin man, asks Carla to give a message to Janice:
"Anyway, tell Janice I’ve mended ‘er tap"
(In the immortal words of Carla: "I'll bet you have")


Detective Carr has bad news for the Platts:
"A body’s been found in Lake Windermere"
(I'm sorry you'll have to be more specific: which Lake Windermere?)


Carla assigns Janice to clean the toilets (terlets, if you prefer):
"Well, what do you expect, eh? From your dragon of a boss"
(Well played, Voldemorticia)


Audrey is fed up with the never ending woe at Gail's:
"How many more times will we be here, hmm? Sat in this house digesting awful, bad news"
(I dunno. I'll get back to you the next time she gets married)


 Jackie shares her unlawful dream with Tyrone
"You've robbed a budgie in your dream?"
(Yeah and then the two of them knocked off a bank...)


Molly tells Jackie what she really thinks: 
"You've got to be the worst mother in-law in the world!"(I believe she's up for Golden Globe in that category)


Upma, one of Indian aunties, is appalled at the vegetarian hotpots:
"How do you get gristle in a dish without meat?"
(Ah! That's Betty's little secret)


 Jackie Dobbs tells Molly what she really thinks:
"You're a plate faced slapper with elevator knickers"
(Going up!).

***

Well, that's it for the week. Thanks for stopping by and thanks for the comments. I'll be AWOL for a few days next week (skiving, I presume - ed) but I will be back for TGIF and maybe more. Have a great weekend and enjoy the omnibus edition.

Audrey Roberts and Lewis

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the December 15 episode on CBC

Well, Corrie nation, it's official. Gail is in the middle of another fine mess caused largely by her latest headcase husband, or rather, late headcase husband.  Luckily, by now the Weatherfield police must have her number on speed dial. Let's just call it another Plattastrophe™ and turn our attention to other diversions. And, by diversions, I mean Lewis, the latest man candy to hit the street. (Hey, what about Trevor? - ed)

Lewis is the sophisticated, experienced, date-for-hire with a touch of class and a credit card authorization slip. He's perfect for the discriminating older woman like Audrey Roberts (just ask Deirdre 'Cougar' Barlow or Liz 'Don't call me barmaid' McDonald).  Lewis offers lively companionship and sparkling conversation for the mature lady, something that 'Buffalo' Bill Webster and his ilk can never match. No wonder Audrey keeps Lewis' business card handy ('1-800-BEEFCAKE. Ask about our special rates for groups'). Check out his smooth as silk lines like:

"I find your conversation extremely stimulating"
or
"You're a natural orator. You really connected with the people, like Barack Obama."

Yeah, sure, if Barack Obama worked at a hairstyling salon (Yes we can.. get you a cuppa while Natasha does your roots). Then there is this priceless exchange:

Lewis: "You're a very complex woman."
Audrey: "I bet you say that to all the girls"
Lewis: "No, I'd still say it even if you hadn’t paid me."

...oh you silver-tongued devil! Hang on a sec while Audrey gets her chequebook -- unless, could you possibly be dating in your spare time? (No, but I believe he's tax deductible - ed)

But that's not all. How about this 'golden' bit of chit chat at the Rovers:

Audrey: "Are you comparing me to the Iron Lady?"
Lewis: "Not iron, no, something more precious and beautiful than that. - The Golden Lady."

Golden Lady™? I would have thought more of a 'Silver Stylist' or 'Bronze Beautician' or 'Tungsten Tsk tsker' or... (that's enough - ed). If Audrey's a Golden Lady, what is Lewis? (a nickel cad? - ed). Anyhoo, Lewis seems to make Audrey happy and I guess that's a handy distraction from all the palaver going on at Chez Gail.

Joe McIntyre: 2008-2010

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Dec 14 episode on CBC

Well, fellow Corrie lovers, it's official. Joe McIntyre's highly-leveraged body has washed up on the shores of Lake Gitchi Gumi (are you sure that's correct? - ed) and the Cumbrian police have put up enough yellow police tape to cover the entire Lake District ('Swallows and Amazons' was never like this... except for the time that Titty and John stole a car - ed).

Could there be a mistake? A horrible case of mistaken identity? I don't think so, especially after watching Gail and Tina huddled together like James Taylor & Carly Simon as Tina sadly warbles 'Mockingbird'.

So what can you say about Joe? That he was an independent businessman with a thriving kitchen fitting company called 'Klever Kitchens' (I don't get it? - ed)? That he got stiffed by the Windasses (he wouldn't accept payment in cakes - ed)? That he gave David Platt a job (his first big mistake - ed). Yes, we can say all these things but his major contribution to the show was his romance with Gail.

Joe fell hard for the mysterious charms of Her Gailness (still a mystery to me - ed). Their romance was short and largely Chardonnay-based. But Joe also had a problem (David? -ed): clinical depression. Then he had more problems (David? - ed): clinical recession. Then, after he snagged a shady job and borrowed money from a shady character, he had another problem with a loan shark:  clinical repossession. Mixed into all that was his back injury and addiction to painkillers: clinical break & enter.

It was a sad journey from bad luck to bad luck mitigated only by the unconditional (well, sort of) love of his daughter Tina. In a previous post, I talked about how I found Joe frustrating in many ways. I doubt if anyone will read 'Stop all the clocks' at Joe's funeral -- but I do hope someone will say a kind word about him, preferably not Rick the loan shark.

Tony Gordon, It's Friday - the 'oops' edition

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Dec 9 edition on CBC

Once again, my apologies for a misleading headline in yesterday's post (since corrected). The person responsible has been reprimanded, fired, re-hired and given a good talking to (a quiet word is also planned for later today - ed). But let's not dwell on past mistakes, let's rush headlong into a brand new batch with this week's edition of 'Tony Gordon, It's Friday', a compendium of some of the memorable lines from the week. Let's get at it:

David can't help but remind Gail of her bad choices in men:
"Mum, you're the one who married that basket case."
(hey, David, shouldn't you be driving a car into the canal or something?)


Eileen offers to help Jesse move his props into the backyard:
"Come on, let’s move your tepee"
(I bet that's the best offer he's had all week)


Graeme tries to entice David to the Rovers for a lunchtime beverage:
"Everything looks better through the amber glow of a lunchtime lager"
(especially a hotpot)


Auntie Grishma wants to know why Sunita & Dev don't have more kids:
"Do you have fertility problems?"
(wow, that's what I call cutting to the chase!)


Carla confesses her vices to Leanne:
"Half five every day, I get chardonnay withdrawal"
(Good job you've got that Robert Mondavi intravenous in your office)


Steve recounts Becky's extreme inactivity apparently due to pregnancy:
"I had to peel her satsuma"
(please, what happens in your bedroom stays in your bedroom)


Steve doesn't like to see Eileen when she's happy:
"I like to come in here, see you with a gob on and then I know all’s well with the world"
(don't worry, Jesse will make sure that happens)


Jesse tells Eileen that he's taking his parents on vacation to Egypt:
"They've always wanted to see the pyramids"
(You might want to get yourself entombed while you're over there... because she's certainly going to kill you when you get back)


Gail tells Tina the truth about Joe's disappearance:
"He’s not working in the lakes. I lied to you"
(This is awful! Who's going to install the kitchen for those poor people at the Cumbria senior residence?)


Tina can't believe Joe's hairbrained scheme:
"No one fakes their own death"
(You seem to be right)

***

That's it for the week. Hope you enjoyed Corrie Crazy (I haven't watched it yet but I recorded it and will watch it this weekend with a Carla-sized glass of white wine and a sarnie. Mmmm. Thanks for stopping by, for reading my befuddled musings and for the comments. Have a great weekend and meet me back here next week. Cheers!

'Saint' Nick Tilsley wants to get into ladies underwear

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Dec 8 episode on CBC

DONT FORGET THE CBC CORONATION STREET SPECIAL TONIGHT - CHECK YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS

Geez. I haven't seen so many underwater shots on an episode of Corrie since Peter Barlow's sub disappeared off the coast of Ireland in search of a sunken bottle of Grey Goose (das booze? - ed). But I digress, my question of the day is: what's up with Nick Tilsley?

The last I heard of him he was living in Vancouver (somewhere near Full English Bay - ed) but apparently his residency in the Canada didn't take (couldn't get a decent barm cake - ed) and he wound up in Nottingham working in the garment business.

It was nice of Nick to return to Weatherfield for his mam's latest headcase marriage (David's term, not mine) and then return again to 'Plattsburgh' because he was having miscellaneous problems with his landlord and evidently there were no other housing options available in the Greater Nottingham Area (How about Little John's B&B? - ed).

No sooner does Saint Nick return to Weatherfield than he strides over to Underworld and pushes his way into Carla's office looking to became a partner in the business based solely on the fact that he used to work at the factory and apparently likes the cut of her jib. (well, Carla does have a very attractive jib - ed).  (Apparently, he's very interested in getting into ladies' knickers). Carla then discovers that her pal, Leanne, once had a thing with Nick (yes, but that was two 'Nicks' ago - ed).  Then, Nicko storms off and out of Gail's house because he doesn't believe her tales of the sea and suspects Joe is up to no good.  Just what Gail needs right now: more aggravation.

2 aunties are half as funny as 1 Umed

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the December 6 episode on CBC

Let me be the first to register an objection to the Bollywood-like appearance of Sunita's two aunts from India: Mupma & Grishma (I thought that was a subsidiary of Marks & Spencer - ed). It's not that I mind seeing Sunita again, or the twins. On the contrary, I've always had a soft spot for the fair Sunita (in your head, no doubt - ed) and it's great to see her back on the Street (well, nearby anyway)  But, for some reason, every Dev storyline seems to quickly degenerate into some kind of bad Bollywood movie.

First there was the Mother/Daughter love triangle with Dev, Nina and Tara (why was poor Prem left out? - ed). Of course, that was partially redeemed by the multi-storey public photo of Dev wearing nothing but a smile, all part of Tara's revenge (who's sari now? - ed).

Then came Umed, Dev's uncle and corner shop marketing maverick, who became quite a fixture in the corner shop doing a kind of Bollywood Laurel and Hardy routine with Dev. I believe he developed quite a loyal following (Club Umed? - ed), until he suddenly returned to India.

Now we have Dev playing the role of a goofball dad (papa-dum? - ed) who has to pretend he's married to Sunita so the visiting aunties from India won't know they're divorced. It's like 'I Love Lucy'. And, if I can speak frankly, it seems to me that the aunties are basically two Umeds in drag, except that Umed was a lot funnier than Mupma or Grishma or both (Mishma? - ed).

Don't forget CBC's Coronation Street special: Corrie Crazy

Just a quick reminder to the 700,000 or so viewers who watch CBC's Coronation Street every weekday. Set your PVR,VCR or recordable wax cylinders for December 9th at 8pm on CBC (please check your local listings for correct time on your local CBC station) for Corrie Crazy: Canada Loves Coronation Street, a documentary about the show hosted by Debbie Travis. Never before in the history of television have so many skived so much for so long.

Here's hoping for 50 more years (maybe Tony Gordon will be out on bail by then... ed).

Tony Gordon, It's Friday - The Lake District edition

Well, fellow Corrie lovers, it's been a sobering week on the Street (except for Peter - ed). Joe's untimely disappearance on the lake, Peter's untimely return to booze, Dev's untimely return to Sunita's house. A point of interest, however. Have you noticed how little time was actually spent on the Street this week? Most of the episodes were in the beautiful Lake District or at Sunita's nice house or at George's sumptuous mansion. Ah well, enough musings, time to get to the good stuff, some of the memorable lines from the past week in a little something I like to call 'Tony Gordon, It's Friday' or TGIF. Allez:

George's candid assessment of the wine bar's hardhat party after Peter's drunken debacle:
"...compared to last night the Titanic was a success"
(Although, to be fair, there was ice involved in both disasters...)


Janice asks about Peter and his immediate plans:
"So do you think he'll be off getting bladdered again?"
(Is the Pope Catholic?)


Joe waxes poetic to Gail as they sail the waters of the lake:
"I don’t think I ever feel so alive as when I’m out on the boat like this"
(hold that thought...)


Joe explains his financial predicament to Gail who suggests they can reason with Rick:
"There is a reason they are known as sharks, not flaming goldfish!"
(besides the phrase 'loan goldfish' just doesn't have the same cachet as 'loan shark')


Ciaran use his best charm to woo the fair Michelle:
"What a beautiful Irish girl like you really needs is a Dublin boy to appreciate you"
(Now that's what I call a Celtic tiger!)


David Platt summarizes Gail's relationship with Joe:
"I’m sorry mam but you married yet another head case"
(well, sixth time lucky...)

***

That's it for the week as we sail through another week on the Street. Thanks, as always, for dropping by and visiting. Let's hope things take a turn for the better next week on the Street (I already feel bad for Tina). Enjoy the omnibus and don't forget to drop in next week for a virtual cuppa. Cheers!