please note: this post makes reference to the Feb 28 episode on CBC
Blanche's Polish Hip is proud to bring you this fake Coronation Street exclusive. Even though she failed to break up Sally and Jeff, Rosie still thinks that her patented method of breaking up couples by pretending to have sex with one of them and then claiming that the person "tried it on" is brilliant. She can't wait to try this technique on some other famous couples. Here's how she would break up......
Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie
Rosie waits until Angelina has left the house to make a movie (or adopt a child, whichever comes first), then Rosie shows up in a sexy tankini and starts telling Brad how she's always fancied him. Brad tries to escape but Rosie throws a hot cup of coffee on Brad's pants - just as Angelina walks in the door. "He was trying it on," claims Rosie. Mission accomplished. (Jason threatens to beat up Brad Pitt).
David Cameron & Nick Clegg Coalition Government
Rosie waits until Nick Clegg has left the Prime Minister's office. She then shows up in a tube top and hot pants and starts telling David Cameron how she's always fancied him and his policies (whatever they are, omg, lol!). Cameron tries to escape but Rosie throws a cup of hot coffee on his briefs - just as Nick Clegg returns from caucus. "He was trying to forge a new coalition," claims Rosie. Mission Accomplished. (Jason threatens to beat up David Cameron, as soon as he finds out who he is).
U2
Rosie waits until The Edge leaves Ireland. She then shows up at the U2 house in a bikini and starts telling Bono (not Sonny Bono like the last time) how she's always fancied him. Bono tries to escape but Rosie throws a cup of hot coffee on his leather pants - just as The Edge returns. "He was trying it on," claims Rosie."And he certainly found what he was looking for!" Mission Accomplished. (Jason beats up Bono but pays for his expensive glasses).
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
A Coronation Street bounder in two centuries
no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post
Well, well. It came as quite a surprise to me to see Audrey's ex-beau, con-man and Deirdre Barlow lip-lock partner aka Lewis Archer, make an appearance in the phenom period drama Downton Abbey. Not only that, but Lewis, who appears as Lord Hepworth in Downton, seems to be a bounder in both the 20th and 21st century.
In Coronation Street, as you recall, Lewis was a senior male escort providing his services to clients like Audrey and Claudia. Then Lewis renounced his 'profession' (one of the oldest in the world, I believe - ed) to be with Audrey, the love of his life (until debt do them part) but then reveals himself to be a gigolo and fortune hunter.
In Downton, he's a fortune hunter looking to restore his financial wealth by courting Lady Rosamund (forerunner of Audrey Roberts without the beauty salon and pyscho grandson). However, ever the gigolo, ol' Lewis (Lord Hepworth) has it off with Lady Rosamund's maid (forerunner of vulnerable, sex-starved Deirdre Barlow).
In Downton Abbey, Lewis is found in flagrante delicto in one of the 90 bedrooms.
In Coronation Street, Lewis is captured on CCTV playing tonsil tennis with Deirdre in the bookies.
In both centuries, Lewis is dispatched quickly leaving a trail of heartbroken ladies. One might say that history repeats itself.
Well, well. It came as quite a surprise to me to see Audrey's ex-beau, con-man and Deirdre Barlow lip-lock partner aka Lewis Archer, make an appearance in the phenom period drama Downton Abbey. Not only that, but Lewis, who appears as Lord Hepworth in Downton, seems to be a bounder in both the 20th and 21st century.
In Coronation Street, as you recall, Lewis was a senior male escort providing his services to clients like Audrey and Claudia. Then Lewis renounced his 'profession' (one of the oldest in the world, I believe - ed) to be with Audrey, the love of his life (until debt do them part) but then reveals himself to be a gigolo and fortune hunter.
In Downton, he's a fortune hunter looking to restore his financial wealth by courting Lady Rosamund (forerunner of Audrey Roberts without the beauty salon and pyscho grandson). However, ever the gigolo, ol' Lewis (Lord Hepworth) has it off with Lady Rosamund's maid (forerunner of vulnerable, sex-starved Deirdre Barlow).
In Downton Abbey, Lewis is found in flagrante delicto in one of the 90 bedrooms.
In Coronation Street, Lewis is captured on CCTV playing tonsil tennis with Deirdre in the bookies.
In both centuries, Lewis is dispatched quickly leaving a trail of heartbroken ladies. One might say that history repeats itself.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Tony Gordon It's Friday: the poxy proxy edition
please note: this post makes reference to the February 23 episode on CBC
I don't know about you but I find the relationship between Frank 'the vole' Foster and his mum very interesting. Clearly, Anne Foster is an intelligent (albeit slightly Thatcheresque) lady who strides into Underworld determined to protect the best interests of her darling son. Now that Anne has had a chance to see Carla up close, she's starting to wonder about the innocence of Frank. This is the kind of nuanced story line which can be fascinating -- and a pleasant counterpoint to Steve's endless rubbery facial expressions (not that there's anything wrong with that). But I digress. Onward and upward with a few memorable lines of the week in this award-eligible edition of TGIF:
Bill Webster gives Kevin some advice about women:
"Rule 1: You do not take them for granted"
(Rule 2: you do not take advice on women from Bill Webster)
Lloyd is getting tired of Chris using his medical condition to get what he wants:
"The old brain tumor argument"
(well, it's more credible than the old lumbago argument)
Rosie encourages Eileen to use a photoshopped photo on the dating website:
"It's what you would look like if you weren't you"
(Please, stop with the flattery...)
Steve gets all mushy about the fact that Tracy is having his baby:
"You have given me the greatest gift of anyone"
(the gift of not hitting you on the head with a blunt object?)
Julie is determined to help Eileen get her head out of the railing:
"I'm going to lube you out"
(but when will you get around to unsticking her head?)
Izzy is surprised at Sally's attitude towards men:
"Didn't know you were a dominatrix, Sal."
(Not so much a dominatrix as domineering...)
Tracy is winding up Stella about her vacation:
"Who did you fly with, Stella? Easy Jet or Very Easy Jet?"
(Very Easy Jet frequent flyers are members of the Mile High Club)
Anne Foster demands to know where Carla is dining with a prospective client:
"What's the name of the little Italian?"
(Oh this is too easy. I'll leave it to you... and don't say 'Luigi')
Carla insists of returning to work despite Maria's objections:
"Just watch me"
(with apologies to Pierre Elliot Trudeau)
Norris is alarmed to learn that Denis is alone at the Kabin:
"He'll be playing fast and loose with my bon bons"
(It's a dirty job but someone's got to do it)
Carla is exasperated by Kirk's questions:
"Just use your brain for once!"
(after all, it's still under warranty)
I don't know about you but I find the relationship between Frank 'the vole' Foster and his mum very interesting. Clearly, Anne Foster is an intelligent (albeit slightly Thatcheresque) lady who strides into Underworld determined to protect the best interests of her darling son. Now that Anne has had a chance to see Carla up close, she's starting to wonder about the innocence of Frank. This is the kind of nuanced story line which can be fascinating -- and a pleasant counterpoint to Steve's endless rubbery facial expressions (not that there's anything wrong with that). But I digress. Onward and upward with a few memorable lines of the week in this award-eligible edition of TGIF:
Bill Webster gives Kevin some advice about women:
"Rule 1: You do not take them for granted"
(Rule 2: you do not take advice on women from Bill Webster)
Lloyd is getting tired of Chris using his medical condition to get what he wants:
"The old brain tumor argument"
(well, it's more credible than the old lumbago argument)
Rosie encourages Eileen to use a photoshopped photo on the dating website:
"It's what you would look like if you weren't you"
(Please, stop with the flattery...)
Steve gets all mushy about the fact that Tracy is having his baby:
"You have given me the greatest gift of anyone"
(the gift of not hitting you on the head with a blunt object?)
Julie is determined to help Eileen get her head out of the railing:
"I'm going to lube you out"
(but when will you get around to unsticking her head?)
Izzy is surprised at Sally's attitude towards men:
"Didn't know you were a dominatrix, Sal."
(Not so much a dominatrix as domineering...)
Tracy is winding up Stella about her vacation:
"Who did you fly with, Stella? Easy Jet or Very Easy Jet?"
(Very Easy Jet frequent flyers are members of the Mile High Club)
Anne Foster demands to know where Carla is dining with a prospective client:
"What's the name of the little Italian?"
(Oh this is too easy. I'll leave it to you... and don't say 'Luigi')
Carla insists of returning to work despite Maria's objections:
"Just watch me"
(with apologies to Pierre Elliot Trudeau)
Norris is alarmed to learn that Denis is alone at the Kabin:
"He'll be playing fast and loose with my bon bons"
(It's a dirty job but someone's got to do it)
Carla is exasperated by Kirk's questions:
"Just use your brain for once!"
(after all, it's still under warranty)
***
Well, fellow Corrie Comrades, that wraps up another week on the Street. Let's see how Carla deals with Frank Foster's mum and the ongoing Underworld war. And what about Eileen's man? Is this the case of yet another fella who turns out to be too good to be true? I'm sure all will be revealed in good time. Have a great weekend, enjoy the Sunday omnibus and I'll met you here next week for more of the Hip. Cheers!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
The Frank Foster Parent Plan
please note: this post makes reference to the Feb 22 episode on CBC
Well there have been some strange managerial situations at Underworld but this one really takes the cake (hopefully it will be Julie's 'SO' cake which, by all accounts was actually 'so so' - ed). Here's the situation. Frank Foster is not allowed to go within 25 knicker lengths of Underworld but he still owns 40 per cent of the business and he's also out on bail.
So ol' Frankie comes up with a brilliant plan. He will send his Mom to Underworld to act as his poxy proxy and protect his interests in the factory. Meanwhile, Carla just got a pep talk from Stella and resolves to get back to work and take back her former glam life. The two (Mom & Carla) collide in the Underworld executive management suite (aka grotty office).
How exactly will this work?
Well, first they'll have to get new business cards made up: "Underworld, please contact Carla or rapist's mom for the best prices and quality in knickers."
Then there's the modus vivendi. How will they run the business? I guess the Foster Mom will meet the clients who believe Frank is innocent and Carla will take the meetings with clients who believe he's guilty. And Mom won't like the work ethic of the staff (there's a work ethic? - ed) and the fact that a typical day at Underworld is essentially eight hours of tea and biscuits punctuated by short breaks for work.
And the workers? (we use the term loosely - ed) How will they react to being bossed around by Mom Foster. My guess is they won't like it but this dysfunctional management duo will certain divide the workers according to their personal views on Frank Foster and Carla. Underworld is certainly headed for that thing that business people hate the most: interesting times.
Well there have been some strange managerial situations at Underworld but this one really takes the cake (hopefully it will be Julie's 'SO' cake which, by all accounts was actually 'so so' - ed). Here's the situation. Frank Foster is not allowed to go within 25 knicker lengths of Underworld but he still owns 40 per cent of the business and he's also out on bail.
So ol' Frankie comes up with a brilliant plan. He will send his Mom to Underworld to act as his poxy proxy and protect his interests in the factory. Meanwhile, Carla just got a pep talk from Stella and resolves to get back to work and take back her former glam life. The two (Mom & Carla) collide in the Underworld executive management suite (aka grotty office).
How exactly will this work?
Well, first they'll have to get new business cards made up: "Underworld, please contact Carla or rapist's mom for the best prices and quality in knickers."
Then there's the modus vivendi. How will they run the business? I guess the Foster Mom will meet the clients who believe Frank is innocent and Carla will take the meetings with clients who believe he's guilty. And Mom won't like the work ethic of the staff (there's a work ethic? - ed) and the fact that a typical day at Underworld is essentially eight hours of tea and biscuits punctuated by short breaks for work.
And the workers? (we use the term loosely - ed) How will they react to being bossed around by Mom Foster. My guess is they won't like it but this dysfunctional management duo will certain divide the workers according to their personal views on Frank Foster and Carla. Underworld is certainly headed for that thing that business people hate the most: interesting times.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Coronation Street: prepare yourself for evil twins
please note: this post makes reference to the Feb 20 episode on CBC
Well, just like a scene out of the Exorcist or the Blair Witch Project , we learn the terrifying news (thanks to a proficient ultrasound technician at the Weatherfield General): Tracy Barlow is not just pregnant with one demonic sprog - but two!
I can see the plot lines forming already as the terrible tots terrorize the Street making Terry Duckworth look like Mother Teresa. But I digress. I suppose we shouldn't be all that surprised. Twins were always a possibility. After all, on the McDonald side, Steve has a twin brother (the non-ubiquitous Andy). And, on the Barlow side, Peter and Susan are twins but, of course, that's academic because Tracy is not technically a Barlow (I'm surprised that Ken's prolific DNA didn't find some way to get involved -ed).
As they say, this changes everything. For starters, where will they all live? At the Barlows? That place is stuffed to the rafters with humanity as it is, what with Ken's endless stream of sprogs dropping in. Then there's the whole question of cash (evil twins are costly) and what about babysitting?
Then there's the dear old dad. When ol' Steve gets his head around this nightmare on Coronation Street, he might just join his Dad in the slammer. At least he'll get some peace and quiet.
Well, just like a scene out of the Exorcist or the Blair Witch Project , we learn the terrifying news (thanks to a proficient ultrasound technician at the Weatherfield General): Tracy Barlow is not just pregnant with one demonic sprog - but two!
I can see the plot lines forming already as the terrible tots terrorize the Street making Terry Duckworth look like Mother Teresa. But I digress. I suppose we shouldn't be all that surprised. Twins were always a possibility. After all, on the McDonald side, Steve has a twin brother (the non-ubiquitous Andy). And, on the Barlow side, Peter and Susan are twins but, of course, that's academic because Tracy is not technically a Barlow (I'm surprised that Ken's prolific DNA didn't find some way to get involved -ed).
As they say, this changes everything. For starters, where will they all live? At the Barlows? That place is stuffed to the rafters with humanity as it is, what with Ken's endless stream of sprogs dropping in. Then there's the whole question of cash (evil twins are costly) and what about babysitting?
Then there's the dear old dad. When ol' Steve gets his head around this nightmare on Coronation Street, he might just join his Dad in the slammer. At least he'll get some peace and quiet.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Coronation Street Heart Healthy Guide
no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post
So poor old Bill Webster has suffered a heart attack. Oh, don't worry, he's okay and resting comfortably in the Coronation Street Wing of the Weatherfield General Hospital. Now he needs to recover and change his lifestyle (you mean no more legovers? -ed). Fortunately Auntie Pam is there to keep him on the straight and narrow. And they probably have helpful brochures at the hospital, perhaps even something like this...
So, you've had a heart 'episode' on Coronation Street...
a handy question-and-answer guide to your speedy recovery.
What should I eat?
Things called "fruit" (any product of plant growth useful to humans or animals) and "vegetables" (any plant whose fruit, seeds, roots, tubers, bulbs, stems, leaves, or flower parts are used as food). You know, like those small round edible things which Rosie brought to the hospital: grapes. You will find useful photos of "fruits" and "vegetables" at the back of this brochure to help you identify these items on your next visit to Freshcos.
Can I still have a full English at the caf?
Of course! Just ask Roy to make a few minor modifications (no sausage, no bacon, no fried bread, no eggs, no black pudding, no fried potatoes, no butter, tomato should be served raw, not fried).
What about the chippie or the kebab place?
Same rules apply. Just remember to make heart healthy choices. At the kebab shop, ask for the vegetarian option (lettuce on whole wheat pita) and ask for the healthy choice at the chippie (half a pickled onion with brine on the side). However, home cooking is the best option.
You mean like Betty's hotpot in the Rovers?
Well, hotpots may or may not contain meat and trace amounts of vegetable but moderation is the key. Remember that you must limit your gristle intake to one serving a day.
Where can I get a salad?
Not on Coronation Street! Try foraging on the Red Rec for dandelion leaves. Or ask Auntie Pam to make one (after she's finished yelling at Kevin) with a whole wheat sarnie on the side.
So poor old Bill Webster has suffered a heart attack. Oh, don't worry, he's okay and resting comfortably in the Coronation Street Wing of the Weatherfield General Hospital. Now he needs to recover and change his lifestyle (you mean no more legovers? -ed). Fortunately Auntie Pam is there to keep him on the straight and narrow. And they probably have helpful brochures at the hospital, perhaps even something like this...
So, you've had a heart 'episode' on Coronation Street...
a handy question-and-answer guide to your speedy recovery.
What should I eat?
Things called "fruit" (any product of plant growth useful to humans or animals) and "vegetables" (any plant whose fruit, seeds, roots, tubers, bulbs, stems, leaves, or flower parts are used as food). You know, like those small round edible things which Rosie brought to the hospital: grapes. You will find useful photos of "fruits" and "vegetables" at the back of this brochure to help you identify these items on your next visit to Freshcos.
Can I still have a full English at the caf?
Of course! Just ask Roy to make a few minor modifications (no sausage, no bacon, no fried bread, no eggs, no black pudding, no fried potatoes, no butter, tomato should be served raw, not fried).
What about the chippie or the kebab place?
Same rules apply. Just remember to make heart healthy choices. At the kebab shop, ask for the vegetarian option (lettuce on whole wheat pita) and ask for the healthy choice at the chippie (half a pickled onion with brine on the side). However, home cooking is the best option.
You mean like Betty's hotpot in the Rovers?
Well, hotpots may or may not contain meat and trace amounts of vegetable but moderation is the key. Remember that you must limit your gristle intake to one serving a day.
Where can I get a salad?
Not on Coronation Street! Try foraging on the Red Rec for dandelion leaves. Or ask Auntie Pam to make one (after she's finished yelling at Kevin) with a whole wheat sarnie on the side.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Tony Gordon It's Friday: the Kevin Webster's diabolical plan is NOT working edition
please note: this post makes reference to the Feb 16 episode on CBC
Okay, it seems that I was wrong when I said Kevin Webster's plan to get his legs under the table at the Family Estate (aka Dumpton Abbey - ed) was working. As you saw last night, Auntie Pam is back and she's in fighting form. Before you can say "piece of my mind", Pam has confronted Sally and Sally then sees the light. Kev will have to go. Not only that, but news of Bill & Pam's upcoming nuptials (I believe they're registered at Marks & Spencer - ed) have been sullied by Pam's decision not to invite Kevin.
Elsewhere it's all Carla, Peter and Leanne or as I prefer to call them: Two and a Half Alcoholics™ Which brings me to this week's edition of Tony Gordon It's Friday, TGIF, the award-eligible feature which critics and fans alike tolerate (get on with it! -ed):
Peter explains why he clocked Frank Foster:
"I decided to hand out some justice"
(Who do you think you are? Batman? SuperBookie?)
Dev extols the benefits of his posh golf club to Sunita:
"They allow women into the club house"
(but I assume kids in top hats are still cleaning the chimneys)
Steve agrees with Dev about Aadi's golf prowess:
"You need to exploit this while you can"
(read more of Steve McDonald's parenting tips in "What kids can do for YOU" published by Plank & Son Books)
Sally resolves to tell Kevin to leave:
"As soon as his shoulder gets better, he's getting the elbow"
(..and the finger, I'll wager)
Leanne lets loose a tirade against Carla:
"You're a waste of skin"
(I wouldn't say that although she has had a skin full)
Sylvia notices Anna's happy demeanour after a night with Owen:
"You're a right giddy kipper today"
(by the way, that's also the lunch special: Giddy Kipper with chips)
Sally realizes that she's been a mug and tells Kevin:
"Now I'm playing mother to your love child"
(and she's not talking about the Diana Ross song either)
Sally asks Hailey a candid question:
"On a scale of one to ten, how stupid do you think I've been?"
(I think she'll need a bigger scale)
Bill tells Kevin he's drawing the line when it comes to Pam:
"I'm not having her tell me what to do, not before we're married."
(yeah, at least wait until the reception)
Okay, it seems that I was wrong when I said Kevin Webster's plan to get his legs under the table at the Family Estate (aka Dumpton Abbey - ed) was working. As you saw last night, Auntie Pam is back and she's in fighting form. Before you can say "piece of my mind", Pam has confronted Sally and Sally then sees the light. Kev will have to go. Not only that, but news of Bill & Pam's upcoming nuptials (I believe they're registered at Marks & Spencer - ed) have been sullied by Pam's decision not to invite Kevin.
Elsewhere it's all Carla, Peter and Leanne or as I prefer to call them: Two and a Half Alcoholics™ Which brings me to this week's edition of Tony Gordon It's Friday, TGIF, the award-eligible feature which critics and fans alike tolerate (get on with it! -ed):
Peter explains why he clocked Frank Foster:
"I decided to hand out some justice"
(Who do you think you are? Batman? SuperBookie?)
Dev extols the benefits of his posh golf club to Sunita:
"They allow women into the club house"
(but I assume kids in top hats are still cleaning the chimneys)
Steve agrees with Dev about Aadi's golf prowess:
"You need to exploit this while you can"
(read more of Steve McDonald's parenting tips in "What kids can do for YOU" published by Plank & Son Books)
Sally resolves to tell Kevin to leave:
"As soon as his shoulder gets better, he's getting the elbow"
(..and the finger, I'll wager)
Leanne lets loose a tirade against Carla:
"You're a waste of skin"
(I wouldn't say that although she has had a skin full)
Sylvia notices Anna's happy demeanour after a night with Owen:
"You're a right giddy kipper today"
(by the way, that's also the lunch special: Giddy Kipper with chips)
Sally realizes that she's been a mug and tells Kevin:
"Now I'm playing mother to your love child"
(and she's not talking about the Diana Ross song either)
Sally asks Hailey a candid question:
"On a scale of one to ten, how stupid do you think I've been?"
(I think she'll need a bigger scale)
Bill tells Kevin he's drawing the line when it comes to Pam:
"I'm not having her tell me what to do, not before we're married."
(yeah, at least wait until the reception)
***
Well, fellow addicts, that's another week of intrigue, crime and passion on the Street. Frank Foster is in the Coronation Street memorial holding cell at the local nick. Kevin is at loggerheads with Sally, Pam and Tyrone. Anna and Owen are a couple. Carla is resting comfortably in the Coronation Street Wing of the Weatherfield Hospital in the bed recently vacated by Stella (they barely had time to change the sheets). Have a great weekend, enjoy the omnibus and remember the Corrie motto: e pluribus skiver! (or skivorum if it's the genitive case).
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Kevin Webster's diabolical plan is working
please note: this post makes reference to the Feb 15 episode on CBC
So let me get this straight. Kevin Webster has a longterm legover with his business partner's wife, has a love child (Baby Jack, I presume - ed), gets found out by his wife and business partner, then manages to inveigle his way back into the family home and now has his sights set on cozying up to Sally and possibly taking a nice vacation in Turkey (I believe NATO is beautiful in spring -ed) with his bastard son (no disrespect - ed)? And all of this as if NOTHING HAPPENED (well, Rosie got her hair cut -ed).
Where does he get the brass?
I mean, in a way, you have to admire the guy. He was really down and out. Tyrone wouldn't give him the time of day. He had to find a creche for Baby Jack. He watched as Sally got cozy with Alfie (call me Jeff). He found a modus vivendi ('workendi' surely? - ed) with Tyrone. He even got crushed by the weight of hishubris hydraulic lift. But now?
He's back baby.
Sally is doing his laundry. Rosie is talking to him and telling him all about her upcoming appearance on Lorraine Kelly (according to the highly respectable "Lorraine Kelly Appreciation Society", Lorraine Kelly is and I quote: "...one of the sexiest presenters on TV at the moment, she is on GMTV every morning, where she gives her male fans a glimpse of her shapely legs and her magnificent cleavage!").
Oh sure, there are a few hiccups to resolve (like trying to officially adopt Baby Jack) but, all in all, it looks like just a matter of time before Kev gets his feet under the table and everything is back to normal -- just the way it was before he had a torrid affair and a love child with his best mate's wife.
I ask you again: where does he get then brass?
So let me get this straight. Kevin Webster has a longterm legover with his business partner's wife, has a love child (Baby Jack, I presume - ed), gets found out by his wife and business partner, then manages to inveigle his way back into the family home and now has his sights set on cozying up to Sally and possibly taking a nice vacation in Turkey (I believe NATO is beautiful in spring -ed) with his bastard son (no disrespect - ed)? And all of this as if NOTHING HAPPENED (well, Rosie got her hair cut -ed).
Where does he get the brass?
I mean, in a way, you have to admire the guy. He was really down and out. Tyrone wouldn't give him the time of day. He had to find a creche for Baby Jack. He watched as Sally got cozy with Alfie (call me Jeff). He found a modus vivendi ('workendi' surely? - ed) with Tyrone. He even got crushed by the weight of his
He's back baby.
Oh sure, there are a few hiccups to resolve (like trying to officially adopt Baby Jack) but, all in all, it looks like just a matter of time before Kev gets his feet under the table and everything is back to normal -- just the way it was before he had a torrid affair and a love child with his best mate's wife.
I ask you again: where does he get then brass?
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Coronation Street Psychopath Test
please note: this post makes reference to the Feb 14 episode on CBC
Now that Frank "the vole" Foster is showing his true colours, it seems like an opportune moment to refer to what I like to call the Coronation Street Psychopath test or CSP. Grab a pencil and paper.
1. Do you flash your dosh around and drive a fancy motor?
2. Are you now, or have you ever been, involved in the management of Underworld?
3. Are you, or were you ever, Charlie Stubbs?
4. Do you have an unhealthy, obsessive, possessive relationship with Carla Connor (or, in the case of Richard Hillman, Gail Platt or, in the case of Maya, Dev Allahan)?
5.Are you an in impulsive person who would try to: drown Roy Cropper, jump Maria, blow up Sunita with a gas stove or drive a van filled with Platts into the canal?
6. Are you cunning and manipulative? (Not in the skiving Eddie Windass or Jack Duckworth way but in the 'break-out of-jail and set Underworld on fire' way)
7.Do you lack empathy for other people, Norris or endangered bats? (actually, lack of empathy for Norris is more of a sign that you're not a psychopath)
8. Do you fail to accept responsibility for your actions and blame other people... like women, Liam and Peter Barlow?
9. Do you commit criminal offenses and rationalize your actions, sometimes with poetry? (Where is John Stape anyway?)
If you replied "yes" to any 6 or more of these questions, you could be a Coronation Street psychopath. Consider yourself under arrest... and barred from the Rovers.
Now that Frank "the vole" Foster is showing his true colours, it seems like an opportune moment to refer to what I like to call the Coronation Street Psychopath test or CSP. Grab a pencil and paper.
1. Do you flash your dosh around and drive a fancy motor?
2. Are you now, or have you ever been, involved in the management of Underworld?
3. Are you, or were you ever, Charlie Stubbs?
4. Do you have an unhealthy, obsessive, possessive relationship with Carla Connor (or, in the case of Richard Hillman, Gail Platt or, in the case of Maya, Dev Allahan)?
5.Are you an in impulsive person who would try to: drown Roy Cropper, jump Maria, blow up Sunita with a gas stove or drive a van filled with Platts into the canal?
6. Are you cunning and manipulative? (Not in the skiving Eddie Windass or Jack Duckworth way but in the 'break-out of-jail and set Underworld on fire' way)
7.Do you lack empathy for other people, Norris or endangered bats? (actually, lack of empathy for Norris is more of a sign that you're not a psychopath)
8. Do you fail to accept responsibility for your actions and blame other people... like women, Liam and Peter Barlow?
9. Do you commit criminal offenses and rationalize your actions, sometimes with poetry? (Where is John Stape anyway?)
If you replied "yes" to any 6 or more of these questions, you could be a Coronation Street psychopath. Consider yourself under arrest... and barred from the Rovers.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
The Worst Valentine's Day
note: no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post
I know that Canadian viewers are not watching Corrie in real time but are in fact five months or so behind (and gaining fast, Captain -ed), but still the arrival of Valentine's Day comes as a grim reminder of Carla Connor's ongoing troubles with bad men.
Carla came to the street as the wife of businessman Paul Connor, a shrewd fella who managed to buy Underworld but had an unfortunate hobby of sleeping with prostitutes. Anyhoo, long story short, Leanne wound up in the trunk of his car and Paul died.
Thus started a strange, dangerous pattern in Carla's love life. She got involved with a slick Scot named um.. oh yes.. Tony Gordon. But all the while she was really pining for Liam. Tony didn't like that and arranged for Liam's demise (you mean he sent him to Downton Abbey? - ed). Carla was devastated and then was almost killed by her horrible hubbie, Tony, who turned out to be not so much an assertive, confident and successful businessman (och, you're too kind - ed) as he was a psycho killer.(well, anyone can make a mistake - ed).
And, unfortunately, we now see the pattern repeating. Carla allows herself to be courted by the rodent-like Frank Foster even though she's really pining - not for Liam this time but Peter Barlow (if ever they need an alcoholic bookie on Downton Abbey... - ed). It is only when Carla cancels the wedding that Frank turns ugly again (as Maria knows only too well) and his true nature is revealed.
The only anomaly to this pattern was Carla's brief fling with the brilliant binman Trevor. He was kind, sweet and loving with nary a violent, pyscho bone in his body. Boy, does Carla ever need someone like that now.
I know that Canadian viewers are not watching Corrie in real time but are in fact five months or so behind (and gaining fast, Captain -ed), but still the arrival of Valentine's Day comes as a grim reminder of Carla Connor's ongoing troubles with bad men.
Carla came to the street as the wife of businessman Paul Connor, a shrewd fella who managed to buy Underworld but had an unfortunate hobby of sleeping with prostitutes. Anyhoo, long story short, Leanne wound up in the trunk of his car and Paul died.
Thus started a strange, dangerous pattern in Carla's love life. She got involved with a slick Scot named um.. oh yes.. Tony Gordon. But all the while she was really pining for Liam. Tony didn't like that and arranged for Liam's demise (you mean he sent him to Downton Abbey? - ed). Carla was devastated and then was almost killed by her horrible hubbie, Tony, who turned out to be not so much an assertive, confident and successful businessman (och, you're too kind - ed) as he was a psycho killer.(well, anyone can make a mistake - ed).
And, unfortunately, we now see the pattern repeating. Carla allows herself to be courted by the rodent-like Frank Foster even though she's really pining - not for Liam this time but Peter Barlow (if ever they need an alcoholic bookie on Downton Abbey... - ed). It is only when Carla cancels the wedding that Frank turns ugly again (as Maria knows only too well) and his true nature is revealed.
The only anomaly to this pattern was Carla's brief fling with the brilliant binman Trevor. He was kind, sweet and loving with nary a violent, pyscho bone in his body. Boy, does Carla ever need someone like that now.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Tony Gordon, It's Friday: the Rentokil edition
please note: this post makes reference to the Sept 9 episode on CBC
It seems somehow appropriate that one of the world's leading names in pest control, Rentokil, comes up in the context of Tracy Barlow (no disrespect). Otherwise it seems like the theme these days is babies, babies, babies. Steve wants one. Kevin's got one. Marcus wants to adopt one. Sean doesn't want one. Frank wants a nursery in case of one. Katie is having one. Kylie wants hers back. Etc etc. Anyhoo, let's start up our weekly award-eligible feature which looks back at the week's memorable lines: TGIF or Tony Gordon, It's Friday. Onward:
Tyrone is making serious preparations for his date:
"I may have to update my underpants drawer"
(I'd call that a news brief)
Ken doesn't want to discuss Tracy any more with Deirdre:
"I've got some reading to do"
It seems somehow appropriate that one of the world's leading names in pest control, Rentokil, comes up in the context of Tracy Barlow (no disrespect). Otherwise it seems like the theme these days is babies, babies, babies. Steve wants one. Kevin's got one. Marcus wants to adopt one. Sean doesn't want one. Frank wants a nursery in case of one. Katie is having one. Kylie wants hers back. Etc etc. Anyhoo, let's start up our weekly award-eligible feature which looks back at the week's memorable lines: TGIF or Tony Gordon, It's Friday. Onward:
Tyrone is making serious preparations for his date:
"I may have to update my underpants drawer"
(I'd call that a news brief)
Ken doesn't want to discuss Tracy any more with Deirdre:
"I've got some reading to do"
(it's a dirty job but someone's got to do it)
Tracy tells Ken and Deirdre that Steve wasn't happy to see her:
Julie tells Eileen that she wants to match Brian's intellectual heft:
"I'm working my way through the Brontes"
(I sincerely hope she's referring to the books)
Eileen tells Carla about the entertainment for her hen night:
"We've booked a stripper"
(yeah, he's slotted in between the string quarter and the poet)
Becky realizes that Tracy has wormed her way back into her husband's affections::
"She's won game, set and match"
(and Steve is the ball boy)
Tracy asks who's at the door to the apartment and Becky answers: :
"Rentokil and I haven't come about the mice"
(well, do you have some brochures anyway?)
Becky objects to Tracy referring to her unborn child as 'innocent':
"Nothing you ever spawn could be called innocent. You're evil"
(..speaking of which, remind me to rent a copy of 'Alien' the next time I'm at the video store)
Tracy tells Ken and Deirdre that Steve wasn't happy to see her:
"He went on and on about how evil I am"
(Well he does have a lot of ground to cover)
(Well he does have a lot of ground to cover)
Julie tells Eileen that she wants to match Brian's intellectual heft:
"I'm working my way through the Brontes"
(I sincerely hope she's referring to the books)
Eileen tells Carla about the entertainment for her hen night:
"We've booked a stripper"
(yeah, he's slotted in between the string quarter and the poet)
Becky realizes that Tracy has wormed her way back into her husband's affections::
"She's won game, set and match"
(and Steve is the ball boy)
Tracy asks who's at the door to the apartment and Becky answers: :
"Rentokil and I haven't come about the mice"
(well, do you have some brochures anyway?)
Becky objects to Tracy referring to her unborn child as 'innocent':
"Nothing you ever spawn could be called innocent. You're evil"
(..speaking of which, remind me to rent a copy of 'Alien' the next time I'm at the video store)
***
speaking of evil, I must run or the parking police will slap another ticket on my smart car convertible. Hope you enjoyed the week. Corrie Canuck says that, with the one-hour episodes, we in Canada are only five months behind the UK and gaining rapidly. Now that's what I call progress! Cheers and all the best. Thanks for visiting and see you here next week.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Steve McDonald: what is wrong with you?
please note: this post makes reference to the Feb 8 episode on CBC
Where do I begin? Steve McDonald, what are you thinking? You think you and Tracy can play happy families with Amy and Baby X? Are you out of your mind? Just how gullible are you? You leave me no option but to offer a mini-collection of barbs and jokes at your expense. I didn't want to do this but you leave me no choice so here we go:
Q: What's the difference between Steve McDonald and an old watch?
A: Steve is easier to wind up
Q: What do you call it when you take Steve for a stroll?
A: Walking the 'plank'
Q: What's the difference between Steve and Kirk?
A: Kirk had the good sense not to have sex with Tracy.
Q: What do Steve and Kirk have in common?
A: They both seem to be in a relationship with a dummy. In Kirk's case, the dummy is in the back of the Underworld van. In Steve's case, the dummy owns the Rovers and Streetcars.
Q: If Steve were a type of marine life, what would he be?
A: PLANKton (or maybe Pillock-ton if that exists)
Look, I love the big lug and it's true he would make a great dad. But let's put it his way, if he worked for Pratt & Whitney, well, he'd be the um 'prat'. (and I'm still waiting for Tracy to flash that surreptitious smirk™ which will tell us exactly what she's really up to).
Where do I begin? Steve McDonald, what are you thinking? You think you and Tracy can play happy families with Amy and Baby X? Are you out of your mind? Just how gullible are you? You leave me no option but to offer a mini-collection of barbs and jokes at your expense. I didn't want to do this but you leave me no choice so here we go:
Q: What's the difference between Steve McDonald and an old watch?
A: Steve is easier to wind up
Q: What do you call it when you take Steve for a stroll?
A: Walking the 'plank'
Q: What's the difference between Steve and Kirk?
A: Kirk had the good sense not to have sex with Tracy.
Q: What do Steve and Kirk have in common?
A: They both seem to be in a relationship with a dummy. In Kirk's case, the dummy is in the back of the Underworld van. In Steve's case, the dummy owns the Rovers and Streetcars.
Q: If Steve were a type of marine life, what would he be?
A: PLANKton (or maybe Pillock-ton if that exists)
Look, I love the big lug and it's true he would make a great dad. But let's put it his way, if he worked for Pratt & Whitney, well, he'd be the um 'prat'. (and I'm still waiting for Tracy to flash that surreptitious smirk™ which will tell us exactly what she's really up to).
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Weatherfield General: Best hospital in the world
please note: this post makes reference to the Feb 7 episode on CBC
Say what you will about the British healthcare system, can there be any doubt that Weatherfield General Hospital is a veritable miracle factory?
Consider the long list of patients who have been at death's door in the Coronation Street Wing of the venerable healthcare facility. Punters like Kevin Webster (crushed by the weight of his massiveego hydraulic lift), Leanne (fell down the stairs of her flat), Peter Barlow (major post-tram crash injuries), Sophie Webster (fell off a church), Little Simon (after the fire in the flat which nearly took the life of Leanne [the rabbit not the escort] and many, many more.
The latest casualty was Stella. Run over by a runaway car and rushed to hospital where the superb medical staff made their patented bleak announcement to the family punters pacing around the waiting room: "She's suffered bleeding. She's in surgery now. That's all I can say except that she may be in a vegetative coma for many, many episodes or she could snap out of it in time for a late-night snack at the chippie. It could go either way."
Once hooked up to the ventilator, there is a golden opportunity for a friend, family member or even foe (remember Roy's visit to Tony Gordon who was apparently at death's door but then made a miraculous recovery?) to whisper an intimate monologue into the ear of the comatose patient.
Then, before you can say "National Health Service", the deathly-ill patient is up and around and shouting the odds. No after effects, no pesky out-patient appointments and no drug prescriptions. Oh sure, sometimes they throw a cane at you as you're leaving (it gave Peter Barlow something to lean on while he was calling Leanne a hooker at the front of the church), but that's about it.
Just look at Stella walking into the Rovers, having some soup and a cup of tea and graciously un-barring Frank 'the vole' Foster. She'll have a short kip on the sofa and be right as rain. Thank you, Weatherfield General Hospital.
Say what you will about the British healthcare system, can there be any doubt that Weatherfield General Hospital is a veritable miracle factory?
Consider the long list of patients who have been at death's door in the Coronation Street Wing of the venerable healthcare facility. Punters like Kevin Webster (crushed by the weight of his massive
The latest casualty was Stella. Run over by a runaway car and rushed to hospital where the superb medical staff made their patented bleak announcement to the family punters pacing around the waiting room: "She's suffered bleeding. She's in surgery now. That's all I can say except that she may be in a vegetative coma for many, many episodes or she could snap out of it in time for a late-night snack at the chippie. It could go either way."
Once hooked up to the ventilator, there is a golden opportunity for a friend, family member or even foe (remember Roy's visit to Tony Gordon who was apparently at death's door but then made a miraculous recovery?) to whisper an intimate monologue into the ear of the comatose patient.
Then, before you can say "National Health Service", the deathly-ill patient is up and around and shouting the odds. No after effects, no pesky out-patient appointments and no drug prescriptions. Oh sure, sometimes they throw a cane at you as you're leaving (it gave Peter Barlow something to lean on while he was calling Leanne a hooker at the front of the church), but that's about it.
Just look at Stella walking into the Rovers, having some soup and a cup of tea and graciously un-barring Frank 'the vole' Foster. She'll have a short kip on the sofa and be right as rain. Thank you, Weatherfield General Hospital.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Frank Foster: hero or zero?
please note: this post makes reference to the Feb 6 episode on CBC
Can I be frank? (as long as it doesn't involve a blog, you can be anyone you like - ed).
What do we make of Mr. Frank Foster? Well, we know that he has that nervous quirky mannerism (like a jumpy rodent on groundhog day - ed). We know that he has some dosh and used his financial power to lean on Underworld and hang around the factory ogling Maria. We also know that he "misread the signals" and jumped Maria one night. That freaked Maria out but Frank maintained his innocence and subsequently Carla made a deal with the devil (David Platt? - ed) and refused to sever ties with ol Frankie. Then they became business partners. Then they became bedroom partners. Then they went to Rome. (Get on with it! - ed).
Now Frank wants to wed the fair Cruella (er I mean Carla) and he's prepared to go to any length to make it happen (oh my God, not the awkward meeting with the parents? NO!). You know what happened next. Carla was a few cases over the legal limit and drove a car into the bookies (she just wanted to put a fiver on Lucky Luke in the fifth at Newmarket - ed).
So now Frank wants to take the blame, get off with a slap on the wrist, marry Carla and live happily ever after. The thing is, he's a bit of a (control freak? - ed) yes, but I'm thinking more along the lines of (hard ass? - ed) . Perhaps, but more of a (sexual predator? - ed). Yes, that's it. Isn't that a bit of a warning sign for Carla? After all, she's had some "bad experiences" with men in the past (you mean she was married to a killer who tried to murder her? - ed).
What will Carla do? Give up the booze? Give up Frank? Give up pining for Peter? All of the above? I don't know but I suspect something's gotta give. Carla can't go on deceiving herself (and the cops) indefinitely. Not only that but I think her 'bad man alarm' finally went off. She's having sober second thoughts about Mr. Frank Foster (well, second thoughts, anyway - ed). I guess that's progress.
Can I be frank? (as long as it doesn't involve a blog, you can be anyone you like - ed).
What do we make of Mr. Frank Foster? Well, we know that he has that nervous quirky mannerism (like a jumpy rodent on groundhog day - ed). We know that he has some dosh and used his financial power to lean on Underworld and hang around the factory ogling Maria. We also know that he "misread the signals" and jumped Maria one night. That freaked Maria out but Frank maintained his innocence and subsequently Carla made a deal with the devil (David Platt? - ed) and refused to sever ties with ol Frankie. Then they became business partners. Then they became bedroom partners. Then they went to Rome. (Get on with it! - ed).
Now Frank wants to wed the fair Cruella (er I mean Carla) and he's prepared to go to any length to make it happen (oh my God, not the awkward meeting with the parents? NO!). You know what happened next. Carla was a few cases over the legal limit and drove a car into the bookies (she just wanted to put a fiver on Lucky Luke in the fifth at Newmarket - ed).
So now Frank wants to take the blame, get off with a slap on the wrist, marry Carla and live happily ever after. The thing is, he's a bit of a (control freak? - ed) yes, but I'm thinking more along the lines of (hard ass? - ed) . Perhaps, but more of a (sexual predator? - ed). Yes, that's it. Isn't that a bit of a warning sign for Carla? After all, she's had some "bad experiences" with men in the past (you mean she was married to a killer who tried to murder her? - ed).
What will Carla do? Give up the booze? Give up Frank? Give up pining for Peter? All of the above? I don't know but I suspect something's gotta give. Carla can't go on deceiving herself (and the cops) indefinitely. Not only that but I think her 'bad man alarm' finally went off. She's having sober second thoughts about Mr. Frank Foster (well, second thoughts, anyway - ed). I guess that's progress.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Tony Gordon It's Friday: the cutie call edition
please note: this post makes reference to the Feb 2 edition on CBC
A car crashes into a bookies? What are the odds? (2-1 if Carla is at the wheel - ed). Poor Frank Foster. Sure he tried to smother Maria like a yucky human blanket but that was just an honest mistake. Now he just wants to settle down with the girl of his dreams and put his sexual predator past behind him. He wants mum and dad to meet his irascible sex kitten but Carla accidentally downed a case of Pinot Noir and blindsided poor Stella. Now we have yet another casualty to be admitted to the Coronation Street Wing of the Weatherfield General Hospital. Oh dear. Nothing for it but launch into TGIF for this week. Roll it!
Stella comments on the appearance of Marcia in the Rovers:
"Each to his own or her own"
(only the hairdresser knows for sure)
Mark walks into the Rovers in full female regalia:
"Hi I'm Marcia"
(right now, Lewis the gigolo is starting to look pretty good)
Audrey is furious at Kylie's blackmail attempts:
"You poisonous little bitch"
(and those are her good points)
Norris is intrigued by Anna's instant message from Owen:
"I've heard about this, its called sexting"
(wait till Mary hears about it)
painted message in Fiz's room at jail:
"GRASS"
(and it doesn't refer to the lawn in the front of the penitentiary)
Sylvia takes a dim view of Gail's public argy bargy with Kylie:
"You're the one caterwauling on the cobbles"
(It's a dirty job but someone's got to do it)
Dennis Tanner thinks he knows why Norris is missing
"He's copped off!"
(yeah and chickens have lips)
A car crashes into a bookies? What are the odds? (2-1 if Carla is at the wheel - ed). Poor Frank Foster. Sure he tried to smother Maria like a yucky human blanket but that was just an honest mistake. Now he just wants to settle down with the girl of his dreams and put his sexual predator past behind him. He wants mum and dad to meet his irascible sex kitten but Carla accidentally downed a case of Pinot Noir and blindsided poor Stella. Now we have yet another casualty to be admitted to the Coronation Street Wing of the Weatherfield General Hospital. Oh dear. Nothing for it but launch into TGIF for this week. Roll it!
Stella comments on the appearance of Marcia in the Rovers:
"Each to his own or her own"
(only the hairdresser knows for sure)
Mark walks into the Rovers in full female regalia:
"Hi I'm Marcia"
(right now, Lewis the gigolo is starting to look pretty good)
Audrey is furious at Kylie's blackmail attempts:
"You poisonous little bitch"
(and those are her good points)
Norris is intrigued by Anna's instant message from Owen:
"I've heard about this, its called sexting"
(wait till Mary hears about it)
painted message in Fiz's room at jail:
"GRASS"
(and it doesn't refer to the lawn in the front of the penitentiary)
Sylvia takes a dim view of Gail's public argy bargy with Kylie:
"You're the one caterwauling on the cobbles"
(It's a dirty job but someone's got to do it)
Dennis Tanner thinks he knows why Norris is missing
"He's copped off!"
(yeah and chickens have lips)
***
Well, I'd say, all in all, it's been a pretty good week. Lots of action from the gang who couldn't shoot straight (Tyrone and friends). Norris makes a citizen's arrest. Carla and Peter are still giving each other 'sex on a beach' glances. A car crash. The Platts in full stride yelling at each other. Becky working at the factory. All this and Frank Foster's parents at Nick's Bistro. Wonder what will happen next? Have a great weekend and I will be back here next week. Cheers!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
The Tyrone Dobbs' Gang of Four
please note: this post makes reference to the Feb 1 episode on CBC
Call them Oceans 3.5, the Bourne-Yesterday Identity, The Gang of Four, the... (get on with it! - ed): Tyrone (the mechanic) Dobbs, his trusty sidekick Kirk (the brain) Sutherland, his crazy bro Tommy (slowhand) Duckworth and new recruit, Gary (wind & kick ass) Windass.
Their mission? Not sure.
Their motivation? Unclear
Their strengths? Unknown
What we do know is that these three planks (before Gary joined) decided to 'help' Fiz by putting the lid on an unsavoury drug dealer who is supplying the women's jail and thus making life terrifying and dangerous for Fiz (the grass) Stape. Tyrone (who apparently dated Fiz for a very short time pre-Kirk - who knew?) visits Fiz in jail and is determined to do something about the drug dealing thug. So he does what you or I would do. He rounds up a posse.
The plan? Drive over to the druggie's house in the most conspicuous vehicle possible (Underworld van) and use Tyrone's state-of-the-art, Costco camera to nab the thug dealing drugs. With the collective IQ of a medium-sized houseplant, these three lads find their operation compromised and do the only thing possible under the circumstances. Before you can say 'cold cuts' they've: locked the thug in the freezer of Elliot & Sons butcher. (finally something fresh in there - ed)
It's like Pulp Fiction gone wrong. How will they get out of this conundrum? Can Gary put his military experience to good use? Will Kirk get engaged to that dummy in the back of the Underworld van?
Will I stop asking questions? (God, I hope so - ed). I guess all will be revealed in due time. As for Tyrone, well, he may be reckless but you have to admit this is way more exciting than arguing with Kev all afternoon at the garage and changing the oil in Dev's fancy car.
Call them Oceans 3.5, the Bourne-Yesterday Identity, The Gang of Four, the... (get on with it! - ed): Tyrone (the mechanic) Dobbs, his trusty sidekick Kirk (the brain) Sutherland, his crazy bro Tommy (slowhand) Duckworth and new recruit, Gary (wind & kick ass) Windass.
Their mission? Not sure.
Their motivation? Unclear
Their strengths? Unknown
What we do know is that these three planks (before Gary joined) decided to 'help' Fiz by putting the lid on an unsavoury drug dealer who is supplying the women's jail and thus making life terrifying and dangerous for Fiz (the grass) Stape. Tyrone (who apparently dated Fiz for a very short time pre-Kirk - who knew?) visits Fiz in jail and is determined to do something about the drug dealing thug. So he does what you or I would do. He rounds up a posse.
The plan? Drive over to the druggie's house in the most conspicuous vehicle possible (Underworld van) and use Tyrone's state-of-the-art, Costco camera to nab the thug dealing drugs. With the collective IQ of a medium-sized houseplant, these three lads find their operation compromised and do the only thing possible under the circumstances. Before you can say 'cold cuts' they've: locked the thug in the freezer of Elliot & Sons butcher. (finally something fresh in there - ed)
It's like Pulp Fiction gone wrong. How will they get out of this conundrum? Can Gary put his military experience to good use? Will Kirk get engaged to that dummy in the back of the Underworld van?
Will I stop asking questions? (God, I hope so - ed). I guess all will be revealed in due time. As for Tyrone, well, he may be reckless but you have to admit this is way more exciting than arguing with Kev all afternoon at the garage and changing the oil in Dev's fancy car.
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