Golden Hotpot awards pt 2

note: no spoilers were used in the making of this post

...and welcome back to the People's Golden Hotpot Awards for 2009. Let's get right to the rest of the categories. First up is the Golden Hotpot for the Most Engaging Story and the nominees are:

Tony Gordon's Stag Party
Tony Gordon and Jed Stone
Tony Gordon and Kevin Webster
The Kidnapping of Rosie
Teresa trying to kill Jerry
The Burning of the Windasses kitchen

May I have the envelope please. And the winner is... Tony Gordon's Stag Party


In the category, Best Animal Story, the nominees are:

Sunny Jim, lost and then found to the delight of Jed Stone
Endangered bats, Roy Cropper's crusade against developer Tony Gordon
Eccles, his impromptu swim in the canal led to Ken's new ladyfriend, Martha
Jack's pigeons, almost snuffed it in Pam's biodiesel explosion but luckily flew the coop

...and the winner is: Sunny Jim, lost and then found.


Now, in the category, Most Notable Departure of 2009, the nominees are:

The Mortons (gone to Spain following the 'Teresa diet')
Vernon (gone to London following the breakup with Liz)
Marcus (gone to London following the breakup with Sean)
Liam (gone to the beyond following Tony's hit and run)
Harry & Dan Mason (gone somewhere after selling the Bookies)
Vickie (gone to Poland to look after her ailing Mom)

...and the Golden Hotpot goes to Liam Connor and his untimely demise at the hands of Tony Gordon. He'll be missed


Now, let's take a look at the nominees for the Longest Saga of 2009. They are:

Steve's breakup with Michelle
The Windasses versus the Platts
Pam's dodgy re-selling business with Tyrone
Dev and the Bollywood love triangle
Michelle and her biological son Alex

...may I have the envelope please. The winner is: Steve's breakup with Michelle

In the category, Best Recurrent Performance in a Non-Speaking Role, the nominees are:

Amy Barlow
Schmeichel (Chesney's faithful dog and Norris' nemesis)
Generic background factory workers at Underworld
Monica, Tyrone's dog

...and the Golden Hotpot goes to: generic background factory workers at Underworld


And finally, in the category, Most Welcome Return, the nominees are:

Hayley Cropper (back from Africa and a crush on Olaf)
Jack Duckworth (back after a long absence to sort out the Molly and Tyrone conflict)
Fiz & Chesney (back after an indeterminate voyage of mystery to South Africa which can never be spoken of)
Peter Barlow (back after a long absence due to his bookie shop in Portsmouth and, oh yeah, bigamy)

...and the winner is: Hayley Cropper, back from Africa and a crush on Olaf.

***

My, what an evening of surprises and celebration. That concludes this year's Golden Hotpots. Hope you enjoyed it. Of course it's impossible to recognize all the great characters and stories over 12 months of Corrie so forgive me if I have overlooked anyone or anything and feel free to let me know. I'll be heading down to the Big Smoke (Toronto) for a few days but I'll be back next week with more of the Hip. Until then, have a wonderful, safe and happy holiday, a Merry Christmas and hopefully some well-deserved skiving. Cheers and thanks so much for stopping by this year. CH

the envelope please...

no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

Well, it's almost the end of the year and things are relatively quiet on the street except for the Windass-Platt showdown in court. Seems like it's a good time to unveil an end-of-year tradition here at Blanche's Polish Hip (shortest tradition in the history of Corrie next to Ken & Deirdre's monogamy - ed). Of course, I'm talking about the 2009 People's Golden Hotpots, our annual awards ceremony which combines the critical acumen of the Golden Globes with the understated dignity of the People's Choice Awards and the humility of the Oscars. So, let's get to it. Imagine, if you will, a magnificent theatre and an audience filled with celebs in glamourous gowns and tuxedos. (well, that's not the People's Golden Hotpots). The Golden Hotpots are awarded in Roy's Caf while the audience drinks tea with five sugars and a barm cake. (Get on with it - ed).

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the First Annual People's Golden Hotpots. The names of the winners are carefully tabulated by the Peter Barlow bookie shop and kept under tight security in Bill Webster's yard (right next to the copper pipe - ed) until tonight.

Let's start with the first category, 'Best Fight on the Street' in 2009. And the nominees are:

Liz versus Clarissa, 'a hair-pulling odyssey'
Becky versus Kelly, 'let the fur fly'
David Platt versus Gary Windass, 'the nose knows'

...and the Golden Hotpot for 2009 goes to: Becky versus Kelly, let the fur fly!


Now, in the category, 'Best New Character on the Street' in 2009. Oh, this is a tough one and the competition is fierce. The nominees are:

Luke Strong, Carla's advocate and hunky counterpoint to TG
Martha, the narrow boat lady who serves Ken tea and Kimonos
The Windasses, (take your pick, they're interchangeable)
Ted Page, Gail's gay dad
Paula Carp, mother of Julie
Graeme Proctor, horticulturist and ex-con

...may I have the envelope please. And the Golden Hotpot for 2009 goes to: Graeme Proctor.


Turning to the next category, 'Best Love Story of 2009', and the nominees are:

Liam & Carla, forbidden love in the factory
Steve & Becky, forbidden love in the smoking shelter
Tyrone & Molly, not particularly forbidden love in the pigeon area
Amber & Darryl, forbidden love among the kebabs

... and the Golden Hotpot goes to: Steve and Becky for their forbidden love in the smoking shelter of the Rovers.


Now, in the category of 'Best Courtroom Drama'. The nominees are:

David Platt, for his court appearance following a psycho rampage and for pushing his mom down stairs (sorry, Gail)
John Stapes, for his sentencing hearing for kidnapping Rosie Webster
Gary Windass, for his court appearance for assault causing bodily harm to David Platt

And the Golden Hotpot goes to... David Platt!


In the category, 'Worst Love Story', the nominees are:

Dev & Tara
Dev & Nina
Dev & Prem (who knew?)

...and the Golden Hotpot goes to: Dev & anyone

We'll continue with the rest of the People's Golden Hotpots tomorrow including such exciting categories as: Most Sad Departure from Street, Most Welcome Return, Best Recurrent Non-Speaking Role (I've got my fingers crossed for Amy - ed), Best Animal Performance and more. Stay tuned.

TGIF December 18

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the December 17 episode on CBC

Well, it's Friday and here we are just a few shopping days before that big seasonal celebration (what's it called again?). So I guess it's time for TGIF or 'Tony Gordon, it's Friday'. Think of it as an early Christmas gift (like a lump of coal - ed). Without further delay, here are some of the memorable lines of the week (with weighty editorial comment -ed) so on Prancer, on Dasher etc:

Martha waxing lyrical on the beauty of dusk:
"This is my favourite time of day"
(Between the arrival of Ted... and the return of Ken)


Joe McIntyre trying to maintain a positive outlook during difficult times:
"Still got me sense of humour"
(you're keeping it well hidden)


Deirdre reminding Ken not to forget about dinner:
"I’m doing cottage pie for tea. Will you remember or do I have to tattoo it on your forehead?"
(A tattoo please. After all, most sailors have them and Ken seems to be spending most of his time on the water these days...)


Liz telling Becky she's not up to the high standards of her other barmaids:
"Betty’s like Yoda compared to you"
(So then, based on her wardrobe, Liz would be Chewbacca?)


Becky describing the Rovers' extensive menu:
"We've got loads of sarnies and butties."
(... yes but do you have anything to eat?)


Kelly Crabtree getting annoyed by the long wait for service in the Rovers:
"Hey, I've been here 20 minutes. Me belly thinks me throat’s been cut."
(I'm afraid your belly is going to be sorely disappointed)


Lloyd prononcing on the state of Steve and Becky's union:
"their engagement is about as dead as Monty Python’s parrot "
(it's not dead, it's just resting)


Luke Strong telling Tony what he's heard:
"Apparently you're a murderer who killed his wife’s lover."
(Got it in one)

***

Shots from the hip... thanks for stopping by this week and have a great weekend. I'll be back next week. Until then enjoy the omnibus and tonight's episode.

Lent list

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the December 17 episode on CBC

So let me get this straight. It's Lent and Sophie Webster, with new-found religious zeal, is giving up all her 'spends'. "Half to the Amnesty International and half to children in need," she says. Okay, that sounds good. So now it's Sally's turn to give up something for Lent. She reluctantly agrees to forgo her wine (Not Cuvee Rothsgut? Dev's revenues will take a nosedive - ed). Then it's Kev's turn. Sir Webster of Weatherfield will be forgoing his 'cans' for 40 days (Not tall containers of delicious lager? Rovers' revenues will take a nosedive - ed).

So that takes care of the Websters (I'm assuming Rosie will be giving up tarty clothes and 'slapperism' for 40 days). But what about the other denizens of the Street, what should they be giving up for Lent? Here's a few suggestions:

Anna Windass: crying over chocolates

Ed Windass: faking compo

Tina: perjury

Joe McIntyre: being a loser

Gail Platt: picking losers

David Platt: being the biggest loser

Liz Mcdonald: cougar couture

Steve Mcdonald: lying

Becky: slanging matches

Rita: Colin

Colin: Rita

Ken: narrow boats

Eccles: canal swimming


Shots from the hip... Thanks for the nice comments on yesterday's post. I had a lot of fun with it, mainly because I had to watch the Kelly/Becky fight several times on the VCR to follow the blow-by-blow. What a hoot!

UFC: Becks v. Crabby

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the December 15 episode on CBC

UFC, you ask? (Unlimited Fights on Corrie). On the card tonight: 'Bend it like' Becky Granger versus Kelly 'Crabby' Crabtree. Let's go ringside to the Rovers and pick up the play-by play with our announcer:

"Two great fighters here, both graduates from the school of hard knocks (two streets over, near the viaduct - can't miss it). And, folks, you can bet there's no love lost here. There's the bell and they're off. Crabtree comes in for a first shot across the bow: 'I knew you when you were nowt but a stinking druggie.'

Oooh, that smarts but Becks strikes back with a quick counterpunch: "Get out of my bar."

Crabtree is on the offensive and tries another jab: 'You know it’s amazing where hard work gets you. Oh, sorry, you didn’t get here by hard work, did you? No, you got here by screwing boss.'

And it's on. Becks is in there with a 'blouse grab' and yanks Crabtree out of the serving area. What a move! First point to Granger. Now she follows up with an arm lock and the crowd goes wild. Great technique by Becks and a beautiful one-two combination.

But wait folks, it's far from over. Crabby fights back. She's out of the arm lock, turns and shoves Becks right on her bum and into the cheap seats. How do ya like them apples? Yes, sir! The crowd loves it and Crabtree is scoring valuable points. Is that it for Granger? She looks tired and Crabby is turning her back, she thinks she's won. Becks is down for the mandatory eight count, but... hold the phone... she's back up. Does Becks have anything left in the tank? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, she does. She certainly does.

Granger is back up on her feet and now she's got Crabtree in a combination face grab and choke hold. Ow! That's gotta hurt. Now Becks is really going at it. She's got the upper hand. She's got the momentum and now she's launching Crabtree out the Rover's front door like a fake-fur clad scud missile.

What a fight, ladies and gentlemen. One for the ages. And the decision goes to: 'Bend it like' Becky Granger in a decisive victory. Join us again next week when Becks defends her title against another challenger. "

moussaka massacre

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the December 14 episode on CBC

In many ways, infidelity is one of the engines of Coronation Street intrigue (certainly gets Ken's motor running - ed). Right now, we certainly have a thorny case of infidelity brewing as Ken spends more time on the narrow boat -- and less time in the narrow house. Martha, it seems, is everything Ken has been looking for in a soul mate: witty, intellectual, interested in the arts and an amateur thespian to boot (how can she be a thespian if she likes men? - ed). Methinks it's only a matter of time before good ol' Kenny hangs a sign on the boat, 'if this boat is a rockin, don't come a knocking' or 'if this barge is rolling, just keep a strollin' or... (get on with it - ed).

Meanwhile back on the street, Deirdre is looking like the poor cousin to Martha. While Martha makes homemade leek and potato soup, Deirdre gets hers from a can. While Martha pursues the lively arts, Deirdre brings Liz and Lloyd over for Tagine. While Martha offers endless cups of tea and conversation, Deirdre offers reno plans for Blanche's room.

But is this comparison completely fair?

Not really. There was a time when Ken was desperately in love with Deirdre, when he would have fought Mike Baldwin to the death to win her love, when he would have smacked Ray Langdon in the gob out of sheer jealously. And look at Deirdre's devotion to Ken's extended (over-extended, you mean - ed) family. She embraces Ken's grandchild, Simon, and even takes on the challenge of Peter, the alcoholic. Surely that's above and beyond?

I don't really blame Ken for his roving eye. It's part of his inner personality, like the conflict between his working class roots and his university education. And, yes, Martha is a comely water nymph who is hard to resist. But I can't help feeling that Deirdre deserves better than deception and an over-cooked moussaka in the oven. Well, at least, Eccles will be happy - he gets the leftovers.

TGIF December 11

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the December 10 episode on CBC

It's Friday and that means 'Tony Gordon, it's Friday' (or TGIF) is back for another edition looking at some of sparkling banter from the past week and highlighting some of the best lines - along with suitably sarky comments (your welcome - ed). So, to paraphrase the Black Eyed Peas (you mean Black eyed mushy peas - ed), let's get this party started:

Len Windass trying to convince Ted to prevent Tina from testifying against Gary:
"We're the elder statesmen of these two families. It’s our duty to try and sort this mess out. Man to man."
(I think you may be short one man...)


Deirdre has a brainwave and invites Liz & Lloyd over to Chez Barlow for dinner:
"Hey, I know, why don’t you come around to ours? I've been itching to try lamb tagine"
(Tastes just like hotpot with raisins... you'll love it)


Julie describing Tony Gordon's edict to fire one factory employee:
"It’s like in the olden days when people had their heads chopped off."
(You mean during the Mike Baldwin years?)


Michelle spews venom at Becky Granger:
"You're nowt but a scrawny slapper with all the class of a town centre toilet"
(hey, wait a minute, she's not scrawny...)


Michelle again on the prospect of seeing Becky in a wedding dress:
"She'll look like a whippet in a frock"
(... whippet good)


Newcomer Luke Strong making himself at home at the factory, much to Tony's chagrin:
"I'll have to set up an email account."
(How about hunkybeefcake@underworld.com?)


Tony' s not-so-subtle hint that Rosie should leave his office:
"Stay on the floor, could you, Rosie? "
(Certainly Mr. Gordon, horizontal or vertical?)


Graeme offering a potted plant to Ashley to apologize for playing a prank:
"She'll be uh, happy on a mantle or on a windowsill. She won’t give you no bother, oh, and she likes a good drink once a week.."
(That takes care of Clare, now what about the plant?)


Tony telling Luke Strong that he doesn't need any help at Underworld:
"I could run that place in the dark. I could run it with my hands tied behind my back "
(Well, certainly with someone's hands tied behind their back...)


***

Shots from the hip... That's it for the week. Thanks for bearing with me in a tough week given that we lost Blanche Hunt/Maggie Jones just a week ago. Still, as someone said, it makes you want to savour her lines all the more in the months ahead. Enjoy tonight's episode and the omnibus and I'll meet you back here next Tuesday. Bye for now.

Strong man

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the December 9 episode on CBC

'The name's Strong, Luke Strong'. I like this guy already and he's only said 36 words (hmm... same number as Ken uses to describe 'toast' - ed). Seems like Lucky Luke has been appointed by Carla to run Underworld (into the ground? - ed). Should be an interesting meeting of minds in the corner office of the knicker factory (if it's a meeting of minds, I assume Rosie is excluded... - ed).

Should be even more interesting to see the reaction of all and sundry to a new fella on the Street. Just picture the first time he strides into Rovers for his first hotpot (you always remember your first time - ed). I imagine all female eyes will give the new manhunk the once over and of course the usual suspects will be keen to chat up the stranger. Let me take a quick stab at the list of interested females and their probable pick-up lines:

1. Kelly Crabtree (always quick off the mark) will be first to sidle up to Mr. Strong, flashing her gams: "I love a Strong man. How'd you like to come down to Canal Street and watch the submarine races wi' me."

2. Poppy lost out on Lloyd but will be ready to serve Luke: "I'd love to show you a Brazilian Crunch... and then maybe we can go to my exercise class."

3. Natasha couldn't pique Steve's interest so she'll be up next: "I work at Audrey's. Why don't you drop in some time and we can do some highlights."

4. Liz won't be able to resist: "This one's on the house, and let me get you a free drink while I'm at it."

5. Michelle is on the rebound: "I just got a job at the Bookies... and I bet I'll see you there later."

6. And of course there's always Betty Turpin: "That'll be 1 pound 20, lovey, Did anyone ever tell you you look a lot like my Cyril? He was a policeman you know. Knew his way around a uniform and a pair of handcuffs, he did."

Let the legover sweepstakes begin...

Tony Theory pt 2

no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

Ah yes, Tony Gordon, my old nemesis. Let's continue to get into the head of Corrie's most fascinating villain (hey, what about Len Windass? - ed). My theory is that Tony hasn't changed or mellowed or repented his evil ways.

That's because I think one of defining moments of his life was when he took his revenge on poor Lisa Worthington. In case you don't remember the story, let me reprise the key points.

Lisa was Tony's head of sales but it turns out that she was having an affair with Tony's biggest competitor, Richard Shaw. So Tony told Lisa's husband, a rugby player, who 'sorted' Mr. Shaw. Shaw's wife also got a call which resulted in a divorce which was very expensive for Richard Shaw, which subsequently allowed Tony to buy Shaw's business for a song.

"By that time Lisa was working for him so I got the pleasure of sacking her as well." says Tony.
"Don't mess about you, do you?" says Maria
"She betrayed me."

Now, if we use this pivotal story as a template for Tony's modus operandi, we can see that Tony's objective is nothing more than total annihilation of his enemy. It's simple. Liam was his enemy. Tony killed Liam, then devastated Carla by telling her what he did and why. Now he's currying favour with Maria. What would be a more complete and total revenge against Liam than for Tony to get real 'chummy' with Maria, the grieving widow of the man he hates?
I know it's yucky but I can't help thinking Tony's capable of anything.

Or am I just being too cynical and too Machiavellian? (who's that? one of Jack's pigeons - ed).

The Tony Theory part 1

note: no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

Well dear Hip readers (more like Hip 'waders' - ed), life goes on - especially on the Street where the action continues apace ('apace' ? give me 'abreak' - ed). Last week, I alluded to my theory about Tony and finally it's time to expand (Is that why you ate an entire box of Quality Street? - ed).

First, it's important to underline to Canadian viewers that I don't deal in spoilers and never would. On those rare occasions when I have accidentally happened upon a spoiler while doing research (establishing definitive number of Bet Lynch's cigarette holders? - ed), I have kept it to myself and suffered the consequences (Who knew that Janice would turn out to be a skiver? -ed).

That said, my thoughts about Tony are pure conjecture based on his past and my inherent distrust of a sociopath. (Question: What's the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath? Answer: Ask Richard Hillman - ed). I don't think he's changed. I don't think he's remorseful and I don't think he's become all sensitive - even though he seems forlorn without Carla and is being 'nice ' to Maria.

I have two reasons for thinking that he hasn't changed.

Number One is his staff decimation policy (Note from HR to Julie Carp: pick a hapless factory worker and fire them for no reason. Thanks.). What's that all about? Only a nutbar does stuff like that for no ostensible reason.

Still not convinced? I have more. Cast your mind back, way back to that little spa weekend which Tony arranged for Carla, Liam, Maria and himself. Now, think back to that little story Tony recounted about his revenge on a disloyal worker, Lisa Worthington, which he termed one of his "finest triumphs". I think that provides a big clue as to how our Tony will proceed in the weeks ahead. I'll finish the thought tomorrow and then you can judge for yourself. Until then, don't go into Underworld if it's dark and Tony has lingerie...

TGIF: Blanche's best

Remember! Coronation Street airs at 3pm eastern, on Friday December 4.
No spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

Dear Corrie fans, please bear with me as regularly scheduled BPH programming is suspended to honour the incomparable Blanche Hunt/Maggie Jones. I know I said I would share my theory about the nefarious Tony Gordon but, with your indulgence, I will devote this week's TGIF (Tony Gordon, it's Friday) to some of the memorable lines from Blanche.


"I’ve been to more funerals this year than you’ve had hot dinners"

re: Deirdre's cooking prowess
"This turkey’s so dry, it could choke a camel!"

re: Liz McDonald:
“Skirt no bigger than a belt, too much eyeliner and roots as dark as her soul.”

re: Ken's novel, retrieved from the attic:
"So, not even the moths have shown interest in it."


“Good looks are a curse, Deirdre. You and Kenneth should count yourselves lucky”


Re: Peter Barlow
“He’s as much use as a wet tea towel”


Re: an aquaintance's sexual orientation:
“She’s got a cat called Navratilova”

***

Shots from the hip... As you may imagine, there are several websites dedicated to Blanche's best lines like 'What would Blanche say?' among others. Enjoy and I'll be back next week with my Tony Theory. Thanks for the nice comments and have a good weekend.

In praise of Blanche

I'm posting a special Blanche's Polish Hip entry in honour of Maggie Jones, the wonderfully talented actor who played Blanche Hunt on some 830 memorable episodes of Corrie. She died at the age of 75.

Blanche Hunt was a fixture in the Barlow-Hunt household for many years and was famous for her acerbic tongue. She could be, in turn, maddening, funny, misanthropic, hyper-critical, obstinate, supportive, vulnerable and exasperating (mostly to Ken and Deirdre).

But her forte was an uncanny ability to deliver the best lines (real zingers) with wit and verve and impeccable timing.

A few random examples:

“He’s as much use as a wet tea towel”

"He’s not the fizziest drink in the fridge, is he?"

and, my personal favourite...

“Good looks are a curse, Deirdre. You and Kenneth should count yourselves lucky”.

It's no coincidence that Blanche is the patron saint of this blog and the inspiration behind much of my feeble ramblings. She was a finely drawn character and beautifully portrayed by Maggie Jones, authentic and original. I can say no more other than she will be dearly missed by many fans of Corrie.

For more details about this sad news you can check out these links at the BBC, The Telegraph and the CBC.

romantic overtures

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the December 1 episode on CBC

Love - or something - is in the air on Coronation Street. Just look at the romantic and quasi-romantic overtures happening all over the place. There's 'Kimono' Ken and Martha, Jason & Becky and Julie's almost daily fixation with Jason's bod (Carp-e per diem - ed). Even Rita and Colin are busy making goo goo eyes at each other, but Rita isn't rushing into anything (she's got a 5am wake-up call to do the papers).

At the pub, Steve is busy having a revenge date with Natasha (Indian take-away in front of the tele while watching darts - what more could a girl want?). What is it with Steverino? Despite his average looks, cut-rate wardrobe and modest gut, he really knows how to pull the birds (sorry, I mean 'attract the ladies'). Michelle, Becky and now the fair Natasha all seem to fall for those big hang dog eyes and rubbery mug. Has he got a hypo-disc, a secret male musk, an aphrodisiac in the lager? Somebody tell me.

On the other side of the bar, Mary has done her best to stir the inner beast within Norris (a wild gerbil, surely - ed) to no avail. Despite her smokey eye makeup, Norris resists and sends her on her way with nothing more than a quick sip of Dubonnet and a pinch of the nose. What's wrong with that man? It almost makes me wish Les Battersby would come back, call him 'Doris' and thump him. Maybe that would knock some sense into him.

But surely the most sinister chemistry (apart from Anna Windass and 'uncle' Len - yuck!) is the rapport between Maria and Tony. Maria gives the T-Man a ride and there they are sitting in the car chatting about loss and love and Liam (enough alliteration; it's incredibly irritating - ed).
At one point, Tony says, "You know, if you need anything, you need me to change a fuse or well, whatever, I know you have friends and family, it was just a thought."

Now that's just plain creepy and tomorrow I'll tell you why...

Exeunt Connors

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the November 30 episode on CBC

It seems like only yesterday that Liam Connor made his debut on the street, walking into the Rovers and sniffing out a ripe pigeon (one of Jack's? - ed) in the person of Adam Baldwin, clueless inheritor of Underworld. A few ticks later and Paul Connor is in on the action, helping his brother seal a sweetheart deal for Underworld (50 quid, two pints, a box of Quality Street and a haircut? - ed) all because Adam Ant wanted to get rid.

Michelle? Well she was the sexy singer in Vernon's cutting edge band (The rock rhythm method pals? - ed) who was hired as a barmaid. Of course, Vernon tried it on but he was well out of her league. Soon Paul's vampy wife, Carla, joined the family on Coronation Street and the Fab Four were well installed. This was a good-looking group people. Michelle and Carla could be reasonably be classified as eye-candy. While Paul was a nice lad with money and Liam, well, as far as I can determine he was considered the 'hunk plus ultra' of Corrie.

So what happened?

Well, consider the unfortunate stats. Two of the Connors got killed. One was binned and the other did a runner. Now there is an SHS (serious hunk shortage) on the street and a huge reduction in eye candy. Who's left? (Kirk and Janice? - ed).

The really creepy thing is that the four Connors have been replaced by another family of four, a dynasty which is making its own indelible mark on Coronation Street: the Windasses!

Arggh.