Tony Gordon It's Friday: the surrogate edition

please note this post makes reference to the August 30 episode on CBC

First and foremost, I want to say hi and thanks for the kind words from John over at Corrie Canuck. Like many Corrie fans, Corrie Canuck is one of my regular hang-outs and I'm very pleased that John has returned to his regular postings. Now to the business at hand. It's Friday and that can only mean our regular feature, Tony Gordon It's Friday or TGIF, our regular round-up of some of the memorable lines from the week. Off we go:


Norris isn't sure about borrowing Emily's late husband's shoes:
"Dancing in a dead mans shoes doesn't seem right"

(I believe that only applies if the deceased is still wearing them)


Emily finally loses her temper with Tracy:
"You are a lazy, feckless, self-centred, spiteful, spoiled little brat"

(and those are her good points)

Beth offers lodging to Tracy and Amy:
"The fab four is going to be reunited"

(I'm betting that Craig is Ringo)

Norris wants to ensure that he's dressed appropriately for the dance contest:

"I don't want to be the only peacock among the penguins"

(ever thought about migrating?)

Stella is fuming when she spies Sunita in the Bistro:

"I'm not going to sit here watching her cleavage"

(well, someone's got to do it)


Roy is concerned by Mary's proposed sleeping arrangements:
"I'm not comfortable sleeping in your camper van"

(yes, his anorak would get wrinkled)

Leanne reads from the menu as Sunita walks by:

"...a large selection of tarts" 

(and cheesecake...)

Deirdre bursts in to Tracy's hospital room and accuses Steve of two-timing:

"You lying toe rag"

(that's an insult to toe rags)

Anna is wary of Mary's motives and tells Hayley:

"She's like a piranha in a cardy"
(I guess even piranhas get a little chilly now and then)

Deirdre explains the facts of life to Tracy:
"Men are fundamentally cowards"

(also the title of Deirdre's new book: 'Women are from Venus, Men are fundamentally cowards')


Mary recounts some of the things people say about her:
"The madwoman in the motorhome"

(The wacko in the Winnebago, the Kook in the camper van etc. etc.)

Tracy continues to lash out at Michelle:

"You call stealing my husband from me while I’m lying on my deathbed nice?"

(No, it's like something Tracy would do)

Rob is amused by the spat between Michelle and Tracy: 

"If you two are going to start wrestling could you wait until I get me phone on camera mode"

(obviously Rob is a cat fight aficionado)

Michelle replies to Tracy:

"You had your chance with Steve and you blew it by being a devious, evil cow"

(this round goes to Michelle)

Tracy replies to Michelle:

"How come your son spends more time hovering stuff up his nose than a flaming vacuum cleaner?"

(this round goes to Tracy)

***

Well, fellow Corriephiles, it's the end of another week. The Weatherfield Hospital has once again worked its magic and Tracy is fully recovered. In fact, she's feeling well enough for revenge. Meanwhile Katy is proposing to be a surrogate for Izzy's baby and Tyrone is still trying to come to terms with Kirsty's departure.  Enjoy the Friday episode and the Sunday omnibus because September 3 signals the end of one-hour episodes of Corrie. If you're like me, you'll have withdrawal symptoms (I wish there was a Corrie 'patch' or something). Ah well, have a great long weekend and I'll meet you here next week. Cheers! 

Tracy's kidney at stake

please note this post makes reference to the August 28 episode on CBC

Our cafeteria lady (Sue Vide) was asking me a lot of questions about Tracy Barlow and her Kidney Infection (sounds like an Indie band - ed).  More specifically, the history of Tracy's kidney and the reference to a kidney donor who happened to be an old paramour (husband) of Deirdre (back when her glasses were much bigger - ed).

Well, truth be told, this happened many years ago and my memories of that era are a little fuzzy (he was going through rehab for an ugly addiction to pork scratchings at the time - ed). As far I recall, it happened when Deirdre was between B&B (Barlow & Baldwin) and exploring the single life. She went away on trip to Morocco and met a fit young waiter named Samir Rachid.  It was one of those holiday romances until... Samir came to Coronation Street and they were married.  Samir was a lovely fellow and we watched as he made the easy transition from the sun-soaked Mediterranean clime to the musty, dark streets of Weatherfield. (Hey, the ginnels are lovely in the autumn - ed).

They were very happy together (I think) but then a crisis came along. Young Tracy needed a kidney transplant and no suitable donor was available - except Samir who happened to be a perfect match. This wonderful man became a donor to the ungrateful Tracy. And that's how Tracy got her kidney (I think). As for Samir, well I seem to recall he was attacked by a group of yobs and subsequently died.

Of course, the legendary Blanche had the last word on this when she said, "if Tracy have can have a Moroccan kidney, why can't I have a Polish hip?"   

Coronation Street Fall CBC schedule

note: no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

If you're anything like me (and, for your sake, I hope you're not - ed), it's not too early to start planning fall TV viewing and organize one's evenings around the capricious CBC broadcast schedule of The Best Television Show on The Network (One on One with Peter Mansbridge? - ed).

If you have been struck by the dearth of fall programming specifics, it's hardly surprising. A search of the CBC website and official press releases reveals virtually no info on CBC's Corrie plans. Fortunately we have some true blue Corrie fans in Canada who are on the case. Tvor and Tiddsmom are two certified Corrie experts who write for the Bluenose Corrie Blogger. Their encyclopedic knowledge of Corrie makes me look like Kirk Sutherland with a memory lapse.

But I digress.. The point is that, thanks to Tvor and Tiddsmom, you can find some very good information about the fall Corrie schedule here and the exciting fact that we will be on virtual parity (timewise) with the UK by September. In fact I'd like to propose a National Canadian Corrie Day in celebration of that.

In the meantime, here are the key dates you need to keep in mind for your viewing and recording purposes:

Starting on Monday September 3, 2012 at 6:30 p.m. Coronation Street will be 30 minutes long (i.e. the official end of one-hour episodes).
Starting on Monday September 17, 2012, Coronation Street will move to its new time of 7:30 p.m.and will continue to be 30 minutes long.

As always, please check your local listings for the time and channel in your area. And many, many thanks to Bluenose Corrie Blogger for the info.

TGIF: The Free Norris Cole (again) edition

please note this post makes reference to the August 23 episode on CBC

You may recall that poor Norris was once locked in the cafe washroom by Sylvia Cropper (click here to read more). This time it's Tracy Barlow who has curtailed Norris' freedom by locking the padlock on the door of his room. When, oh when, will this persecution end? (hopefully never - ed).

Stay strong Norris. Mere bedroom walls cannot contain you, nor padlocks restrain your gossiping and busybody activities (note to readers: this is where George Michael starts singing "Freedom" - ed): Anyhoo, let's get to it and by "it" I mean Tony Gordon, It's Friday, your weekly compendium of memorable lines.

Sunita lashes out at Leanne:
"You've been bouncing between Nick and Peter so many times, it's like watching a tennis match"
(one might even say 'double fault')


Lloyd outlines Streetcar's employment criteria to Karl:
"We kind of draw the line at scum"
(however, thank you for your interest in Streetcars and we'll keep your CV on file)

Steve explains his shirt to Stella 
"Pink is the new black"
 (yes, and Steve is the new plank)


Norris tells Kylie he needs a taxi to go into town for a confectioner's gathering
"There's a talk on the renaissance of sherbet" 
(please don't give away the ending, I'm waiting for the movie)


Asha and Aadi's assessment of Mummy's new boyfriend 
"Karl smells"
(out of the mouths of babes...)


Norris' comment on David's attempt to entice Kylie with a nice bath
"It's an annual event"
(she has a bath whether she needs it or not)


Ryan explains to onlookers about Kylie's gyrations in the Rovers:
"She used to be a cage dancer"
(unfortunately she managed to get out of the cage)


Beth reminisces about the seaside:
"I lost my virginity in Blackpool on the ghost train"
(sounds like The Shining)


Sylvia tells Roy about Milton's housekeeper 
"She's Cuban but quite nice"
(Si)


Michelle gets wise to Steve's ulterior motives beyond offering fatherly advice to Ryan:
"There was nothing fatherly about what you had in mind"
(another foiled legover)


Emily assures a nervous Norris about Tracy's intentions:
"She wanted to Hoover the carpet, not murder you"
(although, to be frank, both options sound attractive)

***

Well, folks, that's it for another week. Poor Tyrone. Poor Michelle. Poor Stella.  Let's hope they all have better news soon. Have a great weekend. See you back here next week. Cheers!

Recycling romance on Coronation Street

please note that this post make reference to the August 22 episode on CBC

I'm certainly not opposed to rediscovering an old flame or rekindling an old romance (you sound like an arsonist or Graeme Proctor or both -ed). I only mention this because old romances seem to be everywhere on Coronation Street.

There's Steve and Michelle. Well,  technically just Steve so far but they do seem to be spending a lot of quality time together, mostly due to the new and unimproved Ryan (drugs, skiving, lying... what's not to like? - ed). Steve is definitely interested but Michelle doesn't seem to be reading the signals yet (particularly Steve's pink shirt signal; he looks like a Chippendale's taxi driver having a bad hair day - ed). Still, it looks like something may be in the cards.

Then there's Jason and Maria. Our receptionist, Abby Downton, tells me that Jason and Maria were an item many years ago but then Jason had it off with a co-hairdresser (Candace). Funny, I don't remember any of that (must be the drugs... or the Hob Nobs - ed). Anyhoo, now the cute twosome have a budding romance thanks to the matchmaking skill of Marcus.

Last - and most definitely least - there's old Kevin still trying to get his feet under the table at Sal's. Yes, he's got a sprog and yes the sprog is his lovechild from a sordid affair with his best mate (don't make such a palaver out of it - ed), but Kev still thinks that Sally can "get past all that". The scary thing is, he may be right.

The Renaissance of Sherbet

please note this post makes reference to the August 21 episode on CBC

Shame on Kylie. She forgot to send a taxi to Norris' and he missed a lecture at his confectioner's get-together. Never mind, it probably went something like this:

The Renaissance of Sherbet

"Ladies and gentlemen,

There has never been a more exciting time in the history of confectionery. One might even say: 'Ich bin ein toffee'. Despite the concerted efforts of the Dental and Obesity Lobby, we stand on the cusp of a revival of sweets, candies and chocolate. The statistics speak for themselves. Chocolate bars are up 17%. Sugared bonbons are up 21% and even humbugs, licorice allsorts and wine gums are enjoying a new era of post-war popularity.

But the future of our business can be summed up in one word: sherbet.

This fizzy, sweet (some may say nausea-inducing) powder is hitting the sweet spot of confectionery consumers. Sherbet Fountains, those yellow tubes filled with white, zingy sherbet and a black liquorice stick sticking out, are gaining traction in the all important 5-12 year old market.

Why sherbet? Why now?

Experts say sherbet has been rediscovered  by Generation X. It's light, easy to carry, easy to pour and fizzy on the tongue. And, with the right packaging, we can create a sherbet-delivery system which will keep this powder flowing to more and more young consumers with a sweet tooth -- and high dental bills.

So, to all of you, I say: Sherbet? You bet. You ain't seen nothing yet. 

Thank you & good night."

Karl Munro's Hall of Shame

please note: this post makes reference to the August 17 episode on CBC

We don't usually post on the weekend but as a public service, Blanche's Polish Hip is publishing this comprehensive list of pubs where Karl Munro could have had it off. Yes, we know that Eva alluded to a few pubs where Karl possibly cheated on Stella but our exhaustive fake investigation offers this list of pubs and possible partners for your consideration: After all, as Eva says, he did have all those women under his nose.


The Duck and Dagger    (Karen)
The Sword and Squirrel  (Sporty) 
Yew Tree                        (Sharon)
The Slag and Slapper      (Posh)
The Sewer Rat                (Scary)
Six Skivers                     (Rihanna)
The Sprog and Thistle     (Madonna)
The Captain's Legover    (Jewel)
Seven Giants                   (Donna)
The Surly Ferret             (Condeleza)
The Duke of Scum         (Bjork)
The Shag and Sixpence   (Cher)

You don't think he was helping himself to all of them do you?

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the Karl's got some 'splaining to do edition

please note: this post makes reference to the August 16 episode on CBC

Unless Karl is putting on some kind of full body Latin dance exhibition, he's got some serious explaining to do. And, another thing, does everyone who goes to 'uni' have to get kicked out? Can't someone just once complete their degree, come home and get a nice-paying job in a mid-sized manufacturing company in Manchester?

I guess not. Oh well, let's get to it and tackle some of the more memorable lines of the week in a little something we like to call TGIF. Let's start:

Kirk sums up his personality:
"I'm a people person and a dog person"
(and if that dog happens to look like a person, so much the better)


Peter tries to explain his behaviour to Carla:
"I was in a black hole"
(you mean the flat above the bookies?)


Mary shares her passion for music with Roy:
"Sir Edward Elgar has touched parts of me that no other man can reach"
(That sounds x-rated and painful)


Mary again while eating a sandwich during a chess match: 
"I've dropped some piccalilli on your bishop"
(That also sounds x-rated and painful)


Rob welcomes Eva to Underworld:
"I'm a very hands-on employer" 
(I'm sure Beth will be pleased to know that)


Roy tells Mary about his unique record collection:
"I've got all three volumes of the sound of steam"
(not to mention his bootleg tapes)


Eva criticizes Julie's teaching ability:
"You couldn't train a monkey to scratch itself"
(hey, that's no way to talk about Brian)


Rita repeats Dennis' honeymoon catch phrase:
"An adventure wrapped up in a dream"
(Is that anything like mutton dressed up as lamb?)


Eva explains her risque outfit to Rob:
"My mom says this top brings my eyes out" 
(well, it certainly brings something out)


Sunita isn't as happy as Dev about their wedding:
"He's on cloud nine and I'm in hell"
(maybe you can commute?)


Stella gets snarky with Karl:
"If I wanted your opinion, I'd dial Rent an Idiot"
(careful, they might put you through to Steve McDonald)


Mary is thrilled by the Elgar concert:
"I don't think I've ever been so moved by a wind section"
(no comment)

***

Well, fellow Street watchers, it's almost the end of another wild week on the Street. We have new characters, a lot of legovers and we're probably due for a catfight or two to round out the week  Who could ask for anything more? Thanks for stopping by and I'll meet you back here next week for more of the Hip. Cheers!.

First Brangelina, now... Rary? Maroy?

please note this post makes reference to the August 15 episode on CBC

Now that Hayley has conveniently rushed away in a woody (hey! watch your language - ed) to care for yet another long lost ailing relative, Roy is fair game. At least that's what Crazy Mary is probably thinking. Let's not mince words. Mary is warm for Roy's form. Like a kooky, camper van version of Angelina Jolie, she has her eye on Brad (Roy) and is biding her time waiting to pounce when Jennifer Aniston (Hayley) least expects it (i.e always - ed).

Step One: A nice, quiet game of chess. Not since Russian chess master Boris Spassky dueled with Bobby Fisher in 1972, has there been such sexual tension between rival players. Although, to be fair, there was also a lot of animal eroticism involved in the legendary battle between IBM's Deep Blue computer and Garry Kasparov (In this case I guess Roy would be the computer? - ed).

Step Two: True Confessions. As their hands touched fleetingly while depressing the buttons on the chess clock (this is depressing me - ed), a frisson of human contact leads to an exchange of genuine, intimate revelations. Mary's love for her father. Roy's love for steam engines.

Step Three: Would you like to come up to my apartment and see my etchings? Only in this case, it's Roy's sacred 51-record set of Elgar steam engine sounds ("The Best of Steamy British Sounds") featuring over 708 hours of magical engine noises recorded in Dolby 5.1 and best suited to eliciting quick confessions from hardened criminals.

Step Four?: I guess we'll have to wait and see but consider this: If Mary tells Roy he has a fit body, do you think he'll hold it against her? (that's it. You're barred until tomorrow! - ed)

Welcome back to Coronation Street... Ryan?

please note this post makes reference to the August 14 episode on CBC

It's been two long years (in CST - Coronation Street Time) since Michelle's lovable, mop-top son went North to explore academics, music and the exciting life of an Indie musician. So, as we watched yesterday's episode, our cafeteria lady (Sue Vide) jumped off the couch and pointed her finger at the screen accusingly. "What on earth happened to Ryan?" she said.

Perhaps someone should have questioned him thusly:

- Ryan, your voice has changed? What's wrong?
- Oh I just took up smoking that's all. All musicians do that. It's all good except when it results in a fire. Oops.

- Ryan, you've cut your hair. I can see your ears.
- All the better to hear the ladies when I'm on the pull (which appears to be all the time, even with Sophie who, you know, plays for the other team)

- Ryan, your eyes are so big
- All the better to see the lovely ladies in Coronation Street and chat them up (except Michelle, of course, since I'm told that she's me mum).

- Ryan, your teeth are so sharp and pointy
- All the better to eat the hot pot at the Rovers and the full English at Roy's. Besides, haven't you heard of the Twilight series? Sharp, pointy teeth are all the rage.

- Ryan, your...
- No further questions

CBC schedule change for Monday August 13

 -

ATTENTION CORRIE LOVERS!

Just a reminder that the Monday August 13 episode of Coronation Street will be aired at 1pm (Eastern) and not at the usual time of 6:30 pm.

Corrie is being preempted by coverage of the 2102 Rogers Cup Women's Final.

Please check your local listings and set your video recording devices accordingly in order to ensure that you don't miss your Monday fix of Corrie (you wouldn't want to miss the continuing adventures of Peter Barlow, would you?)

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the Olympic apologizing edition

please note: this post makes reference to the Aug 9 episode on CBC

Ho hum. Another day, another threatening letter from the IOC. Apparently we are not allowed to use the word 'apologizing'  as it is reserved for disgraced badminton teams. Well, we'll let our lawyers (Slingya, Hook & Bard) sort out all the legal stuff, our focus is on Tony Gordon It's Friday, your weekly compendium of memorable lines of the week along with pithy commentary. On your mark, set...


Eva asks Stella about her past spa treatments:
"Have you ever been baked in salt?"
 (No but someone spilled a Dr. Pepper on me once)


Stella tells Leanne about the balloon animals she's seen:
"I once saw a fella do an orangutan"
(...then he made an animal out of a balloon)


Peter boasts to Carla before the sack race:
"You know what they called me in the navy?"
(yes but we can't repeat it in a family blog)


Eileen tells Lloyd that it's Tracy who has ruined his cab firm:
"She's the enemy within"
(and the enemy without, for that matter)


Deirdre confides in Stella her deepest fear:
"I'm not really that fond of clowns"
(too late. They're already here)


Nick objects to Gail's opinion of Leanne
"Battersby is not a swear word"
 (I think Nick is full of...um... Battersby)


Mary states her preference in men to Roy:
"I like a man you can hang your hat on"
(try dating a coat rack)


Mary offers dancing advice to Hailey:
"Try and avoid Norris' bunions"
(you'll need a GPS)


Mary again recounts her chess evening to Hailey:
"I'm afraid I mated your husband... twice"
(and she did it using a chess clock)


Leanne has had enough of Peter's excuses: 
"If apologizing was an Olympic sport..."
(... you could add another gold medal to the UK total)



Peter insists that getting back together with Leanne is a brilliant plan:
"Sometimes you have your best idea when you have a drink"
(that means Peter is Albert Einstein... or Einstein was bladdered)


Leanne is not impressed by Peter's offer:
"I wouldn't touch you with a barge pole"
(a barge pole probably wouldn't touch Peter either)


Marcus tells Maria what happened at the apartment: 
"I just walked in on Kirk in the shower"
(quick get a trauma team over here, stat!)

****

Well, Corriephiles of Canada, that's it for another week. I have stopped putting in plot summaries at the beginning of the posts because I'm... well.. a skiver. However if you find them useful, let me know and I'll try to include them when I can. Thanks for stopping by, for reading and for your comments. Have a great weekend, enjoy the omnibus and be sure to meet me back here next week for more of the Hip. Cheers!

Carla's bro boosts Coronation Street's BQ

please note this post makes reference to the August 8 episode on CBC

What's BQ, you ask?  It's a scientific metric which we, at Blanche's Polish Hip,  use in our labs to measure the ratio of male-to-sexiness on Coronation Street. In laypunter's terms, it's called the Beefcake Quotient (BQ). For example, Kirk Sutherland (nice fella that he is) tends to cause a decrease in the BQ on the Coronation Street while Dr. Carter tends to create an.. um.. upswing (I'm with you so far -ed).

Thus, the surprise appearance of Carla's mysterious bad boy sibling has, in the words of our receptionist Abby Downton, "deffo put the spice in Old Spice."  So what do we really know about this "Rob" apart from the fact that he's easy on the eyes?

Well, first we know that he is fresh from doing time in the nick (well, who hasn't on Coronation Street? It's like the price of admission to the Street - ed)

We also know that he doesn't like Peter Barlow as evidenced by his manhandling of PB (BTW, that doesn't stand for Personal Best - ed) and takes dim view of Carla's taste in men (Tony Gordon? Frank Foster? Surely not? - ed)

And we know that Rob has "issues" with his sis about their Mum. Looks like Rob was forced to carry the load which necessitated him breaking the law to earn some cash which resulted in a prison sentence at a little barbed wire B&B called Strangeways. (anyone can make a mistake - ed)

But, on the plus side he likes the ale at the Rovers, already thinks PB is a plank and seems to be very interested in the fair Michelle.

As they say on those wildlife documentaries, I guess "nature will take its course" (actually, in this case, it's more like the survival of the 'fittest' - ed)

Coronation Street's sad sack race

please note this post makes reference to the August 6 episode on CBC

"Ladies and gentleman, thank you for joining us and welcome as we bring you live coverage of the Annual Bessie Street School Olympics. We have already witnessed an astonishing day of sport here at the magnificent Ken Barlow Outdoor Centre for Athletic Adequacy (KBOCAA).

Britain's Amy Barlow has already captured her fair share of medals with electrifying performances in the 100, 200 and 300 metre sprint for children who will need therapy later in life.

But now, the main event. Yes, it's the father's sack race. This is truly the marquee event of the day so, without further ado, let's go down to the field and meet the starting lineup.

On the outside lane is an anonymous unnamed father with glasses.

Next is Dev Allahan. Dev, nicknamed Insane Dolt, had a disappointing race last year due to marital difficulties but he says he is now in top form.

Next to Dev, some other miscellaneous dads without names and then we have a newcomer, Nick Tilsley. While not technically a dad, the IOC has ruled that Tilsley, aka the Bistro Bobber, is eligible. Next to Tilsley is Peter Barlow. Barlow was certainly a favourite to win the Dry Sack race but we're not so sure about this one.

And, they're off !

It's Allahan, followed by Barlow followed by Tilsley. Allahan got off to a fast start but he's starting to fade as the nameless dads are catching up and now Barlow is pushing forward. Look at that form! They say he's great in the sack and so far, ladies and gentlemen, he seems to have this race in the bag.

But wait, now it's the non-dad making a move. Yes, it's Tilsley bobbing up on the inside. Tilsley now pushing though the pack and taking the lead. As they approach the tape, it's all Tilsely. Just look at his sack, ladies (and gentlemen)! So small, so compact yet so efficient. And at the finish, it's Tilsley. Nick Tilsley brings home the gold!"

TGIF: the "just try saying 'repechage' after a skinful" edition

please note: this post makes reference to the August 2 edition on CBC

As we expected, the IOC is on our back again. Our lawyers (Slingya, Hook & Bard) have informed us that Jacques Rogge takes offence at our use of the word "repechage" and we have been advised against using Olympic terminology which is only used once every four years. Although, interestingly, I once lobbied for a "repechage" after I failed a French quiz in high school but the teacher replied with a firm "non". Touché, Monsieur LeBon!

But I digress. For newcomers to this blog (quick, it's not too late to leave while you can - ed), Friday at the Hip is called Tony Gordon It's Friday or TGIF, a quick look back at some of the memorable lines of the week along with some snarky commentary.  So, surfers, take your mark:


Tracy smells something bad coming from Beth's breafast:
"Your kippers are rank"
(I really hope kippers are a type of fish)


Sean's flower arrangement and dinner preparations are wasted on an absent Marcus:
"My tulips have gone limp"
(I really hope tulips are a type of flower)

Mary waxes poetic about the dance hall in Blackpool:

"The magnificent organ rising out of the ground"

(I really hope an organ is a musical instrument) 

Norris toots his own ballroom dancing horn:

"I was something of a smooth operator dance wise"

(Move over Michael Flatley, it's 'Mitherdance')

Eva tries to make up with Nick by confessing her faults:

"I know I can be insanely jealous"

(well, you're half right, you are insane)


Stella tell Eva how much she loves for Karl

"He's my world"

(If by world, you mean global disaster, then yes)

Tracy gets a question from a would-be house buyer who sees Craig's pet:

"Is that a rat?"

(No, the rat is smaller and it's not called Beth)

Mary tries to dance in the shop while holding a hot beverage:

"I spilled my cup of cha with my cha cha cha"

(perhaps you could sashay further away?)

Norris summarizes Mary's dancing aptitude:

"All the natural rhythm and grace of a fridge freezer"

(That's an insult to Maytags everywhere)


Sunita asks Stella about her fears:

"Do you have any phobias?"

(only adulteryobia)

Marcus tells Sean he slept at Maria's place - not with Aidan:
"The only thing I spooned last night was Liam's 'Tickle me Elmo' "

(Elmo not happy with Sean)

Peter threatens Nick on the street:

"I see you for what you are: a scheming, little toe rag"

(but his prix fixe menu is quite good)

Eva is surprised to learn details about Craig's rat:

"The thing has a name?"

(Yes, it's Darrell... and he's single)


The council inspector was not impressed by the kitchen at the Flying Horse
"Their Panini maker is a disgrace"

(Yeah, I hear he hasn't had a bath in weeks)

Sean decides not to go to work after his bust-up with Marcus:

"I couldn't face the estrogen inquisition"

(it's like the Spanish inquisition with hormone replacement therapy)

***

Well, my fellow lovers of Corrie, we're almost at the end of the week and heading into those long, hot two days which some call the weekend but I call the non-Corrie days. However, if you're watching the omnibus edition on Sunday, enjoy. To all new and returning visitors, thanks very much for dropping by and spending time at the Hip. Meet me back here next week and have a wonderful weekend. Cheers!

 

Two words for Peter Barlow

please note this post makes reference to the August 1 episode on CBC

No, not those two words... although admittedly they are appropriate.

Olympic Plank?

Now you're getting warmer. No, all profanities aside, sometimes I wonder just how many functioning brain cells Barlow the Younger actually has. Let's review. First, he was fighting tooth and nail to prevent Leanne from seeing Simon and waging an ugly fight for custody. Then he started banning everyone from seeing Simon. The list started with Leanne but was expanded to include Ken and Deirdre and, I dunno, perhaps even several Olympic badminton teams (I lost track).

That Mensa-grade move proved to be about as effective as Boris Johnson on a zip line.

Next move? Well, Simon was obviously very unhappy so Professor Barlow's solution was to turn the young lad completely over to Leanne. Now Simon is less miserable but Peter (surprise, surprise) is very miserable. And, when he wants to take Simon out for a burger, Leanne says "no".  So that didn't work out very well either.

Next brainiac move?  Threaten Nick Tilsley in a dark alley because Nick is getting back together with Leanne and Peter thinks Nick is trying to play Daddy Dearest. Peter doesn't like that idea of course and yet, when Peter sees Simon in the cafe, he (get this) declines an offer to join Simon and Nick for breakfast. Does he want to see Simon or not? What's the difference between a burger and a full English anyway? (about 590 gms of cholesterol I believe - ed).  Yet another stellar move by PB!

Back in the flat, Peter is left to stew in his own juices while his son is playing happy families - with another family. The irony of it all is that Peter (if he weren't so bull headed) could easily solve all this aggro with a little common sense. Which brings me to those two words: shared custody.

Karl Munro's gold medal performance

please note this post makes reference to the July 31 episode on CBC

the story so far... Mary, Hayley and Norris are attending ballroom dancing class, the relationship between Marcus and Sean is strained because of Aidan and other issues, Eva continues to have suspicions about Karl and Sunita, Leanne accepts Nick's offer to get back together, Beth and Tracy continue plotting to thwart Steve's plan to sell the house.

Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but our lawyers (Slingya, Hook & Bard) have once again advised us that we are contravening stringent IOC copyright regulations by using the word "gold medal". Apparently "medal" is okay but we are legally forbidden from referring to the metals: "gold", "silver" or "bronze". In fact, after consulting the periodic table, our lawyers have advised us that the only metals we can mention are: zinc, cobalt, manganese and molybdenum (better get the lead out too - ed).

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yes, the curious case of Karl Munro. Now, I know, at the best of times, that the allure of most males on Coronation Street is, how you say, perplexing. But, in the case of Karl, it's a downright mystery. This opinion is shared by Judy at the Tim Hortons as well as our receptionist (Abby Downton) and the cafeteria lady (Sue Vide).

No female with a pulse can quite comprehend the male musk that is Karl. He's a cab driver, a bit of a skiver, a gambling addict and a bloke with harebrained schemes (i.e. big screen TV) and dodgy pals. Where's the attraction? None the less, old Karl seems to be the irresistible object of desire. For reasons unfathomable, Sunita chose lucky Karl for a lusty legover and now she's doing that Fatal Attraction thing (quick, hide the rabbit - ed).

Stella gives him chance after chance and Karl never fails to disappoint. How many times will he hit rock bottom before Stella realizes that he's like the coffee service at Denny's?  (bottomless). Meanwhile Karl is proving himself to be the Olympic Champion of deception. He's manages to conceal his gambling, his affair and his lies with great success (for the most part). He's like the Michael Phelps of toerags. He's conned everyone and so far is keeping a lid on his playing away exploits. He's even got Stella believing that he'll get help with his gambling addiction.

"He's my world," Stella says to Eva.

Give that man a medal (a molybdenum metal of course).