spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 29 episode on CBC
If it's Friday, then it's time for TGIF ('Tony Gordon, It's Friday'). Back by popular demand (i.e. the nice lady at Tim Horton's who reads the blog). But I digress. Upward and onward on a trip through the quotable quips of the week. Allez!:
Steve Mcdonald expressing disgust at Lloyd's sexual interest in his mother:
"I was born between those legs!"
(You make it sound like there's a commemorative plaque there)
Jack reminiscing about the pub where Tyrone's stag is taking place:
"There was a crackin’ barmaid in here years ago, you know, Gloria, a knife thrower’s assistant"
(She was a cut above the rest...)
Lloyd criticizing Steve's reaction to news of the Lloyd-Liz romance:
"As soon as I get a little bit of tail you can’t handle it"
(I guess Steve just isn't a qualified 'tail-handler')
Steve explaining to Michelle why he's so upset:
"My mom has just been in Lloyd Mullaney’s boxer shorts"
(...and she didn't even send a postcard?)
Becky describing an adventurous sexual game to Steve:
"Have you ever played the happy plumber?"
(does that involve charging twice the original price, showing up late and making a mess of the bathroom?)
Norris describing a nightmare to Rita:
"It was like, like a powerful force sort of grasping at me throat."
(You'll have to narrow it down, Norris, that could be half of Weatherfield)
Tyrone telling Kevin about the musician he's hired for the wedding:
"She’s a Korean harpist"
(apparently, they have the most Seoul...)
Molly telling the lads to make sure Tyrone gets a bone fide stag party:
"I mean it. I won’t be happy unless he’s stripped naked, tarred and feathered, and put on a slow train to Edinburgh."
(I'll call Tony Gordon right away...)
***
Shots from the hip... that's it for this week. Thanks for stopping by. Enjoy the Friday episode and the weekend omnibus edition.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
bin there, done that
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 28 episode
We've been hearing the verb 'bin' a lot lately as a synonym for 'dump' or 'get rid of'. It's used mainly in connection with Steve and Michelle and the question usually is: Will Steve 'bin' Michelle - and, if so, when? Of course, in the Wonderful World of Steverino, this action is necessary so he can boink Becky on a full time (instead of part-time) basis. But the problem is Steve can't or won't take that big step, he won't 'bin' Michelle. It's a problem and we know that Stevie-boy is on the horns of a dilemma (very horny, actually - ed) because of the wide variety of facial gymnastics which his rubbery, expressive face is displaying on a regular basis.
Why all the hesitation on Stevo's part?
Well, of course, there's the spineless factor, especially when it comes to women. Then there's the problem of Michelle getting more likeable. This is a recent phenomenon. Just when Steve is working himself up to do some actual 'bin-ing', she turns around and becomes all nice and lovable. She's drinking red wine, looking sexy, listening to UB40, doing the Steve 'samba' - (twice in one night thank you very much), making surprise dinner plans and taking Amy to school. What's not to like?
As for Stevie Blunder, well Operation Bad Boyfriend has been a total bust. The only result so far has been the anger and disappointment of Becky who tells him: "Don’t touch me, don’t speak to me! Just crawl away and die."
Not much room for nuance there. Looks like Steve's grand plan to break up with Michelle and be with Becky belongs in the.. well.. bin.
We've been hearing the verb 'bin' a lot lately as a synonym for 'dump' or 'get rid of'. It's used mainly in connection with Steve and Michelle and the question usually is: Will Steve 'bin' Michelle - and, if so, when? Of course, in the Wonderful World of Steverino, this action is necessary so he can boink Becky on a full time (instead of part-time) basis. But the problem is Steve can't or won't take that big step, he won't 'bin' Michelle. It's a problem and we know that Stevie-boy is on the horns of a dilemma (very horny, actually - ed) because of the wide variety of facial gymnastics which his rubbery, expressive face is displaying on a regular basis.
Why all the hesitation on Stevo's part?
Well, of course, there's the spineless factor, especially when it comes to women. Then there's the problem of Michelle getting more likeable. This is a recent phenomenon. Just when Steve is working himself up to do some actual 'bin-ing', she turns around and becomes all nice and lovable. She's drinking red wine, looking sexy, listening to UB40, doing the Steve 'samba' - (twice in one night thank you very much), making surprise dinner plans and taking Amy to school. What's not to like?
As for Stevie Blunder, well Operation Bad Boyfriend has been a total bust. The only result so far has been the anger and disappointment of Becky who tells him: "Don’t touch me, don’t speak to me! Just crawl away and die."
Not much room for nuance there. Looks like Steve's grand plan to break up with Michelle and be with Becky belongs in the.. well.. bin.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
pigeon condos
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 27 episode on CBC
I'm getting a little nervous. (then stop watching Battle of the Blades - ed). There's a mysterious confluence of circumstances going on which bothers me (Steve getting knackered from too much sex? - ed). Aunty Pam needs to buy Jack a new pigeon coop. That's because her biofuelishness led to the disastrous explosion which destroyed the old coop. The problem is Aunty Pam can't afford to buy Jack a new coop because she's skint. In fact, she can't even work because, in her own words, her injured hand is "all to cock" (absolutely no comment - ed).
Hmm. What a dilemma. Now, normally when a rundown property is in need of a cash infusion for redevelopment, a property developer gets involved. He sees the chance to rebuild and a chance to make a tidy sum replacing grotty flats with new luxury accommodations with all the mod cons. Usually these developers are greedy, crass wheeler-dealers with no conscience and big fat envelopes of money.
Can you see where I'm going with this? That's right. I wouldn't be surprised if corporate titan, Tony Gordon, doesn't sniff out this opportunity (easy enough given the smell in the Duckworth's backyard - ed) and redevelop that pigeon coop, re-branding it as a 'luxury pigeon condo project'. Upwardly mobile pigeons (I thought all pigeons were upwardly mobile? - ed) will 'flock' to the site of the new 'Victoria Coop' to get a look at the model suite, before 'dropping' a bundle to get first dibs on these swanky cubbyholes.
Of course, Tony would have to check with his accountant before committing to such a project. And, I have a feeling that Giles might be skeptical. He might even say that this one is strictly for the.. um.. birds. (I think I need a bottle of 'Avian' after that one - ed)
I'm getting a little nervous. (then stop watching Battle of the Blades - ed). There's a mysterious confluence of circumstances going on which bothers me (Steve getting knackered from too much sex? - ed). Aunty Pam needs to buy Jack a new pigeon coop. That's because her biofuelishness led to the disastrous explosion which destroyed the old coop. The problem is Aunty Pam can't afford to buy Jack a new coop because she's skint. In fact, she can't even work because, in her own words, her injured hand is "all to cock" (absolutely no comment - ed).
Hmm. What a dilemma. Now, normally when a rundown property is in need of a cash infusion for redevelopment, a property developer gets involved. He sees the chance to rebuild and a chance to make a tidy sum replacing grotty flats with new luxury accommodations with all the mod cons. Usually these developers are greedy, crass wheeler-dealers with no conscience and big fat envelopes of money.
Can you see where I'm going with this? That's right. I wouldn't be surprised if corporate titan, Tony Gordon, doesn't sniff out this opportunity (easy enough given the smell in the Duckworth's backyard - ed) and redevelop that pigeon coop, re-branding it as a 'luxury pigeon condo project'. Upwardly mobile pigeons (I thought all pigeons were upwardly mobile? - ed) will 'flock' to the site of the new 'Victoria Coop' to get a look at the model suite, before 'dropping' a bundle to get first dibs on these swanky cubbyholes.
Of course, Tony would have to check with his accountant before committing to such a project. And, I have a feeling that Giles might be skeptical. He might even say that this one is strictly for the.. um.. birds. (I think I need a bottle of 'Avian' after that one - ed)
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
everybody loves steve?
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 26 episode on CBC
I think I'm getting a headache. (take two aspirin and call me in 2012 - ed). Ever since Becky compared Steve and Michelle to the American TV sitcom, 'Everybody loves Raymond', I've been trying to figure out who's who (whom, surely - ed).
Let's start with the obvious. According to Becky, Steve is Raymond and Michelle is Deborah. So far, so good. So, who is Robert (Ray's brother)? Is it Andy? (Naw, Andy's in Spain. That doesn't work). It must be Lloyd. Lloyd is Robert. Yeah, that works. I can just hear Lloydie saying sarcastically: "Everybody loves Steve". But, wait, hang on a minute. If Lloyd is Robert, that means Lloyd (Robert) is sleeping with Ray's mother, Marie (Liz). Geez Louise! Oh my God! I don't think I ever saw that episode.
And what about Ray's Dad, Frank. Who would that be? I guess that would have to be big Jim McDonald. So let's see. That means Ray's Dad was sent to jail for killing a bloke with his bare hands and then got out of the slammer only to punch out one of Marie's boyfriends (Vernon). Yikes! I can't exactly hear the studio audience doubling over in laughter at that episode.
Okay, so the parallels don't exactly work. But I guess Becky's point is that Steve (like most married men who say they'll leave their wives) is never going to leave Michelle. "They're at each other all the time but deep down, there’s love," says Becky.
Sad but true and that point comes through in living colour -- whether you're Ray Romano or Steve McDonald.
I think I'm getting a headache. (take two aspirin and call me in 2012 - ed). Ever since Becky compared Steve and Michelle to the American TV sitcom, 'Everybody loves Raymond', I've been trying to figure out who's who (whom, surely - ed).
Let's start with the obvious. According to Becky, Steve is Raymond and Michelle is Deborah. So far, so good. So, who is Robert (Ray's brother)? Is it Andy? (Naw, Andy's in Spain. That doesn't work). It must be Lloyd. Lloyd is Robert. Yeah, that works. I can just hear Lloydie saying sarcastically: "Everybody loves Steve". But, wait, hang on a minute. If Lloyd is Robert, that means Lloyd (Robert) is sleeping with Ray's mother, Marie (Liz). Geez Louise! Oh my God! I don't think I ever saw that episode.
And what about Ray's Dad, Frank. Who would that be? I guess that would have to be big Jim McDonald. So let's see. That means Ray's Dad was sent to jail for killing a bloke with his bare hands and then got out of the slammer only to punch out one of Marie's boyfriends (Vernon). Yikes! I can't exactly hear the studio audience doubling over in laughter at that episode.
Okay, so the parallels don't exactly work. But I guess Becky's point is that Steve (like most married men who say they'll leave their wives) is never going to leave Michelle. "They're at each other all the time but deep down, there’s love," says Becky.
Sad but true and that point comes through in living colour -- whether you're Ray Romano or Steve McDonald.
Friday, October 23, 2009
TGIF
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 22 episode on CBC
Friday already? Well then, it's time to crank up 'TGIF' or 'Tony Gordon, It's Friday' especially exciting with Hogmanay in the air (at least according to CST, Corrie Street Time). But enough of this mithering chit chat (here, here! -ed), let's take a look at some of the quotes of the week (along with some comments thrown in for good measure - ed). May I have the envelope, please:
Tony Gordon to Carla, proposing a trip home during a very special time of year:
"How do you fancy celebrating Hogmanay in Scotland?"
(complete with all the magical Gordon family traditions: hit & run, forcible confinement and attempted strangulation with a sexy negligee. Guid times)
Liz giving a pep talk to the Rover's barmaids before the New Year's Eve rush:
"So let’s give the punters a night to remember!"
(new urinal cakes in the washrooms and free pork scratchings for everyone!)
Blanche as she observes Leanne and Peter under the mistletoe:
"An ex-prostitute and an alcoholic. Jerry Springer would do cartwheels"
(Just think of all the profanities, chair-throwing and fist-fights - and that's just at the nativity play)
Eileen telling Deirdre that Blanche has placed a bet in her name:
"When we land a monkey on the moon by the year 2030, you'll be a very wealthy woman"
(...only if you marry the monkey first [Corrie writers, take note])
Dev insisting to Tara that he is not pathetic:
"I've got loads of dignity. In fact if I made my own aftershave, that’s what it'd be called - Dignity by Dev Allahan"
(use with caution: side-effects may include sleeping with mothers and their daughters)
Molly explaining to Pam why Jackie Dobbs is back:
"Her boob blew up on a light aircraft."
(Fortunately, the pilot was able to make an emergency landing with just the one remaining)
Jackie Dobbs explaining her rationale for breast implants:
"Honestly, before I had them done, I was like two aspirins on an ironing board"
(Not tonight, they've got a headache...)
Jackie Dobbs again, bragging to Deirdre about the secrets of her success:
"What’s that I feel beneath me wings?"
(wing implants?)
***
Parting shots from the hip... that's it for this week. Thanks for visiting and reading and thanks too for the comments (nice to hear that someone else appreciates Norris). Enjoy the Friday episode and the weekend omnibus edition. Cheers & Happy Corrie watching to all.
Friday already? Well then, it's time to crank up 'TGIF' or 'Tony Gordon, It's Friday' especially exciting with Hogmanay in the air (at least according to CST, Corrie Street Time). But enough of this mithering chit chat (here, here! -ed), let's take a look at some of the quotes of the week (along with some comments thrown in for good measure - ed). May I have the envelope, please:
Tony Gordon to Carla, proposing a trip home during a very special time of year:
"How do you fancy celebrating Hogmanay in Scotland?"
(complete with all the magical Gordon family traditions: hit & run, forcible confinement and attempted strangulation with a sexy negligee. Guid times)
Liz giving a pep talk to the Rover's barmaids before the New Year's Eve rush:
"So let’s give the punters a night to remember!"
(new urinal cakes in the washrooms and free pork scratchings for everyone!)
Blanche as she observes Leanne and Peter under the mistletoe:
"An ex-prostitute and an alcoholic. Jerry Springer would do cartwheels"
(Just think of all the profanities, chair-throwing and fist-fights - and that's just at the nativity play)
Eileen telling Deirdre that Blanche has placed a bet in her name:
"When we land a monkey on the moon by the year 2030, you'll be a very wealthy woman"
(...only if you marry the monkey first [Corrie writers, take note])
Dev insisting to Tara that he is not pathetic:
"I've got loads of dignity. In fact if I made my own aftershave, that’s what it'd be called - Dignity by Dev Allahan"
(use with caution: side-effects may include sleeping with mothers and their daughters)
Molly explaining to Pam why Jackie Dobbs is back:
"Her boob blew up on a light aircraft."
(Fortunately, the pilot was able to make an emergency landing with just the one remaining)
Jackie Dobbs explaining her rationale for breast implants:
"Honestly, before I had them done, I was like two aspirins on an ironing board"
(Not tonight, they've got a headache...)
Jackie Dobbs again, bragging to Deirdre about the secrets of her success:
"What’s that I feel beneath me wings?"
(wing implants?)
***
Parting shots from the hip... that's it for this week. Thanks for visiting and reading and thanks too for the comments (nice to hear that someone else appreciates Norris). Enjoy the Friday episode and the weekend omnibus edition. Cheers & Happy Corrie watching to all.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Hobbs v. Dobbs
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 22 episode on CBC
M'Lord, if it please the court, I would like to cite the case of one Aunty Pam Hobsworth v. Miss Jackie Dobbs. As you may know, both individuals have decided to unilaterally locate themselves at the location known as 'the Old Rectory', a charming squat formerly owned by Jack and Vera Duckworth, and now the property of Mr. Tyrone Dobbs and Miss Molly Compton.
M'lud will surely recall Ms Dobbs' extensive and wide-ranging list of prior convictions as well as her extensive stay with residents of Her Majesty's Penal System. In addition, Ms Dobbs has subjected her son, Tyrone, to untenable and unreasonable rigours, most recently involving an individual known only as 'Scary Brian', a one thousand pound debt and a boob job. (Please excuse my salty language, my Lord)
As for Aunty Pam Hobsworth, her presence down the market is well known to punters in search of Japanese watches that instantly commit hari kari, deviled ham which is distinctly bedevilled, knock-off designer shirts by Georgino Armanti and explosive bio-fuel. As a footnote, m'lud, let the record show that the explosive biofuel left Jack Duckworth, loo-less.
M'Lord, I put it you that the case of Hobsworth v. Dobbs is deletrious in the extreme to the fragile union of Tyrone and Molly. If it please the court, I urge that measures be taken immediately to remove one or both from the premises with all due haste.
I rest my case.
M'Lord, if it please the court, I would like to cite the case of one Aunty Pam Hobsworth v. Miss Jackie Dobbs. As you may know, both individuals have decided to unilaterally locate themselves at the location known as 'the Old Rectory', a charming squat formerly owned by Jack and Vera Duckworth, and now the property of Mr. Tyrone Dobbs and Miss Molly Compton.
M'lud will surely recall Ms Dobbs' extensive and wide-ranging list of prior convictions as well as her extensive stay with residents of Her Majesty's Penal System. In addition, Ms Dobbs has subjected her son, Tyrone, to untenable and unreasonable rigours, most recently involving an individual known only as 'Scary Brian', a one thousand pound debt and a boob job. (Please excuse my salty language, my Lord)
As for Aunty Pam Hobsworth, her presence down the market is well known to punters in search of Japanese watches that instantly commit hari kari, deviled ham which is distinctly bedevilled, knock-off designer shirts by Georgino Armanti and explosive bio-fuel. As a footnote, m'lud, let the record show that the explosive biofuel left Jack Duckworth, loo-less.
M'Lord, I put it you that the case of Hobsworth v. Dobbs is deletrious in the extreme to the fragile union of Tyrone and Molly. If it please the court, I urge that measures be taken immediately to remove one or both from the premises with all due haste.
I rest my case.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Cole Comfort
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 20 episode on CBC
Friends, Romans & Corrie-watchers, lend me your e-ars, I come to praise Norris, not to slag him. Well, maybe that's overstating the case a bit. I wouldn't say that Mr. Cole is my favourite Corrie citizen but I don't dislike him with the same intensity as some Corrie-watchers or indeed the inhabitants of the Street (Les Battersby in particular is very hostile to 'Doris' as he calls him).
You may say that Norris is nothing more than a gossip, a pest, a busybody and a curmudgeon. You'd be right, but the role of busybody is an important one on the Street. What's the point of salacious gossip, if there is no-one around to do the proverbial 'nudge nudge, wink wink', pass comments and promulgate the info (with relish) to all and sundry.
Street gossips go way back to the beginning of Coronation Street. Hilda Ogden was a skilled practitioner (although one could argue that she had many more redeeming qualities than Mr Cole and I would agree). And, the role of the gossip itself, can be traced back many centuries. I'm sure there were several Norris-types sitting around during the French revolution watching the guillotine and making snarky comments ("look at the size of that king's neck; they're going to need a bigger blade").
Norris is often the counterpoint in different situations. He is scandalized and appalled by everything from Jed Stone to Polish cooking. When Maria spray paints the word 'Muder' on the factory, Norris is upset by the spelling mistake. When Emily finds Sunny Jim, it's Norris who is at odds with the cat. He's always been an irritating presence (ever since he came on the show as a colleague of Derek Wilton) but he's an original and serves a useful (if annoying) purpose. Here's to Doris.
Friends, Romans & Corrie-watchers, lend me your e-ars, I come to praise Norris, not to slag him. Well, maybe that's overstating the case a bit. I wouldn't say that Mr. Cole is my favourite Corrie citizen but I don't dislike him with the same intensity as some Corrie-watchers or indeed the inhabitants of the Street (Les Battersby in particular is very hostile to 'Doris' as he calls him).
You may say that Norris is nothing more than a gossip, a pest, a busybody and a curmudgeon. You'd be right, but the role of busybody is an important one on the Street. What's the point of salacious gossip, if there is no-one around to do the proverbial 'nudge nudge, wink wink', pass comments and promulgate the info (with relish) to all and sundry.
Street gossips go way back to the beginning of Coronation Street. Hilda Ogden was a skilled practitioner (although one could argue that she had many more redeeming qualities than Mr Cole and I would agree). And, the role of the gossip itself, can be traced back many centuries. I'm sure there were several Norris-types sitting around during the French revolution watching the guillotine and making snarky comments ("look at the size of that king's neck; they're going to need a bigger blade").
Norris is often the counterpoint in different situations. He is scandalized and appalled by everything from Jed Stone to Polish cooking. When Maria spray paints the word 'Muder' on the factory, Norris is upset by the spelling mistake. When Emily finds Sunny Jim, it's Norris who is at odds with the cat. He's always been an irritating presence (ever since he came on the show as a colleague of Derek Wilton) but he's an original and serves a useful (if annoying) purpose. Here's to Doris.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Relationship ratings
spoiler alert; this post makes reference to the October 19 episode on CBC
Whew! Maria's finally gone to Cyprus (to practice her spelling? - ed) and Tony's hi jinks are taking a back seat to some of the evolving relationships on the Street. Let's take a quick gander:
Lloyd & Danielle: Even though she's saving for a boob job (right now, she can only afford to do one - ed), Danielle is history. Lloyd is moving on to the alpha female of Brazilian crunch: Liz. Zero out of five stars for this one.
Lloyd & Liz: Yowsa! It looks like the chemistry is there and Liz certainly doesn't waste any time. She said 'no' for about half a second and then had Lloyd in a leg lock inside her boudoir while Steve-o was downstairs making small talk with Betty. I give this one three out of five stars: ***
Molly & Tyrone: While Jack's busy ejecting Pam and her biofuel lab from the backyard (so ends the possibility of the first pigeon/chip oil powered hybrid car - ed), Molly is continuing to play silly beggar with Tyrone. It can't last and something's got to give. Either they're a couple or they're not. Right now, I give it only two stars out of five: **
Carla & Tony: With cash flowing in again, the tepid twosome can now get on with what they do best: spend money (kilts for everyone! - ed). This won't last. Carla is just too circumspect and suspicious and you can tell that her heart's not in it (Carla has a heart? - ed). As far as she's concerned, hogmany is hogwash - even if Tone does wear a kilt. I give this one a single star out of five: *
Norris & Sunny Jim: With Emily playing detective and on the hunt for Jed, Norris and Sunny Jim are destined to be spending a lot of time together, mostly locked in a psychological battle of wits (I'll put 10 quid on the cat - ed). One star out of five: *
Whew! Maria's finally gone to Cyprus (to practice her spelling? - ed) and Tony's hi jinks are taking a back seat to some of the evolving relationships on the Street. Let's take a quick gander:
Lloyd & Danielle: Even though she's saving for a boob job (right now, she can only afford to do one - ed), Danielle is history. Lloyd is moving on to the alpha female of Brazilian crunch: Liz. Zero out of five stars for this one.
Lloyd & Liz: Yowsa! It looks like the chemistry is there and Liz certainly doesn't waste any time. She said 'no' for about half a second and then had Lloyd in a leg lock inside her boudoir while Steve-o was downstairs making small talk with Betty. I give this one three out of five stars: ***
Molly & Tyrone: While Jack's busy ejecting Pam and her biofuel lab from the backyard (so ends the possibility of the first pigeon/chip oil powered hybrid car - ed), Molly is continuing to play silly beggar with Tyrone. It can't last and something's got to give. Either they're a couple or they're not. Right now, I give it only two stars out of five: **
Carla & Tony: With cash flowing in again, the tepid twosome can now get on with what they do best: spend money (kilts for everyone! - ed). This won't last. Carla is just too circumspect and suspicious and you can tell that her heart's not in it (Carla has a heart? - ed). As far as she's concerned, hogmany is hogwash - even if Tone does wear a kilt. I give this one a single star out of five: *
Norris & Sunny Jim: With Emily playing detective and on the hunt for Jed, Norris and Sunny Jim are destined to be spending a lot of time together, mostly locked in a psychological battle of wits (I'll put 10 quid on the cat - ed). One star out of five: *
Friday, October 16, 2009
TGIF
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 15 episode on CBC
Well, it's Friday and that means 'TGIF' except in Quebec where we call it 'TGIV' (Tony Gordon, It's Vendredi). So let's finish the week with a pithy selection of memorable quotes from this week's episodes of Corrie (along with some comments thrown in for good measure - ed). Drum roll please:
Tony Gordon making the happy discovery of a living Jed Stone:
"So Jed’s not dead, baby. Jed’s not dead.
(sounds like the lyrics to an 80s pop song by that band 'Dead or Alive')
Rosie summarizing the seasonal tendency of Kevin Webster:
"It wouldn’t be Christmas if he didn’t attack my boyfriend"
(deck the Stape with boughs of Holly, fa la la la la la la la la... )
Vickie trying to prepare a traditional Polish dinner and placate Norris:
"I will make borscht for us and I’ m sure I can handle Norris' leekie-cock"
(careful, you'll need the 'Ove glove' for that...)
Sally Webster commenting on the snacks at Gail's impromptu house party:
"they really melt in your mouth, these vol-au-vents"
(...they should, Ed Windass uses the finest ingredients that compo can buy)
Becky refusing to go into the Kabin with Steve lest someone should become suspicious:
"That Rita, she can smell sexual chemistry from 40 yards "
(either that or a hotpot... sometimes it's hard to tell)
Gail speaking to Joe:
"I've been wrong about men before"
(surely not, Richard Hillman was just a nice bloke with a penchant for amphibious vehicles and muder [Maria's spelling])
Auntie Pam as she enters the house and interrupts Molly and Tyrone:
"I've managed to get me hands on some lovely deviled ham"
(Please, Pam, get a room...)
Rita to Eileen's father, Colin, who is in full flattery mode:
You're still in the doghouse, but I'm enjoyin' the barkin'
(I'd enjoy the neuterin' more...)
Well, it's Friday and that means 'TGIF' except in Quebec where we call it 'TGIV' (Tony Gordon, It's Vendredi). So let's finish the week with a pithy selection of memorable quotes from this week's episodes of Corrie (along with some comments thrown in for good measure - ed). Drum roll please:
Tony Gordon making the happy discovery of a living Jed Stone:
"So Jed’s not dead, baby. Jed’s not dead.
(sounds like the lyrics to an 80s pop song by that band 'Dead or Alive')
Rosie summarizing the seasonal tendency of Kevin Webster:
"It wouldn’t be Christmas if he didn’t attack my boyfriend"
(deck the Stape with boughs of Holly, fa la la la la la la la la... )
Vickie trying to prepare a traditional Polish dinner and placate Norris:
"I will make borscht for us and I’ m sure I can handle Norris' leekie-cock"
(careful, you'll need the 'Ove glove' for that...)
Sally Webster commenting on the snacks at Gail's impromptu house party:
"they really melt in your mouth, these vol-au-vents"
(...they should, Ed Windass uses the finest ingredients that compo can buy)
Becky refusing to go into the Kabin with Steve lest someone should become suspicious:
"That Rita, she can smell sexual chemistry from 40 yards "
(either that or a hotpot... sometimes it's hard to tell)
Gail speaking to Joe:
"I've been wrong about men before"
(surely not, Richard Hillman was just a nice bloke with a penchant for amphibious vehicles and muder [Maria's spelling])
Auntie Pam as she enters the house and interrupts Molly and Tyrone:
"I've managed to get me hands on some lovely deviled ham"
(Please, Pam, get a room...)
Rita to Eileen's father, Colin, who is in full flattery mode:
You're still in the doghouse, but I'm enjoyin' the barkin'
(I'd enjoy the neuterin' more...)
***
Parting shots from the hip... that's it for this week. As always it's a hoot to be here and also to get your comments. Enjoy the weekend and the omnibus edition and remember, don't do anything that Tony Gordon wouldn't do.. (well, almost anything). Cheers
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Tabloid Teen
no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post
ROSIE WEBSTER: MY WEEKS OF HELL
by Hannah Steele, Weatherfield Gazette
A sexy, local undergarment factory employee was held in forcible confinement for days on end to satisfy the deviant, bizarre peccadilloes of a deranged former English teacher.
Rosie Webster, a curvy Coronation Street teenager with celebrity aspirations, told the Gazette in an exclusive interview, that her weeks of hell began when pervy predator John Stape threw her into the back of a taxi and drove her to his Gran's lonely house, recently vacated by both the Gran (deceased) and her cat, Slick (disappeared). Ms. Webster (shown on pages 5 and 6 in a variety of swimsuits, tube tops and thongs which she donned for an exclusive Gazette photo session) told the Gazette that she was terrified during her three-week ordeal.
"John Stape was a complete creep," she told the Gazette. "Yes, we had it off briefly while he was a teacher but that's no reason to keep me locked up in Gran's grotty attic with no Celebrity magazines and lectures about boring English literature. Gross!"
Ms. Webster, who has obviously blocked out the more salacious details of her imprisonment for deep psychological reasons, has clearly been traumatized by the kidnapping episode and seemed dull, vacant and even intellectually challenged throughout the interview.
Next week: "The sadistic saddo brought me pasta salad!"
ROSIE WEBSTER: MY WEEKS OF HELL
by Hannah Steele, Weatherfield Gazette
A sexy, local undergarment factory employee was held in forcible confinement for days on end to satisfy the deviant, bizarre peccadilloes of a deranged former English teacher.
Rosie Webster, a curvy Coronation Street teenager with celebrity aspirations, told the Gazette in an exclusive interview, that her weeks of hell began when pervy predator John Stape threw her into the back of a taxi and drove her to his Gran's lonely house, recently vacated by both the Gran (deceased) and her cat, Slick (disappeared). Ms. Webster (shown on pages 5 and 6 in a variety of swimsuits, tube tops and thongs which she donned for an exclusive Gazette photo session) told the Gazette that she was terrified during her three-week ordeal.
"John Stape was a complete creep," she told the Gazette. "Yes, we had it off briefly while he was a teacher but that's no reason to keep me locked up in Gran's grotty attic with no Celebrity magazines and lectures about boring English literature. Gross!"
Ms. Webster, who has obviously blocked out the more salacious details of her imprisonment for deep psychological reasons, has clearly been traumatized by the kidnapping episode and seemed dull, vacant and even intellectually challenged throughout the interview.
Next week: "The sadistic saddo brought me pasta salad!"
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Joe Who?
spoiler alert: this posts makes reference to the October 13 episode on CBC
Fasten your seatbelts because I'm going to make a bold and perhaps crazy suggestion (underwear should be worn on the outside? - ed). Joe McIntyre reminds me of Richard Hillman. I know what you're thinking: Corrie Heart, you've finally lost it. Bear with me.
Over the past few months, I thought Joe was simply a hapless victim, a poor fellow in bad financial straits because of the recession. But look at the way he acts and reacts. When his tools were stolen, it was like the end of the world. When the Windasses wouldn't pay their bill, he almost lost it. Then he loses his apartment and is homeless. He seems to have a history of being a loser and a victim, a bit like Willy Loman in 'Death of a Salesman'. Tina seems to know this. At one point, she warns him to be careful and he says: "I'm not going to screw this up, not this time."
But of course he is. His business is in tatters, his home is gone and still he is lavishing gifts on Gail and refusing to tell her the truth. At the Platt's Christmas dinner, he seemed completely out of touch with reality, trying to construct that perfect unreal happy family. He betrayed an almost desparate, disturbing mental state and Gail finally sees it.
"You were out of control, Joe," she says. "I didn’t recognize you. You frighten me."
"I wanted today to be perfect, to be everything I know we could be, could have been," says Joe. "But sometimes just wanting something isn’t enough, is it? Too many other things get in the way."
That's something Richard Hillman might say. He too was out of touch with reality and in search of a 'perfect family'. But in his case, he was also a psycho killer (qu'est-ce que c'est? - ed). Now, Joe is no psycho but he's definitely got big problems. That Gail sure can pick 'em.
Fasten your seatbelts because I'm going to make a bold and perhaps crazy suggestion (underwear should be worn on the outside? - ed). Joe McIntyre reminds me of Richard Hillman. I know what you're thinking: Corrie Heart, you've finally lost it. Bear with me.
Over the past few months, I thought Joe was simply a hapless victim, a poor fellow in bad financial straits because of the recession. But look at the way he acts and reacts. When his tools were stolen, it was like the end of the world. When the Windasses wouldn't pay their bill, he almost lost it. Then he loses his apartment and is homeless. He seems to have a history of being a loser and a victim, a bit like Willy Loman in 'Death of a Salesman'. Tina seems to know this. At one point, she warns him to be careful and he says: "I'm not going to screw this up, not this time."
But of course he is. His business is in tatters, his home is gone and still he is lavishing gifts on Gail and refusing to tell her the truth. At the Platt's Christmas dinner, he seemed completely out of touch with reality, trying to construct that perfect unreal happy family. He betrayed an almost desparate, disturbing mental state and Gail finally sees it.
"You were out of control, Joe," she says. "I didn’t recognize you. You frighten me."
"I wanted today to be perfect, to be everything I know we could be, could have been," says Joe. "But sometimes just wanting something isn’t enough, is it? Too many other things get in the way."
That's something Richard Hillman might say. He too was out of touch with reality and in search of a 'perfect family'. But in his case, he was also a psycho killer (qu'est-ce que c'est? - ed). Now, Joe is no psycho but he's definitely got big problems. That Gail sure can pick 'em.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Violent Night
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 12 episode on CBC
There's nothing like Christmas on Coronation Street. Not one of those fake, happy-family, Hallmark card Christmases like you usually see on TV, but a good ol' tension-filled, dysfunctional potpourri with a little Tony Gordon violence thrown in for good measure. I still remember last Christmas when John Stape sent the wrong present to the wrong girlfriend (Steve Mcdonald, please take note - ed) with disastrous results. Good times. This year, the season of good cheer is similarly rife with drama. Let's take a peek by category:
Low dysfunction (green alert on the dysfunction meter):
- Joe McIntyre's terrible tale of woe continues. No money, no apartment, no tools. No hope. Tina's not too happy but Gail's got a smile as broad as the viaduct. The charade continues because "it's a precious time." (And it's David's birthday, clear the canal - ed)
Medium dysfunction (amber alert on the dysfunction meter)
- Steve's two-timing act continues as he juggles eye-candy Michelle with la belle Beckie. Liz gets a CD (Vernon's Greatest Hit? - ed) and former feuding females (Michelle & Carla) are making nice despite a recent spat over Liam (Liam who? - ed). Meanwhile, Ryan finally got his hair cut (or had that Tribble surgically removed from his head - ed). That's the greatest gift of all.
High dysfunction (red alert on the dysfunction meter)
- Tony's seasonal escapades continue as he gives Carla a negligee, removes Jed from a Christmas hamper, wraps the 'Jed-i' in festive duct tape and breaks into a house Santa-style to spread good cheer - before trying to leave Grinch-style with two garbage bags full of Jed's favourite caps. Is there no end to TG's jolly Christmas spirit? Ho, ho, ho.
There's nothing like Christmas on Coronation Street. Not one of those fake, happy-family, Hallmark card Christmases like you usually see on TV, but a good ol' tension-filled, dysfunctional potpourri with a little Tony Gordon violence thrown in for good measure. I still remember last Christmas when John Stape sent the wrong present to the wrong girlfriend (Steve Mcdonald, please take note - ed) with disastrous results. Good times. This year, the season of good cheer is similarly rife with drama. Let's take a peek by category:
Low dysfunction (green alert on the dysfunction meter):
- Joe McIntyre's terrible tale of woe continues. No money, no apartment, no tools. No hope. Tina's not too happy but Gail's got a smile as broad as the viaduct. The charade continues because "it's a precious time." (And it's David's birthday, clear the canal - ed)
Medium dysfunction (amber alert on the dysfunction meter)
- Steve's two-timing act continues as he juggles eye-candy Michelle with la belle Beckie. Liz gets a CD (Vernon's Greatest Hit? - ed) and former feuding females (Michelle & Carla) are making nice despite a recent spat over Liam (Liam who? - ed). Meanwhile, Ryan finally got his hair cut (or had that Tribble surgically removed from his head - ed). That's the greatest gift of all.
High dysfunction (red alert on the dysfunction meter)
- Tony's seasonal escapades continue as he gives Carla a negligee, removes Jed from a Christmas hamper, wraps the 'Jed-i' in festive duct tape and breaks into a house Santa-style to spread good cheer - before trying to leave Grinch-style with two garbage bags full of Jed's favourite caps. Is there no end to TG's jolly Christmas spirit? Ho, ho, ho.
Friday, October 9, 2009
TGIF
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 8 episode on CBC
Time for another edition of 'TGIF' or 'Tony Gordon, it's Friday' featuring a selection of quotes from the week (along with some editorial comments thrown in for good measure). Let's do it:
Janice at the factory commenting on the arrival of Tony and Carla:
"Oh hey up, Morticia and Lurch are here"
(I guess that means Vickie is 'Uncle Fester' and Rosie gets to be 'Thing'?)
Carla terrorizing Rosie for revealing the video of her and Liam:
"You cross me again, Rosie, and I'll make you into a handbag, got it?"
(another manufacturing innovation by Underworld... )
Weatherfield Gazette reporter Hannah Steele describes the proposed headline for a double-page spread about Rosie:
"My weeks of hell by Rosie Webster."
(shouldn't that be 'My weeks of hell with Rosie Webster' ?)
Peter Barlow facetiously trying to recall what he did with Simon's Teddy Bear during a drunken pub crawl:
"I remember knocking back tequila slammers in this cocktail bar and the bear got hit upon by this tall blonde bird and they went to a night-club together."
(So, in other words, the Teddy Bear is getting more action than you...)
Peter Barlow again:
"it’s probably a bit smaller than that, about eight inches"
(...we're still talking about the Teddy Bear, right?")
Liz Macdonald explaining Brazilian Crunch to Lloyd:
"It’s a mixture of salsa and aerobics. "
(Lloyd is only interested if there are nachos to go with the salsa)
Ken playing the part of Joseph in order to recreate Simon's nativity play for Peter:
"But my wife is heavy with child"
(then maybe she should cut down on her smoking and ease off on the G&Ts...)
Carla complaining about Tony who is pushing Scotland as a ski vacation destination:
"Are you sponsored by the Scottish tourist board or summat?"
(yes, their slogan is: 'people would kill to come here')
Jed trying out a nickname on Norris:
Do you mind if I call you nuzzer?
(no, do you mind if I call you 'stoner' ?)
Time for another edition of 'TGIF' or 'Tony Gordon, it's Friday' featuring a selection of quotes from the week (along with some editorial comments thrown in for good measure). Let's do it:
Janice at the factory commenting on the arrival of Tony and Carla:
"Oh hey up, Morticia and Lurch are here"
(I guess that means Vickie is 'Uncle Fester' and Rosie gets to be 'Thing'?)
Carla terrorizing Rosie for revealing the video of her and Liam:
"You cross me again, Rosie, and I'll make you into a handbag, got it?"
(another manufacturing innovation by Underworld... )
Weatherfield Gazette reporter Hannah Steele describes the proposed headline for a double-page spread about Rosie:
"My weeks of hell by Rosie Webster."
(shouldn't that be 'My weeks of hell with Rosie Webster' ?)
Peter Barlow facetiously trying to recall what he did with Simon's Teddy Bear during a drunken pub crawl:
"I remember knocking back tequila slammers in this cocktail bar and the bear got hit upon by this tall blonde bird and they went to a night-club together."
(So, in other words, the Teddy Bear is getting more action than you...)
Peter Barlow again:
"it’s probably a bit smaller than that, about eight inches"
(...we're still talking about the Teddy Bear, right?")
Liz Macdonald explaining Brazilian Crunch to Lloyd:
"It’s a mixture of salsa and aerobics. "
(Lloyd is only interested if there are nachos to go with the salsa)
Ken playing the part of Joseph in order to recreate Simon's nativity play for Peter:
"But my wife is heavy with child"
(then maybe she should cut down on her smoking and ease off on the G&Ts...)
Carla complaining about Tony who is pushing Scotland as a ski vacation destination:
"Are you sponsored by the Scottish tourist board or summat?"
(yes, their slogan is: 'people would kill to come here')
Jed trying out a nickname on Norris:
Do you mind if I call you nuzzer?
(no, do you mind if I call you 'stoner' ?)
***
Shots from the hip... that's it for the week. Hope you enjoyed visiting and I hope you enjoy our Canadian Thanksgiving (Monday is a particularly good day to give thanks... for a new episode of Corrie). All the best and cheers.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
The case of the missing teddy
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 7 episode on CBC
Apparently, this scene was cut out of the original Coronation Street episode. BPH managed to get hold of the transcript. We present it for your edification, It takes place in the offices of Underworld (the factory, not the metaphorical location where Tony Gordon's soul resides).
[Enter Detective Constable Weller]
DC Weller: Mr Gordon? I'd like a few words, if you don't mind?
Tony Gordon: I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. You seem to have a bit of an accent. if you don't mind me saying.
DC Weller: I said I'd like to have a few words.
Tony: Certainly. What's this about? Me hiring a hitman to kill Liam Conner by arranging to have him run him over at an appointed place and time of my choosing... or some such nonsense I expect.
DC Weller: Actually, we're investigating the disappearance of a Teddy Bear. We think you might be able to help us.
Tony: Look, I don't know anything about a wee Teddy Bear. I love Teddy bears. I even stole my brother's Teddy Bear when we were young. Buried it in the garden under a Thistle bush. Those were the days.
DC Weller: This Teddy was last seen yesterday evening at The King's Head tavern. Ring any bells?
Tony: Was it chocolate brown with white paws, cute and cuddly, about 8 inches tall?
DC Weller: Yes, that's it.
Tony: Sorry, can't help you. Couldn't be me anyway. I was too busy yesterday evening roughing up Jed Stone, threatening his furry cat and offering that nutjob Maria one million pounds to keep her big gob shut. Try John Stape, two doors down. He's more the kidnapping type.
DC Weller: I see. Well thanks. That'll be all for the moment. If you do happen to remember anything, do give us a call. We take the disappearance of furry, stuffed toy animals very seriously.
Tony: I'll keep that in mind.
Apparently, this scene was cut out of the original Coronation Street episode. BPH managed to get hold of the transcript. We present it for your edification, It takes place in the offices of Underworld (the factory, not the metaphorical location where Tony Gordon's soul resides).
[Enter Detective Constable Weller]
DC Weller: Mr Gordon? I'd like a few words, if you don't mind?
Tony Gordon: I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. You seem to have a bit of an accent. if you don't mind me saying.
DC Weller: I said I'd like to have a few words.
Tony: Certainly. What's this about? Me hiring a hitman to kill Liam Conner by arranging to have him run him over at an appointed place and time of my choosing... or some such nonsense I expect.
DC Weller: Actually, we're investigating the disappearance of a Teddy Bear. We think you might be able to help us.
Tony: Look, I don't know anything about a wee Teddy Bear. I love Teddy bears. I even stole my brother's Teddy Bear when we were young. Buried it in the garden under a Thistle bush. Those were the days.
DC Weller: This Teddy was last seen yesterday evening at The King's Head tavern. Ring any bells?
Tony: Was it chocolate brown with white paws, cute and cuddly, about 8 inches tall?
DC Weller: Yes, that's it.
Tony: Sorry, can't help you. Couldn't be me anyway. I was too busy yesterday evening roughing up Jed Stone, threatening his furry cat and offering that nutjob Maria one million pounds to keep her big gob shut. Try John Stape, two doors down. He's more the kidnapping type.
DC Weller: I see. Well thanks. That'll be all for the moment. If you do happen to remember anything, do give us a call. We take the disappearance of furry, stuffed toy animals very seriously.
Tony: I'll keep that in mind.
Fin
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Daddy & Mommy dearest
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 6 episode on CBC
Peter: Yes, she’s right, we'll call the coppers. We'll have them decide who should have my son! Me or the worst father the world has ever known.
Deirdre: Peter!
Peter: Don’t forget you, don’t forget the mother of a murderer!
Yikes! That's a little scary when you think about it. Here's Peter Barlow in a drunken rage lashing out at his stable, loving parents who are stepping in to give little Simon some semblance of a normal home life. But then Peter gives a lightning quick summary of Ken and Deirdre and all of a sudden you realize that the longer you live on the Street, the longer the list of your past sins and indiscretions.
Kenneth? Three marriages and more than 20 affairs (maybe he's taking that locally-manufactured virility drug: Viagraduct? ed) FYI, Ken's Konquests™ include Rita (surely not on the counter of the Kabin? - ed). Had three children (although spent little time raising any of them), several jobs and more than a few indiscretions including once taking the rap for a driving accident involving Peter.
Deirdre? Three marriages including one to a 21-year old Morrocan waiter named Samir (she always was partial to couscous and mushy peas - ed). Had an affair with a bigamist, spent time in jail for fraud. Her daughter murdered a man in cold blood and, oh yes, Deirdre once had a one-night stand with Dev (yes, that Dev!) who, incidentally, also had a brief affair with Tracy (do I detect a pattern here? - ed).
So, in a way, Peter is right. I guess Ken is technically not the best father in the world and yes, I suppose Deirdre is the mother of a murderer. On the other hand, from where I stand, Ken and Deirdre seem like a pretty good option for Peter at the moment in terms of childcare and support. Maybe he'll agree when he sobers up (I'll pencil him in for New Year's day -ed).
Peter: Yes, she’s right, we'll call the coppers. We'll have them decide who should have my son! Me or the worst father the world has ever known.
Deirdre: Peter!
Peter: Don’t forget you, don’t forget the mother of a murderer!
Yikes! That's a little scary when you think about it. Here's Peter Barlow in a drunken rage lashing out at his stable, loving parents who are stepping in to give little Simon some semblance of a normal home life. But then Peter gives a lightning quick summary of Ken and Deirdre and all of a sudden you realize that the longer you live on the Street, the longer the list of your past sins and indiscretions.
Kenneth? Three marriages and more than 20 affairs (maybe he's taking that locally-manufactured virility drug: Viagraduct? ed) FYI, Ken's Konquests™ include Rita (surely not on the counter of the Kabin? - ed). Had three children (although spent little time raising any of them), several jobs and more than a few indiscretions including once taking the rap for a driving accident involving Peter.
Deirdre? Three marriages including one to a 21-year old Morrocan waiter named Samir (she always was partial to couscous and mushy peas - ed). Had an affair with a bigamist, spent time in jail for fraud. Her daughter murdered a man in cold blood and, oh yes, Deirdre once had a one-night stand with Dev (yes, that Dev!) who, incidentally, also had a brief affair with Tracy (do I detect a pattern here? - ed).
So, in a way, Peter is right. I guess Ken is technically not the best father in the world and yes, I suppose Deirdre is the mother of a murderer. On the other hand, from where I stand, Ken and Deirdre seem like a pretty good option for Peter at the moment in terms of childcare and support. Maybe he'll agree when he sobers up (I'll pencil him in for New Year's day -ed).
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Everyone's a critic
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 5 episode on CBC
Local nativity play disrupted by single parent, double whiskey
by Corrie Heart,
Weatherfield Gazette Theatre Critic (take that, Ken Barlow)
A stirring rendition of a Christmas nativity play performed by young schoolchildren at the Bessie Street School was interrupted by the sudden appearance of an inebriated single parent yesterday. A startled audience of proud parents and primary school theatre aficionados at first thought the intrusion was part of the play, a clever dramatic device -- like the chandelier in Andrew Lloyd Webber's 'Phantom of the Opera'.
Alas, this impromptu performance, was completely unplanned by the play's director who frantically urged the children to keep singing 'Away in a Manager' - although 'Away with the Stranger' might have been more appropriate. Apparently the 'deus ex retsina' was the innkeeper's father, a local bookie named Peter Barlow. When asked what would possess his dad to act in such a fashion, Simon Barlow replied: "that's nothing, you should have seen him fall on top of the Christmas Tree." Another audience member who would only identify herself as 'Blanche' said, "He should leave his liver to science, it's already well pickled."
Despite the alcohol inspired intrusion, all actors did a remarkable job of staging the Christmas classic. Particular kudos goes to the costume designer whose inspired use of towels was delightful and to Amy Barlow-Macdonald who is surely a shoo-in for an award in the 'best non-speaker in a speaking role'
Local nativity play disrupted by single parent, double whiskey
by Corrie Heart,
Weatherfield Gazette Theatre Critic (take that, Ken Barlow)
A stirring rendition of a Christmas nativity play performed by young schoolchildren at the Bessie Street School was interrupted by the sudden appearance of an inebriated single parent yesterday. A startled audience of proud parents and primary school theatre aficionados at first thought the intrusion was part of the play, a clever dramatic device -- like the chandelier in Andrew Lloyd Webber's 'Phantom of the Opera'.
Alas, this impromptu performance, was completely unplanned by the play's director who frantically urged the children to keep singing 'Away in a Manager' - although 'Away with the Stranger' might have been more appropriate. Apparently the 'deus ex retsina' was the innkeeper's father, a local bookie named Peter Barlow. When asked what would possess his dad to act in such a fashion, Simon Barlow replied: "that's nothing, you should have seen him fall on top of the Christmas Tree." Another audience member who would only identify herself as 'Blanche' said, "He should leave his liver to science, it's already well pickled."
Despite the alcohol inspired intrusion, all actors did a remarkable job of staging the Christmas classic. Particular kudos goes to the costume designer whose inspired use of towels was delightful and to Amy Barlow-Macdonald who is surely a shoo-in for an award in the 'best non-speaker in a speaking role'
Friday, October 2, 2009
Indecent proposals
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 1 episode on CBC
Indecent proposal was a 1993 movie based on the premise that a married woman agrees to have sex with another man for $1,000,000 (that's US dollars, it would be more expensive to sleep with Demi Moore in Canada -ed). Small wonder that Tony Gordon's desperate and outrageous offer to Maria Sutherland is more than a little reminiscent of that film. I can't quite remember how that scene played out in the Corrie episode but I think the writers could have scripted the scene in a few different ways...
Tony: One million pounds for the baby. How about it?
Maria: Well, okay, but first show me the baby, then I'll see if I can afford it.
Tony: Oh for guidness sake, where's that bloody belt?
or...
Tony: How about one million pounds for your baby?
Maria: I'm not selling my baby!
Tony: Oh for guidness sake, where's that bloody belt?
or...
Tony: I'll give you one million pounds for your baby
Maria: I don't understand
Tony: Look, it's very simple. I give you a million pounds.
Maria: But who gets the baby?
Tony: You get the baby
Maria: So who gets the million pounds?
Tony: Oh for guidness sake. I'll just kill myself. Where did I put that damn belt?
...or
Maria: Let me get this straight. You want to give me a million pounds?
Tony: Yes
Maria: For my baby...?
Tony: Yes
Maria: So my baby gets a million pounds?
Tony: Yes
Maria: ...and what do you get?
Tony: Nothing
Maria: Well that doesn't sound fair!
Tony: Och forget it. Here's your bloody key. I'm outta here.
Shots from the hip... that's it for the week. Have a great weekend. Enjoy the high drama on Corrie and meet me back here next week... thanks for your comments too, the inspirational fuel of my mindless ramblings (See?)
Indecent proposal was a 1993 movie based on the premise that a married woman agrees to have sex with another man for $1,000,000 (that's US dollars, it would be more expensive to sleep with Demi Moore in Canada -ed). Small wonder that Tony Gordon's desperate and outrageous offer to Maria Sutherland is more than a little reminiscent of that film. I can't quite remember how that scene played out in the Corrie episode but I think the writers could have scripted the scene in a few different ways...
Tony: One million pounds for the baby. How about it?
Maria: Well, okay, but first show me the baby, then I'll see if I can afford it.
Tony: Oh for guidness sake, where's that bloody belt?
or...
Tony: How about one million pounds for your baby?
Maria: I'm not selling my baby!
Tony: Oh for guidness sake, where's that bloody belt?
or...
Tony: I'll give you one million pounds for your baby
Maria: I don't understand
Tony: Look, it's very simple. I give you a million pounds.
Maria: But who gets the baby?
Tony: You get the baby
Maria: So who gets the million pounds?
Tony: Oh for guidness sake. I'll just kill myself. Where did I put that damn belt?
...or
Maria: Let me get this straight. You want to give me a million pounds?
Tony: Yes
Maria: For my baby...?
Tony: Yes
Maria: So my baby gets a million pounds?
Tony: Yes
Maria: ...and what do you get?
Tony: Nothing
Maria: Well that doesn't sound fair!
Tony: Och forget it. Here's your bloody key. I'm outta here.
***
Shots from the hip... that's it for the week. Have a great weekend. Enjoy the high drama on Corrie and meet me back here next week... thanks for your comments too, the inspirational fuel of my mindless ramblings (See?)
Thursday, October 1, 2009
3 troubling thoughts
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 30 episode on CBC
Three troubling thoughts crossed my mind while watching last night's episode (Ma, Pa & Jr. Windass? - ed).
1. The conflict between Maria and Tony is becoming eerily reminiscent of the Richard Hillman saga. I remember at one point saying that the big difference between Richard Hillman and Tony Gordon was that Richard Hillman was a kind of 'do it yourself' psychopath while Tone was more of a 'contract-it-out' kind of guy, who didn't like getting his hands dirty. But that could be changing and that would mark a new phase in his criminal activity, similar to Dickie Hillman's MO. And there are more echoes of Hillman which make my skin crawl. Richard Hillman terrorized a young woman (Maxine Peacock) in a house on C Street. Richard also tried to convince people that Audrey (who was acting a lot like Maria at the time) was going round the bend - as part of a plan to solve his financial woes.
2. At first, I thought that Steve Mcdonald's 'Operation Bad Boyfriend' was just a half-baked scheme with a low chance for success (That's our Steve - ed). But now we realize that any breakup, no matter how it happens, has consequences -- particularly when kids are involved. We weren't really exposed to that side of things until we saw the preparations (or lack thereof) for Amy's birthday party. Becky too is getting a new perspective of her fairytale legover with Steve - and it's not particularly pretty.
3. Last, and definitely least, I'm getting the distinct impression that Sally Webster would have it off with Tony Gordon in a highland heartbeat, if he gave the slightest hint of interest. She was in his office kissing up big time after Tone found out that Maria had been shown the tongue-2-tongue video. Then ol' Sal comes back into the office to give TG even more info on the fact that Maria is... how you say... one veg short of a hotpot. Then she tell the girls at Underworld that he's really a nice guy. Please tell me I'm wrong...
Three troubling thoughts crossed my mind while watching last night's episode (Ma, Pa & Jr. Windass? - ed).
1. The conflict between Maria and Tony is becoming eerily reminiscent of the Richard Hillman saga. I remember at one point saying that the big difference between Richard Hillman and Tony Gordon was that Richard Hillman was a kind of 'do it yourself' psychopath while Tone was more of a 'contract-it-out' kind of guy, who didn't like getting his hands dirty. But that could be changing and that would mark a new phase in his criminal activity, similar to Dickie Hillman's MO. And there are more echoes of Hillman which make my skin crawl. Richard Hillman terrorized a young woman (Maxine Peacock) in a house on C Street. Richard also tried to convince people that Audrey (who was acting a lot like Maria at the time) was going round the bend - as part of a plan to solve his financial woes.
2. At first, I thought that Steve Mcdonald's 'Operation Bad Boyfriend' was just a half-baked scheme with a low chance for success (That's our Steve - ed). But now we realize that any breakup, no matter how it happens, has consequences -- particularly when kids are involved. We weren't really exposed to that side of things until we saw the preparations (or lack thereof) for Amy's birthday party. Becky too is getting a new perspective of her fairytale legover with Steve - and it's not particularly pretty.
3. Last, and definitely least, I'm getting the distinct impression that Sally Webster would have it off with Tony Gordon in a highland heartbeat, if he gave the slightest hint of interest. She was in his office kissing up big time after Tone found out that Maria had been shown the tongue-2-tongue video. Then ol' Sal comes back into the office to give TG even more info on the fact that Maria is... how you say... one veg short of a hotpot. Then she tell the girls at Underworld that he's really a nice guy. Please tell me I'm wrong...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)