no spoilers were used in the making of this post
It wasn't long ago that Blanche's Polish Hip (BPH) issued a Serious Hunk Shortage (SHS) memo to Coronation Street Supremos. We didn't take this step lightly. On the contrary, BPH rarely issues such edicts and considers it a last resort (last time was after Len Fairclough left - ed).
While response to our plea for a replacement hunk was slow, we remained cautiously optimistic. But then, as we pondered who could possibly fill Liam's shoes (not to mention his jeans- ed), there appeared a vision of manhood not often seen on this planet, conjured it seems from some unfortunate, magical male DNA. I'm talking about Ed Windass, of course.
I guess you could say that's one small step for man... (all his steps are small due to his fake leg injury - ed). Now, some may argue that old Ed is one of those proverbial buried treasures (certainly covered with dirt - ed) or maybe even what some women would call a 'fixer upper' (or a 'tearer-downer' - ed). Some may even point to his assets: his lustrous Braveheart-style mane of hair, his entrepreneurial creativity (compo scam), his international savoir-faire (Spanish pubs), his penchant for fine cigars (if he could afford them). Some Windass groupies may even point out that Ed now has a job as a taxi driver.
This may be true. I'm sure Ed has his good points (actually lost them for speeding - ed). But I'm not sure that he's the answer to the dreams of all those who are pining for Liam. In other words, there's still an SHS on the Street. I guess I'd better send another memo.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
wham, bam, thank you Pam
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 28 episode on CBC
Well thanks a lot Auntie Pam. Molly and Tyrone are (were) a lovely couple, one of those rare twosomes on Coronation Street who had a real shot at a longterm relationship, growing old together in the 'Old Rectory' (former home of Jack & Vera and bickering capital of the free world - ed). Now, thanks to the unauthorized sale of watches, t-shirts, perfume and other dubious items, Tyrone is screwing things up and Pam certainly isn't helping.
This is too bad because, when it comes to happy marrieds on the Street, we have slim pickings.
There's Kev and Sally who are more like the remaining contestants on a reality TV show than a married couple ('So you think you can drink?' or 'Survivor Weatherfield' - ed). Then there's Ken and Deirdre, but with the constant presence of Blanche, it's not so much a couple as a domestic, drab menage a trois (menagerie a trois, surely - ed). Ashley and Claire? Never the same after Claire's nutbar episode and Ashley's little dalliance with Casey (yes she was a psycho, but as pyschos go, she was quite fetching - ed).
Yes, we have Roy and Hayley but that's about it. Elsewhere, everyone else seems to be indulging their passions or having sordid, short-lived affairs (Norris and Mary should be ashamed of themselves - ed). There seems to be an endless list of sexually charged encounters: Carla and Tony, Carla and Liam. What's next? Carla and Ed Windass (that would be a real spoiler alert, especially for Carla - ed)
Don't get me wrong, I'm not an old prude (you most definitely are an old prude, dude - ed). I enjoy the mating antics which go on -- but the Street needs one or two happily married couples, apart from Jack's pigeons and visiting Catholics. Molly and Tyrone have a good shot at it so I think it behooves Tyrone and Pam to get it sorted.
Well thanks a lot Auntie Pam. Molly and Tyrone are (were) a lovely couple, one of those rare twosomes on Coronation Street who had a real shot at a longterm relationship, growing old together in the 'Old Rectory' (former home of Jack & Vera and bickering capital of the free world - ed). Now, thanks to the unauthorized sale of watches, t-shirts, perfume and other dubious items, Tyrone is screwing things up and Pam certainly isn't helping.
This is too bad because, when it comes to happy marrieds on the Street, we have slim pickings.
There's Kev and Sally who are more like the remaining contestants on a reality TV show than a married couple ('So you think you can drink?' or 'Survivor Weatherfield' - ed). Then there's Ken and Deirdre, but with the constant presence of Blanche, it's not so much a couple as a domestic, drab menage a trois (menagerie a trois, surely - ed). Ashley and Claire? Never the same after Claire's nutbar episode and Ashley's little dalliance with Casey (yes she was a psycho, but as pyschos go, she was quite fetching - ed).
Yes, we have Roy and Hayley but that's about it. Elsewhere, everyone else seems to be indulging their passions or having sordid, short-lived affairs (Norris and Mary should be ashamed of themselves - ed). There seems to be an endless list of sexually charged encounters: Carla and Tony, Carla and Liam. What's next? Carla and Ed Windass (that would be a real spoiler alert, especially for Carla - ed)
Don't get me wrong, I'm not an old prude (you most definitely are an old prude, dude - ed). I enjoy the mating antics which go on -- but the Street needs one or two happily married couples, apart from Jack's pigeons and visiting Catholics. Molly and Tyrone have a good shot at it so I think it behooves Tyrone and Pam to get it sorted.
Friday, September 25, 2009
TGIF
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 24 episode on CBC
Well, as they say, TGIF or Tony Gordon, It's Friday. That means it's time for a quick look back at the week's best lines on Coronation Street (along with some editorial comments thrown in for good measure). Let's roll:
Maria talking to Michelle:
"This is Carla we're talking about. Carla whose name he said when he fell off a mountain. Who stood at my wedding with black feathers in her hair like the Addams family pet flaming vulture."
(-- those weren't feathers, they were hair extensions from Audrey's salon)
Liz trying to set up a romantic evening for Steve & Michelle:
"Well, I tell you what? You'll have the upstairs all to yourself tonight, ‘cause I've got me Brazilian Crunch!"
(apparently her new boyfriend is from Sao Paolo...)
Rosie speaking to Maria:
"I don’t know anything."
(geez, that's too darn easy... make up your own joke)
Pat Gordon explaining the ways of Tony to Maria:
"You don't know my brother. If our Tony thought anything was going on between Liam and Carla, he wouldn't have gone up the aisle, unless he killed him first.
(Nice work Pat. Now you've given away the ending)
Teresa to Darryl after the Windasses get into the house:
"You'd have made a good errand boy for Hitler
(only if he wanted a kebab with hot sauce)
Teresa to Gail Platt:
"And if I were you, I'd go for a face, head and body transplant."
(whoa, whoa. Slow down. One thing at a time. First she has to pay for her new kitchen)
Emily to new community service inductee, Janice:
"Sweet charity is a very special place. An oasis of calm away from the misery of illness. For patients and for visitors."
(Yeah, Janice should fit right in)
Anna Windass' treasured nameplate from Spain (briefly) affixed at her new home:
"Casarosa"
(more like 'Ponderosa' while the Windasses are hanging their hats there)
Anna Windass again fretting over happier times in Spain:
"We should never have come back to England"
(New legislation already enacted by House of Commons. It won't happen again)
Tyrone explaining his workout style to Molly:
"I don't stick to one routine"
(sometimes I go to the Rovers, sometimes the Weatherfield Arms)
Well, as they say, TGIF or Tony Gordon, It's Friday. That means it's time for a quick look back at the week's best lines on Coronation Street (along with some editorial comments thrown in for good measure). Let's roll:
Maria talking to Michelle:
"This is Carla we're talking about. Carla whose name he said when he fell off a mountain. Who stood at my wedding with black feathers in her hair like the Addams family pet flaming vulture."
(-- those weren't feathers, they were hair extensions from Audrey's salon)
Liz trying to set up a romantic evening for Steve & Michelle:
"Well, I tell you what? You'll have the upstairs all to yourself tonight, ‘cause I've got me Brazilian Crunch!"
(apparently her new boyfriend is from Sao Paolo...)
Rosie speaking to Maria:
"I don’t know anything."
(geez, that's too darn easy... make up your own joke)
Pat Gordon explaining the ways of Tony to Maria:
"You don't know my brother. If our Tony thought anything was going on between Liam and Carla, he wouldn't have gone up the aisle, unless he killed him first.
(Nice work Pat. Now you've given away the ending)
Teresa to Darryl after the Windasses get into the house:
"You'd have made a good errand boy for Hitler
(only if he wanted a kebab with hot sauce)
Teresa to Gail Platt:
"And if I were you, I'd go for a face, head and body transplant."
(whoa, whoa. Slow down. One thing at a time. First she has to pay for her new kitchen)
Emily to new community service inductee, Janice:
"Sweet charity is a very special place. An oasis of calm away from the misery of illness. For patients and for visitors."
(Yeah, Janice should fit right in)
Anna Windass' treasured nameplate from Spain (briefly) affixed at her new home:
"Casarosa"
(more like 'Ponderosa' while the Windasses are hanging their hats there)
Anna Windass again fretting over happier times in Spain:
"We should never have come back to England"
(New legislation already enacted by House of Commons. It won't happen again)
Tyrone explaining his workout style to Molly:
"I don't stick to one routine"
(sometimes I go to the Rovers, sometimes the Weatherfield Arms)
***
Shots from the hip... that's it for the week. Hope you enjoyed visiting and enjoy the weekend omnibus edition... I'll look forward to posting again next week. Cheers.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
windassembly
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 23 episode on CBC
The Windasses have landed. That's one small step for skiver, one giant leap for skivekind. Perhaps it's no great surprise to see Mr, Mrs, Jr. & Uncle Windass (never get tired of saying that name - ed) arriving on the street to take up residence in Jerry's old digs (once Teresa and her oven door charm bracelet were removed - ed). After all, they follow in a grand Coronation Street tradition from Terry Duckworth to the legendary Battersbys. Now it falls to the Windasses to carry the proud mantle of low expectations, compo and work avoidance (A pub usque ad pub -ed).
Certainly they have big shoes to fill. Les & Janice have set the gold standard for skiving and coarse behaviour. While Les has departed for greener pastures (the red rec? - ed) and Toyah has left, Janice remains a force to be reckoned with, currently appearing daily at the hospital cafe. (See what you get with the National Health Service - ed). Leanne too has made her mark on the Street, distinguishing herself in a variety of endeavours: Spanish real estate, gold digging, restaurant management and fire insurance - as well as excelling in escort services.
How will the Windasses top that?
We don't know much about them yet except that they like new kitchens, but don't like to pay for them. Graeme insists that they are "bad bandidoes" but, apart from stealing a stolen car, ripping out Gail's kitchen, stealing Joe's tools and manhanding Teresa (well, one out of four isn't bad -ed), they seem more like the mild bunch than the wild bunch. Still, it's early days yet and much too soon to tell whether the Windasses have world-class, bone-idle, compo-seeking, ale-supping talent. Time will tell.
All I can say for the moment is: Citius, Altius, Skivius.
The Windasses have landed. That's one small step for skiver, one giant leap for skivekind. Perhaps it's no great surprise to see Mr, Mrs, Jr. & Uncle Windass (never get tired of saying that name - ed) arriving on the street to take up residence in Jerry's old digs (once Teresa and her oven door charm bracelet were removed - ed). After all, they follow in a grand Coronation Street tradition from Terry Duckworth to the legendary Battersbys. Now it falls to the Windasses to carry the proud mantle of low expectations, compo and work avoidance (A pub usque ad pub -ed).
Certainly they have big shoes to fill. Les & Janice have set the gold standard for skiving and coarse behaviour. While Les has departed for greener pastures (the red rec? - ed) and Toyah has left, Janice remains a force to be reckoned with, currently appearing daily at the hospital cafe. (See what you get with the National Health Service - ed). Leanne too has made her mark on the Street, distinguishing herself in a variety of endeavours: Spanish real estate, gold digging, restaurant management and fire insurance - as well as excelling in escort services.
How will the Windasses top that?
We don't know much about them yet except that they like new kitchens, but don't like to pay for them. Graeme insists that they are "bad bandidoes" but, apart from stealing a stolen car, ripping out Gail's kitchen, stealing Joe's tools and manhanding Teresa (well, one out of four isn't bad -ed), they seem more like the mild bunch than the wild bunch. Still, it's early days yet and much too soon to tell whether the Windasses have world-class, bone-idle, compo-seeking, ale-supping talent. Time will tell.
All I can say for the moment is: Citius, Altius, Skivius.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Law & Order, SVU
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 22 episode on CBC
Welcome to Law & Order, SVU (Scottish Victim Unit)
"On Coronation Street, Tony Gordon-based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Weatherfield, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are usually in the Rovers trying to stitch up Becky Granger or on the lookout for kidnapper-teachers with fake cats or in Spain (where is Mel Morton anyway?). They are members of an elite squad, known as the Scottish Victims Unit. These are their stories."
Dunk dunk (you know, that Law & Order sound effect)
Welcome to Law & Order, SVU (Scottish Victim Unit)
"On Coronation Street, Tony Gordon-based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Weatherfield, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are usually in the Rovers trying to stitch up Becky Granger or on the lookout for kidnapper-teachers with fake cats or in Spain (where is Mel Morton anyway?). They are members of an elite squad, known as the Scottish Victims Unit. These are their stories."
Dunk dunk (you know, that Law & Order sound effect)
Coronation Street
Maria: Why would he marry Carla if he knew she'd been with Liam?
Rosie: I don’t know. All I did was show him the video. What he makes of it is none of my business.
Rosie: I don’t know. All I did was show him the video. What he makes of it is none of my business.
Dunk, dunk
Maria Sutherland residence, Coronation StreetMaria: Tony said all he ever did was flirt. He told me there was never anything going on. He lied!
Michelle: Well you don’t know that. Look, you're putting yourself through so much.
Dunk, dunk
Michelle: Well you don’t know that. Look, you're putting yourself through so much.
Dunk, dunk
Rovers Return Public House, Coronation Street
Maria: I don’t get it. Would you ask Liam to be your best man if you'd just seen your fiancee kissing him? Not even dressed and kissing him?
Tom: You've got to stop asking these questions. You'll make yourself ill.
Maria: No, I need to speak to Pat.
Tom: You don’t, Maria.
Maria: Well he must know why Tony chose Liam. Straight after he sees the video, he goes and asks Liam to be his best man. Something’s not right, Tom.
Dunk, dunk
Tom: You've got to stop asking these questions. You'll make yourself ill.
Maria: No, I need to speak to Pat.
Tom: You don’t, Maria.
Maria: Well he must know why Tony chose Liam. Straight after he sees the video, he goes and asks Liam to be his best man. Something’s not right, Tom.
Dunk, dunk
Coronation Street
Pat: I can't help you. I didn't know Liam. I hardly know Carla.
Maria: She wasn't even dressed. Spent the night together and then Tony went and asked Liam to be his best man. Why would he do that, Pat?
Pat: He wouldn't, love. You don't know my brother. If our Tony thought anything was going on between Liam and Carla, he wouldn't have gone up the aisle, unless he killed him first. See ya.
Maria: She wasn't even dressed. Spent the night together and then Tony went and asked Liam to be his best man. Why would he do that, Pat?
Pat: He wouldn't, love. You don't know my brother. If our Tony thought anything was going on between Liam and Carla, he wouldn't have gone up the aisle, unless he killed him first. See ya.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
good dad & bad boyfriend
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the september 21 episode on CBC
First order of business: a large mea culpa (is that one of those fancy drinks with schnapps and a pimento? - ed). In last Friday's post, I said that we found out, via Pat Gordon, that Tony had an ex-wife. A quick word (you mean rollicking - ed) from an enlightened colleague set me straight. It seems that we did indeed already know about Tony's ex-wife. In fact she apparently showed up at Underworld and clobbered Carla. I'm embarassed to say I have no memory of this (mental degeneration from too many Bakewell tarts and pints, no doubt - ed).
So, to the business at hand. At one end of the Street, there's Kenneth giving Peter a hard time about his less-than-stellar parenting skills. Yes, it's true that Peter has a lot to learn (don't be mesmerized by Graeme's Michael Jackson dance? ed), but cut him some slack. He's trying to run a new business, get a legover with Leanne and, um, what's that third thing? Oh yes, look after Simon. I admit, he is making a lot of mistakes but he's making progress. He forgets to pick up Simon, but he remembers that he has a son (advantage Peter - ed). He leaves the poor lad's lunch, homework and swimsuit in the car but at least he knows that Simon has homework, needs food and swims. I call that progress. So where is Ken's positive reinforcement? After all, this guy was a teacher at one of the finest schools in Weatherfield (motto: "semper yobs" - ed).
Meanwhile, at the Rovers, Steve is pursuing the brilliant Mensa-like strategy he has devised for breaking up with Michelle, aka 'Operation Bad Boyfriend'. The problem with this strategy is he has already employed most of the tried and true ways of breaking up. Observe:
Get your mother to move in? Check
Get bladdered and stay out all night with no explanation? Check
Get insanely jealous of your girlfriend's male friends? Check
Indulge in bad habits like smoking? Check
Run off to Spain with no explanation? Check
Lock a bookie in your cellar? Check
Still, I've got to hand it to both Peter and Steve. They are each giving it their best shot and I suspect they'll both succeed -- one way or another.
First order of business: a large mea culpa (is that one of those fancy drinks with schnapps and a pimento? - ed). In last Friday's post, I said that we found out, via Pat Gordon, that Tony had an ex-wife. A quick word (you mean rollicking - ed) from an enlightened colleague set me straight. It seems that we did indeed already know about Tony's ex-wife. In fact she apparently showed up at Underworld and clobbered Carla. I'm embarassed to say I have no memory of this (mental degeneration from too many Bakewell tarts and pints, no doubt - ed).
So, to the business at hand. At one end of the Street, there's Kenneth giving Peter a hard time about his less-than-stellar parenting skills. Yes, it's true that Peter has a lot to learn (don't be mesmerized by Graeme's Michael Jackson dance? ed), but cut him some slack. He's trying to run a new business, get a legover with Leanne and, um, what's that third thing? Oh yes, look after Simon. I admit, he is making a lot of mistakes but he's making progress. He forgets to pick up Simon, but he remembers that he has a son (advantage Peter - ed). He leaves the poor lad's lunch, homework and swimsuit in the car but at least he knows that Simon has homework, needs food and swims. I call that progress. So where is Ken's positive reinforcement? After all, this guy was a teacher at one of the finest schools in Weatherfield (motto: "semper yobs" - ed).
Meanwhile, at the Rovers, Steve is pursuing the brilliant Mensa-like strategy he has devised for breaking up with Michelle, aka 'Operation Bad Boyfriend'. The problem with this strategy is he has already employed most of the tried and true ways of breaking up. Observe:
Get your mother to move in? Check
Get bladdered and stay out all night with no explanation? Check
Get insanely jealous of your girlfriend's male friends? Check
Indulge in bad habits like smoking? Check
Run off to Spain with no explanation? Check
Lock a bookie in your cellar? Check
Still, I've got to hand it to both Peter and Steve. They are each giving it their best shot and I suspect they'll both succeed -- one way or another.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Kilt complex
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 17 episode on CBC
Well, it's nice to finally meet Tony's brother. Pat seems like a nice lad (are you sure they're related? - ed). He is certainly shedding some light on Tony's mysterious background. For example, we discovered that 'T' was married before (och, just a wee detail - ed). And we know that the Tonemeister (aka 'Flash' Gordon according to Jed Stone) kidnapped young Pat's Action Man when they were kids (probably paid his bald henchman to do it - ed). As the naively astute Tom says to Pat: "Your childhood must have been a nightmare with this one as your brother."
Hmm, I wonder what growing up with Tony was like? If only Pat would expound, I think it would go something like this...
"Tony was a bonny bro. He used to take me for long walks in the glen (but I always managed to find my way back home). He said he loved the smell of Heather, but by afternoon he would grow tired of her and send her home. When we were older, he refused to pay for my music classes. He said bagpipe lessons were redundant. But he loved to hear me play traditional Scottish laments. His constant request was that I play 'Far, far away'. (Do you ken it?).
One summer, our dad got a job as an extra on 'Braveheart' so we had a few pennies to spend on frills like food and shelter. We stayed in a nice cabin by the lake. Tony would dare me to go swimming at midnight. 'There's nothing to be afraid of in Loch Ness,' he would say. 'It's perfectly safe. I'd join you but I don't want to get my sporran wet.' When I came back, cold, wet and shivering, Tony would be there to offer me a tea towel to dry myself and the warmth of a roaring candle. He was a guid lad."
Well, it's nice to finally meet Tony's brother. Pat seems like a nice lad (are you sure they're related? - ed). He is certainly shedding some light on Tony's mysterious background. For example, we discovered that 'T' was married before (och, just a wee detail - ed). And we know that the Tonemeister (aka 'Flash' Gordon according to Jed Stone) kidnapped young Pat's Action Man when they were kids (probably paid his bald henchman to do it - ed). As the naively astute Tom says to Pat: "Your childhood must have been a nightmare with this one as your brother."
Hmm, I wonder what growing up with Tony was like? If only Pat would expound, I think it would go something like this...
"Tony was a bonny bro. He used to take me for long walks in the glen (but I always managed to find my way back home). He said he loved the smell of Heather, but by afternoon he would grow tired of her and send her home. When we were older, he refused to pay for my music classes. He said bagpipe lessons were redundant. But he loved to hear me play traditional Scottish laments. His constant request was that I play 'Far, far away'. (Do you ken it?).
One summer, our dad got a job as an extra on 'Braveheart' so we had a few pennies to spend on frills like food and shelter. We stayed in a nice cabin by the lake. Tony would dare me to go swimming at midnight. 'There's nothing to be afraid of in Loch Ness,' he would say. 'It's perfectly safe. I'd join you but I don't want to get my sporran wet.' When I came back, cold, wet and shivering, Tony would be there to offer me a tea towel to dry myself and the warmth of a roaring candle. He was a guid lad."
****
Shots from the hip... well, that's it for the week. looking forward to the continuation of Tony and Carla's wedding and the fallout from their nuptials. Enjoy the weekend edition and meet me back here next week. All the best and thanks for stopping by.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Two Tinas
no spoilers were used in the making of this post
When Tina McIntyre first burst onto the scene, she was an aggressive, angry young woman with a whole lot of attitude. Remember her debut? There she was, in all her glory, giving Gail all kinds of lip at the clinic. Then she met up with David Platt (noted local pioneer of aquatic autos - ed). It looked for a while like our Tina was going to be a wild, wayward youth in tune with David's quasi-psycho personality - like a Weatherfield Bonnie and Clyde.
But that hasn't quite happened. In fact, now we seem to have two Tinas. One minute, she's in full mega-rage mode giving customers lip at the Kebab shop or charging over to the Windasses (Check out the new CBC family series: Windasses at my Back - ed) to rip out kitchen fixtures and supervise a bonfire.
The next minute, she's working in the Kabin, quietly sipping tea with Rita and partaking in what surely should be an Olympic Sport: winding up Norris. (I hear the Chinese team is training really hard for 2012 - ed).
And our Tina seems to fit right in. As she herself says about Norrisimo, "... that man is so easy to wind up, it is scary."
So which is the real Tina? At this point, it's hard to tell. There's no doubt that there's still a firebrand lurking behind the mild mannered Kabin employee. But, for the movement anyway, Tina is a breath of fresh air to that musty newsagent's shop and maybe the spur for some fresh stories involving Norris and Rita. That's surely a welcome change... unless she gets angry.
When Tina McIntyre first burst onto the scene, she was an aggressive, angry young woman with a whole lot of attitude. Remember her debut? There she was, in all her glory, giving Gail all kinds of lip at the clinic. Then she met up with David Platt (noted local pioneer of aquatic autos - ed). It looked for a while like our Tina was going to be a wild, wayward youth in tune with David's quasi-psycho personality - like a Weatherfield Bonnie and Clyde.
But that hasn't quite happened. In fact, now we seem to have two Tinas. One minute, she's in full mega-rage mode giving customers lip at the Kebab shop or charging over to the Windasses (Check out the new CBC family series: Windasses at my Back - ed) to rip out kitchen fixtures and supervise a bonfire.
The next minute, she's working in the Kabin, quietly sipping tea with Rita and partaking in what surely should be an Olympic Sport: winding up Norris. (I hear the Chinese team is training really hard for 2012 - ed).
And our Tina seems to fit right in. As she herself says about Norrisimo, "... that man is so easy to wind up, it is scary."
So which is the real Tina? At this point, it's hard to tell. There's no doubt that there's still a firebrand lurking behind the mild mannered Kabin employee. But, for the movement anyway, Tina is a breath of fresh air to that musty newsagent's shop and maybe the spur for some fresh stories involving Norris and Rita. That's surely a welcome change... unless she gets angry.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Rosie, CEO
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 15 episode on CBC
Bottle of Cuvee Rovers Champagne to celebrate Tony & Carla's upcoming nuptials: £25.50
Rubber band for Tony's ring finger: £0.03
Wedding reception for 50 guests: £2,500
Custom-made sporran for groom: £174.90
Lost productivity of factory staff while they attend the wedding: £1,000
Lost productivity of Janice Battersby while she attends the wedding: £1.53
Payment installment on £600,000 debt for one month: £11,880.72
Cake from Diggory Compton: £103.00 (£120 with frills like icing and flour)
Envelope of money for Tony's bald henchman as payoff to be best man at the wedding: £300 (in small unmarked bills)
Live bagpipe music by legendary Scottish band, 'Men without Kilts': £140.00
Two-week all-expenses paid luxury honeymoon: £5,750.00
Putting Rosie Webster in charge of Underworld while you're away: priceless
There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, there's blackmail.
Bottle of Cuvee Rovers Champagne to celebrate Tony & Carla's upcoming nuptials: £25.50
Rubber band for Tony's ring finger: £0.03
Wedding reception for 50 guests: £2,500
Custom-made sporran for groom: £174.90
Lost productivity of factory staff while they attend the wedding: £1,000
Lost productivity of Janice Battersby while she attends the wedding: £1.53
Payment installment on £600,000 debt for one month: £11,880.72
Cake from Diggory Compton: £103.00 (£120 with frills like icing and flour)
Envelope of money for Tony's bald henchman as payoff to be best man at the wedding: £300 (in small unmarked bills)
Live bagpipe music by legendary Scottish band, 'Men without Kilts': £140.00
Two-week all-expenses paid luxury honeymoon: £5,750.00
Putting Rosie Webster in charge of Underworld while you're away: priceless
There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, there's blackmail.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Doris' Day
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Sept 14 episode on CBC
It's nice to see a new pet on the Street. Becky's Goldfish, tentatively named Doris, is a gift from Jason the Builder. Let's call it an opening salvo in his attempts to re-establish diplomatic relations with the fair Ms. Granger (relations, yes. diplomatic, no - ed).
Nowithstanding the unkind wisecracks comparing the mental acuity of Jason with the goldfish (that's not fair, goldfish are actually quite smart - ed), this aquatic mate provides Becky with someone to talk to during a time of personal confusion and crisis. Steverino has just declared his feelings for the fair Becky after a day of court proceedings and apres-court sex. (I thought he was simply presenting his briefs - ed). His declaration of love is a bombshell for Becks. What should she do? What would Doris say, if only she could talk?
Perhaps it would be something like...
"Please keep Jed Stone's cat away. I hear he hasn't had a good meal since Tony Gordon evicted him."
or...
"Hey, could you throw a full English in here when you have a minute, this so-called fish food is rubbish."
or, perhaps more helpfully...
"Steve's a good lad and let's face it, you two have a lot going. You both smoke, you were both inside and you both work in the alcoholic beverage retail industry. That's already more than most couples on the Street have in common. Plus you both have good hearts, generous souls, a truckload of wisecracks and when you are together sparks fly. (If not call Graeme at 1-800-petroleum - ed). On the other hand, Steve is already in a relationship with Michelle and that could be tricky. Better be careful. As we goldfish say, there could be rough waters ahead. But then, what do I know, I'm a goldfish. Oh and by the way, would you consider changing my name? Doris sounds an awful lot like Norris.. if you know what I mean."
shots from the hip... thanks for last week's comments about Michelle which were both astute and apropos. Always enjoying hearing your views. All the best & cheers.
It's nice to see a new pet on the Street. Becky's Goldfish, tentatively named Doris, is a gift from Jason the Builder. Let's call it an opening salvo in his attempts to re-establish diplomatic relations with the fair Ms. Granger (relations, yes. diplomatic, no - ed).
Nowithstanding the unkind wisecracks comparing the mental acuity of Jason with the goldfish (that's not fair, goldfish are actually quite smart - ed), this aquatic mate provides Becky with someone to talk to during a time of personal confusion and crisis. Steverino has just declared his feelings for the fair Becky after a day of court proceedings and apres-court sex. (I thought he was simply presenting his briefs - ed). His declaration of love is a bombshell for Becks. What should she do? What would Doris say, if only she could talk?
Perhaps it would be something like...
"Please keep Jed Stone's cat away. I hear he hasn't had a good meal since Tony Gordon evicted him."
or...
"Hey, could you throw a full English in here when you have a minute, this so-called fish food is rubbish."
or, perhaps more helpfully...
"Steve's a good lad and let's face it, you two have a lot going. You both smoke, you were both inside and you both work in the alcoholic beverage retail industry. That's already more than most couples on the Street have in common. Plus you both have good hearts, generous souls, a truckload of wisecracks and when you are together sparks fly. (If not call Graeme at 1-800-petroleum - ed). On the other hand, Steve is already in a relationship with Michelle and that could be tricky. Better be careful. As we goldfish say, there could be rough waters ahead. But then, what do I know, I'm a goldfish. Oh and by the way, would you consider changing my name? Doris sounds an awful lot like Norris.. if you know what I mean."
***
shots from the hip... thanks for last week's comments about Michelle which were both astute and apropos. Always enjoying hearing your views. All the best & cheers.
Friday, September 11, 2009
scenes from a pub
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Sept 10 episode on CBC
If I had to pick one word to describe the general demeanor of Corrie watchers this week, it would be 'disgruntled'. This doesn't happen very often. Coronation Street fans are generally appreciative of the fine writing, humour, creative story lines and unique characters which make Corrie so consistently good. And, it's true that we have recently been treated to a roller coaster of gripping stories from Liam's death to John Stapes' kidnapping caper (don't forget Norris' second place prize in the Cliff Richard contest - ed). Maybe that explains why the current Steve/Michelle story is touching a nerve in terms of sheer lameness.
The premise is that Steve Mcdonald is on the horns of a dilemma. He is supposed to be in two places at once. Michelle insists that he be glued to the Rovers all day for her unfathomable 24-hour wedding anniversary party in honour of her parents. At the same time, Becky Granger needs him to be at the courthouse to be her alibi and prevent her from being sent to prison on assault charges.
Oh my, what a dilemma! What can Steve do? Oh, I dunno. How about this:
Michelle: Er, Steve, where do you think you're going? I told you I wanted you to stay here at the Rovers for the entire duration of my parents' inappropriately timed day-long wedding anniversary. Plus, I want you to make photocopies, buy pies, put up decorations and prevent cousin Kieran whom no-one knows or remembers from entering the pub.
Steve: Look Michelle. Becky is in court today and if I don't testify on her behalf and provide her with an alibi, then she will go to jail. So, it's really important that I step out for an hour.
Michelle: Oh well, why didn't you say so in the first place. Of course, you should go. I don't want to see Becky go to jail. She's a mate and a good worker. What are you waiting for? Get going down to the courthouse and when you get back, we'll raise a toast to my parents.
Steve: Thanks, babe. You're a star.
There, that wasn't so hard, was it?
If I had to pick one word to describe the general demeanor of Corrie watchers this week, it would be 'disgruntled'. This doesn't happen very often. Coronation Street fans are generally appreciative of the fine writing, humour, creative story lines and unique characters which make Corrie so consistently good. And, it's true that we have recently been treated to a roller coaster of gripping stories from Liam's death to John Stapes' kidnapping caper (don't forget Norris' second place prize in the Cliff Richard contest - ed). Maybe that explains why the current Steve/Michelle story is touching a nerve in terms of sheer lameness.
The premise is that Steve Mcdonald is on the horns of a dilemma. He is supposed to be in two places at once. Michelle insists that he be glued to the Rovers all day for her unfathomable 24-hour wedding anniversary party in honour of her parents. At the same time, Becky Granger needs him to be at the courthouse to be her alibi and prevent her from being sent to prison on assault charges.
Oh my, what a dilemma! What can Steve do? Oh, I dunno. How about this:
Michelle: Er, Steve, where do you think you're going? I told you I wanted you to stay here at the Rovers for the entire duration of my parents' inappropriately timed day-long wedding anniversary. Plus, I want you to make photocopies, buy pies, put up decorations and prevent cousin Kieran whom no-one knows or remembers from entering the pub.
Steve: Look Michelle. Becky is in court today and if I don't testify on her behalf and provide her with an alibi, then she will go to jail. So, it's really important that I step out for an hour.
Michelle: Oh well, why didn't you say so in the first place. Of course, you should go. I don't want to see Becky go to jail. She's a mate and a good worker. What are you waiting for? Get going down to the courthouse and when you get back, we'll raise a toast to my parents.
Steve: Thanks, babe. You're a star.
fin
There, that wasn't so hard, was it?
***
That's it for the week. Enjoy your weekend and the omnibus edition and let's keep our fingers crossed for Becky. Cheers to all.
That's it for the week. Enjoy your weekend and the omnibus edition and let's keep our fingers crossed for Becky. Cheers to all.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
how swede it is
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 8/9 episode on CBC
Well, the astonishing news hasn't quite sunk in but, as viewers know by now, Hayley Cropper went to Africa, helped build a school -- and fell in love with a Swede (Holy Sensible Volvo! - ed). Of course, she is now able to put all this in perspective. Far from being a charismatic love-god, the object of her affection (code name: Olaf) was described by Hales herself as a "rather ridiculous man with a guitar and Swedish folk songs whom we all treated as some kind of saint". Roy, in his infinite wisdom, takes this all in stride. "I'm sure there's a Swedish folk song which says 'you don't throw out the person you love'," he says gallantly.
No, but we can write one. Or, at least, change the words to a famous Swedish 'folk' song to suit the occasion. Let's see... how about 'Mamma Mia'? Cue the music and everyone sing along (except Pierce Brosnan - ed). With apologies to ABBA, here goes:
(to the tune of 'Mamma Mia')
I went to Africa just to build a new school
I fell for a cool Swede, now I feel like a fool
Look at me now, will I ever learn?
I don't even want to go back to Underworld
Or skive with the factory girls
Just one look and I can hear a guitar
One more look at Olaf under the stars, w-o-o-o-oh
Hayley Cropper, there you go again
My my, how could you forget Roy?
Hayley Cropper, and it shows again
My my, Olaf's just a boy toy
Yes, you've been rather silly
He had it off with Tilly
Why, why did you ever leave the caf?
Hayley Cropper, please don't make me laff
Roy, Roy. so much better than Olaf
(Yes, I know, I know -- don't quit your day job)
shots from the hip... another day, another entry in the BPH quiz with all correct answers.. congratulations and thanks for the comments...
Well, the astonishing news hasn't quite sunk in but, as viewers know by now, Hayley Cropper went to Africa, helped build a school -- and fell in love with a Swede (Holy Sensible Volvo! - ed). Of course, she is now able to put all this in perspective. Far from being a charismatic love-god, the object of her affection (code name: Olaf) was described by Hales herself as a "rather ridiculous man with a guitar and Swedish folk songs whom we all treated as some kind of saint". Roy, in his infinite wisdom, takes this all in stride. "I'm sure there's a Swedish folk song which says 'you don't throw out the person you love'," he says gallantly.
No, but we can write one. Or, at least, change the words to a famous Swedish 'folk' song to suit the occasion. Let's see... how about 'Mamma Mia'? Cue the music and everyone sing along (except Pierce Brosnan - ed). With apologies to ABBA, here goes:
(to the tune of 'Mamma Mia')
I went to Africa just to build a new school
I fell for a cool Swede, now I feel like a fool
Look at me now, will I ever learn?
I don't even want to go back to Underworld
Or skive with the factory girls
Just one look and I can hear a guitar
One more look at Olaf under the stars, w-o-o-o-oh
Hayley Cropper, there you go again
My my, how could you forget Roy?
Hayley Cropper, and it shows again
My my, Olaf's just a boy toy
Yes, you've been rather silly
He had it off with Tilly
Why, why did you ever leave the caf?
Hayley Cropper, please don't make me laff
Roy, Roy. so much better than Olaf
(Yes, I know, I know -- don't quit your day job)
***
shots from the hip... another day, another entry in the BPH quiz with all correct answers.. congratulations and thanks for the comments...
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Sorry Michelle
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 8 episode on CBC
Let's get right to it. What's the problem with Michelle? She's vivacious, attractive and a definite asset to the Rovers in terms of providing eye-candy for the punters. (Hey, what about Betty Turpin? - ed). She's also in a relationship with the incomparable Steverino, the quintessential lad and man of a 1,000 facial expressions. Her character should be sparkling and yet I find her to be strangely uncompelling and even, dare I say it, uninteresting.
Now, I'm no psychologist (How do you feel about that? -ed) but there seem to be some reasons for this. Case in point: Michelle is supposed to be a semi-professional singer (she used to be the vocalist for Vernon's band) and went on a cruise with JD's band and did a session in the studio. Exciting stuff. Did we ever hear anything about that? No. I assume she has some interest in music, but we never, ever see that interest manifested in her life. You never see her learning a song, or listening to the radio or even talking about the music she likes. Vernon, on the other hand, was consistently passionate about music. It was part of his character and it was part of what made him interesting (and funny).
And what about her biological son, Alex? That was a big deal -- for a couple of weeks -- and now he seems to have vanished as a factor in her life. Then there was her reaction to Liam's death. Others have pointed out that her mourning period was rather short and before you could say 'Irish wake', she was back to her old self, working on her prime objective which seems to be 'catching Steve out' (Not very difficult - ed).
Don't even get me started on the whole ' let's have a day-long wedding anniversary party for my parents in the Rovers' storyline -- or the fact that Steve has to be under 'house arrest' for the duration of the party. None of it makes any sense, but that's not the problem. The real problem is Michelle - we just don't really have a sense of who she is and what makes her tick.
Sorry Michelle
Let's get right to it. What's the problem with Michelle? She's vivacious, attractive and a definite asset to the Rovers in terms of providing eye-candy for the punters. (Hey, what about Betty Turpin? - ed). She's also in a relationship with the incomparable Steverino, the quintessential lad and man of a 1,000 facial expressions. Her character should be sparkling and yet I find her to be strangely uncompelling and even, dare I say it, uninteresting.
Now, I'm no psychologist (How do you feel about that? -ed) but there seem to be some reasons for this. Case in point: Michelle is supposed to be a semi-professional singer (she used to be the vocalist for Vernon's band) and went on a cruise with JD's band and did a session in the studio. Exciting stuff. Did we ever hear anything about that? No. I assume she has some interest in music, but we never, ever see that interest manifested in her life. You never see her learning a song, or listening to the radio or even talking about the music she likes. Vernon, on the other hand, was consistently passionate about music. It was part of his character and it was part of what made him interesting (and funny).
And what about her biological son, Alex? That was a big deal -- for a couple of weeks -- and now he seems to have vanished as a factor in her life. Then there was her reaction to Liam's death. Others have pointed out that her mourning period was rather short and before you could say 'Irish wake', she was back to her old self, working on her prime objective which seems to be 'catching Steve out' (Not very difficult - ed).
Don't even get me started on the whole ' let's have a day-long wedding anniversary party for my parents in the Rovers' storyline -- or the fact that Steve has to be under 'house arrest' for the duration of the party. None of it makes any sense, but that's not the problem. The real problem is Michelle - we just don't really have a sense of who she is and what makes her tick.
Sorry Michelle
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
grrrreat to be back
no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post
To paraphrase Becky Granger, it is indeed grrrreat to be back, after a restful weekend, to reveal the answers to the first ever Blanche's Polish Hip Quiz. Needless to say, were inundated with entry. Thanks to all for taking the time to play along and submit answers. We even have a winner, anonymous, who demonstrated great resourcefulness, knowledge and speed in answering all the questions except one correctly. It reminds me of something Malcolm Muggeridge once said on BBC 1 (for pity's sake, get on with it - ed)... without further ado, the answers:
1. Name the only character on the Street who regularly called Dev by his full first name (Devendra) ?
Answer: There may be other characters who have occasionally called Dev by his full first name but the one who most readily comes to mind is Fred Elliot (I say, Fred Elliot). Gentleman, businessman and friend to Dev who regularly called him 'Devendra' as he ordered a Scotch and Threat in the Rovers. Fred is sorely missed on the Street, not only by Ashley but by all of us who appreciated his wisdom and his follies (particularly when it came to love and marriage).
2. There have been at least two types of winged creatures living on Coronation Street at various times. What are they?
Answer: Jack Duckworth's pigeons and Roy Cropper's endangered bats. For the record, I believe that the bats are no longer living on the street, having been evicted (along with Jed Stone) by the one and only Tony Gordon. Mind you, I'm sure if Tony thought he could make a bob by converting Jack's pigeon house, he would find a way to evict the birds, make fancy condos and call it 'Dovecote Court'.
3. David Platt is to Graeme, as Deirdre Barlow is to ______ ?
Answer: Jackie Dobbs. When Deirdre was sentenced to jail time for fraud (after she got mixed up with a bigamist faux pilot - don't ask), she shared a cell with Jackie Dobbs. (Jackie is Tyrone's mum). David Platt, while enjoying the hospitality of Her Majesty's Juvenile Detention centre, shared a cell/room with Graeme, the arsonist. Interestingly, both cellmates went on to reappear as regular characters on the Street (Jackie is now gone, but Graeme is kipping on Gail's couch).
4. There are at least three denizens of the street who go for walks on all fours (probably more after closing time in the Rovers). What are their names?
Answer: Coronation Street's lovable four-legged canine friends include: Eccles (who lives with the Barlows), Schmeichel (who lives with Chesney) and Ozzy (who lives with Maria). I had completely forgotten about Monica, who lives with Tyrone. Mea culpa.
5. Can you name two distinct Polish 'presences' on the Street? (this is a bit of a trick question but I know you can do it)
Answer: That would be Vickie, the Underworld employee who hails from Poland and, of course, the artficial hip in Blanche which also hails from Poland.
Bonus question: we were unfortunate enough to witness the hapless trio of David, Tina and Graeme ripping out the Windasses' new kitchen. Interestingly, this is not the first time that work done by a contractor has been unceremoniously removed due to a billing dispute. Can you remember another instance?
Answer: It was a dispute between lovable tightwad Keith Appleyard (Craig's grandad - you remember Craig the goth, boyfriend of Rosie) and cowboy contractor Charlie Stubbs. Keith refused to pay the exorbitant bill for the repair of his roof and Charlie retaliated by having the newly-installed tiles removed.
Thanks to all who played along. Once again, congratulations to Anonymous for a near-perfect score. I'm awarding you an imaginary trophy, an imaginary box of chocs from the Kabin and a virtual pint of Newton and Ridley's best bitter. Back to regular Street business tomorrow...
To paraphrase Becky Granger, it is indeed grrrreat to be back, after a restful weekend, to reveal the answers to the first ever Blanche's Polish Hip Quiz. Needless to say, were inundated with entry. Thanks to all for taking the time to play along and submit answers. We even have a winner, anonymous, who demonstrated great resourcefulness, knowledge and speed in answering all the questions except one correctly. It reminds me of something Malcolm Muggeridge once said on BBC 1 (for pity's sake, get on with it - ed)... without further ado, the answers:
1. Name the only character on the Street who regularly called Dev by his full first name (Devendra) ?
Answer: There may be other characters who have occasionally called Dev by his full first name but the one who most readily comes to mind is Fred Elliot (I say, Fred Elliot). Gentleman, businessman and friend to Dev who regularly called him 'Devendra' as he ordered a Scotch and Threat in the Rovers. Fred is sorely missed on the Street, not only by Ashley but by all of us who appreciated his wisdom and his follies (particularly when it came to love and marriage).
2. There have been at least two types of winged creatures living on Coronation Street at various times. What are they?
Answer: Jack Duckworth's pigeons and Roy Cropper's endangered bats. For the record, I believe that the bats are no longer living on the street, having been evicted (along with Jed Stone) by the one and only Tony Gordon. Mind you, I'm sure if Tony thought he could make a bob by converting Jack's pigeon house, he would find a way to evict the birds, make fancy condos and call it 'Dovecote Court'.
3. David Platt is to Graeme, as Deirdre Barlow is to ______ ?
Answer: Jackie Dobbs. When Deirdre was sentenced to jail time for fraud (after she got mixed up with a bigamist faux pilot - don't ask), she shared a cell with Jackie Dobbs. (Jackie is Tyrone's mum). David Platt, while enjoying the hospitality of Her Majesty's Juvenile Detention centre, shared a cell/room with Graeme, the arsonist. Interestingly, both cellmates went on to reappear as regular characters on the Street (Jackie is now gone, but Graeme is kipping on Gail's couch).
4. There are at least three denizens of the street who go for walks on all fours (probably more after closing time in the Rovers). What are their names?
Answer: Coronation Street's lovable four-legged canine friends include: Eccles (who lives with the Barlows), Schmeichel (who lives with Chesney) and Ozzy (who lives with Maria). I had completely forgotten about Monica, who lives with Tyrone. Mea culpa.
5. Can you name two distinct Polish 'presences' on the Street? (this is a bit of a trick question but I know you can do it)
Answer: That would be Vickie, the Underworld employee who hails from Poland and, of course, the artficial hip in Blanche which also hails from Poland.
Bonus question: we were unfortunate enough to witness the hapless trio of David, Tina and Graeme ripping out the Windasses' new kitchen. Interestingly, this is not the first time that work done by a contractor has been unceremoniously removed due to a billing dispute. Can you remember another instance?
Answer: It was a dispute between lovable tightwad Keith Appleyard (Craig's grandad - you remember Craig the goth, boyfriend of Rosie) and cowboy contractor Charlie Stubbs. Keith refused to pay the exorbitant bill for the repair of his roof and Charlie retaliated by having the newly-installed tiles removed.
Thanks to all who played along. Once again, congratulations to Anonymous for a near-perfect score. I'm awarding you an imaginary trophy, an imaginary box of chocs from the Kabin and a virtual pint of Newton and Ridley's best bitter. Back to regular Street business tomorrow...
Friday, September 4, 2009
let's get quizzical
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 3 episode on CBC
In honour of Hailey's bittersweet return to Coronation Street (what's on her mind, anyway?), Blanche's Polish Hip is proud to present a quiz. Since this is based primarily on my unreliable brain cells and fading memories (what else is new? - ed), I hope these questions make sense. I will reveal the answers after the labour day weekend (in next Tuesday's post). So, without further ado, here goes:
1. Name the only character on the Street who regularly called Dev by his full first name (Devendra) ?
2. There have been at least two types of winged creatures living on Coronation Street at various times. What are they?
3. (Here's one straight from an LSAT test). David Platt is to Graeme, as Deirdre Barlow is to ______ ?
4. There are at least three denizens of the street who go for walks on all fours (probably more after closing time in the Rovers). What are their names?
5. Can you name two distinct Polish 'presences' on the Street? (this is a bit of a trick question but I know you can do it)
Bonus question: we were unfortunate enough to witness the hapless trio of David, Tina and Graeme ripping out the Windasses' new kitchen (you know you're in trouble when David Platt is the most reasonable person in your peer group). Interestingly, this is not the first time that work done by a contractor has been unceremoniously removed due to a billing dispute. Can you remember another instance?
Good luck and enjoy. Hope you also enjoy tonight's episode and/or the Sunday omnibus edition (I believe there's more of the show in the Sunday edition because fewer commercials are inserted). Have a great long weekend and come back and visit on Tuesday.
In honour of Hailey's bittersweet return to Coronation Street (what's on her mind, anyway?), Blanche's Polish Hip is proud to present a quiz. Since this is based primarily on my unreliable brain cells and fading memories (what else is new? - ed), I hope these questions make sense. I will reveal the answers after the labour day weekend (in next Tuesday's post). So, without further ado, here goes:
1. Name the only character on the Street who regularly called Dev by his full first name (Devendra) ?
2. There have been at least two types of winged creatures living on Coronation Street at various times. What are they?
3. (Here's one straight from an LSAT test). David Platt is to Graeme, as Deirdre Barlow is to ______ ?
4. There are at least three denizens of the street who go for walks on all fours (probably more after closing time in the Rovers). What are their names?
5. Can you name two distinct Polish 'presences' on the Street? (this is a bit of a trick question but I know you can do it)
Bonus question: we were unfortunate enough to witness the hapless trio of David, Tina and Graeme ripping out the Windasses' new kitchen (you know you're in trouble when David Platt is the most reasonable person in your peer group). Interestingly, this is not the first time that work done by a contractor has been unceremoniously removed due to a billing dispute. Can you remember another instance?
***
Good luck and enjoy. Hope you also enjoy tonight's episode and/or the Sunday omnibus edition (I believe there's more of the show in the Sunday edition because fewer commercials are inserted). Have a great long weekend and come back and visit on Tuesday.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
FAQ for Tara
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 2 episode on CBC
Poor Tara. She has just discovered that mommy dearest has been having it off with her ex-boyfriend, Greg -- and this was going on while Tara and Greg were a couple. Now, Tara's judgment, when it comes to men, may be - how you say - 'bad' (Dev is exhibit 'A' - ed). But she certainly deserves some comfort and reassurance at her time of need -- especially as she comes to terms with her Libidinous Bollywood Mom™. Tara comes crying to Dev but Dev, of course, can't help because he's up to his ying yang in duplicity. So the task of responding to Tara falls to Blanche's Polish Hip (BPH). We're happy to oblige:
Tara: "He (Greg) told me he'd had an affair with my mother, my own mother!"
BPH: That's awful but I'm sure there's a logical explanation for this. Perhaps your mother suffers from a medical disorder or behavioural anomaly like sleepwalking, only instead of walking in her sleep, she unconsciously has sex with your boyfriends..er, I mean boyfriend.
Tara: "They'd go away for dirty weekends together"
BPH: Let's stay calm here. Perhaps these weekends were of an educational nature or trust-building exercises which just happened to involve the 'Mumbai mambo'. Anyway, if I know your mom (and believe me I don't -- although I seem to be the exception), most of that weekend time was probably devoted to suggestive comments, aerobic eyelash batting and watching her old Bollywood movies.
Tara: "He (ex-boyfriend Greg) had the nerve to tell me that she (Nina) seduced him!"
BPH: Nina? The same Nina who is a seductive temptress and incorrigible flirt, vamping it up in front of any tasty man she sets her beady eyes on? Impossible. That Greg must be to blame. He probably gave her the old 'come on' by saying something filthy like: "Hello, Mrs. Mandal." The swine.
Tara: "How could she do that to her own flesh and blood?"
BPH: Easy. Lots of cheap wine, satin sheets, chamomile incense -- and an inside lock on her front door to thwart any escape attempt.
Shots from the hip... tomorrow is the last day before the labour day weekend and I'll be celebrating by offering a short (and hopefully amusing) Corrie quiz. See you then.
Poor Tara. She has just discovered that mommy dearest has been having it off with her ex-boyfriend, Greg -- and this was going on while Tara and Greg were a couple. Now, Tara's judgment, when it comes to men, may be - how you say - 'bad' (Dev is exhibit 'A' - ed). But she certainly deserves some comfort and reassurance at her time of need -- especially as she comes to terms with her Libidinous Bollywood Mom™. Tara comes crying to Dev but Dev, of course, can't help because he's up to his ying yang in duplicity. So the task of responding to Tara falls to Blanche's Polish Hip (BPH). We're happy to oblige:
Tara: "He (Greg) told me he'd had an affair with my mother, my own mother!"
BPH: That's awful but I'm sure there's a logical explanation for this. Perhaps your mother suffers from a medical disorder or behavioural anomaly like sleepwalking, only instead of walking in her sleep, she unconsciously has sex with your boyfriends..er, I mean boyfriend.
Tara: "They'd go away for dirty weekends together"
BPH: Let's stay calm here. Perhaps these weekends were of an educational nature or trust-building exercises which just happened to involve the 'Mumbai mambo'. Anyway, if I know your mom (and believe me I don't -- although I seem to be the exception), most of that weekend time was probably devoted to suggestive comments, aerobic eyelash batting and watching her old Bollywood movies.
Tara: "He (ex-boyfriend Greg) had the nerve to tell me that she (Nina) seduced him!"
BPH: Nina? The same Nina who is a seductive temptress and incorrigible flirt, vamping it up in front of any tasty man she sets her beady eyes on? Impossible. That Greg must be to blame. He probably gave her the old 'come on' by saying something filthy like: "Hello, Mrs. Mandal." The swine.
Tara: "How could she do that to her own flesh and blood?"
BPH: Easy. Lots of cheap wine, satin sheets, chamomile incense -- and an inside lock on her front door to thwart any escape attempt.
***
Shots from the hip... tomorrow is the last day before the labour day weekend and I'll be celebrating by offering a short (and hopefully amusing) Corrie quiz. See you then.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Give me a big Thug
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Sept 1 episode on CBC
"The Windasses are bad bandidos" Thus spake Graeme so it must be true. Graeme (who is a bit like Fonzie, if Fonzie had been a young arsonist from Northern England who spent time in the nick) seems to have some background knowledge of the Windass clan (a bum rap surely - ed) and they are not nice. Gary Windass (the son) is a maniac and Uncle Len is even worse. They did bad things to a friend of Graham's who had an ice cream van, at least that's what Graham says. (that story left me cold - ed).
Hoodlums are no stranger to the Street. There was that ex-husband of the cabbie who worked for Streetcars for example. I think her name was Ronnie Clayton and hubbie was a gangster. Steve McDonald, of course, decided to get involved with Ronnie and trouble ensued. There was also that gang which beat up Deirdre's former husband, Samir Rachid. I guess the most famous gangster was the legendary Jez Quigley. Personally, I always had a soft spot for him (in the head? -ed) but he was a violent, drug dealing thug. Finally Big Jim McDonald gave Jez a thrashing (so he did), an act which unfortunately landed Jim in the big house for an extended stay.
There are, of course, degrees of thuggery. Charlie Stubbs was a bit of a thug but he wasn't one-dimensional and had other aspects to his character. The same is true for Tony's nervous, bald-headed accomplice who does all of the dirty work for the Tonemeister. He seems like a troubled man who is indebted to Tony. As for the Windasses, well it's hard to say whether they will become actual characters or just vehicles for mindless violence.
Let's get ready to rumble.
"The Windasses are bad bandidos" Thus spake Graeme so it must be true. Graeme (who is a bit like Fonzie, if Fonzie had been a young arsonist from Northern England who spent time in the nick) seems to have some background knowledge of the Windass clan (a bum rap surely - ed) and they are not nice. Gary Windass (the son) is a maniac and Uncle Len is even worse. They did bad things to a friend of Graham's who had an ice cream van, at least that's what Graham says. (that story left me cold - ed).
Hoodlums are no stranger to the Street. There was that ex-husband of the cabbie who worked for Streetcars for example. I think her name was Ronnie Clayton and hubbie was a gangster. Steve McDonald, of course, decided to get involved with Ronnie and trouble ensued. There was also that gang which beat up Deirdre's former husband, Samir Rachid. I guess the most famous gangster was the legendary Jez Quigley. Personally, I always had a soft spot for him (in the head? -ed) but he was a violent, drug dealing thug. Finally Big Jim McDonald gave Jez a thrashing (so he did), an act which unfortunately landed Jim in the big house for an extended stay.
There are, of course, degrees of thuggery. Charlie Stubbs was a bit of a thug but he wasn't one-dimensional and had other aspects to his character. The same is true for Tony's nervous, bald-headed accomplice who does all of the dirty work for the Tonemeister. He seems like a troubled man who is indebted to Tony. As for the Windasses, well it's hard to say whether they will become actual characters or just vehicles for mindless violence.
Let's get ready to rumble.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Recession-buster
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the August 31 episode on CBC
Think back eight or nine months ago. You remember all the disastrous events: financial collapse, mortgage crisis, bank bailouts, Canadian Idol etc. etc. That's the prevailing setting for the current Corrie episodes (since Canadians see the show eight or nine months after the episodes are aired in the UK). It explains a lot in terms of what we are currently witnessing on the Street these days. "We are in a global economic downturn," says Tony to the blissfully unaware Underworld squad. (I'm surprised 'T' hasn't blamed the recession on Liam). Everyone, it seems, is taking a hit from the economy and dealing with the crisis in different ways.
The Peter Principle
For Peter Barlow, it's actually a lucky break. His inheritance from Lucy gives him the brass to buy the bookie shop from Dan at a bargain price. The bonus is he gets to move into the flat above the shop and escape Ken's monotonous mithering. Now, if only Jack Duckworth would just come back to the street, bookie revenues would skyrocket.
The Gordon Growth Strategy
Tony is also dealing with hard times. No-one is buying real estate (except Dev who doesn't seem to realize that he's the only punter to buy a flat in that empty building) and money is tighter than... (the padlock on Sean Connery's wallet? - ed). This situation calls for some creative financing. Tony is robbing Peter to pay Paul, or to be more exact, robbing Carla to pay the staff at Underworld. Times must be tough. Julie has even raised the innovative idea of profit sharing.
David Platt's 'Recession-Busting' Initiative
Ol' Joe McIntyre's kitchen fitting business seems to be down for the count. As with many small businesses, cash flow is crucial and he has none. Now that the appropriately named 'Windasses' are refusing to pay £7,000 for a nice, new kitchen with all the mod cons, Joe is facing financial ruin. "No-one's buying anything, least of all kitchens," he explains to his faithful employee and sidekick, David. But, never fear, David has a solution -- and a crowbar. Nothing like a little gentle persuasion to... um... 'coax' the Windasses into paying. A few broken pots and dishes later, David is asking the deadbeats: "Deal or no deal?"
I guess that's a kind of stimulus package.
Think back eight or nine months ago. You remember all the disastrous events: financial collapse, mortgage crisis, bank bailouts, Canadian Idol etc. etc. That's the prevailing setting for the current Corrie episodes (since Canadians see the show eight or nine months after the episodes are aired in the UK). It explains a lot in terms of what we are currently witnessing on the Street these days. "We are in a global economic downturn," says Tony to the blissfully unaware Underworld squad. (I'm surprised 'T' hasn't blamed the recession on Liam). Everyone, it seems, is taking a hit from the economy and dealing with the crisis in different ways.
The Peter Principle
For Peter Barlow, it's actually a lucky break. His inheritance from Lucy gives him the brass to buy the bookie shop from Dan at a bargain price. The bonus is he gets to move into the flat above the shop and escape Ken's monotonous mithering. Now, if only Jack Duckworth would just come back to the street, bookie revenues would skyrocket.
The Gordon Growth Strategy
Tony is also dealing with hard times. No-one is buying real estate (except Dev who doesn't seem to realize that he's the only punter to buy a flat in that empty building) and money is tighter than... (the padlock on Sean Connery's wallet? - ed). This situation calls for some creative financing. Tony is robbing Peter to pay Paul, or to be more exact, robbing Carla to pay the staff at Underworld. Times must be tough. Julie has even raised the innovative idea of profit sharing.
David Platt's 'Recession-Busting' Initiative
Ol' Joe McIntyre's kitchen fitting business seems to be down for the count. As with many small businesses, cash flow is crucial and he has none. Now that the appropriately named 'Windasses' are refusing to pay £7,000 for a nice, new kitchen with all the mod cons, Joe is facing financial ruin. "No-one's buying anything, least of all kitchens," he explains to his faithful employee and sidekick, David. But, never fear, David has a solution -- and a crowbar. Nothing like a little gentle persuasion to... um... 'coax' the Windasses into paying. A few broken pots and dishes later, David is asking the deadbeats: "Deal or no deal?"
I guess that's a kind of stimulus package.
Welcome to Blanche's Polish Hip
I'm repeating my welcome message for the beginning of September in case new readers are joining me at the Hip (so to speak). Please bear with me if you've already read this.
Hello (or as Blanche might say, 'get on your bike') and thanks for stopping by
Welcome to 'Blanche's Polish hip', a Coronation Street blog named in honour of Blanche Hunt's replacement hip surgery, an operation which was done in Poland for, um, financial reasons and also to make as many people as possible feel guilty (I hope you're listening, Deirdre) . Blanche is the acerbic beacon for this tongue-in-cheek commentary on the Coronation Street episodes watched by faithful Canadian fans every weekday. Like many Corrie fans, I have been watching the show from 'Corrie Central' (i.e. my living room in Montreal) for a long, long time and enjoy discussing characters and stories - usually from a humorous perspective. My fictitious editor frequently adds his own cryptic comments to blog entries (in parentheses and in italics and attributed to 'ed').
Blog posts are generally updated three or four times a week following the airing of weekday episodes on CBC TV so please be aware of the potential for spoilers -- especially if you're a Sunday omnibus edition viewer.
I hope you enjoy visiting (or as Blanche might say, 'stop reading this mindless twittering and put the kettle on')
Hello (or as Blanche might say, 'get on your bike') and thanks for stopping by
Welcome to 'Blanche's Polish hip', a Coronation Street blog named in honour of Blanche Hunt's replacement hip surgery, an operation which was done in Poland for, um, financial reasons and also to make as many people as possible feel guilty (I hope you're listening, Deirdre) . Blanche is the acerbic beacon for this tongue-in-cheek commentary on the Coronation Street episodes watched by faithful Canadian fans every weekday. Like many Corrie fans, I have been watching the show from 'Corrie Central' (i.e. my living room in Montreal) for a long, long time and enjoy discussing characters and stories - usually from a humorous perspective. My fictitious editor frequently adds his own cryptic comments to blog entries (in parentheses and in italics and attributed to 'ed').
Blog posts are generally updated three or four times a week following the airing of weekday episodes on CBC TV so please be aware of the potential for spoilers -- especially if you're a Sunday omnibus edition viewer.
I hope you enjoy visiting (or as Blanche might say, 'stop reading this mindless twittering and put the kettle on')
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